Hot Time in the Summertime...

Most of my family and friends can tell you that I'm usually the one in a group that thinks she is freezing cold. My fingernail beds are frequently a purple-ish color (instead of pink), and it seems that my hands and feet are almost always cold. Sometimes, my nose is even cold! This happens big time in the Winter, but even in the Summer. . . with air conditioning set higher (lower?) than is comfortable for me, I've generally just learned to cope with it and carry a sweater everywhere.

It's been like this for as long as I can remember. . . especially since I was a teen. When I lived in Maryland (circa 1988-1990), I was sent to a cardiologist because one doctor was so concerned about my purple finger tips! The cardiologist decided that I have something called "Raynaud's Syndrome" (NOT full blown Raynaud's Disease). It's basically just a case of not-so-great circulation. He told me that it was not a problem and nothing really to treat or worry about -- to simply keep an eye on it over the years. He told me that if I started to notice my fingernail beds being more of a blue or white -- THEN I would need to get some sort of treatment. But, that has never happened and I'm not even remotely concerned about it. I just get razzed by some family or friends about my cold hands and that my fingernails match my sweater (Purple being my favorite color).

Meanwhile, time marches on. A few months ago, one of my friends was telling me about her "Menopause Room," where the window-unit, air conditioner is ALWAYS on. This enables her and her friends to have a place to go when a hot flash hits and get through it with minimal discomfort! We laugh about it, but it's just one more creative thing some have to do while navigating menopause and peri-menopause. For those who don't already know -- "peri-menopause" is the time "around" menopause. . . just before it actually hits. It's the time of subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) changes gals experience before actual menopause. Of course menopause is a kind of. . . a retroactive thing, because it has to have been a full 12 months without one's menstrual cycle. Going 10 months or 11 months doesn't count. . . you'd have to start counting all over again. Menopause is only really menopause when the 12 full months have passed without the period. In the meantime, life can be interesting, but doesn't have to be massively uncomfortable. Lot's of books abound to help gals navigate through it. I've even recommended two or three of them.

So. . . over the last few months, I've been noticing that I'm not AS cold as I usual. I've joked with my mom about how very blessed I am. Perhaps instead of "hot flashes," I will only have "comfortable flashes," where I won't be freezing and purple! haha. So far this Summer season, that has been the case (for the most part). Who knew? Any actual "hot flashing" I have experienced has been more a matter of moments where I feel my frustration rise and my temper is very difficult to hold back. I hate the way that feels!!! It's an awful feeling, like some alien just took over your brain and you are fighting to get it back! Ick!
~~BUT. . . I found a few web sites, bulletin boards & articles (one on Geocites, another called "power-surge," another called "menopause-metamorphosis," and another about "psychosynthesis," just to name a few!) where women who have also been experiencing similar things post and communicate with each other. They offer up their experiences and share things that have helped them and other gals they know. And even some articles about changes and coping. I only list a few of them! I took comfort in not being alone in the spooky way it felt.

I found these because I had seen a brief preview for a program on. . . I don't remember which it was, either "20/20," or "60 Minutes" one of those type of tv programs (or as I call them collectively "20 Minutes or 60/60" hehe) heck, maybe it was Oprah?. . . Anyway the preview spoke of "Menopausal Rage" and how nobody wants to talk about it because it feels so embarrassing! AMEN TO THAT! So I "Googled" that phrase (Menopausal Rage) and I found an amazing number of sites. If you have experienced it - don't feel alone, because you are NOT alone in it!! And if there are circumstances in your life that are added stressors, well then-- you MUST read some of those sites.

Since my discovery of these various and strange new happenings and my search to minimize the negative effects in my life, I have found a terrific Doctor of Oriental Medicine who has been providing me with acupuncture. THAT seems to be helping me a great deal. It seems to be a matter of balancing energies. No real surprise to me there. She is also having me try some Chinese herbal preparations. Those also seem to be helping me. Reading up on this stuff is also arming me with a much better understanding of the various ways and angles from which to view it. That in turn, gives me multiple ways to approach my solutions. From what I understand, it's a little different for each woman, but we seem to have a few commonalities. . . enough anyway to help each other with shared information and experiences. So this is me, sharing with you (whomever you might be) my little experiences and what I've found helpful.
So keep cool, if ya can. And be well!
~Paulena

Another Very Good Book. . .

Just a quick recommendation. My mom recently read a book that she thoroughly enjoyed and felt certain that I must own and read. She told me that as she read it, she kept recognizing things I had related to her about the way I think and process information. She told me (paraphrased), "I really think that reading this book will help validate your processes. And I think it will help you to feel understood and see that your ways of thinking and doing things have much more value than some people have lead you to believe." The name of the book she got for me is: "The New Feminine Brain: Developing Your Intuitive Genius" by Mona Lisa Schulz, MD, PhD.

I've only just started reading it, but it seems very good. The forward of the book is written by none other than Dr. Christiane Northrup, MD! They have worked together for some time now.
Anyway. . . I just wanted to toss that out there to anyone who might be interested.

Be well!!
~Paulena

Time Happens. . .

Wow! What crazy few weeks! But then, I suppose anymore, they are all that way to some degree or another. I've heard it said that, "Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once." And yet, somehow - some months feel like THAT is what is happening (everything happening all at once). Oh well. Just gotta keep on getting done what ya can. I'm learning to "let go of perfect," -- as suggested by one of my (currently) favorite authors, Dr. Christiane Northrup, MD. She has written a few very good books. . . One called "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom" and another one I have is called, "The Wisdom of Menopause." I'm currently only getting familiar with the "peri-menopausal" process, but her books are giving me such great guidance, that I cannot even adequately express just how helpful she has been. Some of it is stuff I kind of already knew, but maybe wasn't really using to best potential. And some of the other stuff I read are new concepts that I'm learning to utilize. I'm learning that some of the things that come up in the process can cause one to feel as though they might be loosing their mind (to put it nicely). Yet there are very reasonable ways to work through these less than stellar moments! I'm learning that a lot of the "symptoms" are not written in stone. That is to say, that there are ways to ease them. . . many without medication. Things like: Simple diet shifts, herbal and vitamin support, setting limits with people (not taking on the woes of the world -- ya just can't fix everything and everyone!), and making SURE you get out and move around. . . go for a walk at the least! These things can make a HUGE difference. As an herbalist, I already knew much of this. But she also brings up some very helpful suggestions (many from examples of real people she has known) on how to get to the bottom of what may be plaguing you. Bottom line - Remember, it is a natural life process, NOT a disease. Far too many medical people are treating it as if it were a disease. That's nuts!

Anyway, I'm just wanting to pop in here and make a quick entry to share some great finds of late (the afore-mentioned books) and assure any who might have wondered. . . that yes, I am alive and well. I'm just working on getting through a stack of books!!! It's a nice cool activity for spare time in the Summer. Not that I have much of that at the moment, as I'm working in my yard a lot. I'm also hot on the job-search trail. It's time for a change and who knows what that will bring! Time will tell. (there is that word again!)

And to my friends out there who may be reading. . . I know some of you are going through a tough time right now with big things happening, big changes happening and for some, big decisions to make, and some difficult things with which to grapple. . . Just know that I'm thinking of you and sending you Light.

Be Well!
~Paulena

Pondering the Language of Math

Greetings & Hallucinations! . . . er, I mean Salutations!

