Having Faith...

In keeping with my last post. . .
There are times to let go, and then there are times to keep the faith. It is sometimes very difficult to know the difference between the two! And Sometimes. . . they are one in the same. Confused? Don't feel bad. I believe much of it has to do with going deep within oneself and taking an honest look inside, AND learning to feel what your "gut" is trying to tell you. I suppose it's a bit of a balancing act. If you are blessed enough to learn how to "hear" your Angels and/or Guides, by all means LISTEN to them!! But do not mistake them for your own inner wishes, desires, or fears!

Occasionally we might misinterpret what we sense. "Is this really just my own desire to have things my way? Or could it be my inner fears surfacing? OR -- is it really my higher guidance-- that special something, being brought to me from a higher place through my senses?" It's really tough to know some days. I believe meditation can help us separate out those questions and help us learn what to trust. But we have to be very honest with ourselves to do this. That means taking responsibility for paying attention and sifting through it. To do that, we must take responsibility for keeping the mental and emotional clutter down, and, keeping ourselves clear of other people's games. That can be really hard.

Sadly, I have noticed so many people who choose to use any excuse to stay lazy and to lie to themselves -- anything to keep control of a situation or of other people. I sometimes think they may be incapable of being honest with themselves. For some, it's only for a relatively short time, and for others -- it's for the entire duration of their lives! Either way, while in the thick of it, they are the ones who are constantly pointing fingers at everyone else, nit-picking at people, and blaming others for all that goes wrong in their lives. They want and expect others to do things their way, and if things don't get done their way. . . there will be hell to pay. That is when they are especially good at the put-downs. Do it their way or you are wrong. . . or stupid. . . or incompetent. . . or. . . the list goes on. They usually want to control other's actions and feelings, but not take any responsibility for their own! Then they want to whine about how sad their life is, how mean and uncaring people are to them. . . and they want to drag anyone else down with them. Heaven forbid they should DO anything to improve their situation on their own!! I suppose they get much more response from whining. . . at least for a while, until others get sick of putting up with it.

I hate to see anyone take that path and do that to themselves. . . or subject others to it. It's a selfish behavior. It's also destructive to them and anyone else in their life. It seems these manipulators are especially good at entangling the people they profess to love! They can be so good at shooting put-downs at their "loved-ones," making fun of them, using guilt on them, and negating what's important to those "loved-ones." That is NOT love! The manipulators seem to generally want to step all over their "loved-ones" to keep them down. That also, is NOT love! I suppose this keeps the manipulator feeling like they have the upper hand, feeling superior -- like they have all the control. Perhaps this behavior is what a manipulator grew up calling "love," but they are horribly mistaken.

Unfortunately, the loved-one involved is frequently so busy trying to please the manipulator, they may not initially notice that they are being kept down. They may not see how low their self-esteem has plummeted. You might wonder how or why anyone would allow themselves to get tangled with such a manipulator.

It might be hard to understand. But most manipulators can be quite charming in the beginning. The are willing to put time, attention, and energy into reading people --but only in the beginning. And only because it serves their purpose for a short time. It gets them the information they need. This is usually in order for them to ascertain how to gain trust and how to "get in" with someone. It's how they lull someone into feeling safe with them. They usually chose trusting people. Then, very gradually, the subtle manipulations begin. But it is initially so subtle, that the targeted person may tell themselves they are being too critical or suspicious. They dismiss it. If the targeted person does react, the manipulator might pout and play the, "How could you not trust me after all we've been through?" card. . . or something similar. Pouting is a popular tool they use. Some of them also like to use intellectualizing as a tool. Either way, you end up feeling stupid or emotionally callous! Gradually, the manipulator convinces the targeted person that they are imagining things or that they are just too nit-picky. Over time, somehow it seems to work.

Eventually, some targeted people may wake up and realize how unbalanced life has become. But it's especially hard if you grew to love the person you thought they were. I've noticed that once people have imprisoned themselves in either side of this repeated course of action, it becomes difficult for them to break free and re-learn to be honest with themselves. For the manipulators, they don't seem interested in taking responsibility for their own life and behavior. It seems it's too easy to just fall back on the excuses, blame others, and continue controlling at any cost. I have sometimes wondered if it might be some sort of addiction for them.

For the loved-one who has taken to the over-pleasing behavior and ignoring how low they feel, it can be hard to admit that they have allowed someone to put them in such a mucked-up place. Think about it -- It's hard to admit when someone fools you. So when the realization hits, it's hard for them to admit that maybe the manipulator is not the person they had once believed! When people wake-up and get tired of the manipulation and the stupid emotional games, many will muster up the courage to leave the situation. They must, if they will ever regain their own sanity and well-being. But for the manipulator, all too often, it's just more of the blame-game. It's truly sad to see.

Learning (or re-learning) to be really honest with ourselves can be tough, but it is necessary if we want to find peace in our lives, and live in happiness.

I believe part of being honest with ourselves, is learning to see when we have allowed ourselves to become tangled with someone who has chosen the manipulator path. We have to be brave enough to make the hard choices that will break us free. Only then can we resume pursuing our own path. You can allow them to be controlling. . . it's what they do! Accept it, but just let them do it with someone else! You don't owe it to anyone to chain your life to that.

Make no mistake, IF you are entangled with someone like that, they will make it almost impossible for you to free yourself. They will do or say practically anything to keep control over you. It's their specialty. The feeling of power they get from controlling someone is what I believe they really love. . . not the person. They might even believe that they ". . . can't live without you." How absurd!!! That is more manipulative crap!! Of course they can live without you!! They cannot live without air! But you cannot continue to live a healthy life within a suffocating system like that. Do not fall for anyone trying to blame you for how they feel. And PLEASE Do NOT fall for anyone trying to blame you for what they will do. What they chose to do is their choice. No one is ever to blame for another's suicide or otherwise harmful actions. We are each responsible only for our own thoughts, deeds and actions! Others make their choices and must live (or not) with them! What you choose to do about your situation (or not), is your choice. Just know ahead of time, that it won't be easy. . . but in the end, once you break free to pursue your life and your path in your own unique way, it will have been worth the clash. You can find peace!

