Paulena's Ponderings of a Butterfly Mind

Migrating Websites...

2008-02-25T21:09:00.004-07:00

A month or so ago, I was trying to upload an update to my main website. Unfortunately, it updated all the pages except my index page. As many of you would know, the index page is like the main, up front page you land on when going to a website! So, having the index page not update... is like having old info greeting your visitors! Not the end of the world as we know it... but not great.

So, a couple of weeks ago, a dear friend of mine -- Scott Westerman -- told me about a place and tool called WordPress that is a great place to consolidate one's various webpages!! Scott is a way cool guy whose judgement & expertise I trust. So I went and checked it out and it's pretty cool! I decided that I will begin the process of migrating my blog and main website over to WordPress. My new URL there is http://paulas.wordpress.com/.

So the adventure begins!
~Paulena

Leggo My Ego!

2008-02-23T13:30:00.003-07:00

I think I mentioned in a recent post that I have been reading a book called “A New Earth: Awakening Your Life’s Purpose,” by Eckhart Tolle. It’s a very good book and it really gets me thinking about a lot of things!

A year or so ago, I posted about how frustrated I was feeling about all the ridiculous media coverage about the Paris Hilton prison saga. Then it was other celebrities behaving badly. Now it’s Britney Spears, among others. The initial reaction (for me) tends to be something like, “Geeze! It’s all so stupid and annoying. Get it out of my face! I’m so tired of hearing about their crap on the NEWS! Leave it on the entertainment shows! The worse they behave, the move I hear about it. And the paparazzi. . . For crying out loud! Leave them alone! Let them be stupid in private!!“ It’s nuts! And it seems to somehow drag me into feeling frustrated. What is that about?

But now I’m reading this book (mentioned above) and I’m learning to see it in a new light! It makes me think about how we respond. It’s an enlightening process and I wish I could share with you all the “ah-ha” moments I’ve come across in the reading. But there are too many and I’d be practically reproducing the entire book! Just go get the book, read it with an open mind and see. There might be a tendency to feel a tad resistant in places. But that’s just the ego not wanting to release some entrenched ways of thinking and viewing things. Just keep reading!

For example, in this particular case — I’m reflecting on the whole issue of celebrities behaving badly, the media over-coverage of it, and how that tends to annoy me. I have to ask myself “Why does that annoy you so much?” I only wanted to sit, turn on the TV for an hour or so, and catch up on the evening news. And while I do get information on world events, I also get bombarded with a spectacle of (what I consider to be) idiot celebrity behaviors. The worse the behaviors, the faster it is broadcast! I didn’t ask for it. I don’t care about it, but there it is, in my face. At that point, I turn off the TV. But then it’s also on the radio, in the newspaper, and on the splash-pages when I bring up Yahoo, MSN or even the Comcast page. It’s everywhere!

Although I might not care to hear about it, apparently THRONGS of people do seem to care about it. Why? It’s like they can’t get enough of it! So the media goes for the ratings. Kind of sick? Yes. It’s like the proverbial train wreck that folks can’t take their eyes off of! It’s so horrifying to see, and yet we keep staring in disbelief. But I think we have all experienced it even though we might not care to admit it. I suppose it’s just human nature. But THAT– human nature is just it!

The main thing that the author, Ekchart Tolle talks about is the ego. He wants to teach us how the ego gets in the way of higher consciousness. It’s nothing new really. Buddhists have been teaching for centuries about letting go of attachments, and that attachments are the root of all suffereing. Eckhart Tolle has studied psychology and various world faiths, so he can put it in slightly differnt terms. He explains it beautifully!

In a nutshell he shows us that the ego gets attached to various things, situations, people, and concepts. The ego identifies with these various things and concepts and it hangs on to them for dear life! Then it operates as if those concepts or things are us, we, or I. Ego fights to keep those identities. We falsely identify ourselves with that. Then we are confused and we believe that we ARE those identities! But, we are not.

In considering all that, I go back to my earlier question about the crazy celebrity coverage. “Why does it annoy you so much?” Well. . . I suppose that’s because. . . it’s junk coverage. It’s not news, it’s invasive! It adds energy to thoughtlessness. It perpetuates a frenzy of negativity that gets splashed everywhere. It is not helpful to me or anyone else. Some of it is even inaccurate! I resent having it thrust upon me where ever I go. In my frustration, I begin to feel judgemental, even though I try not to be that way. Before I know it, I am inadvertantly helping perpetuate the negativity. I end up resenting that too. All that negativity, judgemental thinking, and resentment, turns out to be food for that ol’ ego!

But really, who am *I* to determine what they “should” or “should not” do. . . or that they are “wrong” in this, that, or some other? That is my ego that is attached to my idea of what is wrong or right or proper. I can only determine what is right for my own circumstanses. Even then, I might be too attached to ideas and concepts and become rigid in my thinking, thus creating my own life struggles!

If you really look at it, those celebrities are probably not trying to accomodate society’s clamor for “news” of bad behavior! First of all, they are not what the media displays them to be. Media presents what sells. . . a snapshot of the exterior of someone’s life and a superficial glimpse into a moment of a behavior and a life. Second of all, the celebrities are just doing, just being. . . they are just trying to go about their lives and ego pulls them astray. They make a bad choice, which in turn creates the drama that ego loves. The ego feeds on the drama and the frenzy. That further re-enforces the egoic insanity! It becomes a cycle and they end up believing that’s who they are. So then they continue to make more bad choices. And because they live under a microscope, it’s all documented and displayed for all to see.

It would be up to them to change their behaviors. But like so many people in today’s society, that’s either too hard, or they are cluless that they have that kind of power over their own lives! They make excuses and continue to believe the myth of the identity they have created and taken on for themselves, complete with self-destruction. Ego loves it, and so does the media.

Their cycle of ill-chosen behaviors and the media coverage perpetuates a form of what Mr. Tolle calls “a collective human dysfunction” — that would be all of our collective egos being attached to ideas, concepts, and false identities. In this case, feeding the sick gossip consumption frenzy. Our egos see it, react to it and cause the cycle to continue and even escalate. We’d be better off to mind our own lives and fix our own set of situations. Instead, we focus upon “them” and ”the other.” It’s easier and the ego loves that. . . it likes to make “others” so it can feel superior! It’s an illusion trying to survive by being better than ”others.”

Now here is a concept fo ya. . . from page 62 of my copy of Eckhart Tolle’s book, “A New Earth: Awakening Your Life’s Purpose”
“Nonreaction to the ego in others is one of the most effective ways not only of going beyond ego in yourself, but also of dissolving the collective human ego. But you can only be in a state of nonreaction if you can recognize someone’s behavior as coming from the ego, as being an expression of the collective human dysfunction. When you realize it’s not personal, there is no longer a compulsion to react as if it were.”

Wow!! It’s not personal! Ok, I knew that, but to read it in the context of the things he is sharing with us. . . it was an “ah-ha” moment for me.

Of course this is only a snapshot sample of the book. There are many, many more concepts he shares with the reader. It’s deep and I’ve so far had several ”ah-ha” moments and look forward to many more. That is, of course, why I read the book. I enjoy personal and spiritual growth.

There you have it. Just some thoughts I wanted to share with you. . . all 5 or 6 of my readers. hehe I thought you might enjoy the process. Thanks fo reading. And so my process continues — back to the book!

If you decide to get the book and read it, then happy, insightful reading to you!
Be Well!
~Paulena

There Be New Carpet in Here!

2008-02-23T11:37:00.036-07:00

Yipee!! It's all done! I have gone from a frozen/burst pipe on New Years Morning. . . to a nicely restored, slightly remodled room and bathroom in about 6 weeks.

It's taken me a few days to get back to the laptop to write and let you know, but the restoration/reconstruction of my room and bathroom is now complete! Before the flooring arrived, I was very happy with how the wall repair and the paint turned out. The colors are even better than I had hoped they'd be, although it's hard to really see it in these photos. The bathroom is now a light lavender. In my bedroom, only two of the walls were painted during this project. The contractors painted those walls a blushed white, including the walls against the bathroom. My other two lavender walls remained the same, as I painted them 4 years ago.
So. . . I waited for the flooring to arrive.

They called me on Tuesday afternoon to inform me that they would be over the next day, arriving between 8am to 10am to begin installing the flooring. . . I was elated! But I had to vacate everything off the floor of my closet, and who knew just how much had accumulated there!? Yikes! It turns out that when you don't move every couple of years, you forget to go through things and toss stuff to Goodwill or trash it! Ya loose track! What a mess! I have now made a couple of trips to Goodwill and there are more in the plans. . . as I gradually go through things, while putting my room back together!

Anyway, I digress! By Tuesday night, I had everything vacated from the closet floor and I was ready for them to arrive with my new flooring. Of course, they would have to be the ones to move the furniture. I planned to move my car out of my garage and store the furniture and such in the garage while the flooring installation took place. That's what we did and it worked nicely.

That Wednesday morning I got up early so I'd be ready by their 8am arrival. At 07:30am, my doorbell rang! Yikes!!!! My hair was wrapped up in a towel and. . . I had to toss on a robe to answer the door! "Installation people are NEVER early!!" I thought. I answered the door in a fluster of unpreparedness. . . It was the plumber arriving to remove the commode, before the flooring guys got there. They were actually going to install this stuff correctly!!! Wow. . . How cool! Unlike the builder of the house who just installed the linoleum around the toilet. So I let the plumber in and directed him to the master bathroom to do his work.
I went back into my other bathroom to finish getting dressed and put together. I was finished before the plumber was. I went in to check on his progress. He was almost done. He finished within five minutes and he left. About twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang again and it was the installers! The lead-guy Ray, introduced me to his helper, Diego. They seemed very nice. Ray had me come out to the truck to look at the flooring they would be installing. . . to make sure it was what I had ordered and was expecting. It was indeed, the right stuff!
After I moved my car, we set about moving everything out of my room and into the garage. They tore out the old carpet and pad. They brought in various tools to clean the bare concrete floor and materials to begin the intallation processes. They brought in the linoleum, measured and cut it, and Ray began installing it in the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Diego cleaned up the concrete floor in my room and prepped the floor for glue and pad. He brought in the materials and began cutting and laying the pad. Once the pad was cut and laid out they way they wanted it, then Diego went back and folded back the pad, poured the glue on the concrete, and laid the pad back in place. It was an odiferous process!

Ray finished intalling the linoleum and then they went outside to get the carpet. They must have measured and cut it outside, and then brought in the carpet. Because when they brought it in, it was just about the right measurements and I noticed I had extra outside (which they later rolled up and saved for me). The first time I stepped on the new carpet, it was like walking on a fluffy cloud! I love this stuff!

I had never watched a carpet install before, so the process was interesting. I know they do it everyday, but it was facinating to see how they just zip in and make cuts around corners and doorjams and it came out perfect! Then the stretching process is cool too. They have nifty tools. It would have taken me two weeks, if I had to do it!! haha But they did it in a few hours! All in all, with moving my furniture out, removing old carpet & pad, prepping the floors, installing linoleum in the bathroom, installing pad and carpet in my room, and then moving my furniture back into my room. . . they were done in about 5 or 6 hours! I'm thrilled with the way it all came out! The little bit of color in the linoleum matches perfectly with the carpet. I'm very happy with the choices I made.

Now. . . I look forward to when the weather warms enough that I can open some windows!! The fumes are not too bad, but it does smell a little wierd in my house for now. And, I'll be vacuuming the new carpet a lot. . . New carpet sheds for a while. Although, that's not me vacuuming there in the photo. . . that is Diego doing the honors of the first vacuuming with my Dyson vacuum. That's the first guy who has offered to vacuum my carpet in a long time! haha It's my job again now. No biggie, as the Dyson does a great job of it. And I'm thoroughly enjoying how the carpet looks and feels!

That's all on this project! I'm glad it's done.

Be Well!

~Paulena

Becoming More Clear...

2008-02-11T16:49:00.001-07:00

The last couple of years, I have known it was time to move on -- career-wise -- to something else. But figuring out what that would be, has taken some introspection, and a lot of reading (book links included in a later paragraph). I've been hearing for years: "Do what you love and the money (prosperity) will follow." Great! Ok, but what if you aren't sure what it is "you love" to do... or where you want your life to go? Sounds a little ridiculous, yes, but tons of people are struggling with this very thing right now!!!

So... how can you NOT know what you love to do? Easy! You spend your life, from very early on, deferring to people you respect who say they love you, or care about you... people who think they know better. And these people are trying to "guide" you down a path that they think would be much better for you than those crazy notions you have in your head! Ok, message received. You hang your head and move on and do what you've been told you are "supposed" to do. You pay the bills. Heaven forbid that you would "make waves!" That's how it begins.

Then you are going about your so-called life, and you mention an idea that you always wanted to try or might like to try... and someone... a teacher? a school counselor? a doctor? a parent? a spouse? a sibling? ...Someone tells you "That's NUTS! You can't do that! You'd never be able to pull that off. What's wrong with you? You'd never be any good at that. That's a really dumb idea! You'd never make a living doing that! What would people think? Forget that, you have to get a graduate degree or you'll be nothing! That's not a safe idea. Quit Dreaming! Get back to reality! You'd be a laughing stock! What are you??? Crazy? Be sensible!" Bark, bark, woof woof.... You know the rest... theme and variations. I've seen it a bazillion times-- and probably so have you!
Again, you hang your head, feeling ridiculous for ever bringing up such ludicrous thoughts!! How dare you!? Feeling supremely stupid, low, and unworthy of being listened to ever again. And you think, "Yeah, what was I thinking? Just shut up and pay the bills."
HOW SAD!!! And yet, these obstacles are part of the path, and part of the lesson! They are part of what can build your inner strength... if you allow it.

Guess what? Those crazy notions you had in your head... notions that maybe you HAVE had in your head a long time... THOSE are most probably what you love to do! Ok, sometimes we have more that one crazy notion. And sometimes we need to whittle and shape those notions into something useable. So what? It's a process! Where did those notions of yours go? If you have lost touch with them, how do you find them again?

For me, I got to thinking (Dangerous pastime, I know!)... And I mentally went back in time... back to when I was about 4 and 5 years old. I thought about all the times grown-ups would ask, "So... What do you want to be when you grow up?" My responses varied a little, and in looking back, I now realize that I didn't yet possess the vocabulary to accurately express the ideas I had in my young, little head.

To the best of my ability, I generally told those grown-ups that I wanted to be a "teacher" or a "witch." Imagine that!!! haha I got more than a few raised eyebrows on that one!! But to me at age 4, a witch was a healer. I wasn't meaning a nurse or doctor... I meant a healer. I just didn't know what it was called, so I formed a category I thought covered it... maybe not so eloquently. When asked "Why a teacher?" I answered with, "I want to teach people to not be mean... to be nice, and to think." I didn't see myself teaching English, or History, or Science, or Home-Ec... to me at that age, a teacher was someone who taught compassion, how to be smart, who showed the way... and taught by example.

That was how I envisioned the someday-adult-Paula, would be. She would be someone who was a healer and who could assist in showing the way. How esoteric of me! Woo-woo!! (I'm chuckling) hahaha But at the age of 4 and 5, I didn't quite know how to properly express this... and maybe it was just as well. The grown-ups had a tendency to smile, pat me on the head, chuckle and say something like, "Oh how cute! Isn't that nice." It wasn't like they were asking because they would actually take me seriously!!!

It wasn't long before I began hearing: "You should be a nurse." OR "You should teach little kids." So people began "should-ing" on me fairly early in life. I'm sure most you out there experienced that too. This, in turn, taught me to "should" on myself. Soon, I could no longer "hear" that little girl who wanted... anything.

Now, now... Don't cry for my Argentina!! We ALL went through some variation of this. THAT is why SO MANY people today are struggling with "What do I really want to be when I grow up?" ...and they are 30,... 45 years old!!!

So where does this leave us? Being older than we thought we'd be when trying to figure it out! It leaves us with attending class reunions and learning that many of our classmates have already had 3, 4, or even 5 "careers" and some are still looking for... what they really want to be when they grow up. Guess what? That's Ok!

It's not too late to find what you love to do, to change careers, and to find your passion. However you want to phrase it, it's not too late! But it will probably take some work. It will take some digging and some commitment. You will most likely have to be willing to delve deep into yourself and bring out some things that got buried along the way. I have found that keeping a journal is most helpful. Meditation is helpful, although not easy. I have also been doing a ton of reading. Ahh... the reading...

A couple of years ago, I discovered "The Law of Attraction," by Ester & Jerry Hicks. I listened to it as a book on CD. Late last year, I discovered another of their books, "The Astonishing Power of Emotions: Let Your Feelings Be Your Guide." I just finished it. Very enlightening! Within the last year or so, I began hearing about a book called "The Secret," by Rhonda Byrne (which is also becoming a movie) ... Turns out, that one is all about learning to use the Law of Attraction. Go figure! I haven't yet had the chance to read "The Secret," but it IS on my reading list. The book I just started is, "The New Earth: Awakening Your Life's Purpose," by Eckhart Tolle, also the author of "The Power of Now." I heard about it from Oprah. It turns out that in the beginning of March (2008), she is hosting an online, 10 week, workshop based on the book. Co-facilitating it will be the author, Eckhart Tolle. How cool is that? And the online workshop is free. You can click on the Oprah link to go to Oprah's website and learn more! Response has been wild! This is hot... See? Lots of people want to understand this stuff. We are not alone!

I have been a "metaphysical-type" for a many years now... exploring various books and various spiritual ideas and flavors. I always knew that eventually, this path would lead me to something that I loved to do and felt good about. There have been a few times, when I came close to following my heart-felt path. Along the way, there have been a handful of nay Sayers in and out of my life, who felt the need to squash my ideas or tell me I was crazy or wrong for thinking this, that, or the other. Maybe they didn't intend to have that effect upon me, but that was the end result. It temporarily smothered my internal spark from igniting my heart-felt passion for what my soul was calling me to do. That resulted in feeling sad and depressed. I kept wondering what happened to the spark I used to have... where had it gone? It took a while for me to rediscover it.

Now, having said that, I must take responsibility for allowing these various people to have that effect upon me. Especially once I was a grown adult! Unfortunately, at those times, I just wasn't seeing what was happening. These were people who had been important to me, thus I trusted their opinions a little too much. I wasn't quite "getting it" (yet) that ultimately; I had to be the one to say,
"So what's it to ya? Why are you so invested in keeping me down? Why do you want to keep me from pursuing what feels right to me? Why can't you just let me be who I am and allow me to pursue what interests me?"
And ultimately, I needed to shake off their opinions and doubts, not let them get to me, and I needed to put my foot down and follow what my soul was trying to tell me. It sounds like such a no-brainer now!! But it just wasn't that easy when I was trying to find my truest path. But that is all water under the proverbial bridge. That was then... this is NOW! And NOW is all I can take care of... Now and the Future!

Life is complicated these days... now more than ever. You will sometimes make "mistakes," but that is part of learning! It's Ok to make some mistakes... they will be a part of your path!

It is said in some circles (and I believe this) that if you prevent a person from progressing on their path, you will incur negative karma for stunting them. Even if you block them by way of not holding them responsible for their own personal development, that is still blocking their progress!! Some folks don't realize that they are doing this to others. Well-meaning or not, it all becomes a matter of trying to control other people and situations... to a greater or lesser degree. It's an impossible endeavor. In the end, you cannot get away with controlling other people or their lives, and you cannot change other people. If you can't accept them as they are, walk away. If they cannot accept you for who you are, as you are right now... walk away. Easier said than done, I know.

You cannot change the past. You can stop others from pushing you down now, but it takes courage and the strength to stand and tell them what's what! Even if you waiver and find yourself down, you have the power to get back up and make the changes you want in your own life!!! You can really only control your own thoughts, deeds, and actions... in the here and now... and you can effect your future. As Gandhi used to say, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

I am now at a place where I can see some very positive things begining to happen in my life. Some things I had been struggling with are now resolving and I am begining to see some things with more clarity. I am making sense of things that I had been confused about. I am formulating what my "purpose" might be... and I see that it very possibly is multiple choice! I am finding joy in the possibilities!
Still waiting for carpet... but life is good!

Be well,
~Paulena

Just Waiting for the Flooring!

2008-02-06T19:16:00.001-07:00

Project "Flood Recovery" is almost done. The painting is all done except for the bathroom baseboards, which have to be done after the linoleum install. Now all we are waiting for is the floor coverings to arrive. The carpet and linoleum have been ordered and we expect they will arrive either this Friday or Monday. Installation should commence a day or two after that. The flooring contractor is Ray's Flooring.

What a relief it will be to finally have this all done and behind me. It has been 37 days since the pipe froze and the water crept in. But I was certainly NOT alone in that frustrating experience. Many homeowners across the Albuquerque-metro area have dealt with it in the last six weeks! It's made for a disturbance in the Force around here, for sure, but something do-able. I learned a long time ago that I can weather almost anything as long as it is temporary. And the end result after all is done will be that I end up with a bonus bedroom/bathroom partial remodel that I never expected. I'm sure it will add a more cheerful energy to my space and brighten up the winter doldrums! It will be a bit more colorful. I could use that about now. I'm so glad the days are getting longer now! I've posted some photos of the process now. I went back and added photos from the day it happened, on up to more recent. Soon, it will be a memory. Maybe next week!

I'm still on the job hunt. Not too nervous just yet. Answering a few nibbles. . . we shall see if they amount to anything in the end. Cross your fingers for me, say a little prayer (if you wouldn't mind), or keep me in your meditation a moment. . . whatever positive thoughts you can spare for the cause. I'd appreciate it. That's about it for now.
Thanks for visiting!
Be Well!
~Paulena

Restoration Update...

2008-01-30T23:00:00.001-07:00

True to their word, the contractors are here this week, working on my master bathroom and the corner of my bedroom. . . and generally putting things back to being right. It's a company called Cactus Rose Construction (I've also seen them listed as Cactus Rose Enterprises) and they have been terrific. I would post their website if I could find one, but they don't seem to have one yet. They have been very polite, thoughtful and respectful of my space. They have been very consciencious. The bedroom wall is now repaired and I expect the room will be painted tomorrow. They painted the bathroom today. The flooring sub-contractor should be out tomorrow to look at things. I will need to pick out new linoleum and they might be replacing the carpet. . . if it cannot be re-stretched into place. There is a worn spot that may prevent the re-stretching, so we shall see. So far, things are coming along and looking nice. They expect to have most of the work done by Friday, although the flooring stuff will trickle into next week.

More later. . .

Be well!
~Paulena

Interesting Health Info.

2008-01-12T09:40:00.001-07:00

Just a quick note. I was reading a newsletter I get once or twice a month. In it, there was a link to "TriVita's 10 Essentials" which is mostly a common sense list of healthy things to do for optimal health. But I think the clencher is thinking about it and paying attention to what we do. . . our actions, our thoughts, our deeds, and what we take into our bodies. So often, in today's face-paced lifestyles, we forget to pay attention. Here's a simple reminder, a simple list to help you remember how to keep yourself better tuned.

Be Well!
~Paulena

Drying Out...

2008-01-11T13:16:00.003-07:00

Happy Friday!

A few people have asked, "So how is the restoration going? Are you drying out yet?" Well, let's see. . . New Years Day was pretty much a wash. hahaha
Hey, at least I can laugh about it! I had the drone of the two big fans for a total of six days. I think that I mentioned about the restoration guys visiting Thursday, and partially cutting open my bedroom wall to air-out behind the tub.

Friday, my insurance adjuster visited, photographed, measured and documented, but I think I mentioned that too. Monday the restoration guys came back and took their fan club home. It was suddenly SO quiet!!! The heater came on and startled me! haha "Oh yeah, regular house noises!" But there was still a six foot hole in the bottom 12" of my bedroom wall and insulation was exposed. It would have been a messy place to have the cats messing around and exploring, so I had to keep the bedroom door closed for a while longer. And if you know anything about cats, they do NOT suffer a closed door in their house very well!! So there was no hope of ME using the room and shutting them out. They would have worried the door into oblivian!! So we continued to camp out in the living room a few more days.

