Delightful Christmas!!

I was at my grandmother's (Nana's) house with my Mom and Don (my step-dad). We were doing the usual Christmas Eve traditions we do every year. All the gifts had been brought over the day before. That evening around 4:30pm, we arrived with most of dinner. Mom and I prepared and warmed up what was left to prepare for dinner. When dinner was ready, we all prepared our dinner plates -- buffet style. Black Forest ham, sweet potatoes with toasted marshmallows on top, fresh green beans, fruit salad, and fresh-baked cresent rolls.

We finished dinner, and had our key-lime pie and coffee. My Mom was unusually anxious to get started with opening the gifts. This had always been how my grandfather (Baba) had been, so we joked that she was channeling my Baba! I figured that she was just really excited to see what was in the big box with her name on it!

So we finally went into the living room, where the tree and gifts were patiently waiting. Mom always "plays Santa" and retrieves the gifts out from under the tree and distributes them among us. Meanwhile, Don sets up his video camera to record the evening's events. Once Mom had handed out all the packages, she excitedly sat down and got out her new camera. This was the new camera that Don had bought her about three weeks earlier -- as her early Christmas gift. And just so you will understand the humor in all of this, let me give you a bit of background...

. . . Earlier in the year, my Mom had her eye on the Olympus Evolt E-510 digital SLR camera. She was wanting to upgrade from her FujiFilm FinePix S7000. We tend to somehow coordinate on these things without even knowing it. We both love our S7000s. But I had also reached a place with my S7000 where I was bumping into a few limitations and I also wanted to upgrade to either the Olympus E-410 or the E-510. There were so many things I wanted to try and experiment with and learn. So much more I wanted to be able to do with what I was learning in digital photography.

I have been an Olympus photographer for years!! My very first camera I ever bought with my own money was an Olympus 110mm point-n-shoot camera. And my first 35mm SLR (single-lens-reflex) camera was the Olympus OM-1n (in 1979), and my second camera (in 1985) was the Olympus OM-2s. I still have both of those SLR film cameras and the lenses. I can't seem to bear to part with them. So I had done a great deal of research into the new Olympus digital SLR cameras. . . and unbeknownst to me, so had Mom. I was saving up for my E-510, when I was laid-off from my job at the end of November. I was quite bummed-out! Not only was I now in a bit of a financial bind and hoping I can pay the mortgage, but my dream-camera would now have to wait a lot longer. It was a brick wall. Very frustrating. I would have to "re-group."

About three weeks before Christmas, Don took Mom out to look at cameras. He went ahead and purchased her early Christmas gift. . . the Olympus Evolt E-510. When she called me (all excited) and told me about it, I told her she was a big brat and we chuckled about it. I was really happy for her, but it was a little bittersweet for me. It was a giant representation of my sudden jobless state and it stung, ever-so-slightly. I was still feeling overwhelmed and bummed about the lay-off and the financial belt-tightening I was having to do. No one meant for it to be that way, but it's just one of those quirky life things that happens.

Mom wanted for me to help her learn to use her new camera. And while I really looked forward to the opportunity to get my hands on it and play with it, I was still trying to conquer the unemployment blues. So I wasn't as enthusiastic as I would usually be, but I knew I'd overcome that in short order, I just needed a bit of time. Within a week or so I was gradually becoming better equipped to assemilate my situation, life, and the technical nature of her new camera, although I had not yet had the time to read any of the instructions. Yes, I'm one of those odd-balls that must read at least some of the instructions, then experiment. . . then read more instructions, then experiment more. . . and so on. But with the holiday frenzies, there had not yet been time. But I was looking forward to the opportunity.

So. . . there we were on Christmas Eve, sitting in the living room and Mom was retrieving her new camera so that she might capture the evening's events! I had taken a few photos with her new camera and it was every bit as nifty as I had imagined. With camera in hand, she was insistant that I be the first to open a gift, and she insisted that she choose which one it should be! She was absolutely giddy! I laughed and went along with it.

She chose the larger of my packages and made me wait until all cameras were ready and trained on me. I was really beginning to wonder if a ferret was going to jump out of that box, or what! I began tearing the wrapping paper off of the box. Underneath was a plain brown box that seemed to have been shipped recently. But in our family, boxes can be deceiving. Once I had the wrapping off, I began to work on the tape that sealed the top. I required a blade to cut through the tape, and Don graciously supplied his pocket knife. He slit the tape for me and asked me to wait until he was back behind the camera.

Once he was behind his camera again, I was "allowed" to continue. I bent open the first box flap, then the second flap. I bent open the third and I removed some packing material. Then I bent open fourth flap and revealed what looked like an Olympus box, a camera bag, and some other items. I gasped and blinked back tears. As the realization trickled over me of what I was seeing in that box, I pulled the inner box out of the outter shipping box. Yes, indeed. . . It was an Olympus Evolt E-410 digital SLR camera with the two lens package, an extra battery, the battery charger, a 2gig CF memory card, and the camera bag!!! I squealed with joy and tears began to involuntarily stream down my cheeks. I was so suprised, so happy, so touched. . . that they had found a way to afford such a wonderful gift for me. What an amazingly wonderful, kind and thoughtful thing to do. . . Not in my wildest dreams had I imagined that one of those cameras was in my near future!!

Since the E-410 and the E-510 are so similar, Mom and I are now learning them together. I know that it's more a matter of photographer skill and not as much "the camera," but having a camera that will allow you to do and try the things you want to do is. . . well, it's just fun and exciting!! I'm a step closer now to my eventual goal of becoming a semi-professional or professional photographer. And while I still have days where I feel frustrated about my current employment situation, I'm feeling much brighter with something new to learn. And who knows what this might bring into my life! I'm still getting through the instructions and learning all the amazing things this camera will allow me to do. But it's a joy of discovery as I experiment. It is amazingly similar in feel to my old SLR film cameras that I so love! But this is even better. I was telling Mom that it's like someone took my Olympus OM-2s and took it to the spa and did a wonderful, total make-over on her! And now. . . she's a new (and way better) camera!! haha

I'm translating as I learn features and what they mean so that Mom can experiment too. So stay tuned to our Flickr sites, as I'm sure she & I will both be posting new photos soon!
Mom's flickr site: http://www.flickr.com/photos/empresspat/
and my Flickr site: http://www.flickr.com/photos/calico/

Oh yes, the rest of the Christmas Eve evening. . . was fun, and delightful. It is always great fun to watch everyone open their packages and see their expressions. I think that is my favorite part. . . seeing the expressions! Well, that and recieving something wonderful that you never expected. . . and even little things and things you might have guessed. It's is all so appreciated. We all had a great evening. We talked on the phone to my Uncle and Aunt in Maryland and thanked them for the gifts they sent. Although I haven't had the chance to talk in depth with my Dad & step-mom, Julie (they are out of town for a couple of days), I have spoken briefly with them and it seems everyone in our family had a great Christmas.

I hope everyone's holiday has been wonderful and filled with warmth, love, and maybe even a miracle or two! I feel like I've had a miracle.
And may your New Year be filled with joy and prosperity!
Be Well,

~Paulena

If You Liked Those Guys...

