Having Faith...

In keeping with my last post. . .
There are times to let go, and then there are times to keep the faith. It is sometimes very difficult to know the difference between the two! And Sometimes. . . they are one in the same. Confused? Don't feel bad. I believe much of it has to do with going deep within oneself and taking an honest look inside, AND learning to feel what your "gut" is trying to tell you. I suppose it's a bit of a balancing act. If you are blessed enough to learn how to "hear" your Angels and/or Guides, by all means LISTEN to them!! But do not mistake them for your own inner wishes, desires, or fears!

Occasionally we might misinterpret what we sense. "Is this really just my own desire to have things my way? Or could it be my inner fears surfacing? OR -- is it really my higher guidance-- that special something, being brought to me from a higher place through my senses?" It's really tough to know some days. I believe meditation can help us separate out those questions and help us learn what to trust. But we have to be very honest with ourselves to do this. That means taking responsibility for paying attention and sifting through it. To do that, we must take responsibility for keeping the mental and emotional clutter down, and, keeping ourselves clear of other people's games. That can be really hard.

Sadly, I have noticed so many people who choose to use any excuse to stay lazy and to lie to themselves -- anything to keep control of a situation or of other people. I sometimes think they may be incapable of being honest with themselves. For some, it's only for a relatively short time, and for others -- it's for the entire duration of their lives! Either way, while in the thick of it, they are the ones who are constantly pointing fingers at everyone else, nit-picking at people, and blaming others for all that goes wrong in their lives. They want and expect others to do things their way, and if things don't get done their way. . . there will be hell to pay. That is when they are especially good at the put-downs. Do it their way or you are wrong. . . or stupid. . . or incompetent. . . or. . . the list goes on. They usually want to control other's actions and feelings, but not take any responsibility for their own! Then they want to whine about how sad their life is, how mean and uncaring people are to them. . . and they want to drag anyone else down with them. Heaven forbid they should DO anything to improve their situation on their own!! I suppose they get much more response from whining. . . at least for a while, until others get sick of putting up with it.

I hate to see anyone take that path and do that to themselves. . . or subject others to it. It's a selfish behavior. It's also destructive to them and anyone else in their life. It seems these manipulators are especially good at entangling the people they profess to love! They can be so good at shooting put-downs at their "loved-ones," making fun of them, using guilt on them, and negating what's important to those "loved-ones." That is NOT love! The manipulators seem to generally want to step all over their "loved-ones" to keep them down. That also, is NOT love! I suppose this keeps the manipulator feeling like they have the upper hand, feeling superior -- like they have all the control. Perhaps this behavior is what a manipulator grew up calling "love," but they are horribly mistaken.

Unfortunately, the loved-one involved is frequently so busy trying to please the manipulator, they may not initially notice that they are being kept down. They may not see how low their self-esteem has plummeted. You might wonder how or why anyone would allow themselves to get tangled with such a manipulator.

It might be hard to understand. But most manipulators can be quite charming in the beginning. The are willing to put time, attention, and energy into reading people --but only in the beginning. And only because it serves their purpose for a short time. It gets them the information they need. This is usually in order for them to ascertain how to gain trust and how to "get in" with someone. It's how they lull someone into feeling safe with them. They usually chose trusting people. Then, very gradually, the subtle manipulations begin. But it is initially so subtle, that the targeted person may tell themselves they are being too critical or suspicious. They dismiss it. If the targeted person does react, the manipulator might pout and play the, "How could you not trust me after all we've been through?" card. . . or something similar. Pouting is a popular tool they use. Some of them also like to use intellectualizing as a tool. Either way, you end up feeling stupid or emotionally callous! Gradually, the manipulator convinces the targeted person that they are imagining things or that they are just too nit-picky. Over time, somehow it seems to work.

Eventually, some targeted people may wake up and realize how unbalanced life has become. But it's especially hard if you grew to love the person you thought they were. I've noticed that once people have imprisoned themselves in either side of this repeated course of action, it becomes difficult for them to break free and re-learn to be honest with themselves. For the manipulators, they don't seem interested in taking responsibility for their own life and behavior. It seems it's too easy to just fall back on the excuses, blame others, and continue controlling at any cost. I have sometimes wondered if it might be some sort of addiction for them.

