Well. . . Mostly anyway! As I mentioned in the previous post, at 04:20 (MDT) in Albuquerque, there was a broken layer of alto cumulus clouds obscuring the moon. That finally moved out of the way by about 04:35 or 04:45. . . And the clicking began! I had my tripod and camera on standby and quickly set them up. I'm glad I got the images, but I'm disappointed with the quality of the lower-light, red phase photos I captured. Of course, until you get them on a regular computer screen, you just can't quite tell how they came out. This was the first time I had a chance to use this particular camera for a total eclipse. So I had a bit of a learning curve to tackle -- In the dark! This is by far, the best digital camera I've owned, so far. However, over the past 2 & 1/2 years, I have been finding it's limitations. Last night was another such occasion. Don't get me wrong, I still like my Fuji FinePix S7000. It's just that there are some things I would like to stretch into that this camera may not be able to stretch with me. I may have to save up (sooner) for the DSLR camera I have my eye on and see how I fair with that! See here the first (red totality shot), and the last of the series I shot last night. I found that my old film cameras were a tad easier to do the manual focus on an object like this, in mostly darkness. With this camera, the view finder was very grainy with such a dim subject. The graininess made it next to impossible to see well enough to tell whether I'd focused finely enough. When I tried to focus further, it appeared to be too much the other way -- which frankly never made sense to me, being that infinity should do it. . . I mean, it's the moon which is pretty friggin' far away! But it was like the focus ring would never stop. There may be an issue I need to have checked out. We shall see. ~Note: Upon further thought, I now realize that some of the "soft focus" (in the red shot above) is probably also due to the long exposure and not "tracking" the moon. . . as there would have been slight travel of the moon in that 2 or 3 second shot (whatever it was, I forget). That would also account for some of the fuzz to it. That one kind of reminds me of a peach! Anyway -- MORE argument for getting a telescope!! hehe
In the meantime, I did the best I could working with less than optimal conditions. I really need to break out the instructions again and re-read the low-light stuff. I has been a while! Once the moon was in less shadow, the graininess in the view finder diminished and my ability to focus improved! And. . . my exposures decreased with the added light, ergo. . . less moon movement. I'm thinking. . . perhaps if I'd had a telescope to attach the camera to, perhaps the focus would not have been an issue. I'll try that next time (I hope). Unfortunately, I heard from one source that the next total lunar eclipse that would be visible in the U.S.A., would not be for about 6 or 7 years. However, I've heard from a couple of other sources that it will be in February 2008. I will have to double check the facts on that!! But it is, what it is! I'll roll with that. Maybe by then, I'll have that sweet little Olympus DSLR that I've been salivating over! I'd be MORE than happy to test that little bugger out anytime! ;-) OR I'll have a telescope?
At any rate, it was way to early for sane people to be getting up, but I really wanted to try this out. Now I've learned a few more things. I'm always. . . ok, usually up for that. I'm now motivated more than ever to locate my old negatives of the last time I stayed up and photographed a total lunar eclipse -- on film. I now want to find them and scan them in and see how they compare. Soon, hopefully.
Well it's 04:20 the morning of the total lunar eclipse. I'm up (obviously) and I've been scanning the sky. The moon is M.I.A.!! It's being obscured by the friggin' clouds!!!! We have a ceiling of broken alto cumulus!!! Wouldn't you just know it! I know where the moon should be, and of course, THAT is where the thickest patch of clouds are. . . so I can't even see an orange glow!! I'll wait it out another hour or so. I am hoping that this batch of clouds will move out of the way. Updates later.