Alrighty. . . here is where the name of my blog is going to begin to make some sense to some of you. I had some butterfly-mind moments the other evening. And off my mind went. . . on all kinds of strange wanderings and tangents. And no, I'm not taking any drugs or smoking anything. And no, I didn't miss any medications! haha My mind is just sometimes a dangerous place to hang out!! But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

~~My Little Disclaimer here~~

I'll admit. . . I am not any form of math whiz. Ok, it's out! Back in high school, I struggled to get through Algebra. During the first semester of my sophomore year, my step-mom would help me understand my Algebra homework each night. That year I had a math teacher (Mr. Nesbit, who was a better football coach, from what I heard) who could never explain Algebra in a way that I could understand. After my step-mom explained it, I was Ok, got the homework done and got the answers right (according to the back of the book). But every class period, that teacher would shoot me down (& mark my homework answers wrong) for not doing his method. Then he would sternly tell me to meet with him in his office after school. Although intimidated, I'd show up in his office that afternoon. He would berate me once again, for not doing the math the way he showed in class. He'd ask what was wrong with me. And then he'd begin trying to explain the Algebra again (the same exact way that hadn't made sense to me the first several times). Then the impatient yelling would begin, again. . . which always brought on my tears. I'm a sensitive person and always have been. I suppose my tears only pissed him off more, as the pitch of his yell would increase after that. This happened at least twice a week, during that semester. On a couple of such office visits, he became completely exasperated and he told me, "You're really lousy at math. You will never learn this stuff. You obviously don't have a head for this stuff. I've heard you sing solos in the chorus, you're really good at that. You should stick with that. But you are horrible at math. You should stay far away from math & science. Besides, You're just a girl and you're just gonna grow-up, get married and have a bunch of kids anyway, so you won't need any math. Just stay away from it, because you stink at it."

Honest to God, he actually told me that - more than once! Sadly, I have always been fascinated with, and loved science. And ironically, I never had kids! (So there! Mr. Jerk-head!!) While he was the only teacher who actually said that to me, I think there were 2 or 3 others who wanted to say it. Some of them treated me like I was 12-kinds of stupid. It so was frustrating! Forget for a moment that he/they would only explain stuff over and over again in the same confusing way that didn't make sense to several of us in the first place! Forget that I was not the only one in the class who had trouble with those explanations. In this particular case, I think that I frustrated him and he just didn't care to deal with it anymore. If only he had sent me to a tutor, or talked with my counselor to do that. Sadly, no one offered me that kind of help for math. And back then, I didn't know how to find a tutor and I had no money to pay for it. My step-mom was the only one who could actually help me, but Mr. Nesbit didn't like the method I learned that way. . . even though I got the correct answers with those methods! Forget that I still had to pass Algebra. It was required to graduate high school. He just didn't want to deal with me, or the other four or five students from my class who were having trouble. He labeled us as "stupid" &/or "lazy" and tossed us aside! He "benched" us from the game of math! I had to drop that class and take Algebra again the next year from a kinder, gentler soul (Mr. Mason). Now HE could explain math!! What a saint Mr. Mason was! I passed Algebra that time, and mostly without tears!

In later years, I thankfully discovered that I'm not bad at math. I am only very slow at math! I am dyslexic (really, I was tested), so I have to really take my time with it. If given plenty of time to figure & double-check stuff, I actually do somewhere between ok, to. . . even to pretty well!! Once I was given enough time to do it, I actually got my first A's & B's in math. . . even College Algebra!! Go figure! But enough of that. I just wanted to get that disclaimer out there. . . I am no mathematician! So, please don't slam my innocent possible misunderstandings of math theories. . . or whatever. Please have patience for my strange little mental butterfly thoughts. Discussion is ok, just please be gentle. K?

~~Now for my topic of ponder~~

So Here's the thing -- for whatever bizarre reason the other evening I began wondering about the "language of mathematics." Maybe it was after watching an episode of "Numbers," I don't remember. Have you ever noticed how in practically every show or movie about space or Extra Terrestrials (except "Contact" or "Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind") the characters kind of assume that the E.T.s will (of course) speak English. . . or they have some wildly cool "Universal Translator" to turn the interactions into English. We also seem to assume that all E.T.s would have numbers 0-9 and the numbers will look just like that and they will call them "zero, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine." Just like that. Although, in the movie "Contact," I believe the E.T.s might have used ones and zeros. Or maybe it was just sound pulses totaling in prime numbers. But I don't remember for sure. And of course all E.T.s will recognize our symbol for Omega or Epsilon, or any other of our various symbols (symbols sometimes used in math equations), right? That's where I was thinking, "How crazy!!!" I think it's doubtful that they are going to recognize our human-made symbols. . . At least in theory. Unless they have studied us for a long time and learned our languages. Or. . . maybe those symbols were brought to us eons ago from some E.T.s, but then I doubt that all E.T.s speak the same language. I'm just guessing here.

So I thought further (scary, I know!). If they (the potential E.T.s) would not call the numbers by the same name as we do and they might not draw/write them the same, how would we recognize them to be numbers. How would they send us a mathematical message? Perhaps they could send us various artistic things, like fractals, and they could monitor how we'd decipher that. . . but over what medium? Light waves? Radio Waves? And what if the potential recipients of such a message were a race of beings without eyesight? Obviously, most of us have the gift of eyesight. Then there is the movie, "Contact." You might remember how the characters (starring Jodi Foster) encounter an orderly, radio signal from space and determine it is mathematical. Did you notice how she frequently closed her eyes in order to listen better? Interesting. And there was even a character, one of her colleagues in the movie, who was blind. He was a great help to her decoding some aspects of the message. Eyesight can sometimes be distracting. In that movie, they had to break the code and decipher the message. It was a message sent in patterned sound pulses, strung together. So I thought, "Hummm that would work if you had the senses of hearing or could feel vibrations. That would even work if a race of beings did not have eyesight." Pretty nifty, huh? If they couldn't hear, at least they might feel the vibrations. But I wonder if there is such a thing as a race of beings, somewhere, who could not feel vibrations. That's an odd concept. Of course ultimately, in the movie "Contact," the message (once decoded) ended up being plans for a machine to be built. But it was tricky to decipher because it required looking at two-dimensional images but thinking in three dimensions! So in that case, eyesight was needed. But I wonder how else they might have communicated the plans. It's hard to imagine.

All of that got me wondering how many mathematical messages (or even other forms of messages) we have been sent & possibly received but we didn't understand. Perhaps we get them ALL the time!! A bit like a fax that comes in and slips off of the fax machine and down onto the floor, and wafts under the table. No one sees it and the cleaning crew comes in at night and tosses it out. Or maybe we just thought they were static. We tend to only think in two dimensions (something printed on a page), or three dimensions. What if our potential E.T. messengers think in a 5th or 8th dimension. . . or a 9th or 11th dimension? We also tend to think in terms of only 5 or 6 senses. What if there are senses that never occurred to us, because we don't have them (yet?) and we are not built to have them (yet)? Obviously, then we wouldn't actually receive the messages from those messengers. That is to say, they might come through, but because we don't understand, we dismiss it as. . . a form of static. Too bad. They might be so fascinating!! Or what if the potential messages were being sent telepathically, but those who received them, just figured they were random, crazy thoughts? They might be dismissed. And if those "thoughts" or messages weren't dismissed, who among you would believe them? I know I might think it sounded awfully nuts! How frustrating for someone trying to figure out what to do with that.

