A month or so ago, I was trying to upload an update to my main website. Unfortunately, it updated all the pages except my index page. As many of you would know, the index page is like the main, up front page you land on when going to a website! So, having the index page not update... is like having old info greeting your visitors! Not the end of the world as we know it... but not great.
So, a couple of weeks ago, a dear friend of mine -- Scott Westerman -- told me about a place and tool called WordPress that is a great place to consolidate one's various webpages!! Scott is a way cool guy whose judgement & expertise I trust. So I went and checked it out and it's pretty cool! I decided that I will begin the process of migrating my blog and main website over to WordPress. My new URL there is http://paulas.wordpress.com/.
So the adventure begins!
~Paulena
Monday, February 25, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Leggo My Ego!
I think I mentioned in a recent post that I have been reading a book called “A New Earth: Awakening Your Life’s Purpose,” by Eckhart Tolle. It’s a very good book and it really gets me thinking about a lot of things!
A year or so ago, I posted about how frustrated I was feeling about all the ridiculous media coverage about the Paris Hilton prison saga. Then it was other celebrities behaving badly. Now it’s Britney Spears, among others. The initial reaction (for me) tends to be something like, “Geeze! It’s all so stupid and annoying. Get it out of my face! I’m so tired of hearing about their crap on the NEWS! Leave it on the entertainment shows! The worse they behave, the move I hear about it. And the paparazzi. . . For crying out loud! Leave them alone! Let them be stupid in private!!“ It’s nuts! And it seems to somehow drag me into feeling frustrated. What is that about?
But now I’m reading this book (mentioned above) and I’m learning to see it in a new light! It makes me think about how we respond. It’s an enlightening process and I wish I could share with you all the “ah-ha” moments I’ve come across in the reading. But there are too many and I’d be practically reproducing the entire book! Just go get the book, read it with an open mind and see. There might be a tendency to feel a tad resistant in places. But that’s just the ego not wanting to release some entrenched ways of thinking and viewing things. Just keep reading!
For example, in this particular case — I’m reflecting on the whole issue of celebrities behaving badly, the media over-coverage of it, and how that tends to annoy me. I have to ask myself “Why does that annoy you so much?” I only wanted to sit, turn on the TV for an hour or so, and catch up on the evening news. And while I do get information on world events, I also get bombarded with a spectacle of (what I consider to be) idiot celebrity behaviors. The worse the behaviors, the faster it is broadcast! I didn’t ask for it. I don’t care about it, but there it is, in my face. At that point, I turn off the TV. But then it’s also on the radio, in the newspaper, and on the splash-pages when I bring up Yahoo, MSN or even the Comcast page. It’s everywhere!
Although I might not care to hear about it, apparently THRONGS of people do seem to care about it. Why? It’s like they can’t get enough of it! So the media goes for the ratings. Kind of sick? Yes. It’s like the proverbial train wreck that folks can’t take their eyes off of! It’s so horrifying to see, and yet we keep staring in disbelief. But I think we have all experienced it even though we might not care to admit it. I suppose it’s just human nature. But THAT– human nature is just it!
The main thing that the author, Ekchart Tolle talks about is the ego. He wants to teach us how the ego gets in the way of higher consciousness. It’s nothing new really. Buddhists have been teaching for centuries about letting go of attachments, and that attachments are the root of all suffereing. Eckhart Tolle has studied psychology and various world faiths, so he can put it in slightly differnt terms. He explains it beautifully!
In a nutshell he shows us that the ego gets attached to various things, situations, people, and concepts. The ego identifies with these various things and concepts and it hangs on to them for dear life! Then it operates as if those concepts or things are us, we, or I. Ego fights to keep those identities. We falsely identify ourselves with that. Then we are confused and we believe that we ARE those identities! But, we are not.
In considering all that, I go back to my earlier question about the crazy celebrity coverage. “Why does it annoy you so much?” Well. . . I suppose that’s because. . . it’s junk coverage. It’s not news, it’s invasive! It adds energy to thoughtlessness. It perpetuates a frenzy of negativity that gets splashed everywhere. It is not helpful to me or anyone else. Some of it is even inaccurate! I resent having it thrust upon me where ever I go. In my frustration, I begin to feel judgemental, even though I try not to be that way. Before I know it, I am inadvertantly helping perpetuate the negativity. I end up resenting that too. All that negativity, judgemental thinking, and resentment, turns out to be food for that ol’ ego!
But really, who am *I* to determine what they “should” or “should not” do. . . or that they are “wrong” in this, that, or some other? That is my ego that is attached to my idea of what is wrong or right or proper. I can only determine what is right for my own circumstanses. Even then, I might be too attached to ideas and concepts and become rigid in my thinking, thus creating my own life struggles!
If you really look at it, those celebrities are probably not trying to accomodate society’s clamor for “news” of bad behavior! First of all, they are not what the media displays them to be. Media presents what sells. . . a snapshot of the exterior of someone’s life and a superficial glimpse into a moment of a behavior and a life. Second of all, the celebrities are just doing, just being. . . they are just trying to go about their lives and ego pulls them astray. They make a bad choice, which in turn creates the drama that ego loves. The ego feeds on the drama and the frenzy. That further re-enforces the egoic insanity! It becomes a cycle and they end up believing that’s who they are. So then they continue to make more bad choices. And because they live under a microscope, it’s all documented and displayed for all to see.
It would be up to them to change their behaviors. But like so many people in today’s society, that’s either too hard, or they are cluless that they have that kind of power over their own lives! They make excuses and continue to believe the myth of the identity they have created and taken on for themselves, complete with self-destruction. Ego loves it, and so does the media.
Their cycle of ill-chosen behaviors and the media coverage perpetuates a form of what Mr. Tolle calls “a collective human dysfunction” — that would be all of our collective egos being attached to ideas, concepts, and false identities. In this case, feeding the sick gossip consumption frenzy. Our egos see it, react to it and cause the cycle to continue and even escalate. We’d be better off to mind our own lives and fix our own set of situations. Instead, we focus upon “them” and ”the other.” It’s easier and the ego loves that. . . it likes to make “others” so it can feel superior! It’s an illusion trying to survive by being better than ”others.”