Just a quick note from me (while on my lunch break). Early tomorrow morning, there will be a total lunar eclipse beginning around 03:00 (MDT) in the morning and peaking around 04:00 (MDT) August 28th, 2007. Here is a diagram of the path for Mountain Daylight time zone (where I live). You can also find the links for other time zones -- at the link to the NASA info on the eclipse. From what I gather, the entire eclipse will last about 3 & a half hours, but the "total" part only about 1 & a half hours. It's supposed to be longer than most. I don't remember why -- although I think (if I remember right) it has to do with angle and such. I'm guessing that in the Albuquerque area, it will be finishing just right about sunrise, when the moon will be about to set. That's interesting to me. . . and kind of balanced. Reason? Because the last lunar eclipse (March 2007) we had, here in the ABQ area, we only got to see the very tail end of it, as the moon was rising that evening. The main part of that eclipse happened before the moon rose here that night! So we were kinda jipped that time! But THIS time, it will be setting as it finishes! Kinda cool! Just the other end of the event, in the opposite season. Of course the last lunar eclipse happened just before vernal equinox and this one happens just before autumnal equinox. So will I be getting up early that morning? Probably so! Enough of that! Just wanted to alert you! Anyway, back to work with me! Bye for now. Be well ~Paulena
Every year near the end of August, the local amateur radio community has their annual "Duke City Hamfest." It's kind of like a big swap-meet on steroids! It begins at 5pm on a Friday evening (indoors), lasting until 9pm that night and then picks up again around 7am the next (Saturday) morning (indoors & outdoors). We just completed this year's Hamfest, and oh what fun we had!
The Friday evening portion is strictly an indoor venue with lots of tables set up through out a couple of the rooms within the UNM Continuing Education building. Each table has the wares of radio folks trying to sell old and new stuff. The Saturday portion is both an indoor and outdoor deal. The outdoor part is a bunch of radio-folk tail-gating their wares -- mostly used, out from their tail gates. It's probably about 2 or 3 rows in the parking lot. Then the indoor part is the same as the night before. It's also a LOT of camaraderie! While all that is going on, there are forums on various radio-related topics, in the auditorium. The Saturday activities usually last until about 2 or 3pm. Then everyone packs up and the indoor portion gets transformed into a banquet room for our banquet that evening at 6pm. This year our banquet speaker was none other than the most interesting W9WSW, Scott Westerman. In addition to just being an all-around, very cool guy, he was also a terrific speaker. We enjoyed his talk very much.
Now. . . You might think that because this is an amateur radio gig, that there is just a bunch of perplexing electronics gear there. Oh contrare!
Although there IS a bunch of perplexing (to some) electronics gear, there are also folks there selling all manner of things. Think -- small garage sale items, plus a bunch of radio gear. One gal there is always selling interesting trinkets and doodads. That's always next to SW Antennas' table. My mom was selling a bunch of Star Trek collectible stuff along with other similar items she had picked up over time. Another couple of people were selling old gear from some of our dearly missed "Silent Keys" (for you non-hams out there, that means, dearly departed). My step-dad was selling all manner of interesting-looking electronics gear. . . big capacitors, little motors, lots of wire, bunches of pieces-parts for the do-it-your-selfer radio project person! Another few fellas had all sorts of radio tubes and transistors and. . . well you name it, they probably had it. Many of them have websites where you could later visit and order more! Our local antique radio club had a table set up there too.
There was a vendor there with all manner of led (as in Light Emitting Diodes) blinking and flashing light items. He even had plastic ice cubes with flashing lights inside! I love that booth -- it's just fun. Oh, he had regular led flashlights too. He also had ultraviolet led flashlights. . . that illuminate phosphorescent stuff, like scorpions and minerals. Way cool! A scorpion glows phosphorescent green in under one of those lights. Last year I got an led flashlight from him that doesn't require batteries -- you crank it up and it lights up for several minutes. Then you just crank it up again. That same year, I also got one of his ultraviolet led flashlights. (Come on! It's purple! I HAD to have one!) And wouldn't you know it! I didn't think to use it on either one of the little scorpions I found in my house! Actually, they moved way too fast for me to grab the light. . . no time! Had to stomp on 'em and be done with it! Eewww!
So by now, you get the point. . . there are lots of big and little bargains to be made at our Hamfest! It's a great place to pick up a used radio for not too much money. So -- I was on the hunt!
You see -- Recently, my mobile rig has been on the fritz. More specifically, the mic on my mobile rig has been misbehaving terribly! It has been cutting in & out most of the time. Very frustrating!!! And some of my buddies would tease me by pickin' on me, on the air, when they knew I couldn't come back at them. What brats!
