Often, I Feel so Lucky

Greetings and Happy May!

I've been thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know!). I have terrific parents!! I have been truly blessed in this lifetime. But it saddens me that not everyone can have such an experience. So... what brought this on?

A few days ago, dear friend of mine lost his father to a long illness. His father had been in failing health for a few years. And just a couple of weeks ago, my friend was notified that his father (who lived in another state) had been placed in a hospice... so he knew the end was coming soon. He was torn about it. Why? Well the thing of it is, in many (most) ways, his father was little more than a sperm donor. So now his father has passed away, and my friend is rather torn on the whole issue. I can only imagine what that might be like.

My friend's mom & dad made the final split when my friend and his brother were 4 and 3 years old, respectively. He & his brother were the first and second born... but his dad went on to father other kids, "all over the place" as my friend puts it. There were a few times when he was around his dad, but they usually resulted in disappointments. He can only recall a few times when his dad stood-up for him in a couple of situations at his school, involving teacher problems. But my friend gradually learned to expect disappointment from his dad. He told me there was a two year period when he lived with his dad and a new step-mom, his father's sixth wife. She already had seven kids. Anyway, during that period of time that my friend lived there, he turned 13 years old. The family made a big deal of the other kids' birthdays. Then came my friend's birthday... not a word. Not a mention of it. My friend (being just a kid) was afraid to say anything, for fear of being labeled "ungrateful." A few weeks later, his dad said something to the effect of, "Oh gee. Didn't you have a birthday recently? Hummm I guess we missed it." There was no apology... no offer to make it up, no nothin'!!!! And that was his own son!! That may have been the year that my friend learned to just expect disappointment from his dad.

Can you imagine??? Being just a kid and your own parent (one you are living with) can't be responsible, or thoughtful enough to remember your birthday... or to even try to make it up to you. What a message that would send to a kid!! I shudder to think of it... and I find it painful!! Just to try imagining it, brings a tear to my eyes.

So yes, I have terrific parents. Even after they divorced, they remained wonderful. And today, I am double-blessed, as I have wonderful parents AND wonderful step-parents! No one ever forgot anything. And even into my adulthood, they have remained wonderful and supportive. Of course they have their quirks and whatnot. We all do. So thank God they're not perfect... then I'd have a complex! haha For the most part, I have always felt loved and supported by my parents.

I wish my friend could have grown up with that. But I think he grew up trying to believe his dad just might "get it together" and come through some day. My friend is the kind of guy who wants to believe the best in folks. So he gave his dad other chances along the way. Once my friend was into his young adulthood, he and his father went into business together. The business had been running fine for a while (maybe a year or two), and then... One day, his dad did not show up, but the IRS did. They were looking for his dad. They shut the place down and seized everything... including all the tools & possessions inside that had personally belonged to my friend... and, of course, all the financial investment he had personally made into the business. All because his dad wasn't honest with him and owed some sort of back taxes from some other screw-up thing he had done. But without disclosing any of that, he dragged his eldest son into the mess. I suppose if there was a fortunate side to that... at least my friend was a very young man and had not yet accumulated so much that the loss was huge... but to him at the time, I'm sure it seemed huge. And I know the cost to him was even more than just the financial and material stuff.

So he finally gave up on his dad ever coming through for him. His brother wrote their dad off a few years ago and said his good-byes back then. But my friend, he at least stayed in touch enough to know how his dad was doing. Now for him, I think it's hard to know how to feel.

His Mom? Oh... after the final split, she apparently had a few years of trying to kind of "find herself," and put things back together. She was a very young mom and struggled a bit. We all have our paths to travel. From what he tells me, she eventually came through it all... a stronger person. He says she has emerged a terrific lady. She is now remarried to a very nice, caring, and responsible man. My friend talks to his mom frequently, and they often confer with one another on things in their lives. I'm glad to see that at least one parent worked out well for him.

Oddly, during that same week that was the last of his dad's life (a few states away)... back here, near the home front, my friend's mom went into the hospital. She was facing a possibility of surgery. He was so very worried about her. He went to the small town where she lives and went to the hospital with her. He did everything he could to make things easier and as worry-free as possible for her. As it turned out, she didn't have to have the surgery... I guess the prayers and healing thoughts helped a lot. She is out of the hospital now and recovering nicely. I know he was horribly worried about her. What a week that was for him! To have her on the healing path is a huge load off his mind.

Yet in the back of his mind, every now and then, the push-me-pull-you thoughts about his dad revisit him. It's got to be a weird feeling... losing a parent who was never there for you and not be sure what to feel about it. Just feeling torn.

I feel blessed that I will never have to experience that, first-hand. And yet at the same time, I hurt for my friend right now who goes through it. I know that in time, it will become a little easier for him. I know there are lots of people out there who have had similar experiences. I just wish everyone could have had terrific parents. But I suppose it might be a set of lessons some souls came into this lifetime to learn from. Perhaps those experiences were the best way for those individuals to learn? It seems so harsh, and yet I know all of us have harsh areas of our life experiences to get through. I don't have any easy answers. I also have had my harsh life experiences. But fortunately for me, I've had great parents to support me through them. That's why I feel so lucky.

So if you ever read this, Mom, Dad, Don, and Julie... Thanks so much for always being there for me, and being so supportive. You all are the best! I love you all so very much. Thanks!!!

That's all for now.
Be well...
~Paulena