Then I wonder if the potential E.T.s know about things like. . . what we call "string theory." Did they wrestle with the 5 different perspectives of string theory, as some of our scientists have? Did they see more than 5 perspectives? Do they know we now also call it something else? Once we finally united our 5 perspectives, we now call it "M theory." At least that's what I last understood. What would any of the E.T.s out there call "string theory?" I wonder if they receive old episodes of "NOVA" or "The Elegant Universe" out there somewhere. Maybe they are FAR beyond the string theory. They probably call it something in another language, so we wouldn't understand right away anyway. Kind of like. . . what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he can't come anyway. But I digress! Since they probably speak a different language, we couldn't discuss string theory (or much of anything else) with them just yet anyway. Would they think we don't understand the theory? And maybe we don't fully understand it yet! How would we communicate the theory in mathematical terms? I'm sure it has been done! I probably wouldn't understand that, even though I do "understand" much of the explanations of string theory!! Certainly not well enough to discuss with a physicist or quantum physicist, but perhaps better than many folks. Of course, a physicist could string me along, too!

We humans have a nasty habit of thinking we "understand" something, even when there may be much more to a given subject that we don't know about yet. . . or don't yet have the apparatus to observe, measure or study it. In that regard, I suppose it's a bit like that first Algebra class was for me. . . I thought I was understanding things, until I'd flunk a test, or the teacher yelled at me for "getting it wrong." I didn't yet know I needed to ask more questions. But I didn't yet know what questions I needed to ask, because I thought I understood. It's a twisted, circular track! So, do we REALLY ever know it or understand it. . . whatever "it" is?

I wonder what other messages could be transmitted in the language of mathematics. I realize that math and science related things could be sent in a mathematical language. But I mean what things that we typically don't think of as mathematical. There is a lot of art and music that is very mathematical and very beautiful and moving. Go figure! But I'll bet there are other, seemingly non-mathematic, topics that could be communicated mathematically, but I just can't think of them right now. I'm sure the character, Professor Charlie Epps, could really come up with some good ones! Maybe. . . something like a butterfly path. That's something that seems so completely random, un-patterned, and non-directional, but I wonder if there might even be some sort of mathematical order to that? Maybe there is hope for me after all!!

Enough of my rambling for now. See?
My brain. . . a strange place! :-)
Be well!

~Paulena

Plastered Paris. . .

Good Morning.
Ok, I would like to apologize ahead of time. My unfriendly side is making a quick appearance here today. But I'm so sick of her, I just can't keep it inside anymore. So pardon my little rant for a few minutes, and thank you for reading!

I started this post last week, then got side-tracked. So I need to get this posted before the topic dissipates, as it's about to soon. I would imagine that many of you are as SICK of hearing about pathetic, wimpy, little cry-baby Paris Hilton, as I am! WHY does she even constitute "News?" Why does the media pay her ANY attention? Why does any of the media care about ANY of the ill-behaved celebrities and why do they make the "News?" It used to be this crap stayed on venues like "Entertainment Tonight" or "E!" Now suddenly (in the last couple of years) the mainstream media seems to think it constitutes real News! I don't understand. It's NOT like there is nothing else going on in the world! There is a war going on in Iraq. Iran is misbehaving and developing nuclear weapons. Korea HAS nuclear weapons and is also misbehaving. Our troops are fighting and some dying to keep our beloved ways of life safe and free!
So why is it that the concept of badly behaved celebrities become newsworthy? Behaving and obeying the law. . . it's not a hard concept to master really. When you break the law, you get in trouble. HELLO!! That's how it is supposed to work. Don't do the crime if you are too wimpy to do the time!!! And if you are too stupid to stay out of trouble, stay home! Take personal responsibility for your thoughts, deeds, & actions!

So here we have a badly behaved rich kid who doesn't seem to understand the concept. Geeze Paris! Quit whining and just take the consequences of your ridiculously stupid actions without all the dramatics! And how about learning from one's mistakes? Try not making such insanely stupid decisions in the first place! And she needs to tell her followers/ fans to quit whining and get lives! Don't encourage them to be drama queens with her!

What a horrible example she has set for anyone who is a fan of hers (especially young, impressionable girls). And Why, exactly, does she even HAVE fans? I'm not sure I get that either. Why would anyone be a fan of someone who presents themselves as dumb, shallow, dingy, wimpy, anorexic and weak? Ok, so she has a pretty face, but she's not that pretty! She's a friggin' STICK! And I think that her chihuahua probably has a more interesting personality than she does! So she has money. . . So what? Apparently, money doesn't buy brains or intelligence! But maybe it sometimes buys special privilege in California? She acts like SUCH a wuss! If you blow on her, she would probably fall over & cry. . . and if you happened to have blown in her ear, she might be courteous enough to thank you for the refill! But probably not. And what is with the chihuahua in her purse that she takes practically everywhere she goes? Is that her body guard? Or maybe she is so dumb and that is her Blonde-star interpretor? And these pathetic little fans of hers. . . They print, "Free Paris" t-shirts and they circulated a petition and tried to plead with the Govenator to pardon her sentence. Pa-LEEASE!!! I was SO happy when his response was basically (paraphrased), "I haven't seen any plea for pardon on my desk. But really, I have more important issues to deal with, like running California." Let's hear it for Ah-nold! Hurray!

What? You ask what am I talking about? Ok, if you have been busy collecting termites or perhaps you've been deep in some jungle studying the mating habits of tiger salamanders. . . Here is the low-down on the ridiculous Paris saga.

In a nutshell (sources AP, and Reuters): Back in September of 2006 Paris went out drinking and chose to drive drunk. She got caught and was charged with drunken driving or DUI. In January 2007, she appeared in court and pleaded "no contest" (similar to guilty) to a lesser charge of alcohol-related reckless driving. She was given 36 months (3 years) probation and her driver's license was suspended. She was told NOT to drive, and SHE SIGNED A DOCUMENT STATING THAT SHE UNDERSTOOD this!
THEN, on February 27th, 2007 she was pulled over by California Highway Patrol for 1) Speeding, and 2) Driving at night without headlights, and. . . oh, whoops, 3) DRIVING on a SUSPENDED LICENSE! Back to court she went on May 4th, where a judge constituted that her actions were a Parole Violation! So. . . she broke the law on TWO different occasions, in various different ways! Thus, she was sentenced to serve jail time. Hurray!! Justice at last!
Golly gee, Ya see, that's kinda what usually happens when you VIOLATE PAROLE!
Instead of taking it like someone with a backbone, she whines and whimpers. Her chihuahua probably has more integrity! And, many of her fans act even worse than she does!

So off to jail she finally went. Personally, I think her jail time was delayed WAY too long and she has been given WAY too much latitude already. But that's my opinion. Anyway, she reported to jail on June 3rd, for her 45 day sentence. But Oh!! Boo-hoo!!!! She got a rash, or was emotionally distressed (we don't get the real story on what it was), some "medical" issue. So the jail released her after only 3 full days in jail, due to "medical reasons." They sent her to her posh, cushy home, confined to serve out her remaining time wearing a clunky old ankle bracelet to track her movements. I guess since Sax Fifth Avenue was fresh out of prisoner ankle bracelets, they must have figured the fashion faux pas of that clunky ankle bracelet was enough for her to bear!!