Anyway, I believe the radio itself is fine. It's a Yaseu FT2500M, 2 meter band radio. It is a tough little rig. I bought it used (a couple of years ago) from one of my ham radio buddies who no longer lives in the area. But the mic. . . I think it had a hard life before I got it. If you think about it, the radios are usually mounted and stay put in a fairly protected place. But the mics. . . they usually end up sitting in a cup holder place or some other similar cubbie in the vehicle. Sometimes they get bounced around a bit. And so, I think, was the case with this mic. It is the model M-27 mic that came with the radio. A new mic of that model has been hard to come by. And expensive if I can find one. I tried contacting Yaseu to find out if another model mic would work on that radio (I'm guessing probably yes) and if so. . . WHICH One?? They never got back to me. How dumb was that on their part? Here I am, blogging about it. Anyway, I also tried getting another used mic, but that didn't work out either. The one I bought would trip the repeater, but no audio came through. We think it might have been a bad mic element. So I sent it back to the guy I bought it from and he is refunding the money to me. He thought it was working. It happens sometimes. Oh well. And so it went, I couldn't transmit from my car with any reliability.
While at the Hamfest on Saturday, I was looking throughout the wares out at the tailgate. I was hoping to find that model mic, even though I knew it was a real long shot. When these guys would find out what I was specifically looking for, their response was, "Oh! You're HER! I hear you on the net in the mornings -- cutting in & out sometimes and people talking about your mic issue. Yeah, I've heard of you. Good luck with that. Hope to hear you back on the air soon!" At that, I couldn't help but laugh. What a thing to be known for!
One of my ham radio buddies took pity upon my situation and he made me an offer I couldn't refuse. What a sweetie! He had a nice little Icom IC-2100 he wasn't using anymore. It used to be in his motor home, but when he sold the motor home, he had an extra radio. He wanted to let me use it for a couple of months, see if I like it and then if I liked it, he would sell it to me for a good price. He explained that he really wanted to do this for me because we (at my computer consulting office) had been really good to him and I had always been so nice to him. (He is easy to be really nice to -- he's just such a nice ol' guy.) So, I took him up on the offer. He is giving me a very good deal on it. I've already bought the radio, as I knew I'd like it. He brought the radio the next day. I now have it in my car and it's working GREAT! I joked with one of the net-control operators on the air, Monday morning that now, I can talk AND transmit in full sentences!
I also found a very nice deal on a used laptop computer. . . a Toshiba Tecra. It's a step up from my last laptop. It will get me by for a while. I'm having fun playin' around with that too. I am having a bit of trouble getting it to recognize my wireless connection at home. I'm sure I've merely overlooked some stupid little middle thing. But I'll get it trouble shot out, soon! haha
All in all, it was a fun weekend. And I have new toys to get to know!!
Be Well, ~Paulena
~~And as we say in Amateur Radio, 73! KE5DDZ clear & monitoring.
Someone very recently told me that the difference between idiot and genius. . . is that genius has limits! Funny, but sadly true! Hey -- If you need proof, just tune in and watch the news sometime! The stories abound!
Currently, I have a few friends going through various emotional upheavals in their lives. I feel for all of them, as the things they are currently weathering, I have also been through myself. One just lost her husband to cancer, another is going through a divorce, and yet another friend is navigating difficult emotional & financial terrain and trying to break free into divorce, in order to realize some lifelong dreams. There is yet another who is trying to decide whether or not to stay in a relationship which will depend upon her partner's decisions to straighten himself out (or not).
I suppose we really do live in crazy times! My life has it's own silly little novella on the side. But we all just try to navigate as best we can. It's part of life and our life-path. . . and ultimately learning and growing as we go along. One friend is blogging as a therapeutic process to get her through her tough times. She is also using it as a bit of a learning experience as she examines what went wrong and how she can prevent herself from falling into such circumstances again! In this process of hers, she has posted a few interesting web sites. She recently posted an article about passive aggressive behavior within a relationship. I read that article and then followed a couple of the other links within the site. The article author, Lynne Namka, Ed.D., is a licensed Psychologist and has some very interesting and seemingly helpful advice (for all ages) on handling anger and frustration. As a matter of fact, she has an entire web site (Angries Out) that seems to be devoted to helping both kids and adults with handling the various anger and frustration issues that come up in life! It's a very interesting site! In today's rush, rush world we live in, it seems that time is speeding up and tempers are running short everywhere. Some days it seems everywhere I go, I'm running into stressed-out people who are angry or frustrated and ready to argue. I have to really be mindful and remind myself to just. . . breathe and not let them suck me into their dramas! I've lost count of how many times thoughtless people have cut me off in traffic, or pulled some other stupid stunt. I see them do it to everyone around them. I call some of them "Floaters". . . You decide what connotation to put that in. hehe Some of these people seem clueless as to the impact they have on those around them. Some of them seem to know, but not to care. . . just RUDE! It doesn't exactly make for a happy atmosphere!