Now here is a concept fo ya. . . from page 62 of my copy of Eckhart Tolle’s book, “A New Earth: Awakening Your Life’s Purpose”
“Nonreaction to the ego in others is one of the most effective ways not only of going beyond ego in yourself, but also of dissolving the collective human ego. But you can only be in a state of nonreaction if you can recognize someone’s behavior as coming from the ego, as being an expression of the collective human dysfunction. When you realize it’s not personal, there is no longer a compulsion to react as if it were.”
Wow!! It’s not personal! Ok, I knew that, but to read it in the context of the things he is sharing with us. . . it was an “ah-ha” moment for me.
Of course this is only a snapshot sample of the book. There are many, many more concepts he shares with the reader. It’s deep and I’ve so far had several ”ah-ha” moments and look forward to many more. That is, of course, why I read the book. I enjoy personal and spiritual growth.
There you have it. Just some thoughts I wanted to share with you. . . all 5 or 6 of my readers. hehe I thought you might enjoy the process. Thanks fo reading. And so my process continues — back to the book!
If you decide to get the book and read it, then happy, insightful reading to you!
Be Well!
~Paulena
A year or so ago, I posted about how frustrated I was feeling about all the ridiculous media coverage about the Paris Hilton prison saga. Then it was other celebrities behaving badly. Now it’s Britney Spears, among others. The initial reaction (for me) tends to be something like, “Geeze! It’s all so stupid and annoying. Get it out of my face! I’m so tired of hearing about their crap on the NEWS! Leave it on the entertainment shows! The worse they behave, the move I hear about it. And the paparazzi. . . For crying out loud! Leave them alone! Let them be stupid in private!!“ It’s nuts! And it seems to somehow drag me into feeling frustrated. What is that about?
But now I’m reading this book (mentioned above) and I’m learning to see it in a new light! It makes me think about how we respond. It’s an enlightening process and I wish I could share with you all the “ah-ha” moments I’ve come across in the reading. But there are too many and I’d be practically reproducing the entire book! Just go get the book, read it with an open mind and see. There might be a tendency to feel a tad resistant in places. But that’s just the ego not wanting to release some entrenched ways of thinking and viewing things. Just keep reading!
For example, in this particular case — I’m reflecting on the whole issue of celebrities behaving badly, the media over-coverage of it, and how that tends to annoy me. I have to ask myself “Why does that annoy you so much?” I only wanted to sit, turn on the TV for an hour or so, and catch up on the evening news. And while I do get information on world events, I also get bombarded with a spectacle of (what I consider to be) idiot celebrity behaviors. The worse the behaviors, the faster it is broadcast! I didn’t ask for it. I don’t care about it, but there it is, in my face. At that point, I turn off the TV. But then it’s also on the radio, in the newspaper, and on the splash-pages when I bring up Yahoo, MSN or even the Comcast page. It’s everywhere!
Although I might not care to hear about it, apparently THRONGS of people do seem to care about it. Why? It’s like they can’t get enough of it! So the media goes for the ratings. Kind of sick? Yes. It’s like the proverbial train wreck that folks can’t take their eyes off of! It’s so horrifying to see, and yet we keep staring in disbelief. But I think we have all experienced it even though we might not care to admit it. I suppose it’s just human nature. But THAT– human nature is just it!
The main thing that the author, Ekchart Tolle talks about is the ego. He wants to teach us how the ego gets in the way of higher consciousness. It’s nothing new really. Buddhists have been teaching for centuries about letting go of attachments, and that attachments are the root of all suffereing. Eckhart Tolle has studied psychology and various world faiths, so he can put it in slightly differnt terms. He explains it beautifully!
In a nutshell he shows us that the ego gets attached to various things, situations, people, and concepts. The ego identifies with these various things and concepts and it hangs on to them for dear life! Then it operates as if those concepts or things are us, we, or I. Ego fights to keep those identities. We falsely identify ourselves with that. Then we are confused and we believe that we ARE those identities! But, we are not.
In considering all that, I go back to my earlier question about the crazy celebrity coverage. “Why does it annoy you so much?” Well. . . I suppose that’s because. . . it’s junk coverage. It’s not news, it’s invasive! It adds energy to thoughtlessness. It perpetuates a frenzy of negativity that gets splashed everywhere. It is not helpful to me or anyone else. Some of it is even inaccurate! I resent having it thrust upon me where ever I go. In my frustration, I begin to feel judgemental, even though I try not to be that way. Before I know it, I am inadvertantly helping perpetuate the negativity. I end up resenting that too. All that negativity, judgemental thinking, and resentment, turns out to be food for that ol’ ego!
But really, who am *I* to determine what they “should” or “should not” do. . . or that they are “wrong” in this, that, or some other? That is my ego that is attached to my idea of what is wrong or right or proper. I can only determine what is right for my own circumstanses. Even then, I might be too attached to ideas and concepts and become rigid in my thinking, thus creating my own life struggles!
If you really look at it, those celebrities are probably not trying to accomodate society’s clamor for “news” of bad behavior! First of all, they are not what the media displays them to be. Media presents what sells. . . a snapshot of the exterior of someone’s life and a superficial glimpse into a moment of a behavior and a life. Second of all, the celebrities are just doing, just being. . . they are just trying to go about their lives and ego pulls them astray. They make a bad choice, which in turn creates the drama that ego loves. The ego feeds on the drama and the frenzy. That further re-enforces the egoic insanity! It becomes a cycle and they end up believing that’s who they are. So then they continue to make more bad choices. And because they live under a microscope, it’s all documented and displayed for all to see.
It would be up to them to change their behaviors. But like so many people in today’s society, that’s either too hard, or they are cluless that they have that kind of power over their own lives! They make excuses and continue to believe the myth of the identity they have created and taken on for themselves, complete with self-destruction. Ego loves it, and so does the media.
Their cycle of ill-chosen behaviors and the media coverage perpetuates a form of what Mr. Tolle calls “a collective human dysfunction” — that would be all of our collective egos being attached to ideas, concepts, and false identities. In this case, feeding the sick gossip consumption frenzy. Our egos see it, react to it and cause the cycle to continue and even escalate. We’d be better off to mind our own lives and fix our own set of situations. Instead, we focus upon “them” and ”the other.” It’s easier and the ego loves that. . . it likes to make “others” so it can feel superior! It’s an illusion trying to survive by being better than ”others.”