Anyway, my question is "WHY didn't they just treat her 'medical' issue in the infirmary like they would if it were you or I?" You and I can already, pretty much figure out the answer to that one! But "they" will deny that it was special celebrity treatment.

Ah! But let's hear it for public outcry and an angry judge. The sentencing judge was apparently furious over Hilton's early release to her home, with monitoring bracelet. Los Angles city prosecutors filed papers to yank her back into the jail (where I think she belongs to serve out her sentence). They also demanded that "the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department (who runs that jail) be held in contempt of court for releasing her early and violating sentencing order, which expressly barred electronic monitoring of Hilton." (quote source: Reuters, 6/8/07) So Hilton was ordered back to appear in court the morning of 6/8/07.

In talking with my mom that morning, she said she had been trying to watch Fox News all morning, but the Hilton saga was ALL any of the 24-hour news stations were carrying that morning. Apparently around 9:15am Pacific time, Paris was already 28 minutes late for her court appearance, and they had not even left her house yet!! Talk about disrespect. She spouted something ridiculous about having not read the paperwork because she has people who do that for her. I wonder if that is part of her Chihuahua's job. I don't know for certain HOW late she ended up being, but it was speculated that the trip to the court house would take about an hour or more from her house. I think the law-breaking choices she made to begin with were evidence of disrespect enough. . . but this just amplified how disrespectful she has been of the legal process and the law in general. It would seem that she really DOES think she is above the law!

Then my mom told me a few minutes later, on MSNBC they broke in for about 33 seconds to announce that General Pace had been replace by someone else, but it was such a short break, it was hard to catch the name of the guy who replaced him! This Hilton coverage has been insane!

The afternoon of June 8th, after a new court appearance, "Hilton was led out of the court in handcuffs and crying, 'Mom, Mom. It's not right' as she was taken away to serve the remainder of her 45-day sentence for violating her probation in a reckless driving conviction." (quote source: Reuters, 6/8/07) Now (a few days later) she claims that her crying out was in reference to the bailiff not allowing her to hug her mom good-bye. (Do you see me rolling my eyes in disgust?)

So I guess "The Simple Life" star. . . well, her life isn't so simple right now. All because she chose to drink and drive and then drive on a suspended license. How stupid!?

NOW. . . Over the weekend, after spending a couple of days and nights in jail (which this time is kind of a special facility. . . with psychiatric and medical help available), she is telling the media to not focus on her. She tells the media there are more important things going on in the world (Ya Think???) and not to pay her so much attention. Gee, Embarrassed Paris? You should be! She dropped her appeal. And Now, she tells Barbara Walters that she will serve out her sentence, and she will no longer "act dumb." She claims it was an act, and that before all this, "it was cute, but it's not anymore." Cute, huh? I don't think so, but whatever. Now she claims that God has given her another chance and she wants to help people with her fame.

Ok. That's all well and good, but ACTIONS will be the real indicator as to whether or not she changes. I really do hope she has learned her lessons, but we shall see. It's not that I really wanted to keep up with this ridiculous saga, but EVERY TIME I logged onto the Internet or turned on the tv, there she was. . . her photo and more of the story. Gag!
In order to write/blog about this non-sense responsibly, I did double-check the sources. This pained me a bit to have to read about it again, but at least I know I got the facts right (as close to right as the current media allows). And it is cathartic to release the frustration of being inundated by the dingbat! I feel better already!

I had to chuckle when this past weekend, on CBS's "Sunday Morning" news broadcast, even good ol' Ben Stein had a comment about it! I just love him! It did my heart good to hear what he had to say, and he said many things I was already in the blog process of writing. So here it is, for what it's worth. I know that in a month, nobody will give a rat's patutie that any of this ever happened and it will be chalked-up to stupid celebrity behavior. People, PLEASE tell you kids that this is NOT behavior to emulate or copy. You might think they already know, but tell them anyway!! Ok, I'll step off of my soap box now and return the airways back to you. Thanks for allowing me to vent, and thanks for reading.

Bursting your bubble...

Good Afternoon!

A friend sent me a link to a cool little video today. It's so cool I just wanted to share it with you. It's an excerpt from some documentary on slow-motion photography. In this little clip, they show a slow-motion view of a guy poking a water balloon with a pin. It is SO cool. I wish I could download it here and "blog it" but I didn't see a way to bring it over here, other than to share the link with you.
Slo-Mo Balloon Pop
I hope you enjoy it.

~Paulena

Farewell to Ed Yost

I'm sure many of you won't know or appreciate who Ed Yost was. Not to be confused with "Eddie Yost," the baseball player. But I appreciate who he was and I actually had the privilege of meeting him. He was a character & a half! A real hoot. He was one of the most fun codgers I ever had the pleasure of meeting and hanging out with. I'm sorry to say, he passed away this past Sunday (5/27/07) at his home, near Taos, NM. He was 87 years old.

Ed Yost (born Paul Edward Yost, 6/30/1919, near Bristow, Iowa) was the Father of Modern-day Ballooning. He was an inventor and a pilot, both fixed-wing and balloon. And in ballooning, he was rated for just about every type of ballooning you could imagine! He was rated for hot-air balloon "with air-borne heater" (as the FAA terms it), and for gas balloon. He kinda wrote the "book" on ballooning. I realize that here in New Mexico, there are a few other guys around who have a similar "title," but Ed was the one that really kind of educated them. Ed really was the Father of modern-day ballooning. . . the others were off-shoots. And, I think none of them have been as gracious, kind, friendly, and "real" as Ed always seemed to be.

I won't take up bunches of space here with the story of his life. His accomplishments were many and he was an amazing fellow, although what I knew of him, he was also a bit modest and never took himself too seriously. That was one of the things I really liked about him. He was fun to be around.
I'll give you a few links that you can check out if you'd like.
http://www.lighterthanair.org/ellis/ed_yost.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_Yost
http://www.balloonlife.com/publications/balloon_life/9801/9808/deIIyost.htm
http://www.nysun.com/article/55436
http://www.cantonrep.com/index.php?ID=357233&Category=23&subCategoryID=
http://sev.prnewswire.com/travel/20070529/AQTU09129052007-1.html

That should be enough to get you started! haha Like I said, he was a real character!

I had the opportunity to meet him . . . Let's see, what was the year? I'm pretty sure it was Summer of 1981, in Amarillo, Texas, at a hot-air balloon rally. I was only a student pilot at that time. (I got my private pilot license in November of 1982.) I was at the Amarillo rally with my husband at that time, Norm. The Amarillo Balloon Rally was also affectionately called "the high wind landing practice rally." I think there was something like four flights scheduled, but I think we only got in two of them, in the mornings. The afternoon flights were "winded-out" as we say in ballooning. Those turned into tailgate and BS sessions.

I met Ed the first morning of the rally, after flying. We had all flown, landed, packed-up and returned to the launch site, as was customary back then. That's when the tailgating & circulating began. Ed Yost was making the rounds, just talking to everyone. I think that he lived in the Amarillo area at that time, and so I suppose he was wanting to check in with everyone to make sure that a good time was had by all. He stopped by our truck and we hung out with him for a while.