If you really like those guys (the a-cappella male chorus, in my previous post), then you could order their CD. I understand it is currently on back order, while they press more of them... but go for it!
You can get it at:
http://www.a-cappella.com/product/646/video-performance-pop
The web site also gives a bit more info & history about these guys.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
~Paulena

"Straight No Chaser" - 12 Days of Christmas

These guys are great! I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.
Merry Christmas!!
~Paulena

New Beginnings

Things, they are a changin'! It's been a hectic Autumn. At the first of this (2007) year, the company I have worked at for over 6 years, was purchased. So with the new year, we had new owners. With that came all kinds of little things transitioning and changing. Then, came Summer and Fall. . . they decided to buy a business condo and remodel that for us to move into. Whew! Moving was a job. Try taking a business that has been in the same location over 20 years and collected a whole lot of. . . stuff. Now figure out how to stuff it into a new location half the size! Yikes!!! Fortunately, I was not the one having to worry with most of that, but it took the better part of a month... a tad more really. So, needless to say, A BUNCH of stuff was sold or given away, to make room.

I was the first employee to make the move to the new location. . . me, my stuff, and the phone system. The remodeling was not quite finished, so it was a bit of a pain at times. But as far as staff went, I was there mostly by myself for about 3 weeks. That wasn't all bad. When there wasn't any actual construction happening, it was quiet. But business slowed down. And now, business has slowed so much, that they can no longer fund my position!! Yep, I've been laid-off. Kinda sucks, but I'm trying to use it as a positive. Now I can look, full-time, for another job that I like better!

So here I go, into this Holiday season. . . carefully. It will be a lean Christmas, but that's not what it's all about anyway. I have family here, so it will all work out. I will work hard to find just the right new job, and I'll have faith that I will find it at the right time.
Hey, at least my car is paid off!

I figured I'd better stop in and post something before the month was gone. But that is why the posts have slowed down. Life got a little nuts. Thanksgiving was pretty good here. Even though I had the looming unemployment staring me down, I was with family and we had a nice time. My uncle even came in from out of town. We hadn't seen him in about 5 years, so it was great to see him. All was good.


That's about it for now.
Wish me luck on the employment search.
Be well, and safe!
~Paulena

Halloween Fun!

Happy Halloween!!

This morning, I came into work and found that a friend of mine had sent me a cool e-mail with some fun links in it. (Thank you MB!!) Her e-mail had links to all the states to find out if there are haunted places in your state (and of course there always are). But for the purpose of posting, I decided to just post the one link to the main site: The Shadowlands Haunted Places
Go there, scroll down and you can click on various links to see what places in your state (and others) are haunted. AND, they have links to haunted places in other countries (other than the USA). It's fun and very interesting!! Enjoy!!

And here is a fun link I found: Bats Bats Everywhere Poor little misunderstood cuties! I love bats. I know some people think they are scary or funny-looking. And yes, some of them are kind of funny. But I think most of them are very cute. I have rescued a couple of them, in the past. If you like bats, or are merely curious about them, you can also check out The Bat Conservation International and you can learn a lot there.

Anyway, gotta get back to the work thing.
Hope you enjoy those little tidbits!
Have a happy and SAFE Halloween!!
~Paulena

Another Fiesta Gone

I won't say it. . . about time flying by. Opps! I said it! The Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta has come and gone. Yes, it flew by too! :-)
It's been a really crazy month. The office of my employer has been moving to a new location. It's an old company (20+ years old - therefore read, lot of stuff to move), but the company was recently purchased (January 2007) and has new owners. It has been stressful and tiring transition. New things are happening. Out with the old rented building location and in with a newly remodeled business condo they have purchased. Moving all that stuff. . . Yikes! It's been a job for all involved who have had to go through all the old stuff. The questions being. . . Shall we toss out or donate. . . or keep it and move it? It's been hectic, but it is finally coming to a close.

I wasn't initially certain if I'd be able to take any time off for the Balloon Fiesta or not! The first weekend, I had too much to try to get done at home. During the week, I had to work. But I did finally get out there for the Friday competitions and the Saturday Mass Ascension. It's a far cry from the several years that I crewed. And the skies are now much more crowded than the eight years that I flew a balloon almost everyday of the nine-day event, as a registered pilot. But at least I made it for a couple of days this year.
As I walked around the field and took pictures, I thought of the handful of balloonist friends and acquaintances who we lost this past year. . . who I was sure were with us there in spirit. I saw one balloon out there that was once owned by my friend Chuck. He later sold it to Chris. . . they both passed away this past year. Chris' balloon was still flying this year, a friend or relative piloting now. Only this year, it had a banner "In Memory of Chris...". I thought of both Chris and Chuck and I was missing their physical presence here this Fiesta. But they would want "the show to go on!"

These days, I generally crew for some good friends of mine. I had something to do with getting them involved in ballooning back in the mid 1980's. I gave Sylvia her first balloon ride back in 1985. I had lost touch with them for a few years in between, but I reconnected with them about 5 years ago. Friday, they had more passengers and crew than they knew quite what to do with, so I happily stayed on the field and took hundreds of pictures! I was in photographer's heaven! I love the Key-Grab event. It's my favorite competition. I used to LOVE flying in it, but I also love being able to photograph it. I caught a few good pics of Doug flying by the key-grab pole. We met back up at the launch grid, after Doug flew.
Then there was the massive picnic/potluck/cookout at the launch grid, with the other crews of that general vicinity. A good time is usually had by all, not to mention great food! Friday morning, they cooked Eggs Benedict Southwestern Style! And Saturday, they fixed up bowls of fabulous Frito Pie, complete with genuine New Mexico Chimyo Red Chili! You should SEE the set-up. It's like some sort of gourmet camp out! Photos just don't do it justice! They do this every day of Fiesta, every year. It still amazes me, even five years back into it. As soon as I grab some time to get the photos off my memory cards, I'll pop a few in here! Check back soon!

That last Sunday, I just had too much to try to get done at home, again! So I didn't go out that day. I watched the coverage on the television, as I puttered around doing laundry and such. I did see Doug launch that morning and it looked like it would be a good flight. Later, I had dinner plans with my family Sunday evening, for my birthday (a day early). I got done about half what I had intended, but that's just the way it goes sometimes.

Dinner was fun with my family. We went to The Olive Garden. It's a place I knew my grandmother would be Ok with. I want her to enjoy the dinner too. I hadn't been there in a while. Then we caravaned over to my Mom & Don's house for cake, frozen yogurt and coffee. And opening of presents too! I received a bunch of great stuff. Among my new treasures. . . A Jack LaLanne Power Juicer!! Now let me tell you. . . I have used 5 or 6 different juicers over the years. I no longer have any of those, because they were noisy, messy, and did NOT yield much juice. So what was the point? In short, they were a pain in the ass!

But THIS one. . . My Jack LaLanne Power Juicer. . . I LOVE IT!!!!!!! And no, I'm not getting paid to say this. This juicer is quieter than my dishwasher! It leaves behind relatively little, fairly dry pulp and I get more juice from the fruits and veggies than from any juicer I ever used. I believe that my Mom purchased this juicer from Costco. But I know it's also available on line. I have all kinds of 'x-sperimentin' to do!!! I love including strawberries, raspberries and oranges. So far, that's a fav!! But I also have enjoyed some vegetable juices too! Usually, I despise beets. It's a thing from childhood. Maybe I'll tell that story someday soon. . . but I just hate beets. However, I know that beet juice is in various commercial juices I have purchased, and I like those. So I figured, I'll try a vegetable juice with beets in it. Not bad at all!! I was so proud of myself for drinking my beets!