Now here is a concept fo ya. . . from page 62 of my copy of Eckhart Tolle’s book, “A New Earth: Awakening Your Life’s Purpose”
“Nonreaction to the ego in others is one of the most effective ways not only of going beyond ego in yourself, but also of dissolving the collective human ego. But you can only be in a state of nonreaction if you can recognize someone’s behavior as coming from the ego, as being an expression of the collective human dysfunction. When you realize it’s not personal, there is no longer a compulsion to react as if it were.”
Wow!! It’s not personal! Ok, I knew that, but to read it in the context of the things he is sharing with us. . . it was an “ah-ha” moment for me.
Of course this is only a snapshot sample of the book. There are many, many more concepts he shares with the reader. It’s deep and I’ve so far had several ”ah-ha” moments and look forward to many more. That is, of course, why I read the book. I enjoy personal and spiritual growth.
There you have it. Just some thoughts I wanted to share with you. . . all 5 or 6 of my readers. hehe I thought you might enjoy the process. Thanks fo reading. And so my process continues — back to the book!
If you decide to get the book and read it, then happy, insightful reading to you!
Be Well!
~Paulena
There Be New Carpet in Here!
Yipee!! It's all done! I have gone from a frozen/burst pipe on New Years Morning. . . to a nicely restored, slightly remodled room and bathroom in about 6 weeks.
It's taken me a few days to get back to the laptop to write and let you know, but the restoration/reconstruction of my room and bathroom is now complete! Before the flooring arrived, I was very happy with how the wall repair and the paint turned out. 
The colors are even better than I had hoped they'd be, although it's hard to really see it in these 
photos. The bathroom is now a light lavender. In my bedroom, only two of the walls were painted during this project. The contractors painted those walls a blushed white, including the walls against the bathroom. My other two lavender walls remained the same, as I painted them 4 years ago.
So. . . I waited for the flooring to arrive.
The colors are even better than I had hoped they'd be, although it's hard to really see it in these 
photos. The bathroom is now a light lavender. In my bedroom, only two of the walls were painted during this project. The contractors painted those walls a blushed white, including the walls against the bathroom. My other two lavender walls remained the same, as I painted them 4 years ago.So. . . I waited for the flooring to arrive.
They called me on Tuesday afternoon to inform me that they would be over the next day, arriving between 8am to 10am to begin installing the flooring. . . I was elated! But I had to vacate everything off the floor of my closet, and who knew just how much had accumulated there!? Yikes! It turns out that when you don't move every couple of years, you forget to go through things and toss stuff to Goodwill or trash it! Ya loose track! What a mess! I have now made a couple of trips to Goodwill and there are more in the plans. . . as I gradually go through things, while putting my room back together!
Anyway, I digress! By Tuesday night, I had everything vacated from the closet floor and I was 
ready for them to arrive with my new flooring. Of course, they would have to be the ones to move the furniture. I planned to move my car out of my garage and store the furniture and such in the garage while the flooring installation took place. That's what we did and it worked nicely.
ready for them to arrive with my new flooring. Of course, they would have to be the ones to move the furniture. I planned to move my car out of my garage and store the furniture and such in the garage while the flooring installation took place. That's what we did and it worked nicely. That Wednesday morning I got up early so I'd be ready by their 8am arrival. 
At 07:30am, my doorbell rang! Yikes!!!! My hair was wrapped up in a towel and. . . I had to toss on a robe to answer the door! "Installation people are NEVER early!!" I thought. I answered the door in a fluster of unpreparedness. . . It was the plumber arriving to remove the commode, before the flooring guys got there. They were actually going to install this stuff correctly!!! Wow. . . How cool! Unlike the builder of the house who just installed the linoleum around the toilet. So I let the plumber in and directed him to the master bathroom to do his work.
I went back into my other bathroom to finish getting dressed and put together. I was finished before the plumber was. I went in to check on his progress. He was almost done. He finished within five minutes and he left. About twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang again and it was the installers! The lead-guy Ray, introduced me to his helper, Diego. 
They seemed very nice. Ray had me come out to the truck to look at the flooring they would be installing. . . to make sure it was what I had ordered and was expecting. It was indeed, the right stuff!
After I moved my car, we set about moving everything out of my room and into the garage. They tore out the old carpet and pad. They brought in various tools to clean the bare concrete floor and materials to begin the intallation processes. They brought in the linoleum, measured and cut it, and Ray began installing it in the bathroom.
At 07:30am, my doorbell rang! Yikes!!!! My hair was wrapped up in a towel and. . . I had to toss on a robe to answer the door! "Installation people are NEVER early!!" I thought. I answered the door in a fluster of unpreparedness. . . It was the plumber arriving to remove the commode, before the flooring guys got there. They were actually going to install this stuff correctly!!! Wow. . . How cool! Unlike the builder of the house who just installed the linoleum around the toilet. So I let the plumber in and directed him to the master bathroom to do his work.
I went back into my other bathroom to finish getting dressed and put together. I was finished before the plumber was. I went in to check on his progress. He was almost done. He finished within five minutes and he left. About twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang again and it was the installers! The lead-guy Ray, introduced me to his helper, Diego. 
They seemed very nice. Ray had me come out to the truck to look at the flooring they would be installing. . . to make sure it was what I had ordered and was expecting. It was indeed, the right stuff!
After I moved my car, we set about moving everything out of my room and into the garage. They tore out the old carpet and pad. They brought in various tools to clean the bare concrete floor and materials to begin the intallation processes. They brought in the linoleum, measured and cut it, and Ray began installing it in the bathroom. 
Meanwhile, Diego cleaned up the concrete floor in my room and prepped the floor for glue and pad. He brought in the materials and began cutting and laying the pad. Once the pad was cut and laid out they way they wanted it, then Diego went back and folded back the pad, poured the glue on the concrete, and laid the pad back in place. It was an odiferous process!
Ray finished intalling the linoleum and then they went outside to get the carpet. They must have measured and cut it outside, and then brought in the carpet. Because when they brought it in, it was just about the right measurements and I noticed I
had extra outside (which they later rolled up and saved for me). The first time I stepped on the new carpet, it was like walking on a fluffy cloud! I love this stuff!