Ed had founded the Balloon Federation of America (the BFA) a few years prior. But he had since had a falling-out with them. Ed vehemently disagreed with their strict focus upon competitive ballooning. He felt that went against the spirit of what he had founded the BFA to be. So he not only came up with another name to fit their acronym (I'll be polite here and say it was Big Farging Aiceholes, but you get the idea) . . . but he also founded the UN-bfa. The UN-bfa was a tongue-in-cheek group he had made-up patches and stickers for and he handed them out to fellow balloonists. It was his way of getting the word out that he disagreed with the (then) current policies of the BFA, and that he felt that the focus should be more on the fun of sport ballooning and safety and education. . . but definitely the fun. He later resolved his differences with them, and they now have at least an equal, if not bigger focus on ballooning safety & education, as he had always intended.

So Ed was telling the group of us (about 5 or 6 people at our truck) about the "UN-bfa" and one of the Yost rules (there were about 10 of them, if only I could remember them, they were funny) mandating that whomever was the last to receive an UN-bfa patch & sticker, was the "president" of the UN-bfa. He was in his early 60's at that point and I was (I think) the only gal in the group. Back then, I was a pretty, 20 year-old woman, with long hair and. . . well, he was a guy! So he was flirting it up with me and I managed to finagle one of those UN-bfa patches from him. Of course, he reminded me that I now held an awesome responsibility, I was "president" of the UN-bfa. That lasted for all of 10 minutes, until the next person got an UN-bfa patch.

It was a fun weekend hanging out with Ed Yost. He had so many great stories to tell and cool experiences to relate. He was different from some of the other "famous" balloonists in that he was more "down-to-earth" (pardon the pun) than any of the others. He was NEVER full of himself. He was kind, fun, friendly, and warm. He was a joy to be around. And. . . he was a wealth of information.

I have seen him many times since that weekend, at various other rallies and fiestas. He always seemed to be the same ol' fun-to-be-around guy I met back in 1981. I know he will be missed a great deal.
Farewell Ed. Thank you for everything you did for us and everything you taught us. And most of all, thanks for the memories.

~Paulena

Thyme Management

Greetings!

I hope you all had a terrific holiday weekend. Memorial Day weekend is kind of a mixed bag. For some, it's very recreational, and for most it would seem -- signals the "unofficial beginning of Summer," as I keep hearing the newscasters say. And for others, it's very personal and somewhat introspective, I suppose. Ideally it's a time when we remember all who have served our country and respect what sacrifices they made for the citizens of our country. We should respect the freedoms they have fought for and have afforded us. Freedom has never been free. I know that's kind of a worn-out phrase now, but true none-the-less. I for one, am very grateful to all who have served our country. I am thankful for all my freedoms. Thank you!

So how did I spend my time over the holiday weekend? Well I didn't get enough done, but it will still be there next weekend too! This weekend I spent doing mostly some landscaping and gardening in my yard. It's been a multi-layered plan of attack . . . It just takes time! Lots more work to do, but I'm chipping away at it. A few more trips to Home Depot &/or Lowe's, should help. I have (and have had all along) a series of plans that I want to accomplish each year for the yard. Eventually it will be "done" the way I want it. But due to time and expense, it will take a couple more years. At some point this year, I'll make it over to "Plants of the Southwest" and choose a tree for my back yard. On Sunday, I did manage to relax a bit. I was back at landscaping on Monday. So nice to have that extra day off. More time please!! I came to the conclusion that ALL weekends should be 3 days . . . and holiday weekends should be at least 4 days! haha Let's vote on that, shall we?

When I bought my house in December of 2003, the backyard was very desolate. I saw it as the proverbial "blank slate" on which to paint my gardening & landscaping aspirations! It didn't appear that there was anything alive in the yard. There was one small tree (or large bush) that was in question. I had to give that some time and wait until Spring 2004 to ascertain it's condition and variety. Oh . . . yeah, there were two pyracantha bushes in each back corner. Wouldn't you know -- THOSE had to be alive and well! I intensely dislike pyracantha bushes -- it comes from a bad childhood experience. But they are banned from all my yards. So my Dad & I wasted no time and took those out right away, in January 2004!! Other than that, my back yard appeared to have no other life. It was all rock . . . that gray, medium-size stuff, and the questionable tree/bush in an oval-shaped, brick-outlined, sandy-dirt area. Since the property had been abandoned for about a year and a half before I ever bought it, there were a lot of dead weeds to deal with.

Come Spring of 2004, I was mostly done with the house interior cleaning and painting. But I still had a lot of work to do -- in the yard. Such is life buying a HUD repo, but Oh-so worth it! Then, I discovered the questionable tree/bush was indeed very alive and it was a Desert Paradise tree. Seen here, is the little tree in it's first bloom as my tree. At the time of this photo, I had also just planted my little butterfly bush (only about 8" high) opposite end of the brick bed, and some garlic chives and some Greek Oregano in that same bed. Also here, a close-up photo of the tree's blooms, complete with a cooperative bee.
I also discovered a wonderful little surprise rose bush (in the back there, very small, near the fence) that struggled through and made it. It has yellow roses. So that was it for life in my backyard initially. Then I set to work on it. I started with what I could initially afford that first year and began planting various herbs (thyme, rosemary, oregano, basil, feverfew, sage, curly parsley, garlic chives, bee balm, yarrow, chamomile, & tarragon) and flowers along the back edge and the sides . . . making flower beds as I went. But the edging had to wait. That's when I planted the little butterfly bush that I had been nurturing in a pot for a year. It was in a 8 inch pot and only about 8 to 10 inches high at that time. It is now almost 7 feet tall!

My second Spring there (2005), I started working to build two raised, brick flower beds. One in each back corner, both of them three-tiered, quarter circle. I had never tackled anything quite like that before. Except for hauling the castle-bricks from the store to my back yard, I did all of it myself. My trusty friend Carol helped me haul the bricks for that project. Then I was on my own. I smashed one of my index fingers in the process. OUCH! That will never look right again! Since it was my first attempt at building a raised brick flowerbed, I would do a few things differently now. I have since learned a lot, but all-in-all, the flowerbeds turned out fairly nice. I also began edging the side flowerbeds with matching castle bricks. A pointer for any aspiring landscapers out there: Don't wait until next year to finish getting "the rest of the materials" for the project you began this year. I did that with the castle bricks and now two of the colors I was working with I can no longer find. Oh well! Punt! That year, I also ordered three Fairy Rose bushes from a catalog. Of course when they arrived, they were not much more than sticks with a little bit of root system. But they were guaranteed so I had nothing to loose. I planted those next to the wood fence on the south side of my yard. Now, each of them is about 3 or 4 feet around! Amazing what a little time will do!