The contractor fellow from Cactus Rose Construction had called me on Sunday, just to touch base. He said he'd call back on Monday to schedule a visit. He forgot about me on Monday. I called them on Tuesday and he called me back within about an hour. He said he had that nagging feeling all day Monday that he'd forgotten something. He appologized profusely and said he felt so guilty. I told him that as long as he felt guilty, then he was forgiven. We laughed. He visited later, on Tuesday afternoon. He also measured and documented. He gave me the bad news. . . That it would be about three weeks before they could get to me.

He said I have the option to ask State Farm to chose another contractor in the hopes of getting someone sooner. But I already knew how slammed everyone in the local industry has been. A LOT of folks had freezing pipe troubles between Christmas and New Years, but most of them sustained more damage than I did, because most of them weren't home when their's happened, and/or their's came through ceilings. I was one of the lucky ones. So I told him that if three weeks was when we could get it done, then so be it. I asked only one thing. . .
. . . "Could you, pretty please, slap some wall board up over the hole in my wall, to keep the cats out of the wall? That way I could at least be back in my bedroom and sleep in my own bed and get off the couch! Could you please just do that little thing? No frills, just wall board."

He said that would be no problem and that he could come over in the next two days and do that for me. He said he would do that himself. I was very grateful. That meant I would only be on the couch another night or two. He actually ended up coming over the very next day. . . to take the photos he forgot to take the day before, and to put the wall board up for me. Then he moved the entertainment center back against the wall for me and put the tv back in place.

So I'm off the couch and using my bedroom again. I'm opting to keep that bathroom closed off, for now. There is no linoleum on the floor, just bare concrete. And the front kick-board is now missing from the vanity. None of that is a real big deal and I could toss a couple of throw rugs down and still use that bathroom. But the silly cats do try to squeeze under the vanity. I worry that there might be exposed nails under there or they might get stuck. Since I have already been using the middle bathroom and my stuff is already in there. . . AND I would just have to move my stuff back into the middle bath in three weeks (when they come back to do the work). . . I just keep the master bath closed and use the middle bathroom until it will be all done. Besides, the cats have been enjoying the clear shower curtain I have in the middle bathroom. It seems to be a fun novelty to explore! So it's all good and things will gradually get back to closer to normal.

I'm still looking for meaningful work, but I'm Ok so far. Last night I was sitting in my livingroom, reading a book about my new camera, by the fire. I had a purring cat sitting against one leg. I had to smile. I thought about how very blessed I am. I have a home, and a loving family, and terrific friends. I am warm and relatively safe in my home. It's a calm and happy place to be. So there are a couple of minor inconveniences in my life at the moment. . . So what? At least my circumstanses are such that I qualify for unemployment benefits. And I will find meaningful employment. . . Long before the benefits run out, I'm sure! I feel blessed that I can sit by a warm fireplace in my home and read a book with a purry kitty at my side. And I know that if I want to pick up the phone and chat with my Mom or my Dad, some other family member, or one of my friends, they are a phone call away. So. . . Life is Good!

Be well!
~Paulena

Wacky Water Works...

2008-01-04T20:29:00.003-07:00

Happy New Year!!

I rang in the new year quietly. I stayed home and watched movies by the fire. The next morning, I awoke and made the coffee. I was watching the morning news and sipping my coffee when I heard. . . what was that? It sounded like my bathtub was hissing! I jumped up and ran in the bathroom to see what it was. It didn't appear that anything was happening in there. As the fog cleared my head, I realized it must be the hose bib outside, on the other side of that wall. I jumped into my shoes and ran out into my backyard. . . Sure enough! There was the hose bib spewing a geyser of water. . . pipe froze, broke and let loose!

Well now, the nice builders of my house didn't put in a home-owner water shut-off valve. . . so the only water shut off for my house is the one in the sidewalk, out front. Problem is, I can't lift that big ol' heavy metal panel to get to the shut off. . . then, I also don't have the right tool to turn the valve. In my residual fog, instead of thoughtfully calling 311 -- I called a neighbor, who wasn't home. Then I called my Mom (since she has dealt with floods before). . . and oh yeah. . . Just call 311!!! haha DUH! A sleepy, foggy brain is a frustrating thing!

I finally called 311, and they gave me the number to the emergency water services. I called them and they sent a crew out. It took an excruciating 15 - 20 minutes. . . very quick actually. But when your house it spewing from a main artery, it seems like forever! In the meantime, I went back into my bedroom for something. I walked over near the bathroom and. . . squish! Oh s%*#!!!
I looked at the bathroom floor. . . water was oozing across the floor. . . from the wall!! I tossed towels down on the floor in a desperate attempt to keep the water back. But there wasn't much I could do about the water going under my carpet, into my bedroom. I just hoped I could get things stopped and someone to move the entertainment center before it sustained any damage!

"Oh where is that water crew???" I thought. I went to the linen closet and grabbed more towels and tossed them down on the bathroom floor. Like a trapped cat, I ran back and forth from the bedroom to the front door. . . anxiously searching to see if the crew had arrived yet. They finally arrived and shut off the water!! Hallelujah!! I then called my home owner's insurance company, filed the claim, and got my claim number.

Then, I called Mom back and asked for names of reliable companies to mop up. I called Rockefeller's Cleaning and Restoration upon her recommendation. They, in turn, recommended TLC Plumbing. That's who has been taking care of the cleanup & the plumbing fix, respectively. I have been very happy with both companies! TLC came within a couple of hours (on a chilly holiday) and fixed the affected plumbing and got my water turned back on. I was only without water for about 4 hours. Just as the plumber was finishing his work, the restoration guys arrived.

The cleaning and restoration has consisted of quickly unloading and moving my entertainment center, pulling up part of the bedroom base boards, pulling up part of the carpet, removing the affected carpet pad and probing the wall base with a nifty device that measures moisture. They measured and documented. Then they wet-vac-ed the area. Next, they set up a fan club of two big fans. I have listened to the drone of the fans since Tuesday afternoon. But it's all for a good cause. Thursday, the restoration guys came back and removed the linoleum (water came in underneath it and the backing was wet), and they cut open part of the bedroom-bathroom wall to probe for moisture, which we were sure we'd find loads of. . . since the water bib is on the opposite side of the tub wall. Much to our astonishment, it was relatively dry!! But just to be on the safe side, they redirected the fans inside the wall. . . to dry everything back there for several days. I wouldn't want any mildew growing in there!

The insurance adjuster visited me today (Friday) and surveyed the area, measured, photographed, and documented everything. He explained to me the next options and steps. We decided upon a plan of action and he left to submit the report and get the rest of the ball rolling. They will choose a contractor to call me by Monday for scheduling the work. I could have chosen the contractor, but this way, they oversee any issues that might develop and the contractor still works for me. . . and I still have the final say-so on the work. So the contractor will call me. On Monday, we schedule the work. The vanity might have to be replaced, the linoleum replaced, the wall board has to be replaced & the room painted, the affected carpet pad replaced, the carpet re-stretched (if possible) and put back and cleaned. If the carpet cannot be restretched, then probably new carpet will go in. Of course, they take care of moving all the furniture involved. Whew!

My cats are weathering the process remarkably well. They are cautious of the noisy fans, but curious. They are especially curious about the big hole in the wall!!! But that is part of why I have the bedroom closed off. That also cuts down the effect of the noise. They hate that closed door!! In the meantime, we camp out in the living room and use my sleeping bag. Yes, I do have a second bedroom, but it's my "study/office" and it was already a disaster-area. . . a mess I have intended upon organizing this year! And now. . . it also has some of the stuff from my entertainment center stored in there. I fear it will get worse, before it improves!

So in the grand scheme of things, it could have been so much worse! Thank God I was home when it happened, that I heard it, and that it happened while I was awake (relatively awake). It's an inconvenience, but it's getting resolved. The restoration guys told me they had moved a couple of families out of their homes before they arrived at my house. . . folks who had gone to New Year's Eve parties and had arrived home at 2 or 3am and came home to "Squish!" -- a completely flooded house due to frozen & burst pipes! So I feel rather blessed that I caught mine early!!!

I hope your New Years has been more quiet than mine. And I hope that you have a wonderful, prosperous, and happy year!
Cheers!
To your health!

~Paulena

Delightful Christmas!!

2007-12-29T19:38:00.000-07:00

I was at my grandmother's (Nana's) house with my Mom and Don (my step-dad). We were doing the usual Christmas Eve traditions we do every year. All the gifts had been brought over the day before. That evening around 4:30pm, we arrived with most of dinner. Mom and I prepared and warmed up what was left to prepare for dinner. When dinner was ready, we all prepared our dinner plates -- buffet style. Black Forest ham, sweet potatoes with toasted marshmallows on top, fresh green beans, fruit salad, and fresh-baked cresent rolls.

We finished dinner, and had our key-lime pie and coffee. My Mom was unusually anxious to get started with opening the gifts. This had always been how my grandfather (Baba) had been, so we joked that she was channeling my Baba! I figured that she was just really excited to see what was in the big box with her name on it!

So we finally went into the living room, where the tree and gifts were patiently waiting. Mom always "plays Santa" and retrieves the gifts out from under the tree and distributes them among us. Meanwhile, Don sets up his video camera to record the evening's events. Once Mom had handed out all the packages, she excitedly sat down and got out her new camera. This was the new camera that Don had bought her about three weeks earlier -- as her early Christmas gift. And just so you will understand the humor in all of this, let me give you a bit of background...

. . . Earlier in the year, my Mom had her eye on the Olympus Evolt E-510 digital SLR camera. She was wanting to upgrade from her FujiFilm FinePix S7000. We tend to somehow coordinate on these things without even knowing it. We both love our S7000s. But I had also reached a place with my S7000 where I was bumping into a few limitations and I also wanted to upgrade to either the Olympus E-410 or the E-510. There were so many things I wanted to try and experiment with and learn. So much more I wanted to be able to do with what I was learning in digital photography.

I have been an Olympus photographer for years!! My very first camera I ever bought with my own money was an Olympus 110mm point-n-shoot camera. And my first 35mm SLR (single-lens-reflex) camera was the Olympus OM-1n (in 1979), and my second camera (in 1985) was the Olympus OM-2s. I still have both of those SLR film cameras and the lenses. I can't seem to bear to part with them. So I had done a great deal of research into the new Olympus digital SLR cameras. . . and unbeknownst to me, so had Mom. I was saving up for my E-510, when I was laid-off from my job at the end of November. I was quite bummed-out! Not only was I now in a bit of a financial bind and hoping I can pay the mortgage, but my dream-camera would now have to wait a lot longer. It was a brick wall. Very frustrating. I would have to "re-group."

About three weeks before Christmas, Don took Mom out to look at cameras. He went ahead and purchased her early Christmas gift. . . the Olympus Evolt E-510. When she called me (all excited) and told me about it, I told her she was a big brat and we chuckled about it. I was really happy for her, but it was a little bittersweet for me. It was a giant representation of my sudden jobless state and it stung, ever-so-slightly. I was still feeling overwhelmed and bummed about the lay-off and the financial belt-tightening I was having to do. No one meant for it to be that way, but it's just one of those quirky life things that happens.

Mom wanted for me to help her learn to use her new camera. And while I really looked forward to the opportunity to get my hands on it and play with it, I was still trying to conquer the unemployment blues. So I wasn't as enthusiastic as I would usually be, but I knew I'd overcome that in short order, I just needed a bit of time. Within a week or so I was gradually becoming better equipped to assemilate my situation, life, and the technical nature of her new camera, although I had not yet had the time to read any of the instructions. Yes, I'm one of those odd-balls that must read at least some of the instructions, then experiment. . . then read more instructions, then experiment more. . . and so on. But with the holiday frenzies, there had not yet been time. But I was looking forward to the opportunity.

So. . . there we were on Christmas Eve, sitting in the living room and Mom was retrieving her new camera so that she might capture the evening's events! I had taken a few photos with her new camera and it was every bit as nifty as I had imagined. With camera in hand, she was insistant that I be the first to open a gift, and she insisted that she choose which one it should be! She was absolutely giddy! I laughed and went along with it.

She chose the larger of my packages and made me wait until all cameras were ready and trained on me. I was really beginning to wonder if a ferret was going to jump out of that box, or what! I began tearing the wrapping paper off of the box. Underneath was a plain brown box that seemed to have been shipped recently. But in our family, boxes can be deceiving. Once I had the wrapping off, I began to work on the tape that sealed the top. I required a blade to cut through the tape, and Don graciously supplied his pocket knife. He slit the tape for me and asked me to wait until he was back behind the camera.

Once he was behind his camera again, I was "allowed" to continue. I bent open the first box flap, then the second flap. I bent open the third and I removed some packing material. Then I bent open fourth flap and revealed what looked like an Olympus box, a camera bag, and some other items. I gasped and blinked back tears. As the realization trickled over me of what I was seeing in that box, I pulled the inner box out of the outter shipping box. Yes, indeed. . . It was an Olympus Evolt E-410 digital SLR camera with the two lens package, an extra battery, the battery charger, a 2gig CF memory card, and the camera bag!!! I squealed with joy and tears began to involuntarily stream down my cheeks. I was so suprised, so happy, so touched. . . that they had found a way to afford such a wonderful gift for me. What an amazingly wonderful, kind and thoughtful thing to do. . . Not in my wildest dreams had I imagined that one of those cameras was in my near future!!

Since the E-410 and the E-510 are so similar, Mom and I are now learning them together. I know that it's more a matter of photographer skill and not as much "the camera," but having a camera that will allow you to do and try the things you want to do is. . . well, it's just fun and exciting!! I'm a step closer now to my eventual goal of becoming a semi-professional or professional photographer. And while I still have days where I feel frustrated about my current employment situation, I'm feeling much brighter with something new to learn. And who knows what this might bring into my life! I'm still getting through the instructions and learning all the amazing things this camera will allow me to do. But it's a joy of discovery as I experiment. It is amazingly similar in feel to my old SLR film cameras that I so love! But this is even better. I was telling Mom that it's like someone took my Olympus OM-2s and took it to the spa and did a wonderful, total make-over on her! And now. . . she's a new (and way better) camera!! haha

I'm translating as I learn features and what they mean so that Mom can experiment too. So stay tuned to our Flickr sites, as I'm sure she & I will both be posting new photos soon!
Mom's flickr site: http://www.flickr.com/photos/empresspat/
and my Flickr site: http://www.flickr.com/photos/calico/

Oh yes, the rest of the Christmas Eve evening. . . was fun, and delightful. It is always great fun to watch everyone open their packages and see their expressions. I think that is my favorite part. . . seeing the expressions! Well, that and recieving something wonderful that you never expected. . . and even little things and things you might have guessed. It's is all so appreciated. We all had a great evening. We talked on the phone to my Uncle and Aunt in Maryland and thanked them for the gifts they sent. Although I haven't had the chance to talk in depth with my Dad & step-mom, Julie (they are out of town for a couple of days), I have spoken briefly with them and it seems everyone in our family had a great Christmas.

I hope everyone's holiday has been wonderful and filled with warmth, love, and maybe even a miracle or two! I feel like I've had a miracle.
And may your New Year be filled with joy and prosperity!
Be Well,

~Paulena

If You Liked Those Guys...

2007-12-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

If you really like those guys (the a-cappella male chorus, in my previous post), then you could order their CD. I understand it is currently on back order, while they press more of them... but go for it!
You can get it at:
http://www.a-cappella.com/product/646/video-performance-pop
The web site also gives a bit more info & history about these guys.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
~Paulena

"Straight No Chaser" - 12 Days of Christmas

2007-12-19T19:58:00.001-07:00

These guys are great! I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.
Merry Christmas!!
~Paulena

New Beginnings

2007-11-30T16:16:00.000-07:00

Things, they are a changin'! It's been a hectic Autumn. At the first of this (2007) year, the company I have worked at for over 6 years, was purchased. So with the new year, we had new owners. With that came all kinds of little things transitioning and changing. Then, came Summer and Fall. . . they decided to buy a business condo and remodel that for us to move into. Whew! Moving was a job. Try taking a business that has been in the same location over 20 years and collected a whole lot of. . . stuff. Now figure out how to stuff it into a new location half the size! Yikes!!! Fortunately, I was not the one having to worry with most of that, but it took the better part of a month... a tad more really. So, needless to say, A BUNCH of stuff was sold or given away, to make room.

I was the first employee to make the move to the new location. . . me, my stuff, and the phone system. The remodeling was not quite finished, so it was a bit of a pain at times. But as far as staff went, I was there mostly by myself for about 3 weeks. That wasn't all bad. When there wasn't any actual construction happening, it was quiet. But business slowed down. And now, business has slowed so much, that they can no longer fund my position!! Yep, I've been laid-off. Kinda sucks, but I'm trying to use it as a positive. Now I can look, full-time, for another job that I like better!

So here I go, into this Holiday season. . . carefully. It will be a lean Christmas, but that's not what it's all about anyway. I have family here, so it will all work out. I will work hard to find just the right new job, and I'll have faith that I will find it at the right time.
Hey, at least my car is paid off!

I figured I'd better stop in and post something before the month was gone. But that is why the posts have slowed down. Life got a little nuts. Thanksgiving was pretty good here. Even though I had the looming unemployment staring me down, I was with family and we had a nice time. My uncle even came in from out of town. We hadn't seen him in about 5 years, so it was great to see him. All was good.

That's about it for now.
Wish me luck on the employment search.
Be well, and safe!
~Paulena

Halloween Fun!

2007-10-31T08:05:00.000-06:00

Happy Halloween!!

This morning, I came into work and found that a friend of mine had sent me a cool e-mail with some fun links in it. (Thank you MB!!) Her e-mail had links to all the states to find out if there are haunted places in your state (and of course there always are). But for the purpose of posting, I decided to just post the one link to the main site: The Shadowlands Haunted Places
Go there, scroll down and you can click on various links to see what places in your state (and others) are haunted. AND, they have links to haunted places in other countries (other than the USA). It's fun and very interesting!! Enjoy!!

And here is a fun link I found: Bats Bats Everywhere Poor little misunderstood cuties! I love bats. I know some people think they are scary or funny-looking. And yes, some of them are kind of funny. But I think most of them are very cute. I have rescued a couple of them, in the past. If you like bats, or are merely curious about them, you can also check out The Bat Conservation International and you can learn a lot there.

Anyway, gotta get back to the work thing.
Hope you enjoy those little tidbits!
Have a happy and SAFE Halloween!!
~Paulena

Another Fiesta Gone

2007-10-28T15:25:00.000-06:00

I won't say it. . . about time flying by. Opps! I said it! The Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta has come and gone. Yes, it flew by too! :-)
It's been a really crazy month. The office of my employer has been moving to a new location. It's an old company (20+ years old - therefore read, lot of stuff to move), but the company was recently purchased (January 2007) and has new owners. It has been stressful and tiring transition. New things are happening. Out with the old rented building location and in with a newly remodeled business condo they have purchased. Moving all that stuff. . . Yikes! It's been a job for all involved who have had to go through all the old stuff. The questions being. . . Shall we toss out or donate. . . or keep it and move it? It's been hectic, but it is finally coming to a close.

I wasn't initially certain if I'd be able to take any time off for the Balloon Fiesta or not! The first weekend, I had too much to try to get done at home. During the week, I had to work. But I did finally get out there for the Friday competitions and the Saturday Mass Ascension. It's a far cry from the several years that I crewed. And the skies are now much more crowded than the eight years that I flew a balloon almost everyday of the nine-day event, as a registered pilot. But at least I made it for a couple of days this year.
As I walked around the field and took pictures, I thought of the handful of balloonist friends and acquaintances who we lost this past year. . . who I was sure were with us there in spirit. I saw one balloon out there that was once owned by my friend Chuck. He later sold it to Chris. . . they both passed away this past year. Chris' balloon was still flying this year, a friend or relative piloting now. Only this year, it had a banner "In Memory of Chris...". I thought of both Chris and Chuck and I was missing their physical presence here this Fiesta. But they would want "the show to go on!"

These days, I generally crew for some good friends of mine. I had something to do with getting them involved in ballooning back in the mid 1980's. I gave Sylvia her first balloon ride back in 1985. I had lost touch with them for a few years in between, but I reconnected with them about 5 years ago. Friday, they had more passengers and crew than they knew quite what to do with, so I happily stayed on the field and took hundreds of pictures! I was in photographer's heaven! I love the Key-Grab event. It's my favorite competition. I used to LOVE flying in it, but I also love being able to photograph it. I caught a few good pics of Doug flying by the key-grab pole. We met back up at the launch grid, after Doug flew.
Then there was the massive picnic/potluck/cookout at the launch grid, with the other crews of that general vicinity. A good time is usually had by all, not to mention great food! Friday morning, they cooked Eggs Benedict Southwestern Style! And Saturday, they fixed up bowls of fabulous Frito Pie, complete with genuine New Mexico Chimyo Red Chili! You should SEE the set-up. It's like some sort of gourmet camp out! Photos just don't do it justice! They do this every day of Fiesta, every year. It still amazes me, even five years back into it. As soon as I grab some time to get the photos off my memory cards, I'll pop a few in here! Check back soon!

That last Sunday, I just had too much to try to get done at home, again! So I didn't go out that day. I watched the coverage on the television, as I puttered around doing laundry and such. I did see Doug launch that morning and it looked like it would be a good flight. Later, I had dinner plans with my family Sunday evening, for my birthday (a day early). I got done about half what I had intended, but that's just the way it goes sometimes.

Dinner was fun with my family. We went to The Olive Garden. It's a place I knew my grandmother would be Ok with. I want her to enjoy the dinner too. I hadn't been there in a while. Then we caravaned over to my Mom & Don's house for cake, frozen yogurt and coffee. And opening of presents too! I received a bunch of great stuff. Among my new treasures. . . A Jack LaLanne Power Juicer!! Now let me tell you. . . I have used 5 or 6 different juicers over the years. I no longer have any of those, because they were noisy, messy, and did NOT yield much juice. So what was the point? In short, they were a pain in the ass!

But THIS one. . . My Jack LaLanne Power Juicer. . . I LOVE IT!!!!!!! And no, I'm not getting paid to say this. This juicer is quieter than my dishwasher! It leaves behind relatively little, fairly dry pulp and I get more juice from the fruits and veggies than from any juicer I ever used. I believe that my Mom purchased this juicer from Costco. But I know it's also available on line. I have all kinds of 'x-sperimentin' to do!!! I love including strawberries, raspberries and oranges. So far, that's a fav!! But I also have enjoyed some vegetable juices too! Usually, I despise beets. It's a thing from childhood. Maybe I'll tell that story someday soon. . . but I just hate beets. However, I know that beet juice is in various commercial juices I have purchased, and I like those. So I figured, I'll try a vegetable juice with beets in it. Not bad at all!! I was so proud of myself for drinking my beets!

I have to say here, just a quick side-bar. . . This is reminding me a bit of when I had to grind up broccoli (and other vegetables) in the food processor in order to add them to recipes and hide them from my now ex-husband. At that time, it was the ONLY way to get him to eat most vegetables! Oh, how he used to complain if he happened to see them in there!! I know he may very well read this. . . Please understand, I am now chuckling at this. As now, he is a vegetarian! The brat! hehehe :-)

Anyway, this juicer thing is a great way to fit in your 3-5 vegetable servings and your 2-4 fruits servings per day!!!
http://www.mypyramid.gov/
Or just type in "food pyramid" into Google, and you get a list of links to check it out, if you have forgotten what the guidelines are.

And I have found, what I think is the best juicer in the world (that my family or I could afford!).

And now, here it is almost November!! Thanksgiving around the corner. I understand that my Uncle is coming in from Maryland to visit for Thanksgiving. He hasn't been here in ages! About 5 years. It will be nice to see him and spend some time with the big brat! ;-) Ok, well. . . He is a bigger brat than me! It will be a quick few days, but good to see him any way he can get here!
Then we've got to gear up for the Christmas shopping already! I-yi-yi!!
Better sign off for now. Lots to get done.
Don't forget to check back in soon. . . I hope to pop some photos in here.
Be well!
Paulena

Having Faith...

2007-09-13T20:48:00.000-06:00

In keeping with my last post. . .
There are times to let go, and then there are times to keep the faith. It is sometimes very difficult to know the difference between the two! And Sometimes. . . they are one in the same. Confused? Don't feel bad. I believe much of it has to do with going deep within oneself and taking an honest look inside, AND learning to feel what your "gut" is trying to tell you. I suppose it's a bit of a balancing act. If you are blessed enough to learn how to "hear" your Angels and/or Guides, by all means LISTEN to them!! But do not mistake them for your own inner wishes, desires, or fears!