I had never watched a carpet install before,
so the process was interesting. I know they do it everyday, but it was facinating to see how they just zip in and make cuts around corners
and doorjams and it came out perfect! Then the stretching process is cool too. They have nifty tools. It would have taken me two weeks, if I had to do it!! haha But they did it in a few hours! All in all, with moving my furniture out, removing old carpet & pad, prepping the floors, installing linoleum in the bathroom, installing pad and carpet in my room, and then moving my 
furniture back into my room. . . they were done in about 5 or 6 hours! I'm thrilled with the way it all came out! The little bit of color in the linoleum 
matches perfectly with the carpet. I'm very happy with the choices I made.
Ray finished intalling the linoleum and then they went outside to get the carpet. They must have measured and cut it outside, and then brought in the carpet. Because when they brought it in, it was just about the right measurements and I noticed I
had extra outside (which they later rolled up and saved for me). The first time I stepped on the new carpet, it was like walking on a fluffy cloud! I love this stuff! I had never watched a carpet install before,
so the process was interesting. I know they do it everyday, but it was facinating to see how they just zip in and make cuts around corners
and doorjams and it came out perfect! Then the stretching process is cool too. They have nifty tools. It would have taken me two weeks, if I had to do it!! haha But they did it in a few hours! All in all, with moving my furniture out, removing old carpet & pad, prepping the floors, installing linoleum in the bathroom, installing pad and carpet in my room, and then moving my 
furniture back into my room. . . they were done in about 5 or 6 hours! I'm thrilled with the way it all came out! The little bit of color in the linoleum 
matches perfectly with the carpet. I'm very happy with the choices I made. Now. . . I look forward to when the weather warms enough that I can open some windows!! 
The fumes are not too bad, but it does smell a little wierd in my house for now. And, I'll be vacuuming the new carpet a lot. . . New carpet sheds for a while. Although, that's not me vacuuming
there in the photo. . . that is Diego doing the honors of the first vacuuming with my Dyson vacuum. That's the first guy who has offered to vacuum my carpet in a long time! haha It's my job again now. No biggie, as the Dyson does a great job of it. And I'm thoroughly enjoying how the carpet looks and feels!
The fumes are not too bad, but it does smell a little wierd in my house for now. And, I'll be vacuuming the new carpet a lot. . . New carpet sheds for a while. Although, that's not me vacuuming
there in the photo. . . that is Diego doing the honors of the first vacuuming with my Dyson vacuum. That's the first guy who has offered to vacuum my carpet in a long time! haha It's my job again now. No biggie, as the Dyson does a great job of it. And I'm thoroughly enjoying how the carpet looks and feels! That's all on this project! I'm glad it's done.
Be Well!
Be Well!
~Paulena
Monday, February 11, 2008
Becoming More Clear...
The last couple of years, I have known it was time to move on -- career-wise -- to something else. But figuring out what that would be, has taken some introspection, and a lot of reading (book links included in a later paragraph). I've been hearing for years: "Do what you love and the money (prosperity) will follow." Great! Ok, but what if you aren't sure what it is "you love" to do... or where you want your life to go? Sounds a little ridiculous, yes, but tons of people are struggling with this very thing right now!!!
So... how can you NOT know what you love to do? Easy! You spend your life, from very early on, deferring to people you respect who say they love you, or care about you... people who think they know better. And these people are trying to "guide" you down a path that they think would be much better for you than those crazy notions you have in your head! Ok, message received. You hang your head and move on and do what you've been told you are "supposed" to do. You pay the bills. Heaven forbid that you would "make waves!" That's how it begins.
Then you are going about your so-called life, and you mention an idea that you always wanted to try or might like to try... and someone... a teacher? a school counselor? a doctor? a parent? a spouse? a sibling? ...Someone tells you "That's NUTS! You can't do that! You'd never be able to pull that off. What's wrong with you? You'd never be any good at that. That's a really dumb idea! You'd never make a living doing that! What would people think? Forget that, you have to get a graduate degree or you'll be nothing! That's not a safe idea. Quit Dreaming! Get back to reality! You'd be a laughing stock! What are you??? Crazy? Be sensible!" Bark, bark, woof woof.... You know the rest... theme and variations. I've seen it a bazillion times-- and probably so have you!
Again, you hang your head, feeling ridiculous for ever bringing up such ludicrous thoughts!! How dare you!? Feeling supremely stupid, low, and unworthy of being listened to ever again. And you think, "Yeah, what was I thinking? Just shut up and pay the bills."
HOW SAD!!! And yet, these obstacles are part of the path, and part of the lesson! They are part of what can build your inner strength... if you allow it.
Guess what? Those crazy notions you had in your head... notions that maybe you HAVE had in your head a long time... THOSE are most probably what you love to do! Ok, sometimes we have more that one crazy notion. And sometimes we need to whittle and shape those notions into something useable. So what? It's a process! Where did those notions of yours go? If you have lost touch with them, how do you find them again?
For me, I got to thinking (Dangerous pastime, I know!)... And I mentally went back in time... back to when I was about 4 and 5 years old. I thought about all the times grown-ups would ask, "So... What do you want to be when you grow up?" My responses varied a little, and in looking back, I now realize that I didn't yet possess the vocabulary to accurately express the ideas I had in my young, little head.
To the best of my ability, I generally told those grown-ups that I wanted to be a "teacher" or a "witch." Imagine that!!! haha I got more than a few raised eyebrows on that one!! But to me at age 4, a witch was a healer. I wasn't meaning a nurse or doctor... I meant a healer. I just didn't know what it was called, so I formed a category I thought covered it... maybe not so eloquently. When asked "Why a teacher?" I answered with, "I want to teach people to not be mean... to be nice, and to think." I didn't see myself teaching English, or History, or Science, or Home-Ec... to me at that age, a teacher was someone who taught compassion, how to be smart, who showed the way... and taught by example.
That was how I envisioned the someday-adult-Paula, would be. She would be someone who was a healer and who could assist in showing the way. How esoteric of me! Woo-woo!! (I'm chuckling) hahaha But at the age of 4 and 5, I didn't quite know how to properly express this... and maybe it was just as well. The grown-ups had a tendency to smile, pat me on the head, chuckle and say something like, "Oh how cute! Isn't that nice." It wasn't like they were asking because they would actually take me seriously!!!