Maybe my memory is just bad, or maybe I was naive, but I simply don't remember things being so tense 20 or 25 years ago. These days, I notice civility going out the window. I notice people allowing themselves to behave badly. . . and rudely! Some of the shows on tv seem to even condone these nasty behaviors. . . as in - whomever can behave the most horribly, rudely, and/or the most unethically, wins the million dollars! What the hell is up with that crap? (Don't even get me started on that, we don't have room here!). I suppose given all that, it's no wonder tensions seem to be rising. That, and the fact so many people don't seem to realize they really need to slow down and take care, makes it rough for everyone.
In my perusal of the various links on the "AngriesOut" site, I found another article that was about having your common sense hijacked due to getting "flooded" with hormones during an argument. In other words. . . being overcome with various emotions during an argument and not being able to think straight. I think that might happen to many of us at one time or another. I know that for me, when in an argument (or a "spirited discussion," as some people have insisted upon calling them) I sometimes become a little overwhelmed. I need more time to process what is being said. . . the possible allegations being tossed at me, or the stream of information coming at me. After reading this article, I have a better understanding of why that happens. It seems that some of your processing ability can get hijacked when emotions ramp up. Very interesting stuff!
Another article my friend passed on to me about passive aggressive behavior is "What's Up With the Passive Aggressive." I've only had a chance to read part of that one, but it looks interesting too. I suppose it may be because I'm working on minimizing frustrations in my own life right now. . . that these things are coming my way. One of those things where ya just notice the information more now that it's pertinent. So, Live & Read & Learn!
I was going along just fine today. Then all at once, I wrote down the date. . . and boom! I had to take a deep breath, look up, and blink rapidly in an effort to hold back the tears. I was successful, for the time being. Once I got home from work, the moment had slipped my mind. Then later, I was comfortable in my reading chair, I reached over to get a pen to jot down a note. For whatever odd reason, boom - it hit me again. . . that it was August 9th. The tears unexpectedly began to well up again. "Has it really been 6 years?" I said softly to myself. "Oh my word. How I miss her so very, very much!" And with that, the tears began to quietly roll down my cheek.
My dear sweet baby kitty, Meggy. Shown here many years ago, when she was just a kitten - just a few months after she was born in my closet. (You can click on the photo and learn a tad more about her) She lived to the ripe old age of 18 years and 6 months. It was August of 2001 and she had begun to act a bit strange. Back then, my vet (Cheryl) made house calls. So Cheryl came over on the 7th and took a look at Meg. It appeared that my poor old kitty had some sort of blockage near her bladder. Cheryl gave her a dose of antibiotics, in the hope that perhaps there was an infection and the medicine would bring down swelling. We gave it two days. But on the morning of the 9th, Meg was back to the strange behavior again. I went to work and I called Cheryl, knowing what the probable outcome would have to be. It broke my heart. We made the appointment for that afternoon. . . I think it was for 3pm. My Mom (who was my boss back then) told me to take the rest of the day off and go spend it with Meg. My Mom called my Dad (they've been divorced for years, but they get along great now). Mom asked my Dad if he would please go over to my apartment and be there for me during the appointment, since she couldn't be there. Dad said he would absolutely do that.