Occasionally we might misinterpret what we sense. "Is this really just my own desire to have things my way? Or could it be my inner fears surfacing? OR -- is it really my higher guidance-- that special something, being brought to me from a higher place through my senses?" It's really tough to know some days. I believe meditation can help us separate out those questions and help us learn what to trust. But we have to be very honest with ourselves to do this. That means taking responsibility for paying attention and sifting through it. To do that, we must take responsibility for keeping the mental and emotional clutter down, and, keeping ourselves clear of other people's games. That can be really hard.

Sadly, I have noticed so many people who choose to use any excuse to stay lazy and to lie to themselves -- anything to keep control of a situation or of other people. I sometimes think they may be incapable of being honest with themselves. For some, it's only for a relatively short time, and for others -- it's for the entire duration of their lives! Either way, while in the thick of it, they are the ones who are constantly pointing fingers at everyone else, nit-picking at people, and blaming others for all that goes wrong in their lives. They want and expect others to do things their way, and if things don't get done their way. . . there will be hell to pay. That is when they are especially good at the put-downs. Do it their way or you are wrong. . . or stupid. . . or incompetent. . . or. . . the list goes on. They usually want to control other's actions and feelings, but not take any responsibility for their own! Then they want to whine about how sad their life is, how mean and uncaring people are to them. . . and they want to drag anyone else down with them. Heaven forbid they should DO anything to improve their situation on their own!! I suppose they get much more response from whining. . . at least for a while, until others get sick of putting up with it.

I hate to see anyone take that path and do that to themselves. . . or subject others to it. It's a selfish behavior. It's also destructive to them and anyone else in their life. It seems these manipulators are especially good at entangling the people they profess to love! They can be so good at shooting put-downs at their "loved-ones," making fun of them, using guilt on them, and negating what's important to those "loved-ones." That is NOT love! The manipulators seem to generally want to step all over their "loved-ones" to keep them down. That also, is NOT love! I suppose this keeps the manipulator feeling like they have the upper hand, feeling superior -- like they have all the control. Perhaps this behavior is what a manipulator grew up calling "love," but they are horribly mistaken.

Unfortunately, the loved-one involved is frequently so busy trying to please the manipulator, they may not initially notice that they are being kept down. They may not see how low their self-esteem has plummeted. You might wonder how or why anyone would allow themselves to get tangled with such a manipulator.

It might be hard to understand. But most manipulators can be quite charming in the beginning. The are willing to put time, attention, and energy into reading people --but only in the beginning. And only because it serves their purpose for a short time. It gets them the information they need. This is usually in order for them to ascertain how to gain trust and how to "get in" with someone. It's how they lull someone into feeling safe with them. They usually chose trusting people. Then, very gradually, the subtle manipulations begin. But it is initially so subtle, that the targeted person may tell themselves they are being too critical or suspicious. They dismiss it. If the targeted person does react, the manipulator might pout and play the, "How could you not trust me after all we've been through?" card. . . or something similar. Pouting is a popular tool they use. Some of them also like to use intellectualizing as a tool. Either way, you end up feeling stupid or emotionally callous! Gradually, the manipulator convinces the targeted person that they are imagining things or that they are just too nit-picky. Over time, somehow it seems to work.

Eventually, some targeted people may wake up and realize how unbalanced life has become. But it's especially hard if you grew to love the person you thought they were. I've noticed that once people have imprisoned themselves in either side of this repeated course of action, it becomes difficult for them to break free and re-learn to be honest with themselves. For the manipulators, they don't seem interested in taking responsibility for their own life and behavior. It seems it's too easy to just fall back on the excuses, blame others, and continue controlling at any cost. I have sometimes wondered if it might be some sort of addiction for them.

For the loved-one who has taken to the over-pleasing behavior and ignoring how low they feel, it can be hard to admit that they have allowed someone to put them in such a mucked-up place. Think about it -- It's hard to admit when someone fools you. So when the realization hits, it's hard for them to admit that maybe the manipulator is not the person they had once believed! When people wake-up and get tired of the manipulation and the stupid emotional games, many will muster up the courage to leave the situation. They must, if they will ever regain their own sanity and well-being. But for the manipulator, all too often, it's just more of the blame-game. It's truly sad to see.

Learning (or re-learning) to be really honest with ourselves can be tough, but it is necessary if we want to find peace in our lives, and live in happiness.

I believe part of being honest with ourselves, is learning to see when we have allowed ourselves to become tangled with someone who has chosen the manipulator path. We have to be brave enough to make the hard choices that will break us free. Only then can we resume pursuing our own path. You can allow them to be controlling. . . it's what they do! Accept it, but just let them do it with someone else! You don't owe it to anyone to chain your life to that.

Make no mistake, IF you are entangled with someone like that, they will make it almost impossible for you to free yourself. They will do or say practically anything to keep control over you. It's their specialty. The feeling of power they get from controlling someone is what I believe they really love. . . not the person. They might even believe that they ". . . can't live without you." How absurd!!! That is more manipulative crap!! Of course they can live without you!! They cannot live without air! But you cannot continue to live a healthy life within a suffocating system like that. Do not fall for anyone trying to blame you for how they feel. And PLEASE Do NOT fall for anyone trying to blame you for what they will do. What they chose to do is their choice. No one is ever to blame for another's suicide or otherwise harmful actions. We are each responsible only for our own thoughts, deeds and actions! Others make their choices and must live (or not) with them! What you choose to do about your situation (or not), is your choice. Just know ahead of time, that it won't be easy. . . but in the end, once you break free to pursue your life and your path in your own unique way, it will have been worth the clash. You can find peace!

~~I once had a fortune cookie that read, "A path with no obstacles, probably leads nowhere." In other words, the obstacles are what teach us the lessons in life and make life worthwhile. Take the path with some obstacles and allow yourself to learn from them! Just don't get stuck in them.~~

It seems to me that letting go of our attachment to the outcome of any happenings, events in life, or even other people's actions, can help us to sort through the internal questions and doubts. That can also mean allowing others to follow the path they feel they need to follow. Just don't allow them to push you down. Don't allow anyone to snuff out your passion or your inner fire! If they try, then it's not balanced. . . it's not meant to be! Let them go. . . Show them the door and shut it behind them. Instead, look for someone who allows you to be YOU -- who accepts you that way, and who you are comfortable being around while they are in their truest form!

If someone comes into your life, terrific. If they have to leave, that may be sad, but let it be. Let them go! Take the lessons, move through it and move on. If they come back, great! Work with it. . . whether it be to allow them to stay or perhaps you feel the need to send them on their way again. Find the flow of it and work within that. What is your "gut" trying to tell you about the situation? Not your fears. . . what is your "GUT" -- your intuition, trying to say to you? Listen. There seems to be a lot to this matter of "Allowing." Allow yourself to do what honestly feels right for you (without harming others), while allowing others to follow their path. . . even when that means letting them go.

Releasing our attachment to outcomes can also help us to recognize that there may be a better situation for us around the corner. Of course this also entails letting go of any fear we might harbor. I think fear keeps us from accomplishing our best in so many areas of life! I am no exception there, and that has always been a series of lessons for me. I have been learning (sometimes over & over again!) that the releasing of fear, has much to do with having faith. Having Faith, and Allowing. . . they seem to be interrelated. It all seems to be connected to knowing how and when to let go AND have faith!! That is how they can be one in the same. Having the faith to let go and know that it will all be ok. It will all work out -- frequently better than you could have ever imagined!

I see friends of mine learning these lessons, and I see these lessons being presented to me again in various forms. It's almost as if the Universe is offering me the opportunity to retake that test again. . . with an even better grade this time.

I am allowing others to do what they need to do, in their own way and I hope for the best. It's not always easy! And some of the time, it doesn't feel natural. But I am learning to step aside and let them do what they must. I no longer allow others to push me down. I watch out for that now. But I am willing to stretch and grow. I learn where I can and I am here for friends and family to lean on -- for moral support. I have to trust that things will all work out in a way that is best for everyone. So I don't box myself away awaiting a particular outcome. Instead I accept that any one of several outcomes may come about. I trust that it will be good, and I will work within the flow of that. Always receiving yet another lesson on Letting Go and Having Faith.

Be Well,
~Paulena

Letting Go...

2007-09-05T22:06:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine sent me this wonderful e-mail a week or so ago. I have received some form of this before, a time or two... but it is SO TRUE, that I feel a strong need to share it.
In the course of my life, I have occasionally made the mistake of trying to hold on to something or someone, long after it was time to let go. Sometimes it was me trying to hold on to them... and other times it was them trying to hold on to me. In the long run, once we learned to "let it go," I think we are all happier people now. (To them, I send my most sincere well-wishes!) I wish we had learned sooner, but that's how it goes sometimes.

When we use guilt or whatever method to try pulling someone back into staying in our life. . . or if we keep them from following their heartfelt path and leaving, I think that they are never really back with us. I think a part of them can never actually come back. . . that part is already gone. They might go through the motions-- they might seem to try, but their heart may never be in it. So you never really have the entire person back with you. So what's the point? It's never the same again.

I learned the long hard lessons... well, the hard way! I wish I had understood this mindset a very LONG time ago... and taken it to heart. I wish I had understood then, that there will always be a better situation around the corner... just waiting for us to enter. But much like Dorothy and the Ruby Slippers, sometimes we have to learn things in our own way, in our own time... and figure out we had the power and ability to get there the whole time. We deal with the pain it causes us... and hopefully we grow from it.
With no further ado... A great lesson to learn and take to heart.

There are people who can walk away from you. And that is OK!!!
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk!!

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone, or close the door.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us.

For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over... Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have, He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life,
then you need to........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and
see your worth.....

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.........

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed.......

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2007... & 2008...!!!

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then....

LET IT GO!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wise words, & wise thinking.
A line from "The GodFather" comes to mind... "It's not personal, it's business!"
It might feel personal, but try not to take it that way... try to move past that. It will take time, but try to understand that we are all in the business of living our lives and doing what is best for each of us. We must each follow our own path. And if someone honestly feels that it's time for them to leave and move on... Let Them!

I try to remember that any and all struggles I have been through or allowed into my life are not wasted time. It sometimes feels like it was wasted, but I have to bless those times as a part of what has made me who I am today... and then lovingly let it go. Sometimes, I have a day where I think too much about things of the past. I think about how I wish I had handled this or that differently, or I wish I had not tried to change the direction of something or someone. Then I give my brain a "high-five," I take a deep breath, and release it back into the Universe. I ask God and the Angels to please take it away and transform it into a more positive energy for the greater good.

I like to think that I have since learned this lesson. I feel that I have made great progress on this in the last 7 or 8 years. For that, I am grateful! I hope I will continue to learn, grow and be wise enough, now and in the future, to not take on so much struggle and to "Let go" when it is time.

Be Well...
~Paulena

Lunar Eclipse Success!!

2007-08-28T12:34:00.000-06:00

Well. . . Mostly anyway! As I mentioned in the previous post, at 04:20 (MDT) in Albuquerque, there was a broken layer of alto cumulus clouds obscuring the moon. That finally moved out of the way by about 04:35 or 04:45. . . And the clicking began! I had my tripod and camera on standby and quickly set them up. I'm glad I got the images, but I'm disappointed with the quality of the lower-light, red phase photos I captured. Of course, until you get them on a regular computer screen, you just can't quite tell how they came out. This was the first time I had a chance to use this particular camera for a total eclipse. So I had a bit of a learning curve to tackle -- In the dark! This is by far, the best digital camera I've owned, so far. However, over the past 2 & 1/2 years, I have been finding it's limitations. Last night was another such occasion. Don't get me wrong, I still like my Fuji FinePix S7000. It's just that there are some things I would like to stretch into that this camera may not be able to stretch with me. I may have to save up (sooner) for the DSLR camera I have my eye on and see how I fair with that! See here the first (red totality shot), and the last of the series I shot last night.

I found that my old film cameras were a tad easier to do the manual focus on an object like this, in mostly darkness. With this camera, the view finder was very grainy with such a dim subject. The graininess made it next to impossible to see well enough to tell whether I'd focused finely enough. When I tried to focus further, it appeared to be too much the other way -- which frankly never made sense to me, being that infinity should do it. . . I mean, it's the moon which is pretty friggin' far away! But it was like the focus ring would never stop. There may be an issue I need to have checked out. We shall see.
~Note: Upon further thought, I now realize that some of the "soft focus" (in the red shot above) is probably also due to the long exposure and not "tracking" the moon. . . as there would have been slight travel of the moon in that 2 or 3 second shot (whatever it was, I forget). That would also account for some of the fuzz to it. That one kind of reminds me of a peach! Anyway -- MORE argument for getting a telescope!! hehe

In the meantime, I did the best I could working with less than optimal conditions. I really need to break out the instructions again and re-read the low-light stuff. I has been a while!
Once the moon was in less shadow, the graininess in the view finder diminished and my ability to focus improved! And. . . my exposures decreased with the added light, ergo. . . less moon movement. I'm thinking. . . perhaps if I'd had a telescope to attach the camera to, perhaps the focus would not have been an issue. I'll try that next time (I hope).
Unfortunately, I heard from one source that the next total lunar eclipse that would be visible in the U.S.A., would not be for about 6 or 7 years. However, I've heard from a couple of other sources that it will be in February 2008. I will have to double check the facts on that!! But it is, what it is! I'll roll with that. Maybe by then, I'll have that sweet little Olympus DSLR that I've been salivating over! I'd be MORE than happy to test that little bugger out anytime! ;-) OR I'll have a telescope?

At any rate, it was way to early for sane people to be getting up, but I really wanted to try this out. Now I've learned a few more things. I'm always. . . ok, usually up for that. I'm now motivated more than ever to locate my old negatives of the last time I stayed up and photographed a total lunar eclipse -- on film. I now want to find them and scan them in and see how they compare.
Soon, hopefully.

Be well!
~Paulena

Damned Clouds!!

2007-08-28T04:20:00.000-06:00

Well it's 04:20 the morning of the total lunar eclipse. I'm up (obviously) and I've been scanning the sky. The moon is M.I.A.!! It's being obscured by the friggin' clouds!!!! We have a ceiling of broken alto cumulus!!! Wouldn't you just know it! I know where the moon should be, and of course, THAT is where the thickest patch of clouds are. . . so I can't even see an orange glow!! I'll wait it out another hour or so. I am hoping that this batch of clouds will move out of the way.
Updates later.

~Paulena

Moon Eclipse Alert!

2007-08-27T12:40:00.001-06:00

Just a quick note from me (while on my lunch break).
Early tomorrow morning, there will be a total lunar eclipse beginning around 03:00 (MDT) in the morning and peaking around 04:00 (MDT) August 28th, 2007. Here is a diagram of the path for Mountain Daylight time zone (where I live). You can also find the links for other time zones -- at the link to the NASA info on the eclipse. From what I gather, the entire eclipse will last about 3 & a half hours, but the "total" part only about 1 & a half hours. It's supposed to be longer than most. I don't remember why -- although I think (if I remember right) it has to do with angle and such. I'm guessing that in the Albuquerque area, it will be finishing just right about sunrise, when the moon will be about to set.

That's interesting to me. . . and kind of balanced. Reason? Because the last lunar eclipse (March 2007) we had, here in the ABQ area, we only got to see the very tail end of it, as the moon was rising that evening. The main part of that eclipse happened before the moon rose here that night! So we were kinda jipped that time! But THIS time, it will be setting as it finishes! Kinda cool! Just the other end of the event, in the opposite season. Of course the last lunar eclipse happened just before vernal equinox and this one happens just before autumnal equinox.
So will I be getting up early that morning? Probably so!

Enough of that! Just wanted to alert you!
Anyway, back to work with me!
Bye for now.
Be well
~Paulena

Bargins To Be Had By ALL!!!

2007-08-20T19:52:00.000-06:00

Every year near the end of August, the local amateur radio community has their annual "Duke City Hamfest." It's kind of like a big swap-meet on steroids! It begins at 5pm on a Friday evening (indoors), lasting until 9pm that night and then picks up again around 7am the next (Saturday) morning (indoors & outdoors). We just completed this year's Hamfest, and oh what fun we had!

The Friday evening portion is strictly an indoor venue with lots of tables set up through out a couple of the rooms within the UNM Continuing Education building. Each table has the wares of radio folks trying to sell old and new stuff.
The Saturday portion is both an indoor and outdoor deal. The outdoor part is a bunch of radio-folk tail-gating their wares -- mostly used, out from their tail gates. It's probably about 2 or 3 rows in the parking lot. Then the indoor part is the same as the night before. It's also a LOT of camaraderie! While all that is going on, there are forums on various radio-related topics, in the auditorium. The Saturday activities usually last until about 2 or 3pm. Then everyone packs up and the indoor portion gets transformed into a banquet room for our banquet that evening at 6pm. This year our banquet speaker was none other than the most interesting W9WSW, Scott Westerman. In addition to just being an all-around, very cool guy, he was also a terrific speaker. We enjoyed his talk very much.

Now. . . You might think that because this is an amateur radio gig, that there is just a bunch of perplexing electronics gear there. Oh contrare!

Although there IS a bunch of perplexing (to some) electronics gear, there are also folks there selling all manner of things. Think -- small garage sale items, plus a bunch of radio gear. One gal there is always selling interesting trinkets and doodads. That's always next to SW Antennas' table. My mom was selling a bunch of Star Trek collectible stuff along with other similar items she had picked up over time. Another couple of people were selling old gear from some of our dearly missed "Silent Keys" (for you non-hams out there, that means, dearly departed). My step-dad was selling all manner of interesting-looking electronics gear. . . big capacitors, little motors, lots of wire, bunches of pieces-parts for the do-it-your-selfer radio project person! Another few fellas had all sorts of radio tubes and transistors and. . . well you name it, they probably had it. Many of them have websites where you could later visit and order more! Our local antique radio club had a table set up there too.

There was a vendor there with all manner of led (as in Light Emitting Diodes) blinking and flashing light items. He even had plastic ice cubes with flashing lights inside! I love that booth -- it's just fun. Oh, he had regular led flashlights too. He also had ultraviolet led flashlights. . . that illuminate phosphorescent stuff, like scorpions and minerals. Way cool! A scorpion glows phosphorescent green in under one of those lights. Last year I got an led flashlight from him that doesn't require batteries -- you crank it up and it lights up for several minutes. Then you just crank it up again. That same year, I also got one of his ultraviolet led flashlights. (Come on! It's purple! I HAD to have one!) And wouldn't you know it! I didn't think to use it on either one of the little scorpions I found in my house! Actually, they moved way too fast for me to grab the light. . . no time! Had to stomp on 'em and be done with it! Eewww!

So by now, you get the point. . . there are lots of big and little bargains to be made at our Hamfest! It's a great place to pick up a used radio for not too much money. So -- I was on the hunt!

You see -- Recently, my mobile rig has been on the fritz. More specifically, the mic on my mobile rig has been misbehaving terribly! It has been cutting in & out most of the time. Very frustrating!!! And some of my buddies would tease me by pickin' on me, on the air, when they knew I couldn't come back at them. What brats!

Anyway, I believe the radio itself is fine. It's a Yaseu FT2500M, 2 meter band radio. It is a tough little rig. I bought it used (a couple of years ago) from one of my ham radio buddies who no longer lives in the area. But the mic. . . I think it had a hard life before I got it. If you think about it, the radios are usually mounted and stay put in a fairly protected place. But the mics. . . they usually end up sitting in a cup holder place or some other similar cubbie in the vehicle. Sometimes they get bounced around a bit. And so, I think, was the case with this mic. It is the model M-27 mic that came with the radio. A new mic of that model has been hard to come by. And expensive if I can find one. I tried contacting Yaseu to find out if another model mic would work on that radio (I'm guessing probably yes) and if so. . . WHICH One?? They never got back to me. How dumb was that on their part? Here I am, blogging about it. Anyway, I also tried getting another used mic, but that didn't work out either. The one I bought would trip the repeater, but no audio came through. We think it might have been a bad mic element. So I sent it back to the guy I bought it from and he is refunding the money to me. He thought it was working. It happens sometimes. Oh well. And so it went, I couldn't transmit from my car with any reliability.

While at the Hamfest on Saturday, I was looking throughout the wares out at the tailgate. I was hoping to find that model mic, even though I knew it was a real long shot. When these guys would find out what I was specifically looking for, their response was, "Oh! You're HER! I hear you on the net in the mornings -- cutting in & out sometimes and people talking about your mic issue. Yeah, I've heard of you. Good luck with that. Hope to hear you back on the air soon!" At that, I couldn't help but laugh. What a thing to be known for!

One of my ham radio buddies took pity upon my situation and he made me an offer I couldn't refuse. What a sweetie! He had a nice little Icom IC-2100 he wasn't using anymore. It used to be in his motor home, but when he sold the motor home, he had an extra radio. He wanted to let me use it for a couple of months, see if I like it and then if I liked it, he would sell it to me for a good price. He explained that he really wanted to do this for me because we (at my computer consulting office) had been really good to him and I had always been so nice to him. (He is easy to be really nice to -- he's just such a nice ol' guy.) So, I took him up on the offer. He is giving me a very good deal on it. I've already bought the radio, as I knew I'd like it. He brought the radio the next day. I now have it in my car and it's working GREAT! I joked with one of the net-control operators on the air, Monday morning that now, I can talk AND transmit in full sentences!

I also found a very nice deal on a used laptop computer. . . a Toshiba Tecra. It's a step up from my last laptop. It will get me by for a while. I'm having fun playin' around with that too. I am having a bit of trouble getting it to recognize my wireless connection at home. I'm sure I've merely overlooked some stupid little middle thing. But I'll get it trouble shot out, soon! haha

All in all, it was a fun weekend. And I have new toys to get to know!!

Be Well,
~Paulena

~~And as we say in Amateur Radio,
73!
KE5DDZ clear & monitoring.

Wise Words. . .

2007-08-19T12:34:00.000-06:00

Someone very recently told me that the difference between idiot and genius. . .
is that genius has limits!
Funny, but sadly true! Hey -- If you need proof, just tune in and watch the news sometime! The stories abound!

~Paulena

Flustrations, Oh my!

2007-08-10T21:47:00.000-06:00

Currently, I have a few friends going through various emotional upheavals in their lives. I feel for all of them, as the things they are currently weathering, I have also been through myself. One just lost her husband to cancer, another is going through a divorce, and yet another friend is navigating difficult emotional & financial terrain and trying to break free into divorce, in order to realize some lifelong dreams. There is yet another who is trying to decide whether or not to stay in a relationship which will depend upon her partner's decisions to straighten himself out (or not).

I suppose we really do live in crazy times! My life has it's own silly little novella on the side. But we all just try to navigate as best we can. It's part of life and our life-path. . . and ultimately learning and growing as we go along. One friend is blogging as a therapeutic process to get her through her tough times. She is also using it as a bit of a learning experience as she examines what went wrong and how she can prevent herself from falling into such circumstances again! In this process of hers, she has posted a few interesting web sites. She recently posted an article about passive aggressive behavior within a relationship. I read that article and then followed a couple of the other links within the site. The article author, Lynne Namka, Ed.D., is a licensed Psychologist and has some very interesting and seemingly helpful advice (for all ages) on handling anger and frustration. As a matter of fact, she has an entire web site (Angries Out) that seems to be devoted to helping both kids and adults with handling the various anger and frustration issues that come up in life!

It's a very interesting site! In today's rush, rush world we live in, it seems that time is speeding up and tempers are running short everywhere. Some days it seems everywhere I go, I'm running into stressed-out people who are angry or frustrated and ready to argue. I have to really be mindful and remind myself to just. . . breathe and not let them suck me into their dramas! I've lost count of how many times thoughtless people have cut me off in traffic, or pulled some other stupid stunt. I see them do it to everyone around them. I call some of them "Floaters". . . You decide what connotation to put that in. hehe Some of these people seem clueless as to the impact they have on those around them. Some of them seem to know, but not to care. . . just RUDE! It doesn't exactly make for a happy atmosphere!