I have to say here, just a quick side-bar. . . This is reminding me a bit of when I had to grind up broccoli (and other vegetables) in the food processor in order to add them to recipes and hide them from my now ex-husband. At that time, it was the ONLY way to get him to eat most vegetables! Oh, how he used to complain if he happened to see them in there!! I know he may very well read this. . . Please understand, I am now chuckling at this. As now, he is a vegetarian! The brat! hehehe :-)

Anyway, this juicer thing is a great way to fit in your 3-5 vegetable servings and your 2-4 fruits servings per day!!!
http://www.mypyramid.gov/
Or just type in "food pyramid" into Google, and you get a list of links to check it out, if you have forgotten what the guidelines are.

And I have found, what I think is the best juicer in the world (that my family or I could afford!).

And now, here it is almost November!! Thanksgiving around the corner. I understand that my Uncle is coming in from Maryland to visit for Thanksgiving. He hasn't been here in ages! About 5 years. It will be nice to see him and spend some time with the big brat! ;-) Ok, well. . . He is a bigger brat than me! It will be a quick few days, but good to see him any way he can get here!
Then we've got to gear up for the Christmas shopping already! I-yi-yi!!
Better sign off for now. Lots to get done.
Don't forget to check back in soon. . . I hope to pop some photos in here.
Be well!
Paulena

Having Faith...

In keeping with my last post. . .
There are times to let go, and then there are times to keep the faith. It is sometimes very difficult to know the difference between the two! And Sometimes. . . they are one in the same. Confused? Don't feel bad. I believe much of it has to do with going deep within oneself and taking an honest look inside, AND learning to feel what your "gut" is trying to tell you. I suppose it's a bit of a balancing act. If you are blessed enough to learn how to "hear" your Angels and/or Guides, by all means LISTEN to them!! But do not mistake them for your own inner wishes, desires, or fears!

Occasionally we might misinterpret what we sense. "Is this really just my own desire to have things my way? Or could it be my inner fears surfacing? OR -- is it really my higher guidance-- that special something, being brought to me from a higher place through my senses?" It's really tough to know some days. I believe meditation can help us separate out those questions and help us learn what to trust. But we have to be very honest with ourselves to do this. That means taking responsibility for paying attention and sifting through it. To do that, we must take responsibility for keeping the mental and emotional clutter down, and, keeping ourselves clear of other people's games. That can be really hard.

Sadly, I have noticed so many people who choose to use any excuse to stay lazy and to lie to themselves -- anything to keep control of a situation or of other people. I sometimes think they may be incapable of being honest with themselves. For some, it's only for a relatively short time, and for others -- it's for the entire duration of their lives! Either way, while in the thick of it, they are the ones who are constantly pointing fingers at everyone else, nit-picking at people, and blaming others for all that goes wrong in their lives. They want and expect others to do things their way, and if things don't get done their way. . . there will be hell to pay. That is when they are especially good at the put-downs. Do it their way or you are wrong. . . or stupid. . . or incompetent. . . or. . . the list goes on. They usually want to control other's actions and feelings, but not take any responsibility for their own! Then they want to whine about how sad their life is, how mean and uncaring people are to them. . . and they want to drag anyone else down with them. Heaven forbid they should DO anything to improve their situation on their own!! I suppose they get much more response from whining. . . at least for a while, until others get sick of putting up with it.

I hate to see anyone take that path and do that to themselves. . . or subject others to it. It's a selfish behavior. It's also destructive to them and anyone else in their life. It seems these manipulators are especially good at entangling the people they profess to love! They can be so good at shooting put-downs at their "loved-ones," making fun of them, using guilt on them, and negating what's important to those "loved-ones." That is NOT love! The manipulators seem to generally want to step all over their "loved-ones" to keep them down. That also, is NOT love! I suppose this keeps the manipulator feeling like they have the upper hand, feeling superior -- like they have all the control. Perhaps this behavior is what a manipulator grew up calling "love," but they are horribly mistaken.

Unfortunately, the loved-one involved is frequently so busy trying to please the manipulator, they may not initially notice that they are being kept down. They may not see how low their self-esteem has plummeted. You might wonder how or why anyone would allow themselves to get tangled with such a manipulator.

It might be hard to understand. But most manipulators can be quite charming in the beginning. The are willing to put time, attention, and energy into reading people --but only in the beginning. And only because it serves their purpose for a short time. It gets them the information they need. This is usually in order for them to ascertain how to gain trust and how to "get in" with someone. It's how they lull someone into feeling safe with them. They usually chose trusting people. Then, very gradually, the subtle manipulations begin. But it is initially so subtle, that the targeted person may tell themselves they are being too critical or suspicious. They dismiss it. If the targeted person does react, the manipulator might pout and play the, "How could you not trust me after all we've been through?" card. . . or something similar. Pouting is a popular tool they use. Some of them also like to use intellectualizing as a tool. Either way, you end up feeling stupid or emotionally callous! Gradually, the manipulator convinces the targeted person that they are imagining things or that they are just too nit-picky. Over time, somehow it seems to work.

Eventually, some targeted people may wake up and realize how unbalanced life has become. But it's especially hard if you grew to love the person you thought they were. I've noticed that once people have imprisoned themselves in either side of this repeated course of action, it becomes difficult for them to break free and re-learn to be honest with themselves. For the manipulators, they don't seem interested in taking responsibility for their own life and behavior. It seems it's too easy to just fall back on the excuses, blame others, and continue controlling at any cost. I have sometimes wondered if it might be some sort of addiction for them.

For the loved-one who has taken to the over-pleasing behavior and ignoring how low they feel, it can be hard to admit that they have allowed someone to put them in such a mucked-up place. Think about it -- It's hard to admit when someone fools you. So when the realization hits, it's hard for them to admit that maybe the manipulator is not the person they had once believed! When people wake-up and get tired of the manipulation and the stupid emotional games, many will muster up the courage to leave the situation. They must, if they will ever regain their own sanity and well-being. But for the manipulator, all too often, it's just more of the blame-game. It's truly sad to see.

Learning (or re-learning) to be really honest with ourselves can be tough, but it is necessary if we want to find peace in our lives, and live in happiness.

I believe part of being honest with ourselves, is learning to see when we have allowed ourselves to become tangled with someone who has chosen the manipulator path. We have to be brave enough to make the hard choices that will break us free. Only then can we resume pursuing our own path. You can allow them to be controlling. . . it's what they do! Accept it, but just let them do it with someone else! You don't owe it to anyone to chain your life to that.

Make no mistake, IF you are entangled with someone like that, they will make it almost impossible for you to free yourself. They will do or say practically anything to keep control over you. It's their specialty. The feeling of power they get from controlling someone is what I believe they really love. . . not the person. They might even believe that they ". . . can't live without you." How absurd!!! That is more manipulative crap!! Of course they can live without you!! They cannot live without air! But you cannot continue to live a healthy life within a suffocating system like that. Do not fall for anyone trying to blame you for how they feel. And PLEASE Do NOT fall for anyone trying to blame you for what they will do. What they chose to do is their choice. No one is ever to blame for another's suicide or otherwise harmful actions. We are each responsible only for our own thoughts, deeds and actions! Others make their choices and must live (or not) with them! What you choose to do about your situation (or not), is your choice. Just know ahead of time, that it won't be easy. . . but in the end, once you break free to pursue your life and your path in your own unique way, it will have been worth the clash. You can find peace!