For the loved-one who has taken to the over-pleasing behavior and ignoring how low they feel, it can be hard to admit that they have allowed someone to put them in such a mucked-up place. Think about it -- It's hard to admit when someone fools you. So when the realization hits, it's hard for them to admit that maybe the manipulator is not the person they had once believed! When people wake-up and get tired of the manipulation and the stupid emotional games, many will muster up the courage to leave the situation. They must, if they will ever regain their own sanity and well-being. But for the manipulator, all too often, it's just more of the blame-game. It's truly sad to see.

Learning (or re-learning) to be really honest with ourselves can be tough, but it is necessary if we want to find peace in our lives, and live in happiness.

I believe part of being honest with ourselves, is learning to see when we have allowed ourselves to become tangled with someone who has chosen the manipulator path. We have to be brave enough to make the hard choices that will break us free. Only then can we resume pursuing our own path. You can allow them to be controlling. . . it's what they do! Accept it, but just let them do it with someone else! You don't owe it to anyone to chain your life to that.

Make no mistake, IF you are entangled with someone like that, they will make it almost impossible for you to free yourself. They will do or say practically anything to keep control over you. It's their specialty. The feeling of power they get from controlling someone is what I believe they really love. . . not the person. They might even believe that they ". . . can't live without you." How absurd!!! That is more manipulative crap!! Of course they can live without you!! They cannot live without air! But you cannot continue to live a healthy life within a suffocating system like that. Do not fall for anyone trying to blame you for how they feel. And PLEASE Do NOT fall for anyone trying to blame you for what they will do. What they chose to do is their choice. No one is ever to blame for another's suicide or otherwise harmful actions. We are each responsible only for our own thoughts, deeds and actions! Others make their choices and must live (or not) with them! What you choose to do about your situation (or not), is your choice. Just know ahead of time, that it won't be easy. . . but in the end, once you break free to pursue your life and your path in your own unique way, it will have been worth the clash. You can find peace!

~~I once had a fortune cookie that read, "A path with no obstacles, probably leads nowhere." In other words, the obstacles are what teach us the lessons in life and make life worthwhile. Take the path with some obstacles and allow yourself to learn from them! Just don't get stuck in them.~~

It seems to me that letting go of our attachment to the outcome of any happenings, events in life, or even other people's actions, can help us to sort through the internal questions and doubts. That can also mean allowing others to follow the path they feel they need to follow. Just don't allow them to push you down. Don't allow anyone to snuff out your passion or your inner fire! If they try, then it's not balanced. . . it's not meant to be! Let them go. . . Show them the door and shut it behind them. Instead, look for someone who allows you to be YOU -- who accepts you that way, and who you are comfortable being around while they are in their truest form!

If someone comes into your life, terrific. If they have to leave, that may be sad, but let it be. Let them go! Take the lessons, move through it and move on. If they come back, great! Work with it. . . whether it be to allow them to stay or perhaps you feel the need to send them on their way again. Find the flow of it and work within that. What is your "gut" trying to tell you about the situation? Not your fears. . . what is your "GUT" -- your intuition, trying to say to you? Listen. There seems to be a lot to this matter of "Allowing." Allow yourself to do what honestly feels right for you (without harming others), while allowing others to follow their path. . . even when that means letting them go.

Releasing our attachment to outcomes can also help us to recognize that there may be a better situation for us around the corner. Of course this also entails letting go of any fear we might harbor. I think fear keeps us from accomplishing our best in so many areas of life! I am no exception there, and that has always been a series of lessons for me. I have been learning (sometimes over & over again!) that the releasing of fear, has much to do with having faith. Having Faith, and Allowing. . . they seem to be interrelated. It all seems to be connected to knowing how and when to let go AND have faith!! That is how they can be one in the same. Having the faith to let go and know that it will all be ok. It will all work out -- frequently better than you could have ever imagined!

I see friends of mine learning these lessons, and I see these lessons being presented to me again in various forms. It's almost as if the Universe is offering me the opportunity to retake that test again. . . with an even better grade this time.

I am allowing others to do what they need to do, in their own way and I hope for the best. It's not always easy! And some of the time, it doesn't feel natural. But I am learning to step aside and let them do what they must. I no longer allow others to push me down. I watch out for that now. But I am willing to stretch and grow. I learn where I can and I am here for friends and family to lean on -- for moral support. I have to trust that things will all work out in a way that is best for everyone. So I don't box myself away awaiting a particular outcome. Instead I accept that any one of several outcomes may come about. I trust that it will be good, and I will work within the flow of that. Always receiving yet another lesson on Letting Go and Having Faith.

Be Well,
~Paulena