Once I finished my nice, pretty, brick, raised flowerbeds that I was SO proud of . . . Well, then wallboy entered the picture. A new next door neighbor arbitrarily decided to cram an ugly, 6-foot, cinder block wall (down my throat) into the picture. It replaced the old 5-foot, wood fence. Sure, it had needed a little bit of maintenance work, but the wood fence had character, it breathed better, it didn't radiate heat, it was more colorful, and just looked better. Oh . . . and I could see my beloved Sandia Mountains and the city over that fence. But the new, ugly wall has since blocked that view, and has added about 10 degrees of reflected heat to my yard in the Spring, Summer and Autumn. The installation of his almighty, holy wall left a mess in my yard, his workers trampled two of my newly planted bushes, and left part of one of my raised flowerbeds damaged on one side. It also left my back fence unattached, flopping, and leaning -- for the wind to tear down. I had to set about repairing all the damage and mess that he allowed his workers to leave behind. I had just been injured in a car accident the week prior, so I couldn't do it myself at that point. I had to recruit a wonderful friend of mine to help. And my Dad & one of his friends fixed my flopping fence. But that raised flowerbed has never been quite right or quite the same since. :-( So all that set me back a little on what I wanted to accomplish on the yard that year. That's all I'll say here about wallboy. I have a collection of photos and a story about that experience on my Flickr page, if you're so inclined to peruse it. Be my guest. It's mostly just a "vent" story. You know -- everyone has one of those neighbors at least one time in their life. It's aggravating, but . . . Oh well. Eventually, in time, one of us will move to another house.

Last Summer, I began my irrigation project. But I ran into trouble when the person who was helping me with that couldn't finish the project right then. We got as far as trenching, laying in the pvc piping, designating where the risers would go & getting those put in, and then filling in the trenches. Connecting the pvc piping to the works - and connecting that to the water source and timer . . . that remains to be done. There was a time when I wasn't sure if he could ever help me finish it, or if I would have to hire someone to finish it. For a time, I got all depressed about that. It set back my progress too. Turns out if he is able to help me finish it, it will have to be sporadicly, or he will refer me to someone who can finish it for me. So in the meantime. . . here we are a year later trying to tie up those loose ends! So I'm still getting out there with the hose-sprayer every evening. I suppose it's "quality time" spent with my garden?

Right now, my yard is kinda ugly as it moves through it's transition phase. No photos of that yet. Check in soon, I'll post some. But for the moment, the irrigation phase is not yet complete. There is pvc piping sticking up in weird places, and while the trenches where the pvc pipes were run have been filled in, you can still see where those trenches were. I have not yet rehabilitated the ground along those lines. I keep thinking, "What if I need to dig that up again to troubleshoot a pipe issue? I don't want to have put a bunch of time & work into it and then wreck it." So this year, I'm getting my flowerbeds back in order. I'm finishing the castle-brick edging of the side and back flowerbeds, that I began last year (or was it the year before?). And oh My, how that Honeysuckle bush has grown since last year!!! This year I'm having to put up some lattice to train the Honeysuckle to, so I'll be putting it up on that whole fence. The plan is to also put lattice up on the ugly cinder-block wall, on the other side of my yard. I'm hoping that will cut the reflective heat and replace some pleasant character to the yard. It will also give a place for future vines to grow. . . hopefully beginning this Summer!
I've planted one small tree -- a Mimosa tree that will eventually grow to be medium-sized. I have marked and designated another spot for another tree, and I'm moving around lots of rock. I'm redistributing almost ALL of the gray rock in the entire backyard. Eventually it will be mounded-up as the banks of a rock river running through the yard -- that I've had kind of outlined with an old gray edging. Talk about back-breaking! Moving those rocks? Eeeks! I have to take a lot of breaks!! This will make the space for what will eventually be a "meadow area" on the back-side of the yard. Like I said, there is still lots of work to do, but I'm chipping away at it. I'm not sure what I'll have time to complete by the end of this Summer, but we shall see.

Before wallboy and before beginning the irrigation phase, I thought my yard was kinda pretty. Definitely much prettier than Before I started! I guess it's in that "awkward stage" right now. But eventually, I'll have the peace restored to the yard.
Redoing the deck? hahaha THAT will be another project for . . . another year. Maybe even railing and a patio cover to go with it. One thing at a time. Sometimes I get antsy to get it all done. All good things in time! There's that word again! Oh well . . . That should be no problem, now that I'm growing thyme! So far, I have "Mother of Thyme," "Creeping Thyme," and "Lemon Thyme." I suppose it's all about Thyme management!!

~Paulena
(BTW -- All of these images are my photos and they are copyrighted. I hope you enjoyed them.)

Something Wicked This Way Went?

Today at work, we had an interesting distraction. The building I work in is a suite of offices. It's a relatively small, but long building that houses suites A,B,C,D, & E. Each suite has office or storefront space in front and warehouse-type space in back. I work in suite A. At the other end of the building is a business that occupies suites D & E. THAT is where today's action took place.

I wasn't immediately aware of the activity. One of my coworkers came in about 10:00am and told me that the police were checking out the dumpster near suite E. It's the dumpster for our entire building, and it is partially obscured from the street by a clump of bushes. I'm not sure who called it in, but it turned out that someone had deposited a gray, curb-side type of garbage receptacle into our dumpster. That was odd enough, but the gray garbage container was wrapped and sealed in plastic. This happened to be the usual day the truck comes to empty the dumpster. So perhaps it was the sanitation workers who first saw the suspicious sight and called the police. Of course the first thought my twisted, mystery-minded brain came up with was, "Gee, I wonder if it's a body!? And why would they have chosen this specific dumpster? There are other dumpsters up and down the street that are more visible and more accessible, so who would have chosen this one?" You see how my spooky mind works.

Over the course of about an hour to an hour & a half, the saga unfolded. Once the police got there, I guess they did some investigation to determine that the parcel wasn't booby-trapped. Then they managed to extract the gray container out of the dumpster. They set it in front of the dumpster. Of course, I had to be indoors during most of this . . . I was at work after all. So I was periodically looking out my window or poking my head out the door to see what else was going on. I happened to step outside to check on things just as they were about to unveil the mysterious container. One of the sanitation workers tore open the plastic . . . and stepped back. There was a look of disgust on his face. I thought, "It's got to be awfully bad if that guy is grossed-out! After all, he deals with stinky trash everyday!"

The police officer stepped forward a step, as if to see through the top. But the lid was not yet opened. The one sanitation worker stepped forward again, very carefully. It was as if he expected something to jump out . . . or worse! He apprehensively opened the lid and flipped it backwards. The other nearby sanitation worker looked horrified. He ran from the container and over to the bushes and he puked. Meanwhile the first sanitation worker had a rag up to his face, covering his nose and mouth. He stepped forward and peered into the gray receptacle. He reached in and grabbed out a small, closed garbage bag and tossed it into the dumpster. It made a metallic clank-sound as it hit the side. He reached in again and grabbed out some Styrofoam pieces that appeared to have once been a cooler. He tossed those into the dumpster. Then he stepped closer and peered deeper into the trash can. He began pointing at something inside and saying something to the nearby police officer. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but he repeatedly pointed and backed away. There seemed to be a bit of urgency to his communication.

After a few times of pointing at the contents, I suppose the officer told him to get it out. The sanitation man moved closer and freakishly pushed at the gray trash can and tipped it over. At that point, my coworker and I could see a medium-sized, white trash bag lumped in the bottom of the container. I assessed the sight and decided, "Hummm, I suppose it could be a body, curled up maybe." Just then the wind shifted, and we got our first odoriferous whiff of the cargo. It was awful!! This is the part you don't get from watching CSI! I understood why the other sanitation worker had lost his breakfast! It was truly nasty. Then the wind thankfully shifted again. The officer stood by and supervised as the sanitation man continued poking at the bag and trying to pull it forward and out of the overturned container. They finally pulled it forward enough that I suppose they decided they could see through the bag well enough. Deciding it might be somewhat safe to open the bag, they declared it was old, rotten, discarded steaks. After making their declaration, they pushed the bag back into the gray garbage container and hoisted the entire thing back into the dumpster. They dusted off their hands as if to say, "Good riddance!" Then they talked and laughed a bit. I would imagine it was a huge relief to the sanitation worker.