~~I once had a fortune cookie that read, "A path with no obstacles, probably leads nowhere." In other words, the obstacles are what teach us the lessons in life and make life worthwhile. Take the path with some obstacles and allow yourself to learn from them! Just don't get stuck in them.~~

It seems to me that letting go of our attachment to the outcome of any happenings, events in life, or even other people's actions, can help us to sort through the internal questions and doubts. That can also mean allowing others to follow the path they feel they need to follow. Just don't allow them to push you down. Don't allow anyone to snuff out your passion or your inner fire! If they try, then it's not balanced. . . it's not meant to be! Let them go. . . Show them the door and shut it behind them. Instead, look for someone who allows you to be YOU -- who accepts you that way, and who you are comfortable being around while they are in their truest form!

If someone comes into your life, terrific. If they have to leave, that may be sad, but let it be. Let them go! Take the lessons, move through it and move on. If they come back, great! Work with it. . . whether it be to allow them to stay or perhaps you feel the need to send them on their way again. Find the flow of it and work within that. What is your "gut" trying to tell you about the situation? Not your fears. . . what is your "GUT" -- your intuition, trying to say to you? Listen. There seems to be a lot to this matter of "Allowing." Allow yourself to do what honestly feels right for you (without harming others), while allowing others to follow their path. . . even when that means letting them go.

Releasing our attachment to outcomes can also help us to recognize that there may be a better situation for us around the corner. Of course this also entails letting go of any fear we might harbor. I think fear keeps us from accomplishing our best in so many areas of life! I am no exception there, and that has always been a series of lessons for me. I have been learning (sometimes over & over again!) that the releasing of fear, has much to do with having faith. Having Faith, and Allowing. . . they seem to be interrelated. It all seems to be connected to knowing how and when to let go AND have faith!! That is how they can be one in the same. Having the faith to let go and know that it will all be ok. It will all work out -- frequently better than you could have ever imagined!

I see friends of mine learning these lessons, and I see these lessons being presented to me again in various forms. It's almost as if the Universe is offering me the opportunity to retake that test again. . . with an even better grade this time.

I am allowing others to do what they need to do, in their own way and I hope for the best. It's not always easy! And some of the time, it doesn't feel natural. But I am learning to step aside and let them do what they must. I no longer allow others to push me down. I watch out for that now. But I am willing to stretch and grow. I learn where I can and I am here for friends and family to lean on -- for moral support. I have to trust that things will all work out in a way that is best for everyone. So I don't box myself away awaiting a particular outcome. Instead I accept that any one of several outcomes may come about. I trust that it will be good, and I will work within the flow of that. Always receiving yet another lesson on Letting Go and Having Faith.

Be Well,
~Paulena

Letting Go...

A friend of mine sent me this wonderful e-mail a week or so ago. I have received some form of this before, a time or two... but it is SO TRUE, that I feel a strong need to share it.
In the course of my life, I have occasionally made the mistake of trying to hold on to something or someone, long after it was time to let go. Sometimes it was me trying to hold on to them... and other times it was them trying to hold on to me. In the long run, once we learned to "let it go," I think we are all happier people now. (To them, I send my most sincere well-wishes!) I wish we had learned sooner, but that's how it goes sometimes.

When we use guilt or whatever method to try pulling someone back into staying in our life. . . or if we keep them from following their heartfelt path and leaving, I think that they are never really back with us. I think a part of them can never actually come back. . . that part is already gone. They might go through the motions-- they might seem to try, but their heart may never be in it. So you never really have the entire person back with you. So what's the point? It's never the same again.

I learned the long hard lessons... well, the hard way! I wish I had understood this mindset a very LONG time ago... and taken it to heart. I wish I had understood then, that there will always be a better situation around the corner... just waiting for us to enter. But much like Dorothy and the Ruby Slippers, sometimes we have to learn things in our own way, in our own time... and figure out we had the power and ability to get there the whole time. We deal with the pain it causes us... and hopefully we grow from it.
With no further ado... A great lesson to learn and take to heart.

There are people who can walk away from you. And that is OK!!!
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk!!

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone, or close the door.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us.

For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over... Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have, He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life,
then you need to........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and
see your worth.....

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.........

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed.......

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2007... & 2008...!!!


LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then....

LET IT GO!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wise words, & wise thinking.
A line from "The GodFather" comes to mind... "It's not personal, it's business!"
It might feel personal, but try not to take it that way... try to move past that. It will take time, but try to understand that we are all in the business of living our lives and doing what is best for each of us. We must each follow our own path. And if someone honestly feels that it's time for them to leave and move on... Let Them!

I try to remember that any and all struggles I have been through or allowed into my life are not wasted time. It sometimes feels like it was wasted, but I have to bless those times as a part of what has made me who I am today... and then lovingly let it go. Sometimes, I have a day where I think too much about things of the past. I think about how I wish I had handled this or that differently, or I wish I had not tried to change the direction of something or someone. Then I give my brain a "high-five," I take a deep breath, and release it back into the Universe. I ask God and the Angels to please take it away and transform it into a more positive energy for the greater good.

I like to think that I have since learned this lesson. I feel that I have made great progress on this in the last 7 or 8 years. For that, I am grateful! I hope I will continue to learn, grow and be wise enough, now and in the future, to not take on so much struggle and to "Let go" when it is time.

Be Well...
~Paulena

Lunar Eclipse Success!!

Well. . . Mostly anyway! As I mentioned in the previous post, at 04:20 (MDT) in Albuquerque, there was a broken layer of alto cumulus clouds obscuring the moon. That finally moved out of the way by about 04:35 or 04:45. . . And the clicking began! I had my tripod and camera on standby and quickly set them up. I'm glad I got the images, but I'm disappointed with the quality of the lower-light, red phase photos I captured. Of course, until you get them on a regular computer screen, you just can't quite tell how they came out. This was the first time I had a chance to use this particular camera for a total eclipse. So I had a bit of a learning curve to tackle -- In the dark! This is by far, the best digital camera I've owned, so far. However, over the past 2 & 1/2 years, I have been finding it's limitations. Last night was another such occasion. Don't get me wrong, I still like my Fuji FinePix S7000. It's just that there are some things I would like to stretch into that this camera may not be able to stretch with me. I may have to save up (sooner) for the DSLR camera I have my eye on and see how I fair with that! See here the first (red totality shot), and the last of the series I shot last night.

I found that my old film cameras were a tad easier to do the manual focus on an object like this, in mostly darkness. With this camera, the view finder was very grainy with such a dim subject. The graininess made it next to impossible to see well enough to tell whether I'd focused finely enough. When I tried to focus further, it appeared to be too much the other way -- which frankly never made sense to me, being that infinity should do it. . . I mean, it's the moon which is pretty friggin' far away! But it was like the focus ring would never stop. There may be an issue I need to have checked out. We shall see.
~Note: Upon further thought, I now realize that some of the "soft focus" (in the red shot above) is probably also due to the long exposure and not "tracking" the moon. . . as there would have been slight travel of the moon in that 2 or 3 second shot (whatever it was, I forget). That would also account for some of the fuzz to it. That one kind of reminds me of a peach! Anyway -- MORE argument for getting a telescope!! hehe

In the meantime, I did the best I could working with less than optimal conditions. I really need to break out the instructions again and re-read the low-light stuff. I has been a while!
Once the moon was in less shadow, the graininess in the view finder diminished and my ability to focus improved! And. . . my exposures decreased with the added light, ergo. . . less moon movement. I'm thinking. . . perhaps if I'd had a telescope to attach the camera to, perhaps the focus would not have been an issue. I'll try that next time (I hope).
Unfortunately, I heard from one source that the next total lunar eclipse that would be visible in the U.S.A., would not be for about 6 or 7 years. However, I've heard from a couple of other sources that it will be in February 2008. I will have to double check the facts on that!! But it is, what it is! I'll roll with that. Maybe by then, I'll have that sweet little Olympus DSLR that I've been salivating over! I'd be MORE than happy to test that little bugger out anytime! ;-) OR I'll have a telescope?