Maybe my memory is just bad, or maybe I was naive, but I simply don't remember things being so tense 20 or 25 years ago. These days, I notice civility going out the window. I notice people allowing themselves to behave badly. . . and rudely! Some of the shows on tv seem to even condone these nasty behaviors. . . as in - whomever can behave the most horribly, rudely, and/or the most unethically, wins the million dollars! What the hell is up with that crap? (Don't even get me started on that, we don't have room here!). I suppose given all that, it's no wonder tensions seem to be rising. That, and the fact so many people don't seem to realize they really need to slow down and take care, makes it rough for everyone.

In my perusal of the various links on the "AngriesOut" site, I found another article that was about having your common sense hijacked due to getting "flooded" with hormones during an argument. In other words. . . being overcome with various emotions during an argument and not being able to think straight. I think that might happen to many of us at one time or another. I know that for me, when in an argument (or a "spirited discussion," as some people have insisted upon calling them) I sometimes become a little overwhelmed. I need more time to process what is being said. . . the possible allegations being tossed at me, or the stream of information coming at me. After reading this article, I have a better understanding of why that happens. It seems that some of your processing ability can get hijacked when emotions ramp up. Very interesting stuff!

Another article my friend passed on to me about passive aggressive behavior is "What's Up With the Passive Aggressive." I've only had a chance to read part of that one, but it looks interesting too. I suppose it may be because I'm working on minimizing frustrations in my own life right now. . . that these things are coming my way. One of those things where ya just notice the information more now that it's pertinent. So, Live & Read & Learn!

Be well!
~Paulena

Oh my Meg...

2007-08-09T21:06:00.000-06:00

I was going along just fine today. Then all at once, I wrote down the date. . . and boom! I had to take a deep breath, look up, and blink rapidly in an effort to hold back the tears. I was successful, for the time being. Once I got home from work, the moment had slipped my mind. Then later, I was comfortable in my reading chair, I reached over to get a pen to jot down a note. For whatever odd reason, boom - it hit me again. . . that it was August 9th. The tears unexpectedly began to well up again. "Has it really been 6 years?" I said softly to myself. "Oh my word. How I miss her so very, very much!" And with that, the tears began to quietly roll down my cheek.

My dear sweet baby kitty, Meggy. Shown here many years ago, when she was just a kitten - just a few months after she was born in my closet. (You can click on the photo and learn a tad more about her) She lived to the ripe old age of 18 years and 6 months. It was August of 2001 and she had begun to act a bit strange. Back then, my vet (Cheryl) made house calls. So Cheryl came over on the 7th and took a look at Meg. It appeared that my poor old kitty had some sort of blockage near her bladder. Cheryl gave her a dose of antibiotics, in the hope that perhaps there was an infection and the medicine would bring down swelling. We gave it two days. But on the morning of the 9th, Meg was back to the strange behavior again. I went to work and I called Cheryl, knowing what the probable outcome would have to be. It broke my heart. We made the appointment for that afternoon. . . I think it was for 3pm. My Mom (who was my boss back then) told me to take the rest of the day off and go spend it with Meg. My Mom called my Dad (they've been divorced for years, but they get along great now). Mom asked my Dad if he would please go over to my apartment and be there for me during the appointment, since she couldn't be there. Dad said he would absolutely do that.

I spent the day with Meg. I gave her some of her favorite canned food treat. She normally ate dry food, but the canned food was for times when her teeth were bothering her or I just wanted to give her a little treat. She gratefully ate the treat. She got to spend quality time out on the balcony in her favorite camp chair. . . but she always seemed to think that it was a great kitty hammock! Perfect size and shape for the average kitty body. As the afternoon sun cooperated and moved around to light the balcony, she basked in the sun. I sat next to her, in the other chair, positioned in a shady spot, and I read. She would occasionally stretched out her paw and touch my thigh. I'd look over at her and she would be looking up adoringly at me, as if to thank me for the glorious afternoon. I was so eternally grateful that it was such a beautiful Summer day. It was warm, and a bit humid for Albuquerque, but great for Summer. At some point, Meg decided she was too warm, and she jumped off the chair and turned to look up at me. It was as if to say, "Have you had enough of the sunshine? I have, let's go in now." I smiled at her and I closed my book and went in the living room with her. She lead the way.

We went into the study, where I had a wonderful East-facing window and could see the Sandia mountains. Thunderstorms were brewing over the mountains and beginning to move toward the city. It was after all, our monsoon season. We settled onto the futon-sofa and Meg curled up in my lap. I petted her silky fur and she purred. I had to read some more. I couldn't stand to do much thinking at that point. She didn't look sick. She didn't act sick. But her bladder was blocked and it was most likely a tumor. There was nothing that could be done to save her. She was too old to operate on. So I opened my book with my free hand and read, while I stroked her beautiful soft furry form. She purred until she fell asleep, but even then, she would occasionally wake and immediately purr.

I began to hear thunder a few miles away. I looked out the window and the clouds had thickened substantially. I saw a flash of lightning. I looked at the clock and it was about 2:30pm. About five minutes later, there was a knock at my door. It was my Dad. He hugged me so tight. He told me he was so very sorry, but that I wouldn't want her to suffer. I told him, "I know, but that doesn't make letting go any easier."

When I had answered the door and let Dad in, Meggy had followed me, as she usually did. She jumped up on the living room couch and sat down. She was ready for my Dad to pay homage to her beauty. Dad dutifully bend down and scratched behind her ears and pet her. She closed her eyes and purred. About that time there was another clap of thunder. Meggy jumped down and ran into the bedroom and hid from the noise. That was about the time that the thunderstorm let loose. It poured!! It was a torrential downpour. . . the type that causes flash floods. Dad and I sat and chatted, while we waited for Cheryl to arrive. The rain continued and 3pm came. . . and passed. I figured Cheryl was stuck somewhere in the rain. At about 3:15pm, she called from her cell phone. She told me it would be a little bit, as she was stuck in the North Valley. She had been there seeing another client when the rain hit. One of the main roads there was flooded and she was having to take an alternate route, but it would take longer. I told her it was not a problem. . . I didn't mind the extra time with my sweet little fuzzy baby.

Meggy had made her way into the bathroom during the storm and regally situated herself upon a purple towel I had left on the counter. I let her stay there. She seemed comfortable there during the storm. That bathroom had two doors - one leading to the master bedroom, and another leading into the main living area. I sat in there with Meg, while Dad stood in the doorway to the living room. We chatted some more. I don't now remember about what. He was so sweet just to be there for me. I decided I wanted a photo of Meg on that purple towel. I knew it would be the last photo I would be able to take of her alive. I didn't have any film, but I did have a first generation digital camera. That is to say that it was not a great digital camera, but at least it would take some photos. I took a few photos of her on the towel. The first one I took, woke her from her nap and she appeared to be a little groggy. But then I told her, "Look at me sweet baby girl"and she perked up.

After a while, I think it was about 4pm, Cheryl arrived. She examined Meggy while she sat on her royal towel on the counter top. As expected, the swollen area had not gone down and Meg was blocked again. It would have only been a matter of a few hours before it would cause toxicity and great discomfort. There truly was nothing else that could be done. It was time. I wrote out a check for Cheryl. She suggested to get that out of the way, as things would be difficult enough later. Then I gently gathered Meggy up in my arms and took her into the bedroom. Dad picked up the towel and brought it. I asked him to lay the towel on the bed, where Meggy would be comfortable. I laid Meg down on the towel, on the bed. She wasn't sure she wanted to play this little game. She squirmed a little. I calmed her. Cheryl said that Meg would need a sedative first, as she was still kind of spunky. How ironic. That broke my heart too. She gave Meg the sedative shot and then she and my Dad went into the living room and sat on the couch. They chatted, while I had my last few minutes with Meggy.

Just then my other cat, Teazer jumped up on the bed. He was only 3 years old, but he seemed to understand that something of significance was happening. He is normally a bit of a handful. . . kind of a pill. But right then, he was calm, gentle, and well-behaved. He sniffed at Meggy and he nuzzled her. . . as if he knew it might be good-bye. I had mostly held back the tears. . . until that moment. Then Teazer jumped down and went into the living room, with Dad and Cheryl.

I could hear Cheryl talking to Teazer. He was trying to steal her pens and pull on the handle to her medical bag. She is always so sweet and gentle with him. . . even when he is being a little devil. It was only a few minutes, maybe five or ten that I had left to cuddle Meg. She became very groggy. Cheryl came in and checked her pulse and said it was time. She asked my Dad to please gently hold Meggy's back legs. Cheryl said Meg might jerk a little when the needle went in. I sat curled around my precious baby. I talked sweetly to her to ease the confusion that I imagined she must be feeling in a groggy state. My Dad had tears in his eyes, only one of about 4 times in my life that I have witnessed it. There was a slight jerk, but not much. I stroked Meggy's fur and talked to her. . . and I cried. Gradually, she relaxed more and more. Cheryl monitored her vital signs and told me when my sweet Meg was gone.

I don't remember much right after that. Only the sorrow. I know I must have seen Cheryl out the door. Dad help me gather Meggy's lifeless body. I took her over to my Dad's house. He has a few acres in the far NE heights, near the foot of the mountains. We had agreed that we would bury her there. The rest was mostly a blur. I know that Dad had me wait in the house while he dug the hole. We placed her in the ground and I sprinkled her with lavender and mint (she always love the way they smelled), before Dad buried her. She lays in view of the Sandia Mountains.

I still remember most of it almost like it was yesterday. So vivid, so strange. So you may wonder why I wrote of this now. I don't even know for sure, only that the anniversary came. . . sneaked up on me actually. Last year, it was a day that passed uneventfully. I remembered, but it didn't grab hold of me. I'm not sure why it hit so strong this year. It wasn't like I was counting the days or anything. I wasn't. It actually surprised me. I didn't expect to have any reaction. The date almost slipped past me. I expected the same this year. Maybe it's just fresher in my mind this year due to my friend loosing her husband to cancer. Maybe that has those memories closer to the surface.
2001 was an emotionally charged time for me. Two days after Meggy's death, my boyfriend of that time (Gilbert B.) learned that his cancer had returned. We had only met a short time before he was diagnosed! He had fought the cancer for 5 months, then had a month where he thought he was in the clear. . . then the news that it had returned. Three months later, he also died. Bad year.
And in between all that, of course -- Sept. 11th happened. What a crazy year!
And as you might imagine. . . if I remember Meggy's passing this vividly, of course I remember Gilbert's passing just as vividly, and maybe more so. But where as Meggy had a wonderfully long & full life, Gilbert was only 33 when he died. He loved cats. It was my hope that when he passed, perhaps Meggy was there to greet him along with his loved ones. I hope they took care of one another. I'm sure they have both watched over me.

I suppose it's just hard to believe it has been six years! I still think of them frequently.
Don't take time with loved ones for granted. Let people know that you love them. Give of your time. Life can turn in a New York Minute! Slow down and enjoy the people (and pets) who you have been blessed to have in your life.
Appreciate!

~Paulena

Health Tips from TriVita...

2007-08-07T06:37:00.000-06:00

I recently discovered some great vitamins from a company called TriVita. I've been using the sublingual B-12 formula. I love it. They send me a nifty newsletter every now & then. The most recent edition contained some good tips I wanted to share! Here they are:

*When frustration drains your energy: immediately drink 2 glasses of water.
*When anxiety and tension prevent you from enjoying the moment: 10 minutes of deep breathing will cut your stress in half!
*When fatigue seems insurmountable: a brisk walk in the open air will revive you.
*When mental fog descends and clouds your thinking: a cup of green or ginseng tea will cut through the fog and brighten your mind.

And something you may have already known (or not). . .
*A balanced diet must include:
7 to 9 servings of fruit and vegetables (for adults)
30+ grams of high quality protein
20 to 35 grams of fiber daily

Heck, I'll just give ya the link to the whole recent TriVita newsletter so you can read it for yourself.

I hope those tips are helpful to you at some point.
Be Well!
~Paulena

Learning to BREATHE !!!

2007-08-05T10:25:00.000-06:00

Maybe it's the acupuncture. Maybe it's the Chinese herbs. Maybe it's bumping up the vitamin B-complex or using it sublingually. Maybe it's the commitment to walking 5-7 days a week. Maybe it's just knowing that I've made the decision to consider my current workplace as a temporary place I work. Maybe it's a little bit of all those things combined (most likely). But I'm noticing that I'm finally getting a better handle on the "stress thing" than I had before.

I've worked in the same place for over 6 years now. It was fine for a long time. But the business was sold at the beginning of 2007 and I've since had a new boss. Don't get me wrong - he's a nice guy. It's just that we have completely different ways of working and dealing with the world. He is into chaos, and I am most definitely not! I've managed so far, but since working for him, it has been getting to me and wearing me down.

While I realize some of this is simply a matter of the life-shifting-thing as I get older. . . I'm certain the last six or seven months has definitely been due to stress of the job situation (since January, go figure!). Stress wrecks havoc with every system in your body and your psyche!! I had noticed being a lot more tired than I had previously been. I have been getting a lot of headaches. By Thursday or Friday afternoons, I was ready to run away and hide!!! It was to the point that on weekends, I wanted it completely quiet and I had no energy left for ME! Something had to give. I was so close to jumping into some temp position that probably wouldn't suit me - Just to get away from this! Then I realized. . . "DUH!! I can do almost anything if I know it's temporary, right? Ok, So why not just shift my thinking about the job situation? Just shift the way I see this current job position into being a temporary position?" That helps a great deal. . . along with the other little changes. I seem to be breathing a bit easier these days!

Oh sure, I still have a few days here & there where I feel like throttling someone (but I don't). And who doesn't have those days? But over the last two or three weeks as I've been implementing gradual changes, it now seems to be a bit easier to take that deep breath and count to ten. . . and roll with it. I'm not as tired as I had been. I'm realizing that it takes a bit more energy to catch one's self before the frustration flies, than it does to have it slip out. No wonder it can sneak out so quick! It's beginning to make a little more sense why depleted people are so cranky and snippy. Although letting the anger or frustration fly uses up energy, it actually requires a little more energy to catch it and redirect it! So now that I feel a bit more energetic, when I do start to feel overly annoyed by something at work, it's been just a bit easier to stop myself (deep breath), and shift gears into "It's-not-the-end-of-the-world & Don't-let-'em-get-to-ya" mode.

I had been walking, just not everyday or as often as I should! Although a knee sprain had kept me down some of the time, there were also too many times when I'd let. . . a windy day, or threat of rain, or whatever kind of "talk" me out of it. No more! Now I take another deep breath and say, "Let's go!" Because of the stupid knee thing, there are still some days I can't go as far as I'd like, but I try to get out there at least a little everyday. Of course the extra vitamins probably help me to have more energy to get going. Funny thing is, I was already taking vitamins. But I learned that the older we get, the less we absorb of the B-vitamins through our digestive tract! So I started a sublingual vitamin B complex and that's kickin' in! But like I said earlier, I've been making a few changes. Life has sent challenges that required me to do some things differently. Reading those books I've mentioned (earlier blog posts) has also helped me to better understand the changes that getting older brings with it, and how to accommodate some of those changes. I suppose it's a package kind of deal.

I'm getting back to meditating. I had been having trouble with that as I was so tired that I'd fall asleep!! Bummer! When I didn't fall asleep, I couldn't seem to keep on track. I'm now having a bit more success with that. So some gradual changes on things here and there, seem to be improving life all around. Not that life was bad. . . Contrair!! It was just that I was beginning to feel awfully overwhelmed at times and not able to enjoy some things I wanted to enjoy. I still have too much to get done & not enough hours to do it. But now I just don't feel as much pressure about it.

I also think that too frequently we tend to get too hurried in daily life. We woof-down our food, and we take little, shallow breaths. We think we have to get there and be in line first! We skim the surface and live life just on the exterior edge. . . all because we think we have to hurry here or there with this or that. There really is something to be said for, "Stop and smell the flowers." Silly thing is, I KNOW THIS and I HAVE KNOWN this for a Long time! And yet sometimes I too, get caught up in the hurry, hurry world.

When I was studying herbal medicine, people would ask me some variation of, "Hey is there an herb for _________ problem? Can you help me with that?" I'd start asking them questions about their health history that they perceived as irrelevant, and they'd get annoyed and ask the question again in a "I just want... blah, blah, blah..." kind of exasperated tone. What I couldn't seem to get across to some folks is that #1, I need more information before I could even begin to recommend an herb for someone. Because -- Some herbs work well for some people with some issues and other herbs work better for other people. . . and it would depend on the type of issue(s) they were having, and what kinds of unique things they have in their history! And #2, Many of our health issues or problems actually STEM FROM our refusal to slow down!

For example: I'd get someone asking for some herb to help them relax and get their mind to stop buzzing in the evening. I'd suggest a synergistic combination (depending upon what all was going on with them) of herbs to be taken as a tea -- to be quietly sipped over a 30 minute time frame.
The typical response I'd get was,
"What are you -- Kidding me? Like -- I don't HAVE that kind of time! Can't I just take something?"
And I'd be thinking,
Uh. . . Hello? You JUST asked me for a remedy to your buzzing mind and a way to unwind and relax. . . and you don't have time?
It is truly mind-boggling! And yet. . . I occasionally find myself rushing into stress and tension with the best of them! We really have to take responsibility for MAKING the TIME to take care of ourselves. . . and that means making time to relax (or even to learn to relax).

So I have been redirecting myself and re-establishing my energy. I have been re-educating myself about not falling into the rush, rush, rush, hurry, hurry mentality. I have been reshaping my thinking regarding my job situation. And I have been doing whatever has been necessary in order to make the changes needed to meet new challenges that seem to be blossoming in my life. All the while, trying to remember to take a walk in the garden, take a deep breath, and smell the flowers. The honeysuckle and the butterfly bush are particularly nice this time of year!

Be well!
~Paulena

Hot Time in the Summertime...

2007-07-30T22:40:00.000-06:00

Most of my family and friends can tell you that I'm usually the one in a group that thinks she is freezing cold. My fingernail beds are frequently a purple-ish color (instead of pink), and it seems that my hands and feet are almost always cold. Sometimes, my nose is even cold! This happens big time in the Winter, but even in the Summer. . . with air conditioning set higher (lower?) than is comfortable for me, I've generally just learned to cope with it and carry a sweater everywhere.

It's been like this for as long as I can remember. . . especially since I was a teen. When I lived in Maryland (circa 1988-1990), I was sent to a cardiologist because one doctor was so concerned about my purple finger tips! The cardiologist decided that I have something called "Raynaud's Syndrome" (NOT full blown Raynaud's Disease). It's basically just a case of not-so-great circulation. He told me that it was not a problem and nothing really to treat or worry about -- to simply keep an eye on it over the years. He told me that if I started to notice my fingernail beds being more of a blue or white -- THEN I would need to get some sort of treatment. But, that has never happened and I'm not even remotely concerned about it. I just get razzed by some family or friends about my cold hands and that my fingernails match my sweater (Purple being my favorite color).

Meanwhile, time marches on. A few months ago, one of my friends was telling me about her "Menopause Room," where the window-unit, air conditioner is ALWAYS on. This enables her and her friends to have a place to go when a hot flash hits and get through it with minimal discomfort! We laugh about it, but it's just one more creative thing some have to do while navigating menopause and peri-menopause. For those who don't already know -- "peri-menopause" is the time "around" menopause. . . just before it actually hits. It's the time of subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) changes gals experience before actual menopause. Of course menopause is a kind of. . . a retroactive thing, because it has to have been a full 12 months without one's menstrual cycle. Going 10 months or 11 months doesn't count. . . you'd have to start counting all over again. Menopause is only really menopause when the 12 full months have passed without the period. In the meantime, life can be interesting, but doesn't have to be massively uncomfortable. Lot's of books abound to help gals navigate through it. I've even recommended two or three of them.

So. . . over the last few months, I've been noticing that I'm not AS cold as I usual. I've joked with my mom about how very blessed I am. Perhaps instead of "hot flashes," I will only have "comfortable flashes," where I won't be freezing and purple! haha. So far this Summer season, that has been the case (for the most part). Who knew? Any actual "hot flashing" I have experienced has been more a matter of moments where I feel my frustration rise and my temper is very difficult to hold back. I hate the way that feels!!! It's an awful feeling, like some alien just took over your brain and you are fighting to get it back! Ick!
~~BUT. . . I found a few web sites, bulletin boards & articles (one on Geocites, another called "power-surge," another called "menopause-metamorphosis," and another about "psychosynthesis," just to name a few!) where women who have also been experiencing similar things post and communicate with each other. They offer up their experiences and share things that have helped them and other gals they know. And even some articles about changes and coping. I only list a few of them! I took comfort in not being alone in the spooky way it felt.

I found these because I had seen a brief preview for a program on. . . I don't remember which it was, either "20/20," or "60 Minutes" one of those type of tv programs (or as I call them collectively "20 Minutes or 60/60" hehe) heck, maybe it was Oprah?. . . Anyway the preview spoke of "Menopausal Rage" and how nobody wants to talk about it because it feels so embarrassing! AMEN TO THAT! So I "Googled" that phrase (Menopausal Rage) and I found an amazing number of sites. If you have experienced it - don't feel alone, because you are NOT alone in it!! And if there are circumstances in your life that are added stressors, well then-- you MUST read some of those sites.

Since my discovery of these various and strange new happenings and my search to minimize the negative effects in my life, I have found a terrific Doctor of Oriental Medicine who has been providing me with acupuncture. THAT seems to be helping me a great deal. It seems to be a matter of balancing energies. No real surprise to me there. She is also having me try some Chinese herbal preparations. Those also seem to be helping me. Reading up on this stuff is also arming me with a much better understanding of the various ways and angles from which to view it. That in turn, gives me multiple ways to approach my solutions. From what I understand, it's a little different for each woman, but we seem to have a few commonalities. . . enough anyway to help each other with shared information and experiences. So this is me, sharing with you (whomever you might be) my little experiences and what I've found helpful.
So keep cool, if ya can. And be well!
~Paulena

Another Very Good Book. . .

2007-07-27T01:10:00.000-06:00

Just a quick recommendation. My mom recently read a book that she thoroughly enjoyed and felt certain that I must own and read. She told me that as she read it, she kept recognizing things I had related to her about the way I think and process information. She told me (paraphrased), "I really think that reading this book will help validate your processes. And I think it will help you to feel understood and see that your ways of thinking and doing things have much more value than some people have lead you to believe." The name of the book she got for me is: "The New Feminine Brain: Developing Your Intuitive Genius" by Mona Lisa Schulz, MD, PhD.

I've only just started reading it, but it seems very good. The forward of the book is written by none other than Dr. Christiane Northrup, MD! They have worked together for some time now.
Anyway. . . I just wanted to toss that out there to anyone who might be interested.

Be well!!
~Paulena

Time Happens. . .

2007-07-23T22:22:00.000-06:00

Wow! What crazy few weeks! But then, I suppose anymore, they are all that way to some degree or another. I've heard it said that, "Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once." And yet, somehow - some months feel like THAT is what is happening (everything happening all at once). Oh well. Just gotta keep on getting done what ya can. I'm learning to "let go of perfect," -- as suggested by one of my (currently) favorite authors, Dr. Christiane Northrup, MD. She has written a few very good books. . . One called "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom" and another one I have is called, "The Wisdom of Menopause." I'm currently only getting familiar with the "peri-menopausal" process, but her books are giving me such great guidance, that I cannot even adequately express just how helpful she has been. Some of it is stuff I kind of already knew, but maybe wasn't really using to best potential. And some of the other stuff I read are new concepts that I'm learning to utilize. I'm learning that some of the things that come up in the process can cause one to feel as though they might be loosing their mind (to put it nicely). Yet there are very reasonable ways to work through these less than stellar moments! I'm learning that a lot of the "symptoms" are not written in stone. That is to say, that there are ways to ease them. . . many without medication. Things like: Simple diet shifts, herbal and vitamin support, setting limits with people (not taking on the woes of the world -- ya just can't fix everything and everyone!), and making SURE you get out and move around. . . go for a walk at the least! These things can make a HUGE difference. As an herbalist, I already knew much of this. But she also brings up some very helpful suggestions (many from examples of real people she has known) on how to get to the bottom of what may be plaguing you. Bottom line - Remember, it is a natural life process, NOT a disease. Far too many medical people are treating it as if it were a disease. That's nuts!