Since the story seemed to be resolved, my coworker and I went back inside, and yes, back to work. I kept expecting to hear the loud, heavy garbage truck to drive through the parking lot to empty the dumpster. I never did hear them come through. Thinking that perhaps I was in the warehouse when they came through, I decided to look outside and see if the infamous gray garbage can was gone. It's still there!!!!!!!! It's still in the dumpster, just as they left it! So, it would appear that they intend to leave it there over the weekend! Great! Sometimes the workings of the city services really astonish me.

So that was our excitement for the day. Sad, I know . . . that trash would elicit such drama! haha I know, I watch too much NCIS and CSI. But these days, you just never know! What was possibly some scary, wicked drama with much at stake, turned out to be nothing major and only discarded steak.

Wishing you a good and uneventful weekend!
~Paulena

Clueless Wheels

"What are 'wheelies'?" my grandmother asked me. Ok, so why was my grandmother asking me about such things? Ah . . . where to begin.

It was a beautiful Mother's Day, and I was out for dinner at a popular restaurant with my family. The place was extremely busy that evening. There was an hour wait, just to be seated! The wait-staff was hustling and bustling at a quick pace to serve everyone. There was a booth of people behind me with 3 or 4 kids. That family was allowing their kids to pop in and out of the booth to run to the bathroom (or wherever), multiple times... indiscriminately, it seemed. They were never watching where they were going . . . just dashing in and out, without looking. It was a bit annoying, but what are ya gonna do in a public place? You generally just grin and bear it as best as you can. Two of their kids had those "wheelies" shoes with the wheels in the soles. I'm not totally sure how they work, but somehow the wearer can either walk in them like regular shoes, or they can choose to engage the little wheels in them and roll, like roller skates. They seem kind of cool, but not for everywhere!

It has been a topic in our local news lately, how several local business owners and store managers have recently banned wheelies from their places of business. Much to my astonishment, I have even heard a few people squawking about how unfair that is. But these kids are frequently not watching where they are going. They seem unaware of their impact on those around them. And it seems, these kids are not being taught that there is a time and place for things, and crowded places are NOT the place to use wheelies! The story I'm about to relate to you, is a perfect example of why they are being banned!

My family and I were sitting in the booth, just finishing our meals. We were chatting, as best we could in a noisy, bustling restaurant. I was looking around periodically. I saw one of the kids (I'm guessing he was about 9 or 10 years old) from the booth behind me, coming back down the corridor, from the direction of the restrooms . . . again. It was about his 3rd trip. He was solo, unaccompanied by parent or adult. Suddenly, he picked up just a little bit of speed and engaged his wheelies. He rolled right in front of a hurried waiter who was carrying a tray of plates with steaming-hot food. I gasped and held my breath for a moment, as if that might stop time and avert catastrophe! The quick-thinking waiter stopped short, on tiptoe . . . trying not to lunge forward with the momentum of his movements. For a half second, I thought the tray loaded with plates and food were going to keep going forward and land on people, then crash to the floor. Much to the waiter's credit, he slightly tipped the tray backwards, and then quickly leveled it again. It was an amazing feat to witness! The plates and food miraculously stayed on the tray, while the mindless child blithely rolled by, completely unaware that he had nearly cause a disaster for several people. "Hey, cool it on the wheelies!" I chastised him as he rolled past our table to his family's booth behind me. He gave me a sideways glance, but wouldn't look at me directly . . . as if my laser stare might singe him.

A couple of minutes later, that waiter stopped by our table. He smiled and said, "Oh don't we hate those wheelies?"

I said, "Oh Yes, and parents who allow them free reign on them in public places without teaching them to be responsible are also a menace. But you were so graceful!"

He chuckled. "Thanks."

"You know," I said, "A lot of businesses are banning the use of those things in their stores. The wheels are supposed to pop out... they just make the kids pop the wheels out if they want to come in. You should tell your manage to consider that."

The waiter's eyes lit up as he smiled again, "Hey . . . Yeah! That's a great idea! I'll tell him. That was just too close a call. Thanks for saying something to that kid."

He wished us a Happy Mother's Day, and he went about his job.

That's when my grandmother asked, "What was that all about?" I told her of the drama that had just unfolded behind her . . . the kid on the wheelies had rolled right in front of the waiter and almost caused the waiter to loose a tray of food. That's when she asked me what wheelies were. I described them as much as possible to an 87 year old lady. I related to her what I had told the waiter about businesses in town banning the wheelies. Then she said, "Good. And so you told that little boy to 'cool it,' right?" I confirmed that I had. She chuckled. "That's my girl!" she boosted, with a smile. You see, women in my family are typically not shy about expressing our views. Someday, perhaps I'll tell you about the time my mom bumped a low-rider in front of her, because he sat through three traffic light cycles. Like I said, not terribly shy!

I'm sure that stupid kid didn't learn anything. I doubt he ever even knew what a problem he caused. And since his parents were probably not paying any attention to what he was doing, most likely nothing was said to him, other than what I hissed at him. I swear! Sometimes I think people should have to have to pass a test to obtain a license before they are allowed to have kids! But don't get me started on that today!!

So now, my grandmother knows what "wheelies" are, not that she ever really wanted to know. And I'm sure the controversy about them will continue to heat up. I just wish that people would teach their kids to take responsibility for their thoughts, deeds, and actions . . . and to realize those actions have consequences and frequently affect other people. But then, when many of the parents have apparently not learned to take responsibility for their own thoughts, deeds, and actions . . . there is the rub. I wonder how far the pendulum will have to swing before our society gets back to what use to be known as "common sense."

What? "Other than that, how was Mother's Day," you ask?
Oh, actually pretty good. It was a beautiful day here in Albuquerque. I gardened in my back yard most of the day. Then it was great to have dinner with my mom & step-dad, my dad & step-mom, and my grandmother. We had fun.
Oh, and I got a live lizard for Mother's Day. One of my cats proudly brought it to me, while we were out in the yard. He seemed to be beaming over his thoughtfulness, and his prowess as a hunter. My little hunter. Last year, it was a live bird that he brought to me in my bedroom . . . and let it loose. What a sweet, thoughtful kitty!

That's all for today.
~Paulena

Something is . . .

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you have forgotten something . . . something possibly important? It nags at you much of the day, "What am I missing? What am I forgetting?" There has been something about today, May 11th. I'm searching my brain for what in the world I might have forgotten today! I've checked my calendar. I'm not seeing anything for today that I would be missing. A friend's birthday is tomorrow, but nothing today. Season finale on one of my favorite tv programs this evening . . . but that's not earth-shaking. I have a meeting that happens tonight, but I already know it will have to happen without me (the season finale, remember?). So what could it be?

Perhaps my Angels are trying to get some message through to me? Perhaps it's their way of having me pay careful attention to things around me? I don't know. I only know that since I awoke this morning, I've had this vague sense that something is amiss, or skewed, or missing. Something seems to be . . . forgotten. Gracious me, this is odd.

Enough of this. Lunchtime is over now. Back to work with me!
Be well...
~Paulena

Often, I Feel so Lucky

Greetings and Happy May!