At any rate, it was way to early for sane people to be getting up, but I really wanted to try this out. Now I've learned a few more things. I'm always. . . ok, usually up for that. I'm now motivated more than ever to locate my old negatives of the last time I stayed up and photographed a total lunar eclipse -- on film. I now want to find them and scan them in and see how they compare.
Soon, hopefully.

Be well!
~Paulena

Damned Clouds!!

Well it's 04:20 the morning of the total lunar eclipse. I'm up (obviously) and I've been scanning the sky. The moon is M.I.A.!! It's being obscured by the friggin' clouds!!!! We have a ceiling of broken alto cumulus!!! Wouldn't you just know it! I know where the moon should be, and of course, THAT is where the thickest patch of clouds are. . . so I can't even see an orange glow!! I'll wait it out another hour or so. I am hoping that this batch of clouds will move out of the way.
Updates later.

~Paulena

Moon Eclipse Alert!

Just a quick note from me (while on my lunch break).
Early tomorrow morning, there will be a total lunar eclipse beginning around 03:00 (MDT) in the morning and peaking around 04:00 (MDT) August 28th, 2007. Here is a diagram of the path for Mountain Daylight time zone (where I live). You can also find the links for other time zones -- at the link to the NASA info on the eclipse. From what I gather, the entire eclipse will last about 3 & a half hours, but the "total" part only about 1 & a half hours. It's supposed to be longer than most. I don't remember why -- although I think (if I remember right) it has to do with angle and such. I'm guessing that in the Albuquerque area, it will be finishing just right about sunrise, when the moon will be about to set.

That's interesting to me. . . and kind of balanced. Reason? Because the last lunar eclipse (March 2007) we had, here in the ABQ area, we only got to see the very tail end of it, as the moon was rising that evening. The main part of that eclipse happened before the moon rose here that night! So we were kinda jipped that time! But THIS time, it will be setting as it finishes! Kinda cool! Just the other end of the event, in the opposite season. Of course the last lunar eclipse happened just before vernal equinox and this one happens just before autumnal equinox.
So will I be getting up early that morning? Probably so!

Enough of that! Just wanted to alert you!
Anyway, back to work with me!
Bye for now.
Be well
~Paulena

Bargins To Be Had By ALL!!!

Every year near the end of August, the local amateur radio community has their annual "Duke City Hamfest." It's kind of like a big swap-meet on steroids! It begins at 5pm on a Friday evening (indoors), lasting until 9pm that night and then picks up again around 7am the next (Saturday) morning (indoors & outdoors). We just completed this year's Hamfest, and oh what fun we had!

The Friday evening portion is strictly an indoor venue with lots of tables set up through out a couple of the rooms within the UNM Continuing Education building. Each table has the wares of radio folks trying to sell old and new stuff.
The Saturday portion is both an indoor and outdoor deal. The outdoor part is a bunch of radio-folk tail-gating their wares -- mostly used, out from their tail gates. It's probably about 2 or 3 rows in the parking lot. Then the indoor part is the same as the night before. It's also a LOT of camaraderie! While all that is going on, there are forums on various radio-related topics, in the auditorium. The Saturday activities usually last until about 2 or 3pm. Then everyone packs up and the indoor portion gets transformed into a banquet room for our banquet that evening at 6pm. This year our banquet speaker was none other than the most interesting W9WSW, Scott Westerman. In addition to just being an all-around, very cool guy, he was also a terrific speaker. We enjoyed his talk very much.

Now. . . You might think that because this is an amateur radio gig, that there is just a bunch of perplexing electronics gear there. Oh contrare!

Although there IS a bunch of perplexing (to some) electronics gear, there are also folks there selling all manner of things. Think -- small garage sale items, plus a bunch of radio gear. One gal there is always selling interesting trinkets and doodads. That's always next to SW Antennas' table. My mom was selling a bunch of Star Trek collectible stuff along with other similar items she had picked up over time. Another couple of people were selling old gear from some of our dearly missed "Silent Keys" (for you non-hams out there, that means, dearly departed). My step-dad was selling all manner of interesting-looking electronics gear. . . big capacitors, little motors, lots of wire, bunches of pieces-parts for the do-it-your-selfer radio project person! Another few fellas had all sorts of radio tubes and transistors and. . . well you name it, they probably had it. Many of them have websites where you could later visit and order more! Our local antique radio club had a table set up there too.

There was a vendor there with all manner of led (as in Light Emitting Diodes) blinking and flashing light items. He even had plastic ice cubes with flashing lights inside! I love that booth -- it's just fun. Oh, he had regular led flashlights too. He also had ultraviolet led flashlights. . . that illuminate phosphorescent stuff, like scorpions and minerals. Way cool! A scorpion glows phosphorescent green in under one of those lights. Last year I got an led flashlight from him that doesn't require batteries -- you crank it up and it lights up for several minutes. Then you just crank it up again. That same year, I also got one of his ultraviolet led flashlights. (Come on! It's purple! I HAD to have one!) And wouldn't you know it! I didn't think to use it on either one of the little scorpions I found in my house! Actually, they moved way too fast for me to grab the light. . . no time! Had to stomp on 'em and be done with it! Eewww!

So by now, you get the point. . . there are lots of big and little bargains to be made at our Hamfest! It's a great place to pick up a used radio for not too much money. So -- I was on the hunt!

You see -- Recently, my mobile rig has been on the fritz. More specifically, the mic on my mobile rig has been misbehaving terribly! It has been cutting in & out most of the time. Very frustrating!!! And some of my buddies would tease me by pickin' on me, on the air, when they knew I couldn't come back at them. What brats!

Anyway, I believe the radio itself is fine. It's a Yaseu FT2500M, 2 meter band radio. It is a tough little rig. I bought it used (a couple of years ago) from one of my ham radio buddies who no longer lives in the area. But the mic. . . I think it had a hard life before I got it. If you think about it, the radios are usually mounted and stay put in a fairly protected place. But the mics. . . they usually end up sitting in a cup holder place or some other similar cubbie in the vehicle. Sometimes they get bounced around a bit. And so, I think, was the case with this mic. It is the model M-27 mic that came with the radio. A new mic of that model has been hard to come by. And expensive if I can find one. I tried contacting Yaseu to find out if another model mic would work on that radio (I'm guessing probably yes) and if so. . . WHICH One?? They never got back to me. How dumb was that on their part? Here I am, blogging about it. Anyway, I also tried getting another used mic, but that didn't work out either. The one I bought would trip the repeater, but no audio came through. We think it might have been a bad mic element. So I sent it back to the guy I bought it from and he is refunding the money to me. He thought it was working. It happens sometimes. Oh well. And so it went, I couldn't transmit from my car with any reliability.