Anyway, I'm just wanting to pop in here and make a quick entry to share some great finds of late (the afore-mentioned books) and assure any who might have wondered. . . that yes, I am alive and well. I'm just working on getting through a stack of books!!! It's a nice cool activity for spare time in the Summer. Not that I have much of that at the moment, as I'm working in my yard a lot. I'm also hot on the job-search trail. It's time for a change and who knows what that will bring! Time will tell. (there is that word again!)

And to my friends out there who may be reading. . . I know some of you are going through a tough time right now with big things happening, big changes happening and for some, big decisions to make, and some difficult things with which to grapple. . . Just know that I'm thinking of you and sending you Light.

Be Well!
~Paulena

Pondering the Language of Math

2007-06-13T22:30:00.000-06:00

Greetings & Hallucinations! . . . er, I mean Salutations!

Alrighty. . . here is where the name of my blog is going to begin to make some sense to some of you. I had some butterfly-mind moments the other evening. And off my mind went. . . on all kinds of strange wanderings and tangents. And no, I'm not taking any drugs or smoking anything. And no, I didn't miss any medications! haha My mind is just sometimes a dangerous place to hang out!! But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

~~My Little Disclaimer here~~

I'll admit. . . I am not any form of math whiz. Ok, it's out! Back in high school, I struggled to get through Algebra. During the first semester of my sophomore year, my step-mom would help me understand my Algebra homework each night. That year I had a math teacher (Mr. Nesbit, who was a better football coach, from what I heard) who could never explain Algebra in a way that I could understand. After my step-mom explained it, I was Ok, got the homework done and got the answers right (according to the back of the book). But every class period, that teacher would shoot me down (& mark my homework answers wrong) for not doing his method. Then he would sternly tell me to meet with him in his office after school. Although intimidated, I'd show up in his office that afternoon. He would berate me once again, for not doing the math the way he showed in class. He'd ask what was wrong with me. And then he'd begin trying to explain the Algebra again (the same exact way that hadn't made sense to me the first several times). Then the impatient yelling would begin, again. . . which always brought on my tears. I'm a sensitive person and always have been. I suppose my tears only pissed him off more, as the pitch of his yell would increase after that. This happened at least twice a week, during that semester. On a couple of such office visits, he became completely exasperated and he told me, "You're really lousy at math. You will never learn this stuff. You obviously don't have a head for this stuff. I've heard you sing solos in the chorus, you're really good at that. You should stick with that. But you are horrible at math. You should stay far away from math & science. Besides, You're just a girl and you're just gonna grow-up, get married and have a bunch of kids anyway, so you won't need any math. Just stay away from it, because you stink at it."

Honest to God, he actually told me that - more than once! Sadly, I have always been fascinated with, and loved science. And ironically, I never had kids! (So there! Mr. Jerk-head!!) While he was the only teacher who actually said that to me, I think there were 2 or 3 others who wanted to say it. Some of them treated me like I was 12-kinds of stupid. It so was frustrating! Forget for a moment that he/they would only explain stuff over and over again in the same confusing way that didn't make sense to several of us in the first place! Forget that I was not the only one in the class who had trouble with those explanations. In this particular case, I think that I frustrated him and he just didn't care to deal with it anymore. If only he had sent me to a tutor, or talked with my counselor to do that. Sadly, no one offered me that kind of help for math. And back then, I didn't know how to find a tutor and I had no money to pay for it. My step-mom was the only one who could actually help me, but Mr. Nesbit didn't like the method I learned that way. . . even though I got the correct answers with those methods! Forget that I still had to pass Algebra. It was required to graduate high school. He just didn't want to deal with me, or the other four or five students from my class who were having trouble. He labeled us as "stupid" &/or "lazy" and tossed us aside! He "benched" us from the game of math! I had to drop that class and take Algebra again the next year from a kinder, gentler soul (Mr. Mason). Now HE could explain math!! What a saint Mr. Mason was! I passed Algebra that time, and mostly without tears!

In later years, I thankfully discovered that I'm not bad at math. I am only very slow at math! I am dyslexic (really, I was tested), so I have to really take my time with it. If given plenty of time to figure & double-check stuff, I actually do somewhere between ok, to. . . even to pretty well!! Once I was given enough time to do it, I actually got my first A's & B's in math. . . even College Algebra!! Go figure! But enough of that. I just wanted to get that disclaimer out there. . . I am no mathematician! So, please don't slam my innocent possible misunderstandings of math theories. . . or whatever. Please have patience for my strange little mental butterfly thoughts. Discussion is ok, just please be gentle. K?

~~Now for my topic of ponder~~

So Here's the thing -- for whatever bizarre reason the other evening I began wondering about the "language of mathematics." Maybe it was after watching an episode of "Numbers," I don't remember. Have you ever noticed how in practically every show or movie about space or Extra Terrestrials (except "Contact" or "Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind") the characters kind of assume that the E.T.s will (of course) speak English. . . or they have some wildly cool "Universal Translator" to turn the interactions into English. We also seem to assume that all E.T.s would have numbers 0-9 and the numbers will look just like that and they will call them "zero, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine." Just like that. Although, in the movie "Contact," I believe the E.T.s might have used ones and zeros. Or maybe it was just sound pulses totaling in prime numbers. But I don't remember for sure. And of course all E.T.s will recognize our symbol for Omega or Epsilon, or any other of our various symbols (symbols sometimes used in math equations), right? That's where I was thinking, "How crazy!!!" I think it's doubtful that they are going to recognize our human-made symbols. . . At least in theory. Unless they have studied us for a long time and learned our languages. Or. . . maybe those symbols were brought to us eons ago from some E.T.s, but then I doubt that all E.T.s speak the same language. I'm just guessing here.

So I thought further (scary, I know!). If they (the potential E.T.s) would not call the numbers by the same name as we do and they might not draw/write them the same, how would we recognize them to be numbers. How would they send us a mathematical message? Perhaps they could send us various artistic things, like fractals, and they could monitor how we'd decipher that. . . but over what medium? Light waves? Radio Waves? And what if the potential recipients of such a message were a race of beings without eyesight? Obviously, most of us have the gift of eyesight. Then there is the movie, "Contact." You might remember how the characters (starring Jodi Foster) encounter an orderly, radio signal from space and determine it is mathematical. Did you notice how she frequently closed her eyes in order to listen better? Interesting. And there was even a character, one of her colleagues in the movie, who was blind. He was a great help to her decoding some aspects of the message. Eyesight can sometimes be distracting. In that movie, they had to break the code and decipher the message. It was a message sent in patterned sound pulses, strung together. So I thought, "Hummm that would work if you had the senses of hearing or could feel vibrations. That would even work if a race of beings did not have eyesight." Pretty nifty, huh? If they couldn't hear, at least they might feel the vibrations. But I wonder if there is such a thing as a race of beings, somewhere, who could not feel vibrations. That's an odd concept. Of course ultimately, in the movie "Contact," the message (once decoded) ended up being plans for a machine to be built. But it was tricky to decipher because it required looking at two-dimensional images but thinking in three dimensions! So in that case, eyesight was needed. But I wonder how else they might have communicated the plans. It's hard to imagine.

All of that got me wondering how many mathematical messages (or even other forms of messages) we have been sent & possibly received but we didn't understand. Perhaps we get them ALL the time!! A bit like a fax that comes in and slips off of the fax machine and down onto the floor, and wafts under the table. No one sees it and the cleaning crew comes in at night and tosses it out. Or maybe we just thought they were static. We tend to only think in two dimensions (something printed on a page), or three dimensions. What if our potential E.T. messengers think in a 5th or 8th dimension. . . or a 9th or 11th dimension? We also tend to think in terms of only 5 or 6 senses. What if there are senses that never occurred to us, because we don't have them (yet?) and we are not built to have them (yet)? Obviously, then we wouldn't actually receive the messages from those messengers. That is to say, they might come through, but because we don't understand, we dismiss it as. . . a form of static. Too bad. They might be so fascinating!! Or what if the potential messages were being sent telepathically, but those who received them, just figured they were random, crazy thoughts? They might be dismissed. And if those "thoughts" or messages weren't dismissed, who among you would believe them? I know I might think it sounded awfully nuts! How frustrating for someone trying to figure out what to do with that.

Then I wonder if the potential E.T.s know about things like. . . what we call "string theory." Did they wrestle with the 5 different perspectives of string theory, as some of our scientists have? Did they see more than 5 perspectives? Do they know we now also call it something else? Once we finally united our 5 perspectives, we now call it "M theory." At least that's what I last understood. What would any of the E.T.s out there call "string theory?" I wonder if they receive old episodes of "NOVA" or "The Elegant Universe" out there somewhere. Maybe they are FAR beyond the string theory. They probably call it something in another language, so we wouldn't understand right away anyway. Kind of like. . . what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he can't come anyway. But I digress! Since they probably speak a different language, we couldn't discuss string theory (or much of anything else) with them just yet anyway. Would they think we don't understand the theory? And maybe we don't fully understand it yet! How would we communicate the theory in mathematical terms? I'm sure it has been done! I probably wouldn't understand that, even though I do "understand" much of the explanations of string theory!! Certainly not well enough to discuss with a physicist or quantum physicist, but perhaps better than many folks. Of course, a physicist could string me along, too!

We humans have a nasty habit of thinking we "understand" something, even when there may be much more to a given subject that we don't know about yet. . . or don't yet have the apparatus to observe, measure or study it. In that regard, I suppose it's a bit like that first Algebra class was for me. . . I thought I was understanding things, until I'd flunk a test, or the teacher yelled at me for "getting it wrong." I didn't yet know I needed to ask more questions. But I didn't yet know what questions I needed to ask, because I thought I understood. It's a twisted, circular track! So, do we REALLY ever know it or understand it. . . whatever "it" is?

I wonder what other messages could be transmitted in the language of mathematics. I realize that math and science related things could be sent in a mathematical language. But I mean what things that we typically don't think of as mathematical. There is a lot of art and music that is very mathematical and very beautiful and moving. Go figure! But I'll bet there are other, seemingly non-mathematic, topics that could be communicated mathematically, but I just can't think of them right now. I'm sure the character, Professor Charlie Epps, could really come up with some good ones! Maybe. . . something like a butterfly path. That's something that seems so completely random, un-patterned, and non-directional, but I wonder if there might even be some sort of mathematical order to that? Maybe there is hope for me after all!!

Enough of my rambling for now. See?
My brain. . . a strange place! :-)
Be well!

~Paulena

Plastered Paris. . .

2007-06-11T08:02:00.000-06:00

Good Morning.
Ok, I would like to apologize ahead of time. My unfriendly side is making a quick appearance here today. But I'm so sick of her, I just can't keep it inside anymore. So pardon my little rant for a few minutes, and thank you for reading!

I started this post last week, then got side-tracked. So I need to get this posted before the topic dissipates, as it's about to soon. I would imagine that many of you are as SICK of hearing about pathetic, wimpy, little cry-baby Paris Hilton, as I am! WHY does she even constitute "News?" Why does the media pay her ANY attention? Why does any of the media care about ANY of the ill-behaved celebrities and why do they make the "News?" It used to be this crap stayed on venues like "Entertainment Tonight" or "E!" Now suddenly (in the last couple of years) the mainstream media seems to think it constitutes real News! I don't understand. It's NOT like there is nothing else going on in the world! There is a war going on in Iraq. Iran is misbehaving and developing nuclear weapons. Korea HAS nuclear weapons and is also misbehaving. Our troops are fighting and some dying to keep our beloved ways of life safe and free!
So why is it that the concept of badly behaved celebrities become newsworthy? Behaving and obeying the law. . . it's not a hard concept to master really. When you break the law, you get in trouble. HELLO!! That's how it is supposed to work. Don't do the crime if you are too wimpy to do the time!!! And if you are too stupid to stay out of trouble, stay home! Take personal responsibility for your thoughts, deeds, & actions!

So here we have a badly behaved rich kid who doesn't seem to understand the concept. Geeze Paris! Quit whining and just take the consequences of your ridiculously stupid actions without all the dramatics! And how about learning from one's mistakes? Try not making such insanely stupid decisions in the first place! And she needs to tell her followers/ fans to quit whining and get lives! Don't encourage them to be drama queens with her!

What a horrible example she has set for anyone who is a fan of hers (especially young, impressionable girls). And Why, exactly, does she even HAVE fans? I'm not sure I get that either. Why would anyone be a fan of someone who presents themselves as dumb, shallow, dingy, wimpy, anorexic and weak? Ok, so she has a pretty face, but she's not that pretty! She's a friggin' STICK! And I think that her chihuahua probably has a more interesting personality than she does! So she has money. . . So what? Apparently, money doesn't buy brains or intelligence! But maybe it sometimes buys special privilege in California? She acts like SUCH a wuss! If you blow on her, she would probably fall over & cry. . . and if you happened to have blown in her ear, she might be courteous enough to thank you for the refill! But probably not. And what is with the chihuahua in her purse that she takes practically everywhere she goes? Is that her body guard? Or maybe she is so dumb and that is her Blonde-star interpretor? And these pathetic little fans of hers. . . They print, "Free Paris" t-shirts and they circulated a petition and tried to plead with the Govenator to pardon her sentence. Pa-LEEASE!!! I was SO happy when his response was basically (paraphrased), "I haven't seen any plea for pardon on my desk. But really, I have more important issues to deal with, like running California." Let's hear it for Ah-nold! Hurray!

What? You ask what am I talking about? Ok, if you have been busy collecting termites or perhaps you've been deep in some jungle studying the mating habits of tiger salamanders. . . Here is the low-down on the ridiculous Paris saga.

In a nutshell (sources AP, and Reuters): Back in September of 2006 Paris went out drinking and chose to drive drunk. She got caught and was charged with drunken driving or DUI. In January 2007, she appeared in court and pleaded "no contest" (similar to guilty) to a lesser charge of alcohol-related reckless driving. She was given 36 months (3 years) probation and her driver's license was suspended. She was told NOT to drive, and SHE SIGNED A DOCUMENT STATING THAT SHE UNDERSTOOD this!
THEN, on February 27th, 2007 she was pulled over by California Highway Patrol for 1) Speeding, and 2) Driving at night without headlights, and. . . oh, whoops, 3) DRIVING on a SUSPENDED LICENSE! Back to court she went on May 4th, where a judge constituted that her actions were a Parole Violation! So. . . she broke the law on TWO different occasions, in various different ways! Thus, she was sentenced to serve jail time. Hurray!! Justice at last!
Golly gee, Ya see, that's kinda what usually happens when you VIOLATE PAROLE!
Instead of taking it like someone with a backbone, she whines and whimpers. Her chihuahua probably has more integrity! And, many of her fans act even worse than she does!

So off to jail she finally went. Personally, I think her jail time was delayed WAY too long and she has been given WAY too much latitude already. But that's my opinion. Anyway, she reported to jail on June 3rd, for her 45 day sentence. But Oh!! Boo-hoo!!!! She got a rash, or was emotionally distressed (we don't get the real story on what it was), some "medical" issue. So the jail released her after only 3 full days in jail, due to "medical reasons." They sent her to her posh, cushy home, confined to serve out her remaining time wearing a clunky old ankle bracelet to track her movements. I guess since Sax Fifth Avenue was fresh out of prisoner ankle bracelets, they must have figured the fashion faux pas of that clunky ankle bracelet was enough for her to bear!!

Anyway, my question is "WHY didn't they just treat her 'medical' issue in the infirmary like they would if it were you or I?" You and I can already, pretty much figure out the answer to that one! But "they" will deny that it was special celebrity treatment.

Ah! But let's hear it for public outcry and an angry judge. The sentencing judge was apparently furious over Hilton's early release to her home, with monitoring bracelet. Los Angles city prosecutors filed papers to yank her back into the jail (where I think she belongs to serve out her sentence). They also demanded that "the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department (who runs that jail) be held in contempt of court for releasing her early and violating sentencing order, which expressly barred electronic monitoring of Hilton." (quote source: Reuters, 6/8/07) So Hilton was ordered back to appear in court the morning of 6/8/07.

In talking with my mom that morning, she said she had been trying to watch Fox News all morning, but the Hilton saga was ALL any of the 24-hour news stations were carrying that morning. Apparently around 9:15am Pacific time, Paris was already 28 minutes late for her court appearance, and they had not even left her house yet!! Talk about disrespect. She spouted something ridiculous about having not read the paperwork because she has people who do that for her. I wonder if that is part of her Chihuahua's job. I don't know for certain HOW late she ended up being, but it was speculated that the trip to the court house would take about an hour or more from her house. I think the law-breaking choices she made to begin with were evidence of disrespect enough. . . but this just amplified how disrespectful she has been of the legal process and the law in general. It would seem that she really DOES think she is above the law!

Then my mom told me a few minutes later, on MSNBC they broke in for about 33 seconds to announce that General Pace had been replace by someone else, but it was such a short break, it was hard to catch the name of the guy who replaced him! This Hilton coverage has been insane!

The afternoon of June 8th, after a new court appearance, "Hilton was led out of the court in handcuffs and crying, 'Mom, Mom. It's not right' as she was taken away to serve the remainder of her 45-day sentence for violating her probation in a reckless driving conviction." (quote source: Reuters, 6/8/07) Now (a few days later) she claims that her crying out was in reference to the bailiff not allowing her to hug her mom good-bye. (Do you see me rolling my eyes in disgust?)

So I guess "The Simple Life" star. . . well, her life isn't so simple right now. All because she chose to drink and drive and then drive on a suspended license. How stupid!?

NOW. . . Over the weekend, after spending a couple of days and nights in jail (which this time is kind of a special facility. . . with psychiatric and medical help available), she is telling the media to not focus on her. She tells the media there are more important things going on in the world (Ya Think???) and not to pay her so much attention. Gee, Embarrassed Paris? You should be! She dropped her appeal. And Now, she tells Barbara Walters that she will serve out her sentence, and she will no longer "act dumb." She claims it was an act, and that before all this, "it was cute, but it's not anymore." Cute, huh? I don't think so, but whatever. Now she claims that God has given her another chance and she wants to help people with her fame.

Ok. That's all well and good, but ACTIONS will be the real indicator as to whether or not she changes. I really do hope she has learned her lessons, but we shall see. It's not that I really wanted to keep up with this ridiculous saga, but EVERY TIME I logged onto the Internet or turned on the tv, there she was. . . her photo and more of the story. Gag!
In order to write/blog about this non-sense responsibly, I did double-check the sources. This pained me a bit to have to read about it again, but at least I know I got the facts right (as close to right as the current media allows). And it is cathartic to release the frustration of being inundated by the dingbat! I feel better already!

I had to chuckle when this past weekend, on CBS's "Sunday Morning" news broadcast, even good ol' Ben Stein had a comment about it! I just love him! It did my heart good to hear what he had to say, and he said many things I was already in the blog process of writing. So here it is, for what it's worth. I know that in a month, nobody will give a rat's patutie that any of this ever happened and it will be chalked-up to stupid celebrity behavior. People, PLEASE tell you kids that this is NOT behavior to emulate or copy. You might think they already know, but tell them anyway!! Ok, I'll step off of my soap box now and return the airways back to you. Thanks for allowing me to vent, and thanks for reading.

Bursting your bubble...

2007-06-04T13:32:00.000-06:00

Good Afternoon!

A friend sent me a link to a cool little video today. It's so cool I just wanted to share it with you. It's an excerpt from some documentary on slow-motion photography. In this little clip, they show a slow-motion view of a guy poking a water balloon with a pin. It is SO cool. I wish I could download it here and "blog it" but I didn't see a way to bring it over here, other than to share the link with you.
Slo-Mo Balloon Pop
I hope you enjoy it.

~Paulena

Farewell to Ed Yost

2007-05-30T12:36:00.000-06:00

I'm sure many of you won't know or appreciate who Ed Yost was. Not to be confused with "Eddie Yost," the baseball player. But I appreciate who he was and I actually had the privilege of meeting him. He was a character & a half! A real hoot. He was one of the most fun codgers I ever had the pleasure of meeting and hanging out with. I'm sorry to say, he passed away this past Sunday (5/27/07) at his home, near Taos, NM. He was 87 years old.

Ed Yost (born Paul Edward Yost, 6/30/1919, near Bristow, Iowa) was the Father of Modern-day Ballooning. He was an inventor and a pilot, both fixed-wing and balloon. And in ballooning, he was rated for just about every type of ballooning you could imagine! He was rated for hot-air balloon "with air-borne heater" (as the FAA terms it), and for gas balloon. He kinda wrote the "book" on ballooning. I realize that here in New Mexico, there are a few other guys around who have a similar "title," but Ed was the one that really kind of educated them. Ed really was the Father of modern-day ballooning. . . the others were off-shoots. And, I think none of them have been as gracious, kind, friendly, and "real" as Ed always seemed to be.

I won't take up bunches of space here with the story of his life. His accomplishments were many and he was an amazing fellow, although what I knew of him, he was also a bit modest and never took himself too seriously. That was one of the things I really liked about him. He was fun to be around.
I'll give you a few links that you can check out if you'd like.
http://www.lighterthanair.org/ellis/ed_yost.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_Yost
http://www.balloonlife.com/publications/balloon_life/9801/9808/deIIyost.htm
http://www.nysun.com/article/55436
http://www.cantonrep.com/index.php?ID=357233&Category=23&subCategoryID=
http://sev.prnewswire.com/travel/20070529/AQTU09129052007-1.html

That should be enough to get you started! haha Like I said, he was a real character!

I had the opportunity to meet him . . . Let's see, what was the year? I'm pretty sure it was Summer of 1981, in Amarillo, Texas, at a hot-air balloon rally. I was only a student pilot at that time. (I got my private pilot license in November of 1982.) I was at the Amarillo rally with my husband at that time, Norm. The Amarillo Balloon Rally was also affectionately called "the high wind landing practice rally." I think there was something like four flights scheduled, but I think we only got in two of them, in the mornings. The afternoon flights were "winded-out" as we say in ballooning. Those turned into tailgate and BS sessions.

I met Ed the first morning of the rally, after flying. We had all flown, landed, packed-up and returned to the launch site, as was customary back then. That's when the tailgating & circulating began. Ed Yost was making the rounds, just talking to everyone. I think that he lived in the Amarillo area at that time, and so I suppose he was wanting to check in with everyone to make sure that a good time was had by all. He stopped by our truck and we hung out with him for a while.

Ed had founded the Balloon Federation of America (the BFA) a few years prior. But he had since had a falling-out with them. Ed vehemently disagreed with their strict focus upon competitive ballooning. He felt that went against the spirit of what he had founded the BFA to be. So he not only came up with another name to fit their acronym (I'll be polite here and say it was Big Farging Aiceholes, but you get the idea) . . . but he also founded the UN-bfa. The UN-bfa was a tongue-in-cheek group he had made-up patches and stickers for and he handed them out to fellow balloonists. It was his way of getting the word out that he disagreed with the (then) current policies of the BFA, and that he felt that the focus should be more on the fun of sport ballooning and safety and education. . . but definitely the fun. He later resolved his differences with them, and they now have at least an equal, if not bigger focus on ballooning safety & education, as he had always intended.

So Ed was telling the group of us (about 5 or 6 people at our truck) about the "UN-bfa" and one of the Yost rules (there were about 10 of them, if only I could remember them, they were funny) mandating that whomever was the last to receive an UN-bfa patch & sticker, was the "president" of the UN-bfa. He was in his early 60's at that point and I was (I think) the only gal in the group. Back then, I was a pretty, 20 year-old woman, with long hair and. . . well, he was a guy! So he was flirting it up with me and I managed to finagle one of those UN-bfa patches from him. Of course, he reminded me that I now held an awesome responsibility, I was "president" of the UN-bfa. That lasted for all of 10 minutes, until the next person got an UN-bfa patch.

It was a fun weekend hanging out with Ed Yost. He had so many great stories to tell and cool experiences to relate. He was different from some of the other "famous" balloonists in that he was more "down-to-earth" (pardon the pun) than any of the others. He was NEVER full of himself. He was kind, fun, friendly, and warm. He was a joy to be around. And. . . he was a wealth of information.