It wasn't long before I began hearing: "You should be a nurse." OR "You should teach little kids." So people began "should-ing" on me fairly early in life. I'm sure most you out there experienced that too. This, in turn, taught me to "should" on myself. Soon, I could no longer "hear" that little girl who wanted... anything.
Now, now... Don't cry for my Argentina!! We ALL went through some variation of this. THAT is why SO MANY people today are struggling with "What do I really want to be when I grow up?" ...and they are 30,... 45 years old!!!
So where does this leave us? Being older than we thought we'd be when trying to figure it out! It leaves us with attending class reunions and learning that many of our classmates have already had 3, 4, or even 5 "careers" and some are still looking for... what they really want to be when they grow up. Guess what? That's Ok!
It's not too late to find what you love to do, to change careers, and to find your passion. However you want to phrase it, it's not too late! But it will probably take some work. It will take some digging and some commitment. You will most likely have to be willing to delve deep into yourself and bring out some things that got buried along the way. I have found that keeping a journal is most helpful. Meditation is helpful, although not easy. I have also been doing a ton of reading. Ahh... the reading...
A couple of years ago, I discovered "The Law of Attraction," by Ester & Jerry Hicks. I listened to it as a book on CD. Late last year, I discovered another of their books, "The Astonishing Power of Emotions: Let Your Feelings Be Your Guide." I just finished it. Very enlightening! Within the last year or so, I began hearing about a book called "The Secret," by Rhonda Byrne (which is also becoming a movie) ... Turns out, that one is all about learning to use the Law of Attraction. Go figure! I haven't yet had the chance to read "The Secret," but it IS on my reading list. The book I just started is, "The New Earth: Awakening Your Life's Purpose," by Eckhart Tolle, also the author of "The Power of Now." I heard about it from Oprah. It turns out that in the beginning of March (2008), she is hosting an online, 10 week, workshop based on the book. Co-facilitating it will be the author, Eckhart Tolle. How cool is that? And the online workshop is free. You can click on the Oprah link to go to Oprah's website and learn more! Response has been wild! This is hot... See? Lots of people want to understand this stuff. We are not alone!
I have been a "metaphysical-type" for a many years now... exploring various books and various spiritual ideas and flavors. I always knew that eventually, this path would lead me to something that I loved to do and felt good about. There have been a few times, when I came close to following my heart-felt path. Along the way, there have been a handful of nay Sayers in and out of my life, who felt the need to squash my ideas or tell me I was crazy or wrong for thinking this, that, or the other. Maybe they didn't intend to have that effect upon me, but that was the end result. It temporarily smothered my internal spark from igniting my heart-felt passion for what my soul was calling me to do. That resulted in feeling sad and depressed. I kept wondering what happened to the spark I used to have... where had it gone? It took a while for me to rediscover it.
Now, having said that, I must take responsibility for allowing these various people to have that effect upon me. Especially once I was a grown adult! Unfortunately, at those times, I just wasn't seeing what was happening. These were people who had been important to me, thus I trusted their opinions a little too much. I wasn't quite "getting it" (yet) that ultimately; I had to be the one to say,
"So what's it to ya? Why are you so invested in keeping me down? Why do you want to keep me from pursuing what feels right to me? Why can't you just let me be who I am and allow me to pursue what interests me?"
And ultimately, I needed to shake off their opinions and doubts, not let them get to me, and I needed to put my foot down and follow what my soul was trying to tell me. It sounds like such a no-brainer now!! But it just wasn't that easy when I was trying to find my truest path. But that is all water under the proverbial bridge. That was then... this is NOW! And NOW is all I can take care of... Now and the Future!
Life is complicated these days... now more than ever. You will sometimes make "mistakes," but that is part of learning! It's Ok to make some mistakes... they will be a part of your path!
It is said in some circles (and I believe this) that if you prevent a person from progressing on their path, you will incur negative karma for stunting them. Even if you block them by way of not holding them responsible for their own personal development, that is still blocking their progress!! Some folks don't realize that they are doing this to others. Well-meaning or not, it all becomes a matter of trying to control other people and situations... to a greater or lesser degree. It's an impossible endeavor. In the end, you cannot get away with controlling other people or their lives, and you cannot change other people. If you can't accept them as they are, walk away. If they cannot accept you for who you are, as you are right now... walk away. Easier said than done, I know.
You cannot change the past. You can stop others from pushing you down now, but it takes courage and the strength to stand and tell them what's what! Even if you waiver and find yourself down, you have the power to get back up and make the changes you want in your own life!!! You can really only control your own thoughts, deeds, and actions... in the here and now... and you can effect your future. As Gandhi used to say, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
I am now at a place where I can see some very positive things begining to happen in my life. Some things I had been struggling with are now resolving and I am begining to see some things with more clarity. I am making sense of things that I had been confused about. I am formulating what my "purpose" might be... and I see that it very possibly is multiple choice! I am finding joy in the possibilities!
Still waiting for carpet... but life is good!
Be well,
~Paulena
So... how can you NOT know what you love to do? Easy! You spend your life, from very early on, deferring to people you respect who say they love you, or care about you... people who think they know better. And these people are trying to "guide" you down a path that they think would be much better for you than those crazy notions you have in your head! Ok, message received. You hang your head and move on and do what you've been told you are "supposed" to do. You pay the bills. Heaven forbid that you would "make waves!" That's how it begins.
Then you are going about your so-called life, and you mention an idea that you always wanted to try or might like to try... and someone... a teacher? a school counselor? a doctor? a parent? a spouse? a sibling? ...Someone tells you "That's NUTS! You can't do that! You'd never be able to pull that off. What's wrong with you? You'd never be any good at that. That's a really dumb idea! You'd never make a living doing that! What would people think? Forget that, you have to get a graduate degree or you'll be nothing! That's not a safe idea. Quit Dreaming! Get back to reality! You'd be a laughing stock! What are you??? Crazy? Be sensible!" Bark, bark, woof woof.... You know the rest... theme and variations. I've seen it a bazillion times-- and probably so have you!
Again, you hang your head, feeling ridiculous for ever bringing up such ludicrous thoughts!! How dare you!? Feeling supremely stupid, low, and unworthy of being listened to ever again. And you think, "Yeah, what was I thinking? Just shut up and pay the bills."
HOW SAD!!! And yet, these obstacles are part of the path, and part of the lesson! They are part of what can build your inner strength... if you allow it.