I've been thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know!). I have terrific parents!! I have been truly blessed in this lifetime. But it saddens me that not everyone can have such an experience. So... what brought this on?

A few days ago, dear friend of mine lost his father to a long illness. His father had been in failing health for a few years. And just a couple of weeks ago, my friend was notified that his father (who lived in another state) had been placed in a hospice... so he knew the end was coming soon. He was torn about it. Why? Well the thing of it is, in many (most) ways, his father was little more than a sperm donor. So now his father has passed away, and my friend is rather torn on the whole issue. I can only imagine what that might be like.

My friend's mom & dad made the final split when my friend and his brother were 4 and 3 years old, respectively. He & his brother were the first and second born... but his dad went on to father other kids, "all over the place" as my friend puts it. There were a few times when he was around his dad, but they usually resulted in disappointments. He can only recall a few times when his dad stood-up for him in a couple of situations at his school, involving teacher problems. But my friend gradually learned to expect disappointment from his dad. He told me there was a two year period when he lived with his dad and a new step-mom, his father's sixth wife. She already had seven kids. Anyway, during that period of time that my friend lived there, he turned 13 years old. The family made a big deal of the other kids' birthdays. Then came my friend's birthday... not a word. Not a mention of it. My friend (being just a kid) was afraid to say anything, for fear of being labeled "ungrateful." A few weeks later, his dad said something to the effect of, "Oh gee. Didn't you have a birthday recently? Hummm I guess we missed it." There was no apology... no offer to make it up, no nothin'!!!! And that was his own son!! That may have been the year that my friend learned to just expect disappointment from his dad.

Can you imagine??? Being just a kid and your own parent (one you are living with) can't be responsible, or thoughtful enough to remember your birthday... or to even try to make it up to you. What a message that would send to a kid!! I shudder to think of it... and I find it painful!! Just to try imagining it, brings a tear to my eyes.

So yes, I have terrific parents. Even after they divorced, they remained wonderful. And today, I am double-blessed, as I have wonderful parents AND wonderful step-parents! No one ever forgot anything. And even into my adulthood, they have remained wonderful and supportive. Of course they have their quirks and whatnot. We all do. So thank God they're not perfect... then I'd have a complex! haha For the most part, I have always felt loved and supported by my parents.

I wish my friend could have grown up with that. But I think he grew up trying to believe his dad just might "get it together" and come through some day. My friend is the kind of guy who wants to believe the best in folks. So he gave his dad other chances along the way. Once my friend was into his young adulthood, he and his father went into business together. The business had been running fine for a while (maybe a year or two), and then... One day, his dad did not show up, but the IRS did. They were looking for his dad. They shut the place down and seized everything... including all the tools & possessions inside that had personally belonged to my friend... and, of course, all the financial investment he had personally made into the business. All because his dad wasn't honest with him and owed some sort of back taxes from some other screw-up thing he had done. But without disclosing any of that, he dragged his eldest son into the mess. I suppose if there was a fortunate side to that... at least my friend was a very young man and had not yet accumulated so much that the loss was huge... but to him at the time, I'm sure it seemed huge. And I know the cost to him was even more than just the financial and material stuff.

So he finally gave up on his dad ever coming through for him. His brother wrote their dad off a few years ago and said his good-byes back then. But my friend, he at least stayed in touch enough to know how his dad was doing. Now for him, I think it's hard to know how to feel.

His Mom? Oh... after the final split, she apparently had a few years of trying to kind of "find herself," and put things back together. She was a very young mom and struggled a bit. We all have our paths to travel. From what he tells me, she eventually came through it all... a stronger person. He says she has emerged a terrific lady. She is now remarried to a very nice, caring, and responsible man. My friend talks to his mom frequently, and they often confer with one another on things in their lives. I'm glad to see that at least one parent worked out well for him.

Oddly, during that same week that was the last of his dad's life (a few states away)... back here, near the home front, my friend's mom went into the hospital. She was facing a possibility of surgery. He was so very worried about her. He went to the small town where she lives and went to the hospital with her. He did everything he could to make things easier and as worry-free as possible for her. As it turned out, she didn't have to have the surgery... I guess the prayers and healing thoughts helped a lot. She is out of the hospital now and recovering nicely. I know he was horribly worried about her. What a week that was for him! To have her on the healing path is a huge load off his mind.

Yet in the back of his mind, every now and then, the push-me-pull-you thoughts about his dad revisit him. It's got to be a weird feeling... losing a parent who was never there for you and not be sure what to feel about it. Just feeling torn.

I feel blessed that I will never have to experience that, first-hand. And yet at the same time, I hurt for my friend right now who goes through it. I know that in time, it will become a little easier for him. I know there are lots of people out there who have had similar experiences. I just wish everyone could have had terrific parents. But I suppose it might be a set of lessons some souls came into this lifetime to learn from. Perhaps those experiences were the best way for those individuals to learn? It seems so harsh, and yet I know all of us have harsh areas of our life experiences to get through. I don't have any easy answers. I also have had my harsh life experiences. But fortunately for me, I've had great parents to support me through them. That's why I feel so lucky.

So if you ever read this, Mom, Dad, Don, and Julie... Thanks so much for always being there for me, and being so supportive. You all are the best! I love you all so very much. Thanks!!!

That's all for now.
Be well...
~Paulena

Spoiled Brats!

Hi,

I recently read a very good article (by Richard Smith) about the state of bratiness in our country. Hopefully the link to his article shows up here (if I've formatted things properly). Man, oh man, is this country ever full of brats!! I hadn't really thought about it in these terms before I read his article, but I concur with Richard Smith's assessment. It would seem that an unusually high number of people in the good ol' U. S. of A. don't understand when we have it good. Even when we are enduring tough times or controversial times, many of them don't seem to "get" how truly blessed we really are in this county. I know that lots of people don't agree with the current war situation... and Sure, we do have our problems and issues, but all in all, most of us have it so much better than most. If you have the opportunity to read his article (http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53028) you really must check it out. I wrote to him to let him know how much I enjoyed his article and that I have forwarded his article link to many friends. He wrote me back and thanked me for my positive feedback and told me that it's his most popular article to date. He wrote it in November '06.

Well, once again, I'm on break at the office. So I need to get back to that. That's all for now. Perhaps more later.
Have a blessed day.
~Paulena

I Finally did it!!

Greetings,

Well I finally did it... I finally got my mom on-board with blogging!! Ever since I discovered what blogging was, I had felt that my mom would be quite good at it. I have been telling her (for months... maybe a year or two) that she needs to start a blog and take off with it. Interestingly, she and I have encountered a few various sources in the last few weeks, all agreeing that if you are to be a writer, then you must have a blog!

This past weekend, she got started with it. I have put a link (in my sidebar) to her blog. She calls it "Puss Patton De Onion." And if you want to know why such a name, you'll just have to tune in and read her story on where the name came from. I look forward to reading her blog often. She frequently has strong opinions, vivid view points, and interesting things to say. Ok, perhaps I'm just a tad biased. She is my mom and one of my very best friends, but all of my friends agree that I got a great mom! And... she is most interesting.

So, find the link to the side and go visit her blog. And by all means, do come back and visit mine too.
I'm at work (on a break) right now... so back to work with me... perhaps more later or tomorrow. I'll try to write more often.
In the meantime, You have a great day.
~Paulena