I have seen him many times since that weekend, at various other rallies and fiestas. He always seemed to be the same ol' fun-to-be-around guy I met back in 1981. I know he will be missed a great deal.
Farewell Ed. Thank you for everything you did for us and everything you taught us. And most of all, thanks for the memories.

~Paulena

Thyme Management

2007-05-29T16:13:00.000-06:00

Greetings!

I hope you all had a terrific holiday weekend. Memorial Day weekend is kind of a mixed bag. For some, it's very recreational, and for most it would seem -- signals the "unofficial beginning of Summer," as I keep hearing the newscasters say. And for others, it's very personal and somewhat introspective, I suppose. Ideally it's a time when we remember all who have served our country and respect what sacrifices they made for the citizens of our country. We should respect the freedoms they have fought for and have afforded us. Freedom has never been free. I know that's kind of a worn-out phrase now, but true none-the-less. I for one, am very grateful to all who have served our country. I am thankful for all my freedoms. Thank you!

So how did I spend my time over the holiday weekend? Well I didn't get enough done, but it will still be there next weekend too! This weekend I spent doing mostly some landscaping and gardening in my yard. It's been a multi-layered plan of attack . . . It just takes time! Lots more work to do, but I'm chipping away at it. A few more trips to Home Depot &/or Lowe's, should help. I have (and have had all along) a series of plans that I want to accomplish each year for the yard. Eventually it will be "done" the way I want it. But due to time and expense, it will take a couple more years. At some point this year, I'll make it over to "Plants of the Southwest" and choose a tree for my back yard. On Sunday, I did manage to relax a bit. I was back at landscaping on Monday. So nice to have that extra day off. More time please!! I came to the conclusion that ALL weekends should be 3 days . . . and holiday weekends should be at least 4 days! haha Let's vote on that, shall we?

When I bought my house in December of 2003, the backyard was very desolate. I saw it as the proverbial "blank slate" on which to paint my gardening & landscaping aspirations! It didn't appear that there was anything alive in the yard. There was one small tree (or large bush) that was in question. I had to give that some time and wait until Spring 2004 to ascertain it's condition and variety. Oh . . . yeah, there were two pyracantha bushes in each back corner. Wouldn't you know -- THOSE had to be alive and well! I intensely dislike pyracantha bushes -- it comes from a bad childhood experience. But they are banned from all my yards. So my Dad & I wasted no time and took those out right away, in January 2004!! Other than that, my back yard appeared to have no other life. It was all rock . . . that gray, medium-size stuff, and the questionable tree/bush in an oval-shaped, brick-outlined, sandy-dirt area. Since the property had been abandoned for about a year and a half before I ever bought it, there were a lot of dead weeds to deal with.

Come Spring of 2004, I was mostly done with the house interior cleaning and painting. But I still had a lot of work to do -- in the yard. Such is life buying a HUD repo, but Oh-so worth it! Then, I discovered the questionable tree/bush was indeed very alive and it was a Desert Paradise tree. Seen here, is the little tree in it's first bloom as my tree. At the time of this photo, I had also just planted my little butterfly bush (only about 8" high) opposite end of the brick bed, and some garlic chives and some Greek Oregano in that same bed. Also here, a close-up photo of the tree's blooms, complete with a cooperative bee.
I also discovered a wonderful little surprise rose bush (in the back there, very small, near the fence) that struggled through and made it. It has yellow roses. So that was it for life in my backyard initially. Then I set to work on it. I started with what I could initially afford that first year and began planting various herbs (thyme, rosemary, oregano, basil, feverfew, sage, curly parsley, garlic chives, bee balm, yarrow, chamomile, & tarragon) and flowers along the back edge and the sides . . . making flower beds as I went. But the edging had to wait. That's when I planted the little butterfly bush that I had been nurturing in a pot for a year. It was in a 8 inch pot and only about 8 to 10 inches high at that time. It is now almost 7 feet tall!

My second Spring there (2005), I started working to build two raised, brick flower beds. One in each back corner, both of them three-tiered, quarter circle. I had never tackled anything quite like that before. Except for hauling the castle-bricks from the store to my back yard, I did all of it myself. My trusty friend Carol helped me haul the bricks for that project. Then I was on my own. I smashed one of my index fingers in the process. OUCH! That will never look right again! Since it was my first attempt at building a raised brick flowerbed, I would do a few things differently now. I have since learned a lot, but all-in-all, the flowerbeds turned out fairly nice. I also began edging the side flowerbeds with matching castle bricks. A pointer for any aspiring landscapers out there: Don't wait until next year to finish getting "the rest of the materials" for the project you began this year. I did that with the castle bricks and now two of the colors I was working with I can no longer find. Oh well! Punt! That year, I also ordered three Fairy Rose bushes from a catalog. Of course when they arrived, they were not much more than sticks with a little bit of root system. But they were guaranteed so I had nothing to loose. I planted those next to the wood fence on the south side of my yard. Now, each of them is about 3 or 4 feet around! Amazing what a little time will do!

Once I finished my nice, pretty, brick, raised flowerbeds that I was SO proud of . . . Well, then wallboy entered the picture. A new next door neighbor arbitrarily decided to cram an ugly, 6-foot, cinder block wall (down my throat) into the picture. It replaced the old 5-foot, wood fence. Sure, it had needed a little bit of maintenance work, but the wood fence had character, it breathed better, it didn't radiate heat, it was more colorful, and just looked better. Oh . . . and I could see my beloved Sandia Mountains and the city over that fence. But the new, ugly wall has since blocked that view, and has added about 10 degrees of reflected heat to my yard in the Spring, Summer and Autumn. The installation of his almighty, holy wall left a mess in my yard, his workers trampled two of my newly planted bushes, and left part of one of my raised flowerbeds damaged on one side. It also left my back fence unattached, flopping, and leaning -- for the wind to tear down. I had to set about repairing all the damage and mess that he allowed his workers to leave behind. I had just been injured in a car accident the week prior, so I couldn't do it myself at that point. I had to recruit a wonderful friend of mine to help. And my Dad & one of his friends fixed my flopping fence. But that raised flowerbed has never been quite right or quite the same since. :-( So all that set me back a little on what I wanted to accomplish on the yard that year. That's all I'll say here about wallboy. I have a collection of photos and a story about that experience on my Flickr page, if you're so inclined to peruse it. Be my guest. It's mostly just a "vent" story. You know -- everyone has one of those neighbors at least one time in their life. It's aggravating, but . . . Oh well. Eventually, in time, one of us will move to another house.

Last Summer, I began my irrigation project. But I ran into trouble when the person who was helping me with that couldn't finish the project right then. We got as far as trenching, laying in the pvc piping, designating where the risers would go & getting those put in, and then filling in the trenches. Connecting the pvc piping to the works - and connecting that to the water source and timer . . . that remains to be done. There was a time when I wasn't sure if he could ever help me finish it, or if I would have to hire someone to finish it. For a time, I got all depressed about that. It set back my progress too. Turns out if he is able to help me finish it, it will have to be sporadicly, or he will refer me to someone who can finish it for me. So in the meantime. . . here we are a year later trying to tie up those loose ends! So I'm still getting out there with the hose-sprayer every evening. I suppose it's "quality time" spent with my garden?

Right now, my yard is kinda ugly as it moves through it's transition phase. No photos of that yet. Check in soon, I'll post some. But for the moment, the irrigation phase is not yet complete. There is pvc piping sticking up in weird places, and while the trenches where the pvc pipes were run have been filled in, you can still see where those trenches were. I have not yet rehabilitated the ground along those lines. I keep thinking, "What if I need to dig that up again to troubleshoot a pipe issue? I don't want to have put a bunch of time & work into it and then wreck it." So this year, I'm getting my flowerbeds back in order. I'm finishing the castle-brick edging of the side and back flowerbeds, that I began last year (or was it the year before?). And oh My, how that Honeysuckle bush has grown since last year!!! This year I'm having to put up some lattice to train the Honeysuckle to, so I'll be putting it up on that whole fence. The plan is to also put lattice up on the ugly cinder-block wall, on the other side of my yard. I'm hoping that will cut the reflective heat and replace some pleasant character to the yard. It will also give a place for future vines to grow. . . hopefully beginning this Summer!
I've planted one small tree -- a Mimosa tree that will eventually grow to be medium-sized. I have marked and designated another spot for another tree, and I'm moving around lots of rock. I'm redistributing almost ALL of the gray rock in the entire backyard. Eventually it will be mounded-up as the banks of a rock river running through the yard -- that I've had kind of outlined with an old gray edging. Talk about back-breaking! Moving those rocks? Eeeks! I have to take a lot of breaks!! This will make the space for what will eventually be a "meadow area" on the back-side of the yard. Like I said, there is still lots of work to do, but I'm chipping away at it. I'm not sure what I'll have time to complete by the end of this Summer, but we shall see.

Before wallboy and before beginning the irrigation phase, I thought my yard was kinda pretty. Definitely much prettier than Before I started! I guess it's in that "awkward stage" right now. But eventually, I'll have the peace restored to the yard.
Redoing the deck? hahaha THAT will be another project for . . . another year. Maybe even railing and a patio cover to go with it. One thing at a time. Sometimes I get antsy to get it all done. All good things in time! There's that word again! Oh well . . . That should be no problem, now that I'm growing thyme! So far, I have "Mother of Thyme," "Creeping Thyme," and "Lemon Thyme." I suppose it's all about Thyme management!!

~Paulena
(BTW -- All of these images are my photos and they are copyrighted. I hope you enjoyed them.)

Something Wicked This Way Went?

2007-05-18T13:45:00.000-06:00

Today at work, we had an interesting distraction. The building I work in is a suite of offices. It's a relatively small, but long building that houses suites A,B,C,D, & E. Each suite has office or storefront space in front and warehouse-type space in back. I work in suite A. At the other end of the building is a business that occupies suites D & E. THAT is where today's action took place.

I wasn't immediately aware of the activity. One of my coworkers came in about 10:00am and told me that the police were checking out the dumpster near suite E. It's the dumpster for our entire building, and it is partially obscured from the street by a clump of bushes. I'm not sure who called it in, but it turned out that someone had deposited a gray, curb-side type of garbage receptacle into our dumpster. That was odd enough, but the gray garbage container was wrapped and sealed in plastic. This happened to be the usual day the truck comes to empty the dumpster. So perhaps it was the sanitation workers who first saw the suspicious sight and called the police. Of course the first thought my twisted, mystery-minded brain came up with was, "Gee, I wonder if it's a body!? And why would they have chosen this specific dumpster? There are other dumpsters up and down the street that are more visible and more accessible, so who would have chosen this one?" You see how my spooky mind works.

Over the course of about an hour to an hour & a half, the saga unfolded. Once the police got there, I guess they did some investigation to determine that the parcel wasn't booby-trapped. Then they managed to extract the gray container out of the dumpster. They set it in front of the dumpster. Of course, I had to be indoors during most of this . . . I was at work after all. So I was periodically looking out my window or poking my head out the door to see what else was going on. I happened to step outside to check on things just as they were about to unveil the mysterious container. One of the sanitation workers tore open the plastic . . . and stepped back. There was a look of disgust on his face. I thought, "It's got to be awfully bad if that guy is grossed-out! After all, he deals with stinky trash everyday!"

The police officer stepped forward a step, as if to see through the top. But the lid was not yet opened. The one sanitation worker stepped forward again, very carefully. It was as if he expected something to jump out . . . or worse! He apprehensively opened the lid and flipped it backwards. The other nearby sanitation worker looked horrified. He ran from the container and over to the bushes and he puked. Meanwhile the first sanitation worker had a rag up to his face, covering his nose and mouth. He stepped forward and peered into the gray receptacle. He reached in and grabbed out a small, closed garbage bag and tossed it into the dumpster. It made a metallic clank-sound as it hit the side. He reached in again and grabbed out some Styrofoam pieces that appeared to have once been a cooler. He tossed those into the dumpster. Then he stepped closer and peered deeper into the trash can. He began pointing at something inside and saying something to the nearby police officer. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but he repeatedly pointed and backed away. There seemed to be a bit of urgency to his communication.

After a few times of pointing at the contents, I suppose the officer told him to get it out. The sanitation man moved closer and freakishly pushed at the gray trash can and tipped it over. At that point, my coworker and I could see a medium-sized, white trash bag lumped in the bottom of the container. I assessed the sight and decided, "Hummm, I suppose it could be a body, curled up maybe." Just then the wind shifted, and we got our first odoriferous whiff of the cargo. It was awful!! This is the part you don't get from watching CSI! I understood why the other sanitation worker had lost his breakfast! It was truly nasty. Then the wind thankfully shifted again. The officer stood by and supervised as the sanitation man continued poking at the bag and trying to pull it forward and out of the overturned container. They finally pulled it forward enough that I suppose they decided they could see through the bag well enough. Deciding it might be somewhat safe to open the bag, they declared it was old, rotten, discarded steaks. After making their declaration, they pushed the bag back into the gray garbage container and hoisted the entire thing back into the dumpster. They dusted off their hands as if to say, "Good riddance!" Then they talked and laughed a bit. I would imagine it was a huge relief to the sanitation worker.

Since the story seemed to be resolved, my coworker and I went back inside, and yes, back to work. I kept expecting to hear the loud, heavy garbage truck to drive through the parking lot to empty the dumpster. I never did hear them come through. Thinking that perhaps I was in the warehouse when they came through, I decided to look outside and see if the infamous gray garbage can was gone. It's still there!!!!!!!! It's still in the dumpster, just as they left it! So, it would appear that they intend to leave it there over the weekend! Great! Sometimes the workings of the city services really astonish me.

So that was our excitement for the day. Sad, I know . . . that trash would elicit such drama! haha I know, I watch too much NCIS and CSI. But these days, you just never know! What was possibly some scary, wicked drama with much at stake, turned out to be nothing major and only discarded steak.

Wishing you a good and uneventful weekend!
~Paulena

Clueless Wheels

2007-05-14T12:34:00.000-06:00

"What are 'wheelies'?" my grandmother asked me. Ok, so why was my grandmother asking me about such things? Ah . . . where to begin.

It was a beautiful Mother's Day, and I was out for dinner at a popular restaurant with my family. The place was extremely busy that evening. There was an hour wait, just to be seated! The wait-staff was hustling and bustling at a quick pace to serve everyone. There was a booth of people behind me with 3 or 4 kids. That family was allowing their kids to pop in and out of the booth to run to the bathroom (or wherever), multiple times... indiscriminately, it seemed. They were never watching where they were going . . . just dashing in and out, without looking. It was a bit annoying, but what are ya gonna do in a public place? You generally just grin and bear it as best as you can. Two of their kids had those "wheelies" shoes with the wheels in the soles. I'm not totally sure how they work, but somehow the wearer can either walk in them like regular shoes, or they can choose to engage the little wheels in them and roll, like roller skates. They seem kind of cool, but not for everywhere!

It has been a topic in our local news lately, how several local business owners and store managers have recently banned wheelies from their places of business. Much to my astonishment, I have even heard a few people squawking about how unfair that is. But these kids are frequently not watching where they are going. They seem unaware of their impact on those around them. And it seems, these kids are not being taught that there is a time and place for things, and crowded places are NOT the place to use wheelies! The story I'm about to relate to you, is a perfect example of why they are being banned!

My family and I were sitting in the booth, just finishing our meals. We were chatting, as best we could in a noisy, bustling restaurant. I was looking around periodically. I saw one of the kids (I'm guessing he was about 9 or 10 years old) from the booth behind me, coming back down the corridor, from the direction of the restrooms . . . again. It was about his 3rd trip. He was solo, unaccompanied by parent or adult. Suddenly, he picked up just a little bit of speed and engaged his wheelies. He rolled right in front of a hurried waiter who was carrying a tray of plates with steaming-hot food. I gasped and held my breath for a moment, as if that might stop time and avert catastrophe! The quick-thinking waiter stopped short, on tiptoe . . . trying not to lunge forward with the momentum of his movements. For a half second, I thought the tray loaded with plates and food were going to keep going forward and land on people, then crash to the floor. Much to the waiter's credit, he slightly tipped the tray backwards, and then quickly leveled it again. It was an amazing feat to witness! The plates and food miraculously stayed on the tray, while the mindless child blithely rolled by, completely unaware that he had nearly cause a disaster for several people. "Hey, cool it on the wheelies!" I chastised him as he rolled past our table to his family's booth behind me. He gave me a sideways glance, but wouldn't look at me directly . . . as if my laser stare might singe him.

A couple of minutes later, that waiter stopped by our table. He smiled and said, "Oh don't we hate those wheelies?"

I said, "Oh Yes, and parents who allow them free reign on them in public places without teaching them to be responsible are also a menace. But you were so graceful!"

He chuckled. "Thanks."

"You know," I said, "A lot of businesses are banning the use of those things in their stores. The wheels are supposed to pop out... they just make the kids pop the wheels out if they want to come in. You should tell your manage to consider that."

The waiter's eyes lit up as he smiled again, "Hey . . . Yeah! That's a great idea! I'll tell him. That was just too close a call. Thanks for saying something to that kid."

He wished us a Happy Mother's Day, and he went about his job.

That's when my grandmother asked, "What was that all about?" I told her of the drama that had just unfolded behind her . . . the kid on the wheelies had rolled right in front of the waiter and almost caused the waiter to loose a tray of food. That's when she asked me what wheelies were. I described them as much as possible to an 87 year old lady. I related to her what I had told the waiter about businesses in town banning the wheelies. Then she said, "Good. And so you told that little boy to 'cool it,' right?" I confirmed that I had. She chuckled. "That's my girl!" she boosted, with a smile. You see, women in my family are typically not shy about expressing our views. Someday, perhaps I'll tell you about the time my mom bumped a low-rider in front of her, because he sat through three traffic light cycles. Like I said, not terribly shy!

I'm sure that stupid kid didn't learn anything. I doubt he ever even knew what a problem he caused. And since his parents were probably not paying any attention to what he was doing, most likely nothing was said to him, other than what I hissed at him. I swear! Sometimes I think people should have to have to pass a test to obtain a license before they are allowed to have kids! But don't get me started on that today!!

So now, my grandmother knows what "wheelies" are, not that she ever really wanted to know. And I'm sure the controversy about them will continue to heat up. I just wish that people would teach their kids to take responsibility for their thoughts, deeds, and actions . . . and to realize those actions have consequences and frequently affect other people. But then, when many of the parents have apparently not learned to take responsibility for their own thoughts, deeds, and actions . . . there is the rub. I wonder how far the pendulum will have to swing before our society gets back to what use to be known as "common sense."

What? "Other than that, how was Mother's Day," you ask?
Oh, actually pretty good. It was a beautiful day here in Albuquerque. I gardened in my back yard most of the day. Then it was great to have dinner with my mom & step-dad, my dad & step-mom, and my grandmother. We had fun.
Oh, and I got a live lizard for Mother's Day. One of my cats proudly brought it to me, while we were out in the yard. He seemed to be beaming over his thoughtfulness, and his prowess as a hunter. My little hunter. Last year, it was a live bird that he brought to me in my bedroom . . . and let it loose. What a sweet, thoughtful kitty!

That's all for today.
~Paulena

Something is . . .

2007-05-11T13:25:00.001-06:00

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you have forgotten something . . . something possibly important? It nags at you much of the day, "What am I missing? What am I forgetting?" There has been something about today, May 11th. I'm searching my brain for what in the world I might have forgotten today! I've checked my calendar. I'm not seeing anything for today that I would be missing. A friend's birthday is tomorrow, but nothing today. Season finale on one of my favorite tv programs this evening . . . but that's not earth-shaking. I have a meeting that happens tonight, but I already know it will have to happen without me (the season finale, remember?). So what could it be?

Perhaps my Angels are trying to get some message through to me? Perhaps it's their way of having me pay careful attention to things around me? I don't know. I only know that since I awoke this morning, I've had this vague sense that something is amiss, or skewed, or missing. Something seems to be . . . forgotten. Gracious me, this is odd.

Enough of this. Lunchtime is over now. Back to work with me!
Be well...
~Paulena

Often, I Feel so Lucky

2007-05-04T12:24:00.000-06:00

Greetings and Happy May!

I've been thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know!). I have terrific parents!! I have been truly blessed in this lifetime. But it saddens me that not everyone can have such an experience. So... what brought this on?

A few days ago, dear friend of mine lost his father to a long illness. His father had been in failing health for a few years. And just a couple of weeks ago, my friend was notified that his father (who lived in another state) had been placed in a hospice... so he knew the end was coming soon. He was torn about it. Why? Well the thing of it is, in many (most) ways, his father was little more than a sperm donor. So now his father has passed away, and my friend is rather torn on the whole issue. I can only imagine what that might be like.

My friend's mom & dad made the final split when my friend and his brother were 4 and 3 years old, respectively. He & his brother were the first and second born... but his dad went on to father other kids, "all over the place" as my friend puts it. There were a few times when he was around his dad, but they usually resulted in disappointments. He can only recall a few times when his dad stood-up for him in a couple of situations at his school, involving teacher problems. But my friend gradually learned to expect disappointment from his dad. He told me there was a two year period when he lived with his dad and a new step-mom, his father's sixth wife. She already had seven kids. Anyway, during that period of time that my friend lived there, he turned 13 years old. The family made a big deal of the other kids' birthdays. Then came my friend's birthday... not a word. Not a mention of it. My friend (being just a kid) was afraid to say anything, for fear of being labeled "ungrateful." A few weeks later, his dad said something to the effect of, "Oh gee. Didn't you have a birthday recently? Hummm I guess we missed it." There was no apology... no offer to make it up, no nothin'!!!! And that was his own son!! That may have been the year that my friend learned to just expect disappointment from his dad.

Can you imagine??? Being just a kid and your own parent (one you are living with) can't be responsible, or thoughtful enough to remember your birthday... or to even try to make it up to you. What a message that would send to a kid!! I shudder to think of it... and I find it painful!! Just to try imagining it, brings a tear to my eyes.

So yes, I have terrific parents. Even after they divorced, they remained wonderful. And today, I am double-blessed, as I have wonderful parents AND wonderful step-parents! No one ever forgot anything. And even into my adulthood, they have remained wonderful and supportive. Of course they have their quirks and whatnot. We all do. So thank God they're not perfect... then I'd have a complex! haha For the most part, I have always felt loved and supported by my parents.

I wish my friend could have grown up with that. But I think he grew up trying to believe his dad just might "get it together" and come through some day. My friend is the kind of guy who wants to believe the best in folks. So he gave his dad other chances along the way. Once my friend was into his young adulthood, he and his father went into business together. The business had been running fine for a while (maybe a year or two), and then... One day, his dad did not show up, but the IRS did. They were looking for his dad. They shut the place down and seized everything... including all the tools & possessions inside that had personally belonged to my friend... and, of course, all the financial investment he had personally made into the business. All because his dad wasn't honest with him and owed some sort of back taxes from some other screw-up thing he had done. But without disclosing any of that, he dragged his eldest son into the mess. I suppose if there was a fortunate side to that... at least my friend was a very young man and had not yet accumulated so much that the loss was huge... but to him at the time, I'm sure it seemed huge. And I know the cost to him was even more than just the financial and material stuff.

So he finally gave up on his dad ever coming through for him. His brother wrote their dad off a few years ago and said his good-byes back then. But my friend, he at least stayed in touch enough to know how his dad was doing. Now for him, I think it's hard to know how to feel.

His Mom? Oh... after the final split, she apparently had a few years of trying to kind of "find herself," and put things back together. She was a very young mom and struggled a bit. We all have our paths to travel. From what he tells me, she eventually came through it all... a stronger person. He says she has emerged a terrific lady. She is now remarried to a very nice, caring, and responsible man. My friend talks to his mom frequently, and they often confer with one another on things in their lives. I'm glad to see that at least one parent worked out well for him.

Oddly, during that same week that was the last of his dad's life (a few states away)... back here, near the home front, my friend's mom went into the hospital. She was facing a possibility of surgery. He was so very worried about her. He went to the small town where she lives and went to the hospital with her. He did everything he could to make things easier and as worry-free as possible for her. As it turned out, she didn't have to have the surgery... I guess the prayers and healing thoughts helped a lot. She is out of the hospital now and recovering nicely. I know he was horribly worried about her. What a week that was for him! To have her on the healing path is a huge load off his mind.