Guess what? Those crazy notions you had in your head... notions that maybe you HAVE had in your head a long time... THOSE are most probably what you love to do! Ok, sometimes we have more that one crazy notion. And sometimes we need to whittle and shape those notions into something useable. So what? It's a process! Where did those notions of yours go? If you have lost touch with them, how do you find them again?
For me, I got to thinking (Dangerous pastime, I know!)... And I mentally went back in time... back to when I was about 4 and 5 years old. I thought about all the times grown-ups would ask, "So... What do you want to be when you grow up?" My responses varied a little, and in looking back, I now realize that I didn't yet possess the vocabulary to accurately express the ideas I had in my young, little head.
To the best of my ability, I generally told those grown-ups that I wanted to be a "teacher" or a "witch." Imagine that!!! haha I got more than a few raised eyebrows on that one!! But to me at age 4, a witch was a healer. I wasn't meaning a nurse or doctor... I meant a healer. I just didn't know what it was called, so I formed a category I thought covered it... maybe not so eloquently. When asked "Why a teacher?" I answered with, "I want to teach people to not be mean... to be nice, and to think." I didn't see myself teaching English, or History, or Science, or Home-Ec... to me at that age, a teacher was someone who taught compassion, how to be smart, who showed the way... and taught by example.
That was how I envisioned the someday-adult-Paula, would be. She would be someone who was a healer and who could assist in showing the way. How esoteric of me! Woo-woo!! (I'm chuckling) hahaha But at the age of 4 and 5, I didn't quite know how to properly express this... and maybe it was just as well. The grown-ups had a tendency to smile, pat me on the head, chuckle and say something like, "Oh how cute! Isn't that nice." It wasn't like they were asking because they would actually take me seriously!!!
It wasn't long before I began hearing: "You should be a nurse." OR "You should teach little kids." So people began "should-ing" on me fairly early in life. I'm sure most you out there experienced that too. This, in turn, taught me to "should" on myself. Soon, I could no longer "hear" that little girl who wanted... anything.
Now, now... Don't cry for my Argentina!! We ALL went through some variation of this. THAT is why SO MANY people today are struggling with "What do I really want to be when I grow up?" ...and they are 30,... 45 years old!!!
So where does this leave us? Being older than we thought we'd be when trying to figure it out! It leaves us with attending class reunions and learning that many of our classmates have already had 3, 4, or even 5 "careers" and some are still looking for... what they really want to be when they grow up. Guess what? That's Ok!
It's not too late to find what you love to do, to change careers, and to find your passion. However you want to phrase it, it's not too late! But it will probably take some work. It will take some digging and some commitment. You will most likely have to be willing to delve deep into yourself and bring out some things that got buried along the way. I have found that keeping a journal is most helpful. Meditation is helpful, although not easy. I have also been doing a ton of reading. Ahh... the reading...
A couple of years ago, I discovered "The Law of Attraction," by Ester & Jerry Hicks. I listened to it as a book on CD. Late last year, I discovered another of their books, "The Astonishing Power of Emotions: Let Your Feelings Be Your Guide." I just finished it. Very enlightening! Within the last year or so, I began hearing about a book called "The Secret," by Rhonda Byrne (which is also becoming a movie) ... Turns out, that one is all about learning to use the Law of Attraction. Go figure! I haven't yet had the chance to read "The Secret," but it IS on my reading list. The book I just started is, "The New Earth: Awakening Your Life's Purpose," by Eckhart Tolle, also the author of "The Power of Now." I heard about it from Oprah. It turns out that in the beginning of March (2008), she is hosting an online, 10 week, workshop based on the book. Co-facilitating it will be the author, Eckhart Tolle. How cool is that? And the online workshop is free. You can click on the Oprah link to go to Oprah's website and learn more! Response has been wild! This is hot... See? Lots of people want to understand this stuff. We are not alone!
I have been a "metaphysical-type" for a many years now... exploring various books and various spiritual ideas and flavors. I always knew that eventually, this path would lead me to something that I loved to do and felt good about. There have been a few times, when I came close to following my heart-felt path. Along the way, there have been a handful of nay Sayers in and out of my life, who felt the need to squash my ideas or tell me I was crazy or wrong for thinking this, that, or the other. Maybe they didn't intend to have that effect upon me, but that was the end result. It temporarily smothered my internal spark from igniting my heart-felt passion for what my soul was calling me to do. That resulted in feeling sad and depressed. I kept wondering what happened to the spark I used to have... where had it gone? It took a while for me to rediscover it.
Now, having said that, I must take responsibility for allowing these various people to have that effect upon me. Especially once I was a grown adult! Unfortunately, at those times, I just wasn't seeing what was happening. These were people who had been important to me, thus I trusted their opinions a little too much. I wasn't quite "getting it" (yet) that ultimately; I had to be the one to say,
"So what's it to ya? Why are you so invested in keeping me down? Why do you want to keep me from pursuing what feels right to me? Why can't you just let me be who I am and allow me to pursue what interests me?"
And ultimately, I needed to shake off their opinions and doubts, not let them get to me, and I needed to put my foot down and follow what my soul was trying to tell me. It sounds like such a no-brainer now!! But it just wasn't that easy when I was trying to find my truest path. But that is all water under the proverbial bridge. That was then... this is NOW! And NOW is all I can take care of... Now and the Future!
Life is complicated these days... now more than ever. You will sometimes make "mistakes," but that is part of learning! It's Ok to make some mistakes... they will be a part of your path!
It is said in some circles (and I believe this) that if you prevent a person from progressing on their path, you will incur negative karma for stunting them. Even if you block them by way of not holding them responsible for their own personal development, that is still blocking their progress!! Some folks don't realize that they are doing this to others. Well-meaning or not, it all becomes a matter of trying to control other people and situations... to a greater or lesser degree. It's an impossible endeavor. In the end, you cannot get away with controlling other people or their lives, and you cannot change other people. If you can't accept them as they are, walk away. If they cannot accept you for who you are, as you are right now... walk away. Easier said than done, I know.