While at the Hamfest on Saturday, I was looking throughout the wares out at the tailgate. I was hoping to find that model mic, even though I knew it was a real long shot. When these guys would find out what I was specifically looking for, their response was, "Oh! You're HER! I hear you on the net in the mornings -- cutting in & out sometimes and people talking about your mic issue. Yeah, I've heard of you. Good luck with that. Hope to hear you back on the air soon!" At that, I couldn't help but laugh. What a thing to be known for!

One of my ham radio buddies took pity upon my situation and he made me an offer I couldn't refuse. What a sweetie! He had a nice little Icom IC-2100 he wasn't using anymore. It used to be in his motor home, but when he sold the motor home, he had an extra radio. He wanted to let me use it for a couple of months, see if I like it and then if I liked it, he would sell it to me for a good price. He explained that he really wanted to do this for me because we (at my computer consulting office) had been really good to him and I had always been so nice to him. (He is easy to be really nice to -- he's just such a nice ol' guy.) So, I took him up on the offer. He is giving me a very good deal on it. I've already bought the radio, as I knew I'd like it. He brought the radio the next day. I now have it in my car and it's working GREAT! I joked with one of the net-control operators on the air, Monday morning that now, I can talk AND transmit in full sentences!

I also found a very nice deal on a used laptop computer. . . a Toshiba Tecra. It's a step up from my last laptop. It will get me by for a while. I'm having fun playin' around with that too. I am having a bit of trouble getting it to recognize my wireless connection at home. I'm sure I've merely overlooked some stupid little middle thing. But I'll get it trouble shot out, soon! haha

All in all, it was a fun weekend. And I have new toys to get to know!!

Be Well,
~Paulena

~~And as we say in Amateur Radio,
73!
KE5DDZ clear & monitoring.

Wise Words. . .

Someone very recently told me that the difference between idiot and genius. . .
is that genius has limits!
Funny, but sadly true! Hey -- If you need proof, just tune in and watch the news sometime! The stories abound!

~Paulena

Flustrations, Oh my!

Currently, I have a few friends going through various emotional upheavals in their lives. I feel for all of them, as the things they are currently weathering, I have also been through myself. One just lost her husband to cancer, another is going through a divorce, and yet another friend is navigating difficult emotional & financial terrain and trying to break free into divorce, in order to realize some lifelong dreams. There is yet another who is trying to decide whether or not to stay in a relationship which will depend upon her partner's decisions to straighten himself out (or not).

I suppose we really do live in crazy times! My life has it's own silly little novella on the side. But we all just try to navigate as best we can. It's part of life and our life-path. . . and ultimately learning and growing as we go along. One friend is blogging as a therapeutic process to get her through her tough times. She is also using it as a bit of a learning experience as she examines what went wrong and how she can prevent herself from falling into such circumstances again! In this process of hers, she has posted a few interesting web sites. She recently posted an article about passive aggressive behavior within a relationship. I read that article and then followed a couple of the other links within the site. The article author, Lynne Namka, Ed.D., is a licensed Psychologist and has some very interesting and seemingly helpful advice (for all ages) on handling anger and frustration. As a matter of fact, she has an entire web site (Angries Out) that seems to be devoted to helping both kids and adults with handling the various anger and frustration issues that come up in life!

It's a very interesting site! In today's rush, rush world we live in, it seems that time is speeding up and tempers are running short everywhere. Some days it seems everywhere I go, I'm running into stressed-out people who are angry or frustrated and ready to argue. I have to really be mindful and remind myself to just. . . breathe and not let them suck me into their dramas! I've lost count of how many times thoughtless people have cut me off in traffic, or pulled some other stupid stunt. I see them do it to everyone around them. I call some of them "Floaters". . . You decide what connotation to put that in. hehe Some of these people seem clueless as to the impact they have on those around them. Some of them seem to know, but not to care. . . just RUDE! It doesn't exactly make for a happy atmosphere!

Maybe my memory is just bad, or maybe I was naive, but I simply don't remember things being so tense 20 or 25 years ago. These days, I notice civility going out the window. I notice people allowing themselves to behave badly. . . and rudely! Some of the shows on tv seem to even condone these nasty behaviors. . . as in - whomever can behave the most horribly, rudely, and/or the most unethically, wins the million dollars! What the hell is up with that crap? (Don't even get me started on that, we don't have room here!). I suppose given all that, it's no wonder tensions seem to be rising. That, and the fact so many people don't seem to realize they really need to slow down and take care, makes it rough for everyone.

In my perusal of the various links on the "AngriesOut" site, I found another article that was about having your common sense hijacked due to getting "flooded" with hormones during an argument. In other words. . . being overcome with various emotions during an argument and not being able to think straight. I think that might happen to many of us at one time or another. I know that for me, when in an argument (or a "spirited discussion," as some people have insisted upon calling them) I sometimes become a little overwhelmed. I need more time to process what is being said. . . the possible allegations being tossed at me, or the stream of information coming at me. After reading this article, I have a better understanding of why that happens. It seems that some of your processing ability can get hijacked when emotions ramp up. Very interesting stuff!

Another article my friend passed on to me about passive aggressive behavior is "What's Up With the Passive Aggressive." I've only had a chance to read part of that one, but it looks interesting too. I suppose it may be because I'm working on minimizing frustrations in my own life right now. . . that these things are coming my way. One of those things where ya just notice the information more now that it's pertinent. So, Live & Read & Learn!

Be well!
~Paulena

Oh my Meg...

I was going along just fine today. Then all at once, I wrote down the date. . . and boom! I had to take a deep breath, look up, and blink rapidly in an effort to hold back the tears. I was successful, for the time being. Once I got home from work, the moment had slipped my mind. Then later, I was comfortable in my reading chair, I reached over to get a pen to jot down a note. For whatever odd reason, boom - it hit me again. . . that it was August 9th. The tears unexpectedly began to well up again. "Has it really been 6 years?" I said softly to myself. "Oh my word. How I miss her so very, very much!" And with that, the tears began to quietly roll down my cheek.

My dear sweet baby kitty, Meggy. Shown here many years ago, when she was just a kitten - just a few months after she was born in my closet. (You can click on the photo and learn a tad more about her) She lived to the ripe old age of 18 years and 6 months. It was August of 2001 and she had begun to act a bit strange. Back then, my vet (Cheryl) made house calls. So Cheryl came over on the 7th and took a look at Meg. It appeared that my poor old kitty had some sort of blockage near her bladder. Cheryl gave her a dose of antibiotics, in the hope that perhaps there was an infection and the medicine would bring down swelling. We gave it two days. But on the morning of the 9th, Meg was back to the strange behavior again. I went to work and I called Cheryl, knowing what the probable outcome would have to be. It broke my heart. We made the appointment for that afternoon. . . I think it was for 3pm. My Mom (who was my boss back then) told me to take the rest of the day off and go spend it with Meg. My Mom called my Dad (they've been divorced for years, but they get along great now). Mom asked my Dad if he would please go over to my apartment and be there for me during the appointment, since she couldn't be there. Dad said he would absolutely do that.