Yet in the back of his mind, every now and then, the push-me-pull-you thoughts about his dad revisit him. It's got to be a weird feeling... losing a parent who was never there for you and not be sure what to feel about it. Just feeling torn.

I feel blessed that I will never have to experience that, first-hand. And yet at the same time, I hurt for my friend right now who goes through it. I know that in time, it will become a little easier for him. I know there are lots of people out there who have had similar experiences. I just wish everyone could have had terrific parents. But I suppose it might be a set of lessons some souls came into this lifetime to learn from. Perhaps those experiences were the best way for those individuals to learn? It seems so harsh, and yet I know all of us have harsh areas of our life experiences to get through. I don't have any easy answers. I also have had my harsh life experiences. But fortunately for me, I've had great parents to support me through them. That's why I feel so lucky.

So if you ever read this, Mom, Dad, Don, and Julie... Thanks so much for always being there for me, and being so supportive. You all are the best! I love you all so very much. Thanks!!!

That's all for now.
Be well...
~Paulena

Spoiled Brats!

2007-04-25T10:03:00.001-06:00

Hi,

I recently read a very good article (by Richard Smith) about the state of bratiness in our country. Hopefully the link to his article shows up here (if I've formatted things properly). Man, oh man, is this country ever full of brats!! I hadn't really thought about it in these terms before I read his article, but I concur with Richard Smith's assessment. It would seem that an unusually high number of people in the good ol' U. S. of A. don't understand when we have it good. Even when we are enduring tough times or controversial times, many of them don't seem to "get" how truly blessed we really are in this county. I know that lots of people don't agree with the current war situation... and Sure, we do have our problems and issues, but all in all, most of us have it so much better than most. If you have the opportunity to read his article (http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53028) you really must check it out. I wrote to him to let him know how much I enjoyed his article and that I have forwarded his article link to many friends. He wrote me back and thanked me for my positive feedback and told me that it's his most popular article to date. He wrote it in November '06.

Well, once again, I'm on break at the office. So I need to get back to that. That's all for now. Perhaps more later.
Have a blessed day.
~Paulena

I Finally did it!!

2007-04-23T13:44:00.000-06:00

Greetings,

Well I finally did it... I finally got my mom on-board with blogging!! Ever since I discovered what blogging was, I had felt that my mom would be quite good at it. I have been telling her (for months... maybe a year or two) that she needs to start a blog and take off with it. Interestingly, she and I have encountered a few various sources in the last few weeks, all agreeing that if you are to be a writer, then you must have a blog!

This past weekend, she got started with it. I have put a link (in my sidebar) to her blog. She calls it "Puss Patton De Onion." And if you want to know why such a name, you'll just have to tune in and read her story on where the name came from. I look forward to reading her blog often. She frequently has strong opinions, vivid view points, and interesting things to say. Ok, perhaps I'm just a tad biased. She is my mom and one of my very best friends, but all of my friends agree that I got a great mom! And... she is most interesting.

So, find the link to the side and go visit her blog. And by all means, do come back and visit mine too.
I'm at work (on a break) right now... so back to work with me... perhaps more later or tomorrow. I'll try to write more often.
In the meantime, You have a great day.
~Paulena

Springing into Action...

2007-04-18T13:19:00.001-06:00

Another day... oops, another month! How do they fly by so fast? Not enough hours in a day? I suppose. There is always more to do and more to get done... and the next thing I know, it's tomorrow already. I think I really need to grab hold of my time management skills and really get them in shape! And soon!

Most recently, I've been in the process of getting my study/office/computer-room cleaned up and organized. That's quite the job, let me tell you! When I first moved into my house, a tad over 3 years ago, that ended up being my "catch-all" room. And boy did it ever catch all! But the good news is... I have never stuffed my garage full with boxes -- and I've been able to park my car in my garage from day-one! My dining room however, took the initial brunt of boxes. Fortunately, I got those gone-through and cleared out within ONE month!

The trick with clearing the boxes out of my dining room in a timely fashion was that I scheduled a Pampered Chef party at my house, for one month after moving in. You see, the wisdom in this was that people were going to be coming over and would need a place to sit. They would want to see my new house and I'd want it to be clean and in order! And my friend, the Pampered Chef consultant, would need use of my kitchen. So I forced myself to make room for that event, as I'd be humiliated to cancel!! haha A case of "social responsibility," of sorts. Once committed to hosting the event, I'd be too embarrassed not to go through with it! I freed my dining room of the boxes in just under a month! That's pretty good for me... who really hates going through boxes. What I didn't need right then, or didn't have a place for right then... you guessed it, that stuff went into the study. When the party happened, I just didn't show anyone that room. I think I told them I keep my Boa Constrictor in there, and they stayed out of there! ;-)

But there came a time when I HAD to get that room under control and organized! It was a bit overwhelming. I'd walk in there, and turn around and walk back out... shaking my head at the disarray. For a while, I just couldn't face it. Silly I know, as it just kept getting worse. That is... until I began tackling it, a couple of weeks ago. The "FlyLady" helped!

About year or so ago, my mom told me of a web site about managing one's clutter and getting your house in order. The author calls herself "The FlyLady." I'm not sure why that title, but whatever. You can find her at http://www.flylady.net/ She has a lot of great tips on wrangling the clutter out of your life... getting organized, or at least getting started. One thing she advocates is tackling stuff just 5 minutes at a time, if that's all the time you have. Or 10 minutes at a time... just something every day or so, to start getting a handle on things. I have begun that process. Some days I have an hour or two to wrangle with it, and other days, only 10 minutes. It feels good to see some progress, finally! And I can now actually use my roll top desk... as opposed to just looking at it from over some boxes. I can actually roll my office chair right in there an sit at that desk! How nice!

Being able to sit at that desk is important now, because I recently sent for a correspondence course and I need a desk space to sit and work on the course. Now I can do that. I still need to wrangle the space around my radio desk (mostly just tossing papers and organizing magazines). And I still need to tackle my drafting table area. But progress is being made. Of course my computer desk... well that is always an ongoing re-organization process!

My hope is that I will eventually get the office/study room mostly organized, and as I finish my correspondence course, I can begin doing more writing from that space... and maybe (just maybe) I can start earning part of my living with the writing I do. I'd eventually like to earn all of my living that way, but we shall see how it goes. Baby steps, at least for now.

That's all the news that is fit to print, for now.
~Paulena

Breezin' In...

2007-03-05T17:08:00.000-07:00

Glory Oscar Zero!!! I know that February is a short month, but holy schmoly man! I blinked and practically missed it. I don't have much time to post today, so I'll keep it short. I've been trying to keep active in this little blogging thing, but I get hectic and short on time sometimes. So I've been aiming for about once a month (or more if I find the time). Ok, so I hiccupped and missed a little month. :-)
Eventually, I hope to post once a week!! Wow!
Yeah right! What a treat, uh-huh... bark-bark, woof-woof.

I suppose February was fairly uneventful. It has been a bit stressful at work for me. The atmosphere is... well it's intermittently causing tension for me. So I'm trying to deal with that as best I can. I think I may be approaching a transition time. I'll see how things go in the next few months. Other life issues are bumpy but working themselves out... positively I think. I think any time someone takes the opportunity to grow and improve their path and personal life it's a positive thing. I specifically see one person in my life taking such steps, and I'm glad to see the progress.

The weather is gradually getting warmer and I look forward to getting back outside with my camera and shooting more photos. I may be getting some more writing done too.

Enough for now. Perhaps more later.
Have a blessed day.
~Paulena

January Zoomin'

2007-01-25T16:09:00.000-07:00

Well can you believe that Christmas was just a month ago? Wow!! It seemed to me that the time between Thanksgiving & Christmas went slower than this last month (although it went kinda fast too). Isn't it funny how some weeks seem to zip by, and others crawl... while still others flash past! Flash being faster than zipping & zooming! haha At anyrate, I realized that I hadn't posted recently, so I figured I had better post something. Don't want to get out of the habit & forget! The holidays were good and the new year seems to be going well.

Things have been very busy for me over the past month. I have been working for the same computer consulting company for over 5 1/2 years now. My mother & step-dad have owned it for many years. But as of the first of the year, they sold the company to a nice couple who I enjoy working with. They have kept all of us employees... and so far, so good. My office has moved over one room to a nicer office space and desk area. My mom retired (I got her old office) and my step-dad is staying on as a consultant for a year and a half. I have lots more to do now and I have had the task of migrating customer files over to the new company (although the name is staying almost the same). I have had to customize forms in a program we are using to track the business and migrate how we do things. Next I'll be formulating and documenting the new proceedures. It's keeping me busy, but that's a good thing.

That's about all for now. Perhaps more later.
Be well
~Paulena

Hashing Through the Holidays

2006-12-03T17:39:00.000-07:00

Here we are again, December already! Almost one year ago that I met V. Wow, how time flies! Who knew that things would get so twisted up. This has been so difficult, to be apart. The holidays are upon us all and I endeavor to be cheerful. I haven't been able to see him in over two months. I hate how this has to be right now. I had envisioned being together for the holidays, but it is not to be this year. I miss him terribly, but I will have to meander through. I must let him be, so that he can work through his situation and perhaps eventually. . . we shall see. I know that he misses me too. I suppose that will have to be enough for now. So in the meantime, I try to concentrate on sending out Christmas cards (& Chanukah cards, to a couple of my friends), RSVP-ing to holiday parties, and acquisitioning family wish-lists and begin the gift-hunt!!

The gift hunt can be fun for some. I always enjoy shopping for gifts to give to my mom. She is so much fun to watch while she opens her gifts. It's fun anticipating anyone's reactions, but my mom is especially fun. I love to give things I've known that friends and family have wanted. The actual "shopping" part can be arduous. But capturing "the prize" and wrapping it up can be fun. It's the anticipation of their reaction when they open it . . . That's what keeps me trudging through the crowded shops. Although online shopping has become so convenient, that tends to be a preferred method of gift hunting now. I treasure Christmas Eve night and Christmas Day, when I spend time with Loved-ones.
There is one Loved-one I so wish that I could be with this holiday season ("V"). I hope he knows that he is always in my thoughts, and in my heart. Here's to a happier future!!

Enough for now. I have cards to address!
Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and Happy New Year.
Treasure moments with your Loved ones. Don't take that for granted!!
Be well . . .

~Paulena

Two Hearts

2006-10-13T04:02:00.000-06:00

Two hearts connected
by a mysterious Divine Energy.
Joyous when together;
Tortured when apart.

Two hearts yearning
for nothing more than a life together.
Timing seems off;
Life seems cruel.

Two hearts enduring
forced separation, yet still deeply connected.
Agony yeilds resonant aching;
Faith yeilds calming Hope.

Two hearts aspiring
to untangle life events and hoping to come together again.

Love, Light, and Hope
continue to fuel FAITH.

~~with God's help . . .

~Paulena
copyright 2006

October Blue

2006-10-03T14:06:00.000-06:00

Usually, Autumn is my favorite time of year. This year however, it would seem that things are going to take some adjustment. I have had a very difficult last two months. At first, it just seemed as though I had only hit a speed bump in life. But a month later. . . a few hours or so after my last post with the balloon video. . . that speed bump became more of a ruddy road riddled with construction and unforeseen detours. The last two weeks were so difficult, then there was what looked like some light, but that dimmed within a couple of days. Now, I've encountered a heartbreaking situation I must transcend.

Heartbreak

Love is grand when it’s going well. Even when it’s going ok, it’s awfully darned nice. But when you expected that things were serious (together for several months, planning future events together, planning moving into a bigger house together. . . ) and then suddenly things crash – they don’t work out the way you thought they were about to (for various reasons), it hurts so very much. You end up having to grieve the relationship, the hopes, the dreams, and all the ideas you thought you would work on together. It’s like something has died. There is a sad, internal ache that resonates within, at least for a while . . . maybe a long while. The tears alone cannot express the pain of a torn heart and all that has been torn from it.

It is especially sad when both of you desperately want to be together and build a life together, but certain circumstances preclude it from being a realistic possibility for the time being. It’s so difficult when you both want that relationship to continue forward, but it is suddenly (out of the blue) apparent that one of you has some tangled-up life issues. Issues that until sorted out, preclude that relationship from being able to move forward for the time being. It has to be put on hold for now. The hard, painful work is still ahead. He has to focus on himself and straighten out the tangled things in his life before he will be able to move forward and be healthy in a healthy relationship.

And so they must part, grieving separately, and missing each other terribly. They both wish to hear the other’s voice, or see the other’s face. They both find themselves thinking almost constantly about the other. But they both know that they must release it and move on, for now. Perhaps a bit like ending a chapter in the story, but not an end to the book. Not yet. They both wonder if at some point in the future, after all that difficult self-sorting and repairing process is complete, perhaps they might meet up again under more appropriate circumstances. Perhaps then they could see what might be possible. That might be months or years away. They know they can’t count on it, but that’s their dream that maybe happy endings do happen sometimes.

Who is the sad couple? It is me and V ( not using his name here, only an initial). In the meantime, I can’t count on dreamy endings. In the meantime, I am here, right now, in the middle of this aching heart that has been torn open by circumstances. Initially, I had no idea that I had entered into such a tangled situation. Sadly, I don’t think he even realized just how tangled his life was until after we became involved. Perhaps he had somehow numbed himself to the tangled-ness of his situation. Maybe I brought him to this place where he could see this and begin a healing process. I don’t know. But now we have had to part so that he can concentrate his energy on healing his life. And I will work on me. For now, I can’t sleep through the night. I have many restless nights when I’m pulled awake and I can feel him in the air. I somehow know that he is also awake, feeling restless too. My tears come, hot across my face and down on to my pillow. In my so-called waking hours, I can barely eat. Trying to eat tends to nauseate me. I’ve lost weight on the heartbreak diet plan. I just try to get through each day. Every so often, my heart silently bellows with the sorrow inside of me. I try to maintain a calm exterior to the world so that I can “function” around other people. Sometimes the tears are just below the surface. Sometimes they sneak out. I’m so tired. I’d like to hibernate now.
Oh the complications! Time. . . heals. No, Love heals. But time allows Love to grow.
Perhaps Love will heal this Love? Now we are back at "Time" again. . . As in: time will tell.

I'm just trying to live in the Light.
~~Paulena

2006-09-14T09:52:00.000-06:00

Reno Balloon Race 2006

THIS is too cool! As a balloon pilot myself, I know how the flights work and all, but I never saw a time lapse of a morning's flights. This is just oo cool and my hat is off too the person who made this video possible!
~Paulena

September Already!

2006-09-11T15:58:00.000-06:00

I can't believe how fast this year is going by. It's been a relatively busy year for me. And here we are at the 5th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. I think of how surreal that must feel to the families of the victims of that day, and to the survivors of that day. It's almost 5 years ago that I lost someone very dear to me, from cancer. I can hardly believe that amount of time has passed. In some ways it does seem possible, since so much has happened since then. But in other ways, it doesn't seem possible because... I don't exactly know why. Time is strange like that.

Today's "therapy" (rambling) moment:
Today, I find myself thinking a lot about the damage that Lack of Communication can do. It can be subtle and sneaky. Sometimes you may not realize the damage is occurring. But then, Bam! There it is. Without enough information, some of us find ourselves trying to fill in the gaps. And with my imagination, that is not always a good thing. I suppose that I'm a bit of a problem-solver by nature. I'm always wanting to figure something out and make sense of things. For example, someone you care deeply about might be going through something very difficult. They used to talk to you about much of it, but then something happens and suddenly they are not sharing as much info with you. You can feel that they aren't telling you something. They might tell you that they don't want to burden you -- or that they just have to figure it out on their own. But you feel cut off. It hurts in a strange, silly sort of way. You try not to worry, as what good would that do anyway? But you feel concern for the loved-one and injured that you are suddenly left out. Meanwhile, what they haven't yet told you is that the reason they are leaving you out is to keep you clear of potential difficulties. They feel that someone is playing head-games with them and they don't want you dragged into it. If only they could/would TELL you about some of this, you wouldn't feel so cut off from them. But, for whatever reason, they feel they can't talk about it. Slowly, a wedge gets driven in. Can you save the relationship?

Good question. I think that one would have to, at least temporarily, change one's expectations. You would have to understand that the person needs some space to figure things out. Perhaps if we can change what we expect from them, then we wouldn't feel hurt. Ideally, they could at least give you a heads-up that they would be slightly unavailable to share their inner-workings with you... for a while. But I think that would be an unusual case. Usually, we would have to figure this out for ourselves and try to bear with them for a while. It's not an easy task when you care so much. But I think sometimes we have to really work hard at being more wise than fear. I think that may be one of the few ways to rise above fear and overcome it.
So I suppose that I'm suggesting that we might have to temporarily suspend our usual expectations of someone who is going through a really tough time. We might have to temporarily bear with minimal information and work with what we have & around what we don't have... and not jump to conclusions. I'll work on that.

~Paulena

Some music - A guy I hadn't heard of until recently.

2006-08-07T10:24:00.000-06:00

Josh Turner - Your Man

I hadn't heard of this guy until very recently. I'm not a die-hard country fan (most of it is ok with me), but I just like this song a lot. He has a terrific voice. It makes me think of my sweetie.
~Paulena

Lightning Waltz - 7/26/06 Thunderstorm From East Mountains

2006-07-31T14:50:00.000-06:00

Lightning Waltz - 7/26/06 Thunderstorm From East Mountains
Originally uploaded by Paulena-KE5DDZ.

Another of my recent lightning shots. I've been busy chasing lightning shots (as you can probably see). I haven't made time for writing lately. I'll have to jump back on that soon.
TTFN,
~Paulena

Snap, Crackle, Pop!

2006-07-27T08:25:00.000-06:00

Snap, Crackle, Pop!
Originally uploaded by Paulena-KE5DDZ.

Just a short post, for now. I'm so proud of this lighting shot I caught on July 24th, 2006. I just wanted to share it.
More later...
~Paulena

April is here and GONE!

2006-04-25T10:21:00.000-06:00

I know I keep saying it, but ~ My How Time Flies!!!
I keep thinking (a dangerous pastime!) that I'll have more time to get on here and write... but then life happens, very quickly, I might add. I have been getting out and about on the weekends and enjoying the nice Spring weather. Easter was an absolutely beautiful day, here in Albuquerque!! I went out and visited our local "Bio Park" which consists of our city's Aquarium, the Botanical Gardens, and the Zoo. I only made it to the Botanical Gardens, but I was there for hours! I took my digital camera with the intent of getting some good photos. I took upward of 300 photos that day!! Of course not all of them were good. But with digital photography, I can edit to my heart's content! I can delete the duplicates or near-duplicates. I can 86 the fuzzy-focused ones, and I can crop the ones I want to change. I love it!

Back in about December 2004 or so, a friend of mine introduced me to a photo-sharing site called "Flickr." I joined up (which can be free) and I enjoyed it, but I got a slow start. Eventually, I began exploring the site more and gradually I added more photos. I have been having a blast on there!!! I have almost 200 photos uploaded there now. This past weekend, I took another 2 or 3 hundred photos!
I went to the Albuquerque Tricentennial celebration near Old Town. You can check out some of the photos from my last two weekend excusions at my Flickr site: http://www.flickr.com/photos/calico/

SO that's what has been keeping me busy these last few weeks! haha Now it's time to get the garden going. I'll start that this coming weekend.
Enough from me for today.
~~Paulena

Pondering Relationships

2006-03-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

Things are always evolving, it would seem. My thoughts change and come back again. I actually started writing this right after Valentines day 2006. A couple of things in my life have evolved since then and I'm not sure where those things might or might not be heading -- time will tell. But my thoughts here (today, below) are still the same.

I keep a journal. I have kept a journal off and on over most of my life. I think that I began this practice when I was about nine years old – fourth grade. I was a Girl Scout and I had purchased an "official" Girl Scout diary, complete with a flap from the back to the front and a lock on it. I used to keep the key in my jewelry box. Back then, I wrote about such earth-shaking news like who had a crush on whom in my fourth-grade class, who I had a crush on, and who had teased me and hurt my feelings. Nowadays my journal entries are more about the occasional philosophical thoughts that might scamper through my mind, and (more likely) my day-to-day concerns regarding work, friends, family – and of course, whatever romantic relationship may or may not be in my life at the time. The one topic I have tended to puzzle over the most would be relationships. Specifically, I have puzzled over romantic relationships.

The question that has been ringing out through my brain time and time again, over the years:
What is it about romantic relationships that cause us to desire them, to seek them out, to sometimes put ourselves through hell and back just to be in them? Other than the obvious sexual gratification angle – Why do we seem to be driven to seek out another person, a partner, and negotiate a relationship?

It has puzzled me for years, but I think I’m beginning to unravel at least part of the mystery. I think I’m beginning to understand. I have been in relationships and out of them. I have been courted, I have been married and I have been divorced. I have struggled to make them work. I have had crushes, and I have experienced heart-break. I think we all have. I have even experienced a loss through death. I have found that once I get past the heart-break and the loss, I do quite well by myself, and on my own. I found it was much easier to not have to worry about what someone else wanted or what to fix for dinner. If I wanted to go home and have cereal or a peanut butter burrito, I could! I had no one to answer to, and no one would gripe at me or nit-pick. I could clean house at eleven o’clock at night if I were on a roll and I wouldn’t disturb anyone but my cats. If I wanted to laze around all day on Saturday, I could. I’m sure you get the idea.

It has seemed to me that it was so much easier and less energy consuming to be single and not in a romantic relationship. There was certainly less heartache! But then, inevitably, I would meet someone who caught my interest. Then the roller-coaster ride would begin again. Sometimes he would have no idea that I might be interested in him – or he was aware of it, just not interested in me in that way. Sometimes he would be a game player, trying to see how he could manipulate me and twist my emotions and then disappear. Some have lied and cheated. Some have seen it all as a form of entertainment, I suppose. And others just wanted their own needs met without any regard to anyone else’s needs or feelings. So often it was very painful in the end. I’d struggle to understand the situation and deal with it and move on, preferably even learning something in the process. I’d try to be graceful. Hopefully I didn’t make a fool of myself. Sometimes I’d even come across someone who claimed to be interested in me! I’d invest some time and energy into it and wrangle with all of it. So often though, it ended up being a situation where they had definite ideas of who they wanted me to be and most of their ideas didn’t match-up with the reality of who I truly was at that time. They wanted to change me in ways that didn’t fit me. In other words, they weren’t willing to just accept me as I was at that time and let us explore things from there. At that point, I’d usually bid them adios. I try to be accepting of others. I believe that it’s not right for me to want to change someone. I believe that if any change is to occur, it has to be a change that individual chooses for himself. So if I can’t accept someone as they are right now, then I need to release them and let them find someone who can. Life has taught me that this is the best way to approach these things. I hope that people I meet will respect me and do the same for me. That has not usually been the case, at least until recently.

So I have continued to ponder why it is that we human beings tend to seek out a partner with whom to be in a relationship – especially now that I have met someone I consider to be very special to my heart. I have been doing some reading, specifically from a book I’ve read a few times before. Its one of those books that you get a little more out of it each time you read it. The book is called “The Road Less Traveled,” by M. Scott Peck. The first time I read it was in 1983 and the next time was probably in 1986 and again in 1999. I got a lot out of it those first few times I read it, but I suppose its a matter of where you are on your life path, as to what you will take away from any particular reading. This time, I seem to be getting much more out of it regarding relationships. And it’s not like these concepts are new to me, but the thoughts seem to be resonating with me on a different level this time – like I’m ready for absorption of those thoughts on a different layer this time. It’s as if I had to go through a number of life lessons in this area before I could re-read this book and gain the insight I needed on the subject.

I realize that hopefully a relationship will feel good and that might be why many people seek them out, but I have also seen the results when things don’t work out well. So it can become a matter of “Was it worth the end pain?” and “Was it worth the trouble?” Even though I realize that lessons are always learned, especially from the painful stuff, I have sometimes felt like the end result was not always worth the trouble. I believe that sometimes, those lessons could only have been learned by way of the so-called bad outcome. Hopefully, we take the lesson forward with us, rather than whining about the “bad experience” and losing the lesson that life offered up to us. The lessons learned are usually worth learning, no matter how they came about. I realize that many, many people go about building relationships in very unhealthy ways. In some cases, those people end up perpetuating their own destructive habits again and again. But when we choose to exercise discipline and we choose to become personally responsible for our own thoughts, deeds and actions – then we can fully participate in our own growth process. I am seeing now that this is when we can recognize a healthy partner choice and achieve a healthy relationship. Now I am seeing that once we learn healthy patterns of living, choosing, and learning, the reason we seek out a relationship is ultimately to extend ourselves personally. In that process, we can experience personal and spiritual growth. So maybe this relationship-seeking thing we do is all a matter of being some sort of deeply instilled soul-instinct to achieve our ultimate growth.