You cannot change the past. You can stop others from pushing you down now, but it takes courage and the strength to stand and tell them what's what! Even if you waiver and find yourself down, you have the power to get back up and make the changes you want in your own life!!! You can really only control your own thoughts, deeds, and actions... in the here and now... and you can effect your future. As Gandhi used to say, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
I am now at a place where I can see some very positive things begining to happen in my life. Some things I had been struggling with are now resolving and I am begining to see some things with more clarity. I am making sense of things that I had been confused about. I am formulating what my "purpose" might be... and I see that it very possibly is multiple choice! I am finding joy in the possibilities!
Still waiting for carpet... but life is good!
Be well,
~Paulena
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Just Waiting for the Flooring!
Project "Flood Recovery" is almost done. The painting is all done except for the bathroom baseboards, which have to be done after the linoleum install. Now all we are waiting for is the floor coverings to arrive. The carpet and linoleum have been ordered and we expect they will arrive either this Friday or Monday. Installation should commence a day or two after that. The flooring contractor is Ray's Flooring.
What a relief it will be to finally have this all done and behind me. It has been 37 days since the pipe froze and the water crept in. But I was certainly NOT alone in that frustrating experience. Many homeowners across the Albuquerque-metro area have dealt with it in the last six weeks! It's made for a disturbance in the Force around here, for sure, but something do-able. I learned a long time ago that I can weather almost anything as long as it is temporary. And the end result after all is done will be that I end up with a bonus bedroom/bathroom partial remodel that I never expected. I'm sure it will add a more cheerful energy to my space and brighten up the winter doldrums! It will be a bit more colorful. I could use that about now. I'm so glad the days are getting longer now! I've posted some photos of the process now. I went back and added photos from the day it happened, on up to more recent. Soon, it will be a memory. Maybe next week!
I'm still on the job hunt. Not too nervous just yet. Answering a few nibbles. . . we shall see if they amount to anything in the end. Cross your fingers for me, say a little prayer (if you wouldn't mind), or keep me in your meditation a moment. . . whatever positive thoughts you can spare for the cause. I'd appreciate it. That's about it for now.
Thanks for visiting!
Be Well!
~Paulena
What a relief it will be to finally have this all done and behind me. It has been 37 days since the pipe froze and the water crept in. But I was certainly NOT alone in that frustrating experience. Many homeowners across the Albuquerque-metro area have dealt with it in the last six weeks! It's made for a disturbance in the Force around here, for sure, but something do-able. I learned a long time ago that I can weather almost anything as long as it is temporary. And the end result after all is done will be that I end up with a bonus bedroom/bathroom partial remodel that I never expected. I'm sure it will add a more cheerful energy to my space and brighten up the winter doldrums! It will be a bit more colorful. I could use that about now. I'm so glad the days are getting longer now! I've posted some photos of the process now. I went back and added photos from the day it happened, on up to more recent. Soon, it will be a memory. Maybe next week!
I'm still on the job hunt. Not too nervous just yet. Answering a few nibbles. . . we shall see if they amount to anything in the end. Cross your fingers for me, say a little prayer (if you wouldn't mind), or keep me in your meditation a moment. . . whatever positive thoughts you can spare for the cause. I'd appreciate it. That's about it for now.
Thanks for visiting!
Be Well!
~Paulena
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Restoration Update...
True to their word, the contractors are here this week, working on my master bathroom and the corner of my bedroom. . . and generally putting things back to being right. It's a company called Cactus Rose Construction (I've also seen them listed as Cactus Rose Enterprises) and they have been terrific. I would post their website if I could find one, but they don't seem to have one yet. They have been very polite, thoughtful and respectful of my space. They have been very consciencious. The bedroom wall is now repaired and I expect the room will be painted tomorrow. They painted the bathroom today. The flooring sub-contractor should be out tomorrow to look at things. I will need to pick out new linoleum and they might be replacing the carpet. . . if it cannot be re-stretched into place. There is a worn spot that may prevent the re-stretching, so we shall see. So far, things are coming along and looking nice. They expect to have most of the work done by Friday, although the flooring stuff will trickle into next week.
More later. . .
Be well!
~Paulena
More later. . .
Be well!
~Paulena
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Interesting Health Info.
Just a quick note. I was reading a newsletter I get once or twice a month. In it, there was a link to "TriVita's 10 Essentials" which is mostly a common sense list of healthy things to do for optimal health. But I think the clencher is thinking about it and paying attention to what we do. . . our actions, our thoughts, our deeds, and what we take into our bodies. So often, in today's face-paced lifestyles, we forget to pay attention. Here's a simple reminder, a simple list to help you remember how to keep yourself better tuned.
Be Well!
~Paulena
Be Well!
~Paulena
Friday, January 11, 2008
Drying Out...
Happy Friday!
A few people have asked, "So how is the restoration going? Are you drying out yet?" Well, let's see. . . New Years Day was pretty much a wash. hahaha
Hey, at least I can laugh about it! I had the drone of the two big fans for a total of six days. I think that I mentioned about the restoration guys visiting Thursday, and partially cutting open my bedroom wall to air-out behind the tub.
Friday, my insurance adjuster visited, photographed, measured and documented, but I think I mentioned that too. Monday the
restoration guys came back and took their fan club home. It was suddenly SO quiet!!! The heater came on and startled me! haha "Oh yeah, regular house noises!" But there was still a six foot hole in the bottom 12" of my bedroom wall and insulation was exposed. It would have been a messy place to have the cats messing around and exploring, so I had to keep the bedroom door closed for a while longer. And if you know anything about cats, they do NOT suffer a closed door in their house very well!! So there was no hope of ME using the room and shutting them out. They would have worried the door into oblivian!! So we continued to camp out in the living room a few more days.
The contractor fellow from Cactus Rose Construction had called me on Sunday, just to touch base. He said he'd call back on Monday to schedule a visit. He forgot about me on Monday. I called them on Tuesday and he called me back within about an hour. He said he had that nagging feeling all day Monday that he'd forgotten something. He appologized profusely and said he felt so guilty. I told him that as long as he felt guilty, then he was forgiven. We laughed. He visited later, on Tuesday afternoon. He also measured and documented. He gave me the bad news. . . That it would be about three weeks before they could get to me.
He said I have the option to ask State Farm to chose another contractor in the hopes of getting someone sooner. But I already knew how slammed everyone in the local industry has been. A LOT of folks had freezing pipe troubles between Christmas and New Years, but most of them sustained more damage than I did, because most of them weren't home when their's happened, and/or their's came through ceilings. I was one of the lucky ones. So I told him that if three weeks was when we could get it done, then so be it. I asked only one thing. . .