I spent the day with Meg. I gave her some of her favorite canned food treat. She normally ate dry food, but the canned food was for times when her teeth were bothering her or I just wanted to give her a little treat. She gratefully ate the treat. She got to spend quality time out on the balcony in her favorite camp chair. . . but she always seemed to think that it was a great kitty hammock! Perfect size and shape for the average kitty body. As the afternoon sun cooperated and moved around to light the balcony, she basked in the sun. I sat next to her, in the other chair, positioned in a shady spot, and I read. She would occasionally stretched out her paw and touch my thigh. I'd look over at her and she would be looking up adoringly at me, as if to thank me for the glorious afternoon. I was so eternally grateful that it was such a beautiful Summer day. It was warm, and a bit humid for Albuquerque, but great for Summer. At some point, Meg decided she was too warm, and she jumped off the chair and turned to look up at me. It was as if to say, "Have you had enough of the sunshine? I have, let's go in now." I smiled at her and I closed my book and went in the living room with her. She lead the way.

We went into the study, where I had a wonderful East-facing window and could see the Sandia mountains. Thunderstorms were brewing over the mountains and beginning to move toward the city. It was after all, our monsoon season. We settled onto the futon-sofa and Meg curled up in my lap. I petted her silky fur and she purred. I had to read some more. I couldn't stand to do much thinking at that point. She didn't look sick. She didn't act sick. But her bladder was blocked and it was most likely a tumor. There was nothing that could be done to save her. She was too old to operate on. So I opened my book with my free hand and read, while I stroked her beautiful soft furry form. She purred until she fell asleep, but even then, she would occasionally wake and immediately purr.

I began to hear thunder a few miles away. I looked out the window and the clouds had thickened substantially. I saw a flash of lightning. I looked at the clock and it was about 2:30pm. About five minutes later, there was a knock at my door. It was my Dad. He hugged me so tight. He told me he was so very sorry, but that I wouldn't want her to suffer. I told him, "I know, but that doesn't make letting go any easier."

When I had answered the door and let Dad in, Meggy had followed me, as she usually did. She jumped up on the living room couch and sat down. She was ready for my Dad to pay homage to her beauty. Dad dutifully bend down and scratched behind her ears and pet her. She closed her eyes and purred. About that time there was another clap of thunder. Meggy jumped down and ran into the bedroom and hid from the noise. That was about the time that the thunderstorm let loose. It poured!! It was a torrential downpour. . . the type that causes flash floods. Dad and I sat and chatted, while we waited for Cheryl to arrive. The rain continued and 3pm came. . . and passed. I figured Cheryl was stuck somewhere in the rain. At about 3:15pm, she called from her cell phone. She told me it would be a little bit, as she was stuck in the North Valley. She had been there seeing another client when the rain hit. One of the main roads there was flooded and she was having to take an alternate route, but it would take longer. I told her it was not a problem. . . I didn't mind the extra time with my sweet little fuzzy baby.

Meggy had made her way into the bathroom during the storm and regally situated herself upon a purple towel I had left on the counter. I let her stay there. She seemed comfortable there during the storm. That bathroom had two doors - one leading to the master bedroom, and another leading into the main living area. I sat in there with Meg, while Dad stood in the doorway to the living room. We chatted some more. I don't now remember about what. He was so sweet just to be there for me. I decided I wanted a photo of Meg on that purple towel. I knew it would be the last photo I would be able to take of her alive. I didn't have any film, but I did have a first generation digital camera. That is to say that it was not a great digital camera, but at least it would take some photos. I took a few photos of her on the towel. The first one I took, woke her from her nap and she appeared to be a little groggy. But then I told her, "Look at me sweet baby girl"and she perked up.

After a while, I think it was about 4pm, Cheryl arrived. She examined Meggy while she sat on her royal towel on the counter top. As expected, the swollen area had not gone down and Meg was blocked again. It would have only been a matter of a few hours before it would cause toxicity and great discomfort. There truly was nothing else that could be done. It was time. I wrote out a check for Cheryl. She suggested to get that out of the way, as things would be difficult enough later. Then I gently gathered Meggy up in my arms and took her into the bedroom. Dad picked up the towel and brought it. I asked him to lay the towel on the bed, where Meggy would be comfortable. I laid Meg down on the towel, on the bed. She wasn't sure she wanted to play this little game. She squirmed a little. I calmed her. Cheryl said that Meg would need a sedative first, as she was still kind of spunky. How ironic. That broke my heart too. She gave Meg the sedative shot and then she and my Dad went into the living room and sat on the couch. They chatted, while I had my last few minutes with Meggy.

Just then my other cat, Teazer jumped up on the bed. He was only 3 years old, but he seemed to understand that something of significance was happening. He is normally a bit of a handful. . . kind of a pill. But right then, he was calm, gentle, and well-behaved. He sniffed at Meggy and he nuzzled her. . . as if he knew it might be good-bye. I had mostly held back the tears. . . until that moment. Then Teazer jumped down and went into the living room, with Dad and Cheryl.

I could hear Cheryl talking to Teazer. He was trying to steal her pens and pull on the handle to her medical bag. She is always so sweet and gentle with him. . . even when he is being a little devil. It was only a few minutes, maybe five or ten that I had left to cuddle Meg. She became very groggy. Cheryl came in and checked her pulse and said it was time. She asked my Dad to please gently hold Meggy's back legs. Cheryl said Meg might jerk a little when the needle went in. I sat curled around my precious baby. I talked sweetly to her to ease the confusion that I imagined she must be feeling in a groggy state. My Dad had tears in his eyes, only one of about 4 times in my life that I have witnessed it. There was a slight jerk, but not much. I stroked Meggy's fur and talked to her. . . and I cried. Gradually, she relaxed more and more. Cheryl monitored her vital signs and told me when my sweet Meg was gone.

I don't remember much right after that. Only the sorrow. I know I must have seen Cheryl out the door. Dad help me gather Meggy's lifeless body. I took her over to my Dad's house. He has a few acres in the far NE heights, near the foot of the mountains. We had agreed that we would bury her there. The rest was mostly a blur. I know that Dad had me wait in the house while he dug the hole. We placed her in the ground and I sprinkled her with lavender and mint (she always love the way they smelled), before Dad buried her. She lays in view of the Sandia Mountains.

I still remember most of it almost like it was yesterday. So vivid, so strange. So you may wonder why I wrote of this now. I don't even know for sure, only that the anniversary came. . . sneaked up on me actually. Last year, it was a day that passed uneventfully. I remembered, but it didn't grab hold of me. I'm not sure why it hit so strong this year. It wasn't like I was counting the days or anything. I wasn't. It actually surprised me. I didn't expect to have any reaction. The date almost slipped past me. I expected the same this year. Maybe it's just fresher in my mind this year due to my friend loosing her husband to cancer. Maybe that has those memories closer to the surface.
2001 was an emotionally charged time for me. Two days after Meggy's death, my boyfriend of that time (Gilbert B.) learned that his cancer had returned. We had only met a short time before he was diagnosed! He had fought the cancer for 5 months, then had a month where he thought he was in the clear. . . then the news that it had returned. Three months later, he also died. Bad year.
And in between all that, of course -- Sept. 11th happened. What a crazy year!
And as you might imagine. . . if I remember Meggy's passing this vividly, of course I remember Gilbert's passing just as vividly, and maybe more so. But where as Meggy had a wonderfully long & full life, Gilbert was only 33 when he died. He loved cats. It was my hope that when he passed, perhaps Meggy was there to greet him along with his loved ones. I hope they took care of one another. I'm sure they have both watched over me.