~~I once had a fortune cookie that read, "A path with no obstacles, probably leads nowhere." In other words, the obstacles are what teach us the lessons in life and make life worthwhile. Take the path with some obstacles and allow yourself to learn from them! Just don't get stuck in them.~~

It seems to me that letting go of our attachment to the outcome of any happenings, events in life, or even other people's actions, can help us to sort through the internal questions and doubts. That can also mean allowing others to follow the path they feel they need to follow. Just don't allow them to push you down. Don't allow anyone to snuff out your passion or your inner fire! If they try, then it's not balanced. . . it's not meant to be! Let them go. . . Show them the door and shut it behind them. Instead, look for someone who allows you to be YOU -- who accepts you that way, and who you are comfortable being around while they are in their truest form!

If someone comes into your life, terrific. If they have to leave, that may be sad, but let it be. Let them go! Take the lessons, move through it and move on. If they come back, great! Work with it. . . whether it be to allow them to stay or perhaps you feel the need to send them on their way again. Find the flow of it and work within that. What is your "gut" trying to tell you about the situation? Not your fears. . . what is your "GUT" -- your intuition, trying to say to you? Listen. There seems to be a lot to this matter of "Allowing." Allow yourself to do what honestly feels right for you (without harming others), while allowing others to follow their path. . . even when that means letting them go.

Releasing our attachment to outcomes can also help us to recognize that there may be a better situation for us around the corner. Of course this also entails letting go of any fear we might harbor. I think fear keeps us from accomplishing our best in so many areas of life! I am no exception there, and that has always been a series of lessons for me. I have been learning (sometimes over & over again!) that the releasing of fear, has much to do with having faith. Having Faith, and Allowing. . . they seem to be interrelated. It all seems to be connected to knowing how and when to let go AND have faith!! That is how they can be one in the same. Having the faith to let go and know that it will all be ok. It will all work out -- frequently better than you could have ever imagined!

I see friends of mine learning these lessons, and I see these lessons being presented to me again in various forms. It's almost as if the Universe is offering me the opportunity to retake that test again. . . with an even better grade this time.

I am allowing others to do what they need to do, in their own way and I hope for the best. It's not always easy! And some of the time, it doesn't feel natural. But I am learning to step aside and let them do what they must. I no longer allow others to push me down. I watch out for that now. But I am willing to stretch and grow. I learn where I can and I am here for friends and family to lean on -- for moral support. I have to trust that things will all work out in a way that is best for everyone. So I don't box myself away awaiting a particular outcome. Instead I accept that any one of several outcomes may come about. I trust that it will be good, and I will work within the flow of that. Always receiving yet another lesson on Letting Go and Having Faith.

Be Well,
~Paulena

Letting Go...

A friend of mine sent me this wonderful e-mail a week or so ago. I have received some form of this before, a time or two... but it is SO TRUE, that I feel a strong need to share it.
In the course of my life, I have occasionally made the mistake of trying to hold on to something or someone, long after it was time to let go. Sometimes it was me trying to hold on to them... and other times it was them trying to hold on to me. In the long run, once we learned to "let it go," I think we are all happier people now. (To them, I send my most sincere well-wishes!) I wish we had learned sooner, but that's how it goes sometimes.

When we use guilt or whatever method to try pulling someone back into staying in our life. . . or if we keep them from following their heartfelt path and leaving, I think that they are never really back with us. I think a part of them can never actually come back. . . that part is already gone. They might go through the motions-- they might seem to try, but their heart may never be in it. So you never really have the entire person back with you. So what's the point? It's never the same again.

I learned the long hard lessons... well, the hard way! I wish I had understood this mindset a very LONG time ago... and taken it to heart. I wish I had understood then, that there will always be a better situation around the corner... just waiting for us to enter. But much like Dorothy and the Ruby Slippers, sometimes we have to learn things in our own way, in our own time... and figure out we had the power and ability to get there the whole time. We deal with the pain it causes us... and hopefully we grow from it.
With no further ado... A great lesson to learn and take to heart.

There are people who can walk away from you. And that is OK!!!
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk!!

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone, or close the door.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us.

For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over... Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have, He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life,
then you need to........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and
see your worth.....

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.........

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed.......

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2007... & 2008...!!!


LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then....

LET IT GO!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wise words, & wise thinking.
A line from "The GodFather" comes to mind... "It's not personal, it's business!"
It might feel personal, but try not to take it that way... try to move past that. It will take time, but try to understand that we are all in the business of living our lives and doing what is best for each of us. We must each follow our own path. And if someone honestly feels that it's time for them to leave and move on... Let Them!

I try to remember that any and all struggles I have been through or allowed into my life are not wasted time. It sometimes feels like it was wasted, but I have to bless those times as a part of what has made me who I am today... and then lovingly let it go. Sometimes, I have a day where I think too much about things of the past. I think about how I wish I had handled this or that differently, or I wish I had not tried to change the direction of something or someone. Then I give my brain a "high-five," I take a deep breath, and release it back into the Universe. I ask God and the Angels to please take it away and transform it into a more positive energy for the greater good.

I like to think that I have since learned this lesson. I feel that I have made great progress on this in the last 7 or 8 years. For that, I am grateful! I hope I will continue to learn, grow and be wise enough, now and in the future, to not take on so much struggle and to "Let go" when it is time.

Be Well...
~Paulena