. . . "Could you, pretty please, slap some wall board up over the hole in my wall, to keep the cats out of the wall? That way I could at least be back in my bedroom and sleep in my own bed and get off the couch! Could you please just do that little thing? No frills, just wall board."
He said that would be no problem and that he could come over in the next two days and do that for me. He said he would do that himself. I was very grateful. That
meant I would only be on the couch another night or two. He actually ended up coming over the very next day. . . to take the photos he forgot to take the day before, and to put the wall board up for me. Then he moved the entertainment center back against the wall for me and put the tv back in place.
So I'm off the couch and using my bedroom again. I'm opting to keep that bathroom closed off, for now. There is no linoleum on the floor, just bare concrete. And the front kick-board is now missing from the vanity. None of that is a real big deal and I could toss a couple of throw rugs down and still use that bathroom. But the silly cats do try to squeeze under the vanity. I worry that there might be exposed nails under
there or they might get stuck. Since I have already been using the middle bathroom and my stuff is already in there. . . AND I would just have to move my stuff back into the middle bath in three weeks (when they come back to do the work). . . I just keep the master bath closed and use the middle 
bathroom until it will be all done. Besides, the cats have been enjoying the clear shower curtain I have in the middle bathroom. It seems to be a fun novelty to explore! So it's all good and things will gradually get back to closer to normal.
I'm still looking for meaningful work, but I'm Ok so far. Last night I was sitting in my livingroom, reading a book about my new camera, by the fire. I had a purring cat sitting against one leg. I had to smile. I thought about how very blessed I am. I have a home, and a loving family, and terrific friends. I am warm and relatively safe in my home. It's a calm and happy place to be. So there are a couple of minor inconveniences in my life at the moment. . . So what? At least my circumstanses are such that I qualify for unemployment benefits. And I will find meaningful employment. . . Long before the benefits run out, I'm sure! I feel blessed that I can sit by a warm fireplace in my home and read a book with a purry kitty at my side. And I know that if I want to pick up the phone and chat with my Mom or my Dad, some other family member, or one of my friends, they are a phone call away. So. . . Life is Good!
Be well!
~Paulena
A few people have asked, "So how is the restoration going? Are you drying out yet?" Well, let's see. . . New Years Day was pretty much a wash. hahaha
Hey, at least I can laugh about it! I had the drone of the two big fans for a total of six days. I think that I mentioned about the restoration guys visiting Thursday, and partially cutting open my bedroom wall to air-out behind the tub. Friday, my insurance adjuster visited, photographed, measured and documented, but I think I mentioned that too. Monday the
restoration guys came back and took their fan club home. It was suddenly SO quiet!!! The heater came on and startled me! haha "Oh yeah, regular house noises!" But there was still a six foot hole in the bottom 12" of my bedroom wall and insulation was exposed. It would have been a messy place to have the cats messing around and exploring, so I had to keep the bedroom door closed for a while longer. And if you know anything about cats, they do NOT suffer a closed door in their house very well!! So there was no hope of ME using the room and shutting them out. They would have worried the door into oblivian!! So we continued to camp out in the living room a few more days.The contractor fellow from Cactus Rose Construction had called me on Sunday, just to touch base. He said he'd call back on Monday to schedule a visit. He forgot about me on Monday. I called them on Tuesday and he called me back within about an hour. He said he had that nagging feeling all day Monday that he'd forgotten something. He appologized profusely and said he felt so guilty. I told him that as long as he felt guilty, then he was forgiven. We laughed. He visited later, on Tuesday afternoon. He also measured and documented. He gave me the bad news. . . That it would be about three weeks before they could get to me.
He said I have the option to ask State Farm to chose another contractor in the hopes of getting someone sooner. But I already knew how slammed everyone in the local industry has been. A LOT of folks had freezing pipe troubles between Christmas and New Years, but most of them sustained more damage than I did, because most of them weren't home when their's happened, and/or their's came through ceilings. I was one of the lucky ones. So I told him that if three weeks was when we could get it done, then so be it. I asked only one thing. . .
. . . "Could you, pretty please, slap some wall board up over the hole in my wall, to keep the cats out of the wall? That way I could at least be back in my bedroom and sleep in my own bed and get off the couch! Could you please just do that little thing? No frills, just wall board."
He said that would be no problem and that he could come over in the next two days and do that for me. He said he would do that himself. I was very grateful. That
meant I would only be on the couch another night or two. He actually ended up coming over the very next day. . . to take the photos he forgot to take the day before, and to put the wall board up for me. Then he moved the entertainment center back against the wall for me and put the tv back in place. So I'm off the couch and using my bedroom again. I'm opting to keep that bathroom closed off, for now. There is no linoleum on the floor, just bare concrete. And the front kick-board is now missing from the vanity. None of that is a real big deal and I could toss a couple of throw rugs down and still use that bathroom. But the silly cats do try to squeeze under the vanity. I worry that there might be exposed nails under
there or they might get stuck. Since I have already been using the middle bathroom and my stuff is already in there. . . AND I would just have to move my stuff back into the middle bath in three weeks (when they come back to do the work). . . I just keep the master bath closed and use the middle 
bathroom until it will be all done. Besides, the cats have been enjoying the clear shower curtain I have in the middle bathroom. It seems to be a fun novelty to explore! So it's all good and things will gradually get back to closer to normal. I'm still looking for meaningful work, but I'm Ok so far. Last night I was sitting in my livingroom, reading a book about my new camera, by the fire. I had a purring cat sitting against one leg. I had to smile. I thought about how very blessed I am. I have a home, and a loving family, and terrific friends. I am warm and relatively safe in my home. It's a calm and happy place to be. So there are a couple of minor inconveniences in my life at the moment. . . So what? At least my circumstanses are such that I qualify for unemployment benefits. And I will find meaningful employment. . . Long before the benefits run out, I'm sure! I feel blessed that I can sit by a warm fireplace in my home and read a book with a purry kitty at my side. And I know that if I want to pick up the phone and chat with my Mom or my Dad, some other family member, or one of my friends, they are a phone call away. So. . . Life is Good!
Be well!
~Paulena
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