I suppose it's just hard to believe it has been six years! I still think of them frequently.
Don't take time with loved ones for granted. Let people know that you love them. Give of your time. Life can turn in a New York Minute! Slow down and enjoy the people (and pets) who you have been blessed to have in your life.
Appreciate!

~Paulena

Health Tips from TriVita...

I recently discovered some great vitamins from a company called TriVita. I've been using the sublingual B-12 formula. I love it. They send me a nifty newsletter every now & then. The most recent edition contained some good tips I wanted to share! Here they are:

*When frustration drains your energy: immediately drink 2 glasses of water.
*When anxiety and tension prevent you from enjoying the moment: 10 minutes of deep breathing will cut your stress in half!
*When fatigue seems insurmountable: a brisk walk in the open air will revive you.
*When mental fog descends and clouds your thinking: a cup of green or ginseng tea will cut through the fog and brighten your mind.

And something you may have already known (or not). . .
*A balanced diet must include:
7 to 9 servings of fruit and vegetables (for adults)
30+ grams of high quality protein
20 to 35 grams of fiber daily

Heck, I'll just give ya the link to the whole recent TriVita newsletter so you can read it for yourself.

I hope those tips are helpful to you at some point.
Be Well!
~Paulena

Learning to BREATHE !!!

Maybe it's the acupuncture. Maybe it's the Chinese herbs. Maybe it's bumping up the vitamin B-complex or using it sublingually. Maybe it's the commitment to walking 5-7 days a week. Maybe it's just knowing that I've made the decision to consider my current workplace as a temporary place I work. Maybe it's a little bit of all those things combined (most likely). But I'm noticing that I'm finally getting a better handle on the "stress thing" than I had before.

I've worked in the same place for over 6 years now. It was fine for a long time. But the business was sold at the beginning of 2007 and I've since had a new boss. Don't get me wrong - he's a nice guy. It's just that we have completely different ways of working and dealing with the world. He is into chaos, and I am most definitely not! I've managed so far, but since working for him, it has been getting to me and wearing me down.

While I realize some of this is simply a matter of the life-shifting-thing as I get older. . . I'm certain the last six or seven months has definitely been due to stress of the job situation (since January, go figure!). Stress wrecks havoc with every system in your body and your psyche!! I had noticed being a lot more tired than I had previously been. I have been getting a lot of headaches. By Thursday or Friday afternoons, I was ready to run away and hide!!! It was to the point that on weekends, I wanted it completely quiet and I had no energy left for ME! Something had to give. I was so close to jumping into some temp position that probably wouldn't suit me - Just to get away from this! Then I realized. . . "DUH!! I can do almost anything if I know it's temporary, right? Ok, So why not just shift my thinking about the job situation? Just shift the way I see this current job position into being a temporary position?" That helps a great deal. . . along with the other little changes. I seem to be breathing a bit easier these days!

Oh sure, I still have a few days here & there where I feel like throttling someone (but I don't). And who doesn't have those days? But over the last two or three weeks as I've been implementing gradual changes, it now seems to be a bit easier to take that deep breath and count to ten. . . and roll with it. I'm not as tired as I had been. I'm realizing that it takes a bit more energy to catch one's self before the frustration flies, than it does to have it slip out. No wonder it can sneak out so quick! It's beginning to make a little more sense why depleted people are so cranky and snippy. Although letting the anger or frustration fly uses up energy, it actually requires a little more energy to catch it and redirect it! So now that I feel a bit more energetic, when I do start to feel overly annoyed by something at work, it's been just a bit easier to stop myself (deep breath), and shift gears into "It's-not-the-end-of-the-world & Don't-let-'em-get-to-ya" mode.

I had been walking, just not everyday or as often as I should! Although a knee sprain had kept me down some of the time, there were also too many times when I'd let. . . a windy day, or threat of rain, or whatever kind of "talk" me out of it. No more! Now I take another deep breath and say, "Let's go!" Because of the stupid knee thing, there are still some days I can't go as far as I'd like, but I try to get out there at least a little everyday. Of course the extra vitamins probably help me to have more energy to get going. Funny thing is, I was already taking vitamins. But I learned that the older we get, the less we absorb of the B-vitamins through our digestive tract! So I started a sublingual vitamin B complex and that's kickin' in! But like I said earlier, I've been making a few changes. Life has sent challenges that required me to do some things differently. Reading those books I've mentioned (earlier blog posts) has also helped me to better understand the changes that getting older brings with it, and how to accommodate some of those changes. I suppose it's a package kind of deal.

I'm getting back to meditating. I had been having trouble with that as I was so tired that I'd fall asleep!! Bummer! When I didn't fall asleep, I couldn't seem to keep on track. I'm now having a bit more success with that. So some gradual changes on things here and there, seem to be improving life all around. Not that life was bad. . . Contrair!! It was just that I was beginning to feel awfully overwhelmed at times and not able to enjoy some things I wanted to enjoy. I still have too much to get done & not enough hours to do it. But now I just don't feel as much pressure about it.

I also think that too frequently we tend to get too hurried in daily life. We woof-down our food, and we take little, shallow breaths. We think we have to get there and be in line first! We skim the surface and live life just on the exterior edge. . . all because we think we have to hurry here or there with this or that. There really is something to be said for, "Stop and smell the flowers." Silly thing is, I KNOW THIS and I HAVE KNOWN this for a Long time! And yet sometimes I too, get caught up in the hurry, hurry world.

When I was studying herbal medicine, people would ask me some variation of, "Hey is there an herb for _________ problem? Can you help me with that?" I'd start asking them questions about their health history that they perceived as irrelevant, and they'd get annoyed and ask the question again in a "I just want... blah, blah, blah..." kind of exasperated tone. What I couldn't seem to get across to some folks is that #1, I need more information before I could even begin to recommend an herb for someone. Because -- Some herbs work well for some people with some issues and other herbs work better for other people. . . and it would depend on the type of issue(s) they were having, and what kinds of unique things they have in their history! And #2, Many of our health issues or problems actually STEM FROM our refusal to slow down!

For example: I'd get someone asking for some herb to help them relax and get their mind to stop buzzing in the evening. I'd suggest a synergistic combination (depending upon what all was going on with them) of herbs to be taken as a tea -- to be quietly sipped over a 30 minute time frame.
The typical response I'd get was,
"What are you -- Kidding me? Like -- I don't HAVE that kind of time! Can't I just take something?"
And I'd be thinking,
Uh. . . Hello? You JUST asked me for a remedy to your buzzing mind and a way to unwind and relax. . . and you don't have time?
It is truly mind-boggling! And yet. . . I occasionally find myself rushing into stress and tension with the best of them! We really have to take responsibility for MAKING the TIME to take care of ourselves. . . and that means making time to relax (or even to learn to relax).

So I have been redirecting myself and re-establishing my energy. I have been re-educating myself about not falling into the rush, rush, rush, hurry, hurry mentality. I have been reshaping my thinking regarding my job situation. And I have been doing whatever has been necessary in order to make the changes needed to meet new challenges that seem to be blossoming in my life. All the while, trying to remember to take a walk in the garden, take a deep breath, and smell the flowers. The honeysuckle and the butterfly bush are particularly nice this time of year!

Be well!
~Paulena