Whatever the mysterious reason we seek those relationships, I find it most educational to read back through my years of journal entries and see the progress I have made and the lessons I have learned over the years. I am a work in progress, but it’s a relief to see that I really am moving forward, learning good lessons, and becoming a better person. At least I hope so and it would seem so from my current perspective.

Thanks for reading my thoughts.
~~Paulena

Today's Butterfly Moment

2006-02-23T12:10:00.000-07:00

Hello and Good Day to You,

Today, I'm having one of those mentally frenetic days. I have what feels like zillions of thoughts rushing through my head. Many of them are flying by so fast that I can't even really "hear" them clearly as they rush past my attention. It's like I can only "hear" the Doppler effect dropping off as they twist, swirl and race into the dark distance. As I picture the action, all these thoughts have different colors and some have several colors! I wonder if they will come back around and give me another chance to grab them. What makes it a tad more frustrating is that I'm at work while this is happening! Sheesh! Why can this happen on my day off!? haha Sometimes it does, but not usually.

I figured that while I have a couple of minutes, I'd take a break, eat my coconut yogurt and jot a few things down. I wonder what might happen if a couple of the flying thoughts were to collide! That could be interesting! haha I'm not sure how this comes on -- gradually or suddenly. I only know that I'm suddenly aware of it. When I have the time to contemplate all the action and grab a few of them, some of my favorite ideas come from these times.

Perhaps it's left over from last night when my great-uncle asked me if I believe in reincarnation. I told him, "Oh yes. Absolutely." And we began a most interesting conversation on the subject. I only recently (last year) met my great-uncle Greg. All these years I knew he was out there somewhere, but I had never met him until last year. What a find! He is a character and a lot of fun. And now, I find out just how interesting and multi-dimensional he really is. Anyway, so uncle Greg is here on a short visit and we began a most interesting conversation. Unfortunately, it was getting late and I had to get home, get to sleep and get up early in the morning. So we had to cut it short. But I very much look forward to the next time he and I can really sit down and talk about this stuff.

On my way home, I was thinking about my spiritual path over the years and all the reading I've done about Edgar Cayce and various related subjects. I was thinking about personal responsibility, acceptance of consequences and the role it all has to play in our spiritual path. My thoughts went back to our conversation. As we had been conversing and uncle Greg had asked me questions about my beliefs and my experiences. He seemed fascinated and amazed. He asked me, "How do you know all this stuff?"
Wow! I had to think about that. Much of it... I just knew somehow... from very early on. It was stuff I just... felt,

It had been a long time since I had contemplated how I came to awaken those things within me, and move along my path. I suppose that now since someone asked me about it, I've got a lot on my mind and I'm thinking up a storm! Too much for this small space and this limited bit of time. But, perhaps I need to focus some writing time on this.
Anyway... those are some butterfly mind thoughts! It's hardly fair that life and time constraints don't allow me to explore them further right now. But then... who ever said that life was fair?

Enough for now. Back to work with me!
~~Paulena
deep inside, even when I was a kid. Life steered me in the direction where I came across various things to read. When I began to read things on Edgar Cayce... it resonated so deeply within me!! It was like something inside me recognized what I was reading and knew it to be a most basic truth. It was like it were all information I'd already had within me. It was all very familiar to me. Onward I went, reading everything I could get my hands on the subject.

Catch it if you can

2006-02-03T16:30:00.000-07:00

Whoooooooosh!!!!!!!!! There went January!
I took a sigh of relief that I got through the holidays and when I exhaled, it was already February. Wow! I'm not even sure what I got done in January... oh... yes, I got new blinds for my kitchen window... finally. I think it's a very nice improvement over the icky brown curtain I had temporarily put up (two years ago... sheesh!).
I had some stucco repaired on my house... but I didn't personally do that. It looks great. I got a couple of shelving units put together and in place... in the dining room and in the study. Next big job... organize the study!! Well, after I get my taxes done, that is. Oh, and I met someone terrific! Well actually, I "met" him in December, but began really getting to know him since the first of this year. We've been out a few times... So far, so good. He's a really wonderful guy. Actually, he's pretty awesome. I'm looking forward to getting to know him better.

I suppose I don't really have much else to report right now. It's almost time to do the Spring-cleaning thing and get a garden started.
I'll post more soon
~Paulena

Welcome to 2006!!!

2006-01-03T15:05:00.000-07:00

Hi and Welcome to 2006!

I hope your New Years celebrations were great... and safe!

Mine was great, with a nice and mellow holiday weekend. I was able to take a couple of vacation days for an extra-long holiday weekend!
*Dec. 29th, I got most of the errand-running done that I needed to do.
*Dec. 30th, I finished painting my kitchen to prepare for a peg-board to hang coffee cups on. Then I hung up my wine rack (holds 8 bottles of wine & 12 wine glasses) from the ceiling, over the sink. Gracious! That was hard to do all by myself... to make sure the hooks would be evenly spaced and straight and all. I'd advise at lease having a second set of hands to hold stuff while you step back and look... and to help with measuring. Yikes! This was tough, but I got impatient with waiting for assistance. Bad me! I'd had the darned thing just over a month and I wanted it UP! But it turned out great!

*Dec. 31st in the morning, I cooked the Christmas ham-bone down to get the meat off of it and added that meat to a pot of pinto beans I cooked up in the crock pot. In the afternoon, I went over to my mom & step-dad’s house to get some assistance with my peg-board project... I needed some miter cuts and then I finished the last of the painting on the frame. The frame paint was not yet dry when I needed to leave (after dinner) . . . I wanted to get home before all the crazies got out on the roads. So I left the project there to dry and I went home. I did a few things around the house and watched a bit of television. I stayed up 'til midnight to ring in the new year . . . I heard lots of fireworks, gunfire and I'd swear I heard a couple of machine guns and bombs!! Spooky!! I went to sleep shortly after that.

*January 1st, I finished up cooking the pinto beans and prepared some beer bread (I added some green chili, sun-dried tomato, and cheese to that). While the crock pot cooked the beans, I put together a metal-grid, shelving unit for the corner of my dining room. I was then able to reorganize some of my kitchen and dining room. Looks much nicer now! Around 2pm, my mom & step-dad came over and brought my framed peg-board. (That's when I put the bread in to bake.) My step-dad hung the board up for me (nice, then I didn't have to struggle with it by myself). I hung my cups on the new board. Looks nice! Then we had some pinto beans (with ham) and a few slices of the beer bread for dinner . . . Happy New Year! The NM version of the Black-eyed peas tradition, I suppose! Haha

Here are a couple of photos of my kitchen . . . One before and one after the cup board went up on the wall (next to my green, herb shelves under the window) . . . You can see the new wine-rack installed above the sink. Also, you'll be able to see the pot-rack that my friend Greg helped me put up right after Thanksgiving. It's SO much easier to hang those things when you have help!! Next . . . I'll be getting some light green mini-blinds for that window so the brown curtain will be gone!

*January 2nd, I got my new weather station up and working . . . Got the anenometer (wind meter) up on a mast above my house. Got that and the rain gauge connected to the thermo-hygrometer (thermometer & barometric pressure sensor) –which sends a radio a signal to the display unit in my house! Cool, huh? I also installed the corresponding computer software, which ties into the weather station display. Now . . . To read all the instructions on how to e-mail and post the info!! Haha
That will be a learning curve, on the software!!
Have a good one!
~Paulena

CHECK those batteries!!!

2005-12-27T12:07:00.000-07:00

~~Greetings to all,

Well you know how during the time change from daylight saving time to standard time, and back -- "they" are always telling you to change out your smoke detector batteries? While that is an excellent idea... there are some other batteries not to be neglected!! If you have one of those (programmable) thermostats... you might want to make a practice of changing those out every Autumn!! Why? Stay tuned. I'm about to tell you why!!!

As for me -- from now on, I'll have a check list to follow every Autumn, posted on my furnace! Winterizing the heating/cooling systems is a process for some of us in the desert. Some have converted to the centralized heating/refrigerated cooling systems, but I just can't afford that right now. My home is equiped with a regular forced-air gas furnace for heating. And for the Summer months, the evaporative cooler (also known as a "swamp-cooler") does just fine for the cooling. But it all has to be converted and switched over in the Spring and back again in the Autumn. This requires some tools & maintenance -- In the Spring, it's a reverse from the Autumn routine. In the Autumn, I climb up on the roof and I drain, clean, service, and shut (with a baffle in the ducting) the evaporative cooler. Then I come down & check the furnace, remove the baffle from that duct, replace filters with clean ones and... prepare the thermostat. But from now on, I'll double check my check-list!!! In the Autumn... CHECK all those batteries!!!
WHY? I'll tell you why...
Yesterday, Dec. 26th, I went straight home (from work). I fortunatley made it home in record time too... lack of traffic on what most people took off as a holiday. I pulled into my driveway and into my garage. I got out of my car. I heard the furnace running, but nothing terribly unusual about that on a Winter day. Although it had been a relatively warm day... got up to 62 degrees outdoors in Albuquerque that day. I unlocked and opened the door to my house. WHOOSH!!! ~~~A WAVE of hot air came rushing out of my house and into my face. My long hair wafted back in the heated breeze! I was temporarily baffled! I rushed over to my programmable thermostat to turn it down and see what the blazing temerature was. The display was blank! I quickly ran through a short mental list of possible issues that might be the trouble... and came up with, "Hummm... I think this thing has friggin' batteries! When did I last check them?" I went into my bedroom to put down my stuff and I looked at the atomic clock/thermometer on my dresser.

The temerature in my bedroom was... 106 degrees F.!!! At first, I thought that couldn't be right, but then I noticed a couple of taper-candles and pillar candles in my room were bending over & drooping over!!! I picked one of them up and it was soft and my fingers left indentations in the wax!! "Yes Virginia, It IS 106 degrees in my bedroom!!!" Holy Bat-droppings!! I wondered if the slide switch inside the thermostat would still work, or if perhaps a wire had come loose. I went to the thermostat and opened it. I moved the slide switch from "Heat" to "Off." Immediately, the sound of the forced heated air ceased. I was more than relieved! I had already looked at my two cats. They were ok, but rather sluggish! Poor babies!! They still had water in their dish and they were both hunkered down on the ceramic tile in front of my fireplace. I'm sure the tile was the coolest place they could find! I could not believe how hot it was!! I half expected to look back into my bedroom and see a mirage in there, complete with palm trees and and oasis!!

I rushed to the linen closet, where I thought the thermostat instruction booklet was... wrong! Oh Man! I asked my Angels to PLEASE show me what I had done with the stupid instructions! I heard in my head, "Laundry shelf" and I looked there. Sure enough, there they were. I looked in the troubleshooting section... no mention of: "Furnace stuck on/won't shut off/house hotter than the hinges of hell." I managed to remember how to take the thermostat apart (little phillips-head anchor screws in the bottom of the front). I took it apart and sure enough, there were three AA batteries in the back.

I had been out of batteries... until that day! I just happened to have brought home with me that evening, a 4 pack of AA batteries (for something else, but it would wait). I took out the old batteries and put in the new ones. I waited (and sweated). Nothing. No life to the thermostat. I pushed a button... nothing. I pushed another button... nothing. Thoughts of going out to Home Depot and spending $45 on another thermostat (on top of what would SURELY be an outragous gas bill for this month!) danced through my head. My heart sank. I started just pushing buttons (& praying)... it was just short of giving the darned thing CPR! Suddenly, "1:00" appeared in the dislay, along with a temerature of 99 degrees F (in the hallway). I breathed a hot sigh of relief!! I opened a couple of windows and the front door, turned on a ceiling fan. Then I went about reprogramming the silly thermostat. Once reprogrammed, I replaced the unit on it's spot on the wall. I held my breath a moment while I moved the slide switch back over to "Heat" and exhaled with relief when the forced air did NOT come on... which of course meant that the "thermostat" function was working again. With any luck, the darned thing wouldn't need to come on for a couple of days!!!

By 8pm that evening the hallway temperature was below 90 degrees... about 85 degrees and I decided to not waste the unintentionally accumulated energy and just live with the warmth & perhaps compensate the loss by not needing the furnace to come on for a long time. I closed the front door and all but one window. It was still 87 degrees in my room. I later closed the last window and tossed the blanket aside for the night and slept in a T-shirt. This morning at 6:15, the outside temperature was 35 degrees and inside the house had cooled off to 68 degrees. I doubt the heat will come on at all today... maybe later this evening, but hopefully not for a couple of days!

Christmas was terrific!
I recieved a number of great gifts. One being a weather station and another being a set of cordless phones (the base has an answering machine built-in and both handsets have digital phonebooks in them). But I love to watch everyone else open their gifts. That is more than half of the fun. My mom is a blast to watch open gifts. She gets so excited and giddy! One friend of mine I didn't get to watch him open his gift (from me or anyone), since he is out of town visiting family. I called him on Christmas day to wish him a merry one and find out if he like what I gave him. It sounded to me like he did. He'll be back in a couple of days... it's his snakes & gecko I'm pet-sitting in his absence.

Over the holidays, I found a cute site to check out:
http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2005/12/index.html

It's too cute for words!
Enjoy!

Enough from me for one day.
I should sign off for now.
Happy New year!!
~Paulena

And a Partridge in a Pear Tree...

2005-12-21T11:20:00.000-07:00

Well Hello there. Merry Christmas and Happy New year season!
I seem to be finished with all my shopping. Thank goodness I finished a week or so ago. So now I can safely avoid being malled at the malls!! haha And only one snafu through it all and that had to do with an item getting lost in shipping. But the place I purchased from (Amazon.com) was right on top of it as soon as I brought it to their attention and they have already replaced the item & it is on it's way (via a different ship method!).

I'm pet-sitting for one family household and also for a friend. The family pet-sitting is fairly routine... 2 cats & 2 dogs, one dog with elderly needs. The friend pet-sitting is a more unusual bunch -- a 12 foot boa constrictor (Kokie), a bull snake (Sandia), a leopard-spotted gecko (Lady), and a Madagascar hissing roach (Herbie). Fortunately, I don't have to take Herbie for a walk or anything like that! I just don't think that I could quite handle having to put a little collar and leash on him! hahahaha (No! He doesn't actually have a collar or a leash! I'm kidding!) Everyone has been fed for the time, so I won't need to do much but just check on them & make sure that their heat lamps are working and that they are warm enough. But I certainly don't mind handling the snakes or the gecko. I think they are awesome!! I know, color me weird. haha

Most of my family is in town for the holiday and we will get together on Christmas Eve and do our traditional celebration that evening. Then Christmas morning, I'll go to my mother's and we will do our traditional sweet rolls and hot cocoa for breakfast -- and see if any stockings were hung by the chimney with care -- and if there might be anything in them!! Some years are more organized than others!! haha Christmas day is frequently the day where we play with any new electronic gadgets we received, or watch any DVD movies we received!

I'm a tad late on most of my holiday cards this year, but I'll get them out. I just haven't been as organized as I'd like to be. Oh well. I did get all the chocolate rum balls made and distributed. The second batch came out better -- I think. It's a bit slow at work this week. I can tell that people are gearing-up for holiday time and leaving town, and generally busy.

Well that's about it for this entry. It's looking to be a busy holiday week -- or two. Everyone have a terrific holiday of choice! And I'll say Merry Christmas and have a very happy and prosperous New Year!!! If you travel, then please travel safe!!
Love-n-Light to all,
~Paulena

December Flies By...

2005-12-12T12:51:00.000-07:00

Wow, December is flying by!!! It's almost half gone and I'm getting behind. Hopefully this week, I'll get a few Christmas cards out. I finally made the 2nd batch of rum balls, & I think they turned out even better this time. I went to a holiday party/luncheon on Sunday. It was great. I got part of my Christmas shopping done... just a little left to go. And I still need to get that wine rack hung up... but I'll need some help with it. The place I'll be hanging it is rather awkward to work in. Great for accessing the glasses and wine, just awkward to get up to the ceiling and work to get it hung-up. Oh well, eventually.

I had my first go at helping with an ARES/RACES simulated emergency communication exercise on amateur radio this past weekend at the city Emergency Operation Center. I learned a lot. But I still have much more to learn. Next one of those simulated emergency tests will be in the Spring.

I just haven't had as much time to write here as I thought I might. I suppose after the holidays, time might ease up a bit. Although then, I'll need to start really working on learning my Morse code so I can get that test out of the way. Next thing you know, it will be time to start the garden again! haha

Enough for now. More later. Happy Holidays, if I don't get a chance to write before then!
~Paulena

Wow! It's December 2005!!

2005-12-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

Good morning, afternoon & evening!!
I just stumbled upon a cool holiday link at http://media.putfile.com/WizardsofWinter-SM
You'll need speakers (for the music) to appreciate it. I believe the music is by a group called The TransSiberian Orchesta, and I think the song is "Wizards of Winter" - thus the name of the video I suppose. Anyway, I don't know where the house is located, but it boggles my mind at how much work it must have been to get it set up. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Wow, can you believe it's December already!?? At the end of this month, I've been in my house 2 years. I closed on it in time to spend my New Year's Eve in my new house in 2003. I didn't have any real furniture moved in yet... just a couple of deck chairs, a couple of sturdy boxes for tables, a couple of lamps, my airbed and a couple of cats beds. It was my first night in the new house and I watched movies in front of the fireplace and rang in the new year. Hard to believe that's almost 2 years ago!! Now... there's always a project to do. haha That's home ownership for ya. But I mostly enjoy it.

I think I'll need to make another batch ( or two) of chocolate rum balls. Demand is high this year! haha So this weekend, I hope to get my new wine rack hung up, and make more rum balls. I also have two Saturday morning meetings to attend and I'll be hosting a Pampered Chef party on Sunday... just a small get-together. Whew! Busy weekend.
Gotta dash~~ Adios!
~Paulena

Terrific weekend...

2005-11-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

Hello,
I hope everyone's T-day weekend was good. Over here, it was mostly terrific, although my step-dad was in a car accident on Saturday. He's fine... Just banged-up a bit. Some gal ran her red-light! His car is now rearranged (possibly totaled). We shall see what transpires with that... a fix or a replacement... We'll see how it all shakes out. (It was later determined to be a total loss. He got a "new" vehicle -- new to him) But otherwise, it was a great Thanksgiving holiday... Or as my dad sometimes calls them "Hollerdays." haha

We had a couple of very windy days, but it was sunny and pretty otherwise. The wind chill was more that we're usually used to, in sunny NM. Thursday was the big T-day dinner at my grandmother's house (yes, over the river, but not through the woods). My mom & step-dad were there, as were my dad & step-mom. We had... Greek food -- so it was a tad non-traditional. I was my usual, quietly defiant self and I presented one of my sweet potato recipe dishes. {mischievous grin} Don't get me wrong, I love Greek food!! It's just that... I mean, come on... Thanksgiving! A good time was had by all. I didn't over-indulge and I got home early enough to watch a movie.
Friday was mellow. My step-mom decided to embark upon making a traditional turkey (with fixings) dinner. I had an invitation for dinner there that evening. In the meantime, my mom & I ran a few errands and then started to make chocolate rum balls... but my dad called to tell me the turkey was ready early... get my butt over there. haha So the Rum balls were put on hold for a few hours. Once at Dad's we put in a movie (Polar Express) and sat down to a delicious dinner. When dinner and the movie were done, I went back over to mom's and we made the chocolate rum balls. Ummmmmmmm! They have to "cure" for a week. So they will really be ready next weekend.

Saturday was quite... well for me anyway. My step-day had the auto accident so it was anything but quiet for them. But my Saturday was quiet and I was able to get a number of things done around the house. Sunday, a good friend of mine came over and helped me with a project at home... hanging a pot rack in my kitchen. It looks great! And it clears out a little bit of much needed space in my storage-challenged kitchen. I was suppose to have my new hanging wine rack by then too... but it's late... it's on the way. We would have hung that up too. Should have that by this evening! It will clear out some wine glasses out of the cramped cabinet quarters. More space! The final frontier!! hehe It's looking good. Anyway... we at least got the pot rack hung up and it looks great.

After that, he took me to see the progress on his house in the east mountains. It's coming along nicely. I love watching the building progress on his house. I'm so excited for him. Before ya know... it will be finished & he'll be moving in! Wahoo! That's exciting! Anyway, it was very windy and chilly over on that side of the mountains, but it was a great day. He took me all around the two area development phases to see the various lots that he likes and might want to buy if he won the lottery! haha There are some awfully gorgeous views out there!! They are spectacular! (Wouldn't you know - my camera batteries died as soon as we got there!) One large lot in particular, had a sharp drop-off (about 150 feet) into a creek ravine with red, caleche clay soil amongst the short pinion trees... Oh my gosh it was fabulous. Of course the wind was howling through that drop-off edge at about 45 or 50 mph at that time, almost pushing me backwards. But I suppose that made it even more... amazing, daunting, and breath-taking! There was a power there... like something you'd see out of a movie -- one of those sweeping aerial shots. If it hadn't been so cold (thank you wind chill!) I would have wanted to stay a while! It was spectacular. We left there and he showed me a few other of the nice lots. We went back to the community club house and he showed me on the 3-D map, where we had just been. Someday, someone will own that property and maybe a house will be there. It may have been the only time I could stand there and take in that amazing view . . . a view I will never forget, as long as I live!

From there, we went back to my house and I made us a couple of gourmet pizzas... the little, 10 or 12 inch, individual-sizes. I had made a fresh batch of home-made pizza sauce and some whole-wheat pizza dough the day before. And of course, I had 10 or 11 pizza toppings available. So we had fun chatting while I made the pizzas and while they baked on the pizza stones. They turned out great. I got a terrific review. haha

And here we are... back to the work-week. {sigh} Enough for now. Now we ring in the Holiday Season and now it's time to gather up the address book and send out what X-mas cards I can. And the shopping... arrrgh! The shopping itself... that's ok, but the traffic & the crowds are what deter me!! Maybe I'll do some of it online this year.

Well happy holidays folks!! Stay safe and enjoy!
TTFN,
~Paulena

Ginger-cat

2005-11-29T11:35:00.000-07:00

Ginger
Originally uploaded by Paulena-KE5DDZ.

This is the younger of my two cats. I thought I'd try this Flickr upload option. Cool.
~Paulena

Trying again...

2005-11-23T15:44:00.000-07:00

Wow! It sounded like getting the photo into the profile would be a tad more simple... not as easy as it seems it should be! But I think I finally mastered all the requirements and sizing and hocus-pocus. Poof!! It should be in there now.
~Paulena

Brand New Day

2005-11-23T11:31:00.000-07:00

Take a deep breath . . . Ok, here it goes. The first day of my first blog.
It's a bright, new, shiny, crisp, November day in Albuquerque. The sky is a beautiful brilliant turquoise-blue, that I've really only seen in the Southwest USA. Thanksgiving is around the corner (tomorrow) and life is good.

I've been wanting to try my hand at a blog. I didn't know exactly what I'd say, but then I looked at a bunch of others . . . And guess what? Neither do a lot of people who post blogs! haha So I figured, "What the heck!" Like many people, I do have a lot of thoughts that flash through my mind. Sometimes they are seemingly pointless meanderings and other times, they are down right interesting (even if I do say so myself!). Some days, I have days that border on philosophical and then other days that the silliest of thoughts slide in. I'm certainly no Plato or Aristotle, but I thought it might be fun to keep track of some of the things that make their way through my thoughts. I also have days (like so many other people out there, I'm sure) where I hear of something that really fires me up (good & bad).

Sometimes my thoughts seem to follow a spiral or zig-zagging pattern, much like the flight path of the average butterfly. Therefore, the name I chose for this blog. There ya have it.

So enough for now. We shall see where this goes from here.
~Paulena