I spent the day with Meg. I gave her some of her favorite canned food treat. She normally ate dry food, but the canned food was for times when her teeth were bothering her or I just wanted to give her a little treat. She gratefully ate the treat. She got to spend quality time out on the balcony in her favorite camp chair. . . but she always seemed to think that it was a great kitty hammock! Perfect size and shape for the average kitty body. As the afternoon sun cooperated and moved around to light the balcony, she basked in the sun. I sat next to her, in the other chair, positioned in a shady spot, and I read. She would occasionally stretched out her paw and touch my thigh. I'd look over at her and she would be looking up adoringly at me, as if to thank me for the glorious afternoon. I was so eternally grateful that it was such a beautiful Summer day. It was warm, and a bit humid for Albuquerque, but great for Summer. At some point, Meg decided she was too warm, and she jumped off the chair and turned to look up at me. It was as if to say, "Have you had enough of the sunshine? I have, let's go in now." I smiled at her and I closed my book and went in the living room with her. She lead the way. We went into the study, where I had a wonderful East-facing window and could see the Sandia mountains. Thunderstorms were brewing over the mountains and beginning to move toward the city. It was after all, our monsoon season. We settled onto the futon-sofa and Meg curled up in my lap. I petted her silky fur and she purred. I had to read some more. I couldn't stand to do much thinking at that point. She didn't look sick. She didn't act sick. But her bladder was blocked and it was most likely a tumor. There was nothing that could be done to save her. She was too old to operate on. So I opened my book with my free hand and read, while I stroked her beautiful soft furry form. She purred until she fell asleep, but even then, she would occasionally wake and immediately purr.
I began to hear thunder a few miles away. I looked out the window and the clouds had thickened substantially. I saw a flash of lightning. I looked at the clock and it was about 2:30pm. About five minutes later, there was a knock at my door. It was my Dad. He hugged me so tight. He told me he was so very sorry, but that I wouldn't want her to suffer. I told him, "I know, but that doesn't make letting go any easier." When I had answered the door and let Dad in, Meggy had followed me, as she usually did. She jumped up on the living room couch and sat down. She was ready for my Dad to pay homage to her beauty. Dad dutifully bend down and scratched behind her ears and pet her. She closed her eyes and purred. About that time there was another clap of thunder. Meggy jumped down and ran into the bedroom and hid from the noise. That was about the time that the thunderstorm let loose. It poured!! It was a torrential downpour. . . the type that causes flash floods. Dad and I sat and chatted, while we waited for Cheryl to arrive. The rain continued and 3pm came. . . and passed. I figured Cheryl was stuck somewhere in the rain. At about 3:15pm, she called from her cell phone. She told me it would be a little bit, as she was stuck in the North Valley. She had been there seeing another client when the rain hit. One of the main roads there was flooded and she was having to take an alternate route, but it would take longer. I told her it was not a problem. . . I didn't mind the extra time with my sweet little fuzzy baby.
Meggy had made her way into the bathroom during the storm and regally situated herself upon a purple towel I had left on the counter. I let her stay there. She seemed comfortable there during the storm. That bathroom had two doors - one leading to the master bedroom, and another leading into the main living area. I sat in there with Meg, while Dad stood in the doorway to the living room. We chatted some more. I don't now remember about what. He was so sweet just to be there for me. I decided I wanted a photo of Meg on that purple towel. I knew it would be the last photo Iwould be able to take of her alive. I didn't have any film, but I did have a first generation digital camera. That is to say that it was not a great digital camera, but at least it would take some photos. I took a few photos of her on the towel. The first one I took, woke her from her nap and she appeared to be a little groggy. But then I told her, "Look at me sweet baby girl"and she perked up.
After a while, I think it was about 4pm, Cheryl arrived. She examined Meggy while she sat on her royal towel on the counter top. As expected, the swollen area had not gone down and Meg was blocked again. It would have only been a matter of a few hours before it would cause toxicity and great discomfort. There truly was nothing else that could be done. It was time. I wrote out a check for Cheryl. She suggested to get that out of the way, as things would be difficult enough later. Then I gently gathered Meggy up in my arms and took her into the bedroom. Dad picked up the towel and brought it. I asked him to lay the towel on the bed, where Meggy would be comfortable. I laid Meg down on the towel, on the bed. She wasn't sure she wanted to play this little game. She squirmed a little. I calmed her. Cheryl said that Meg would need a sedative first, as she was still kind of spunky. How ironic. That broke my heart too. She gave Meg the sedative shot and then she and my Dad went into the living room and sat on the couch. They chatted, while I had my last few minutes with Meggy.
Just then my other cat, Teazer jumped up on the bed. He was only 3 years old, but he seemed to understand that something of significance was happening. He is normally a bit of a handful. . . kind of a pill. But right then, he was calm, gentle, and well-behaved. He sniffed at Meggy and he nuzzled her. . . as if he knew it might be good-bye. I had mostly held back the tears. . . until that moment. Then Teazer jumped down and went into the living room, with Dad and Cheryl.
I could hear Cheryl talking to Teazer. He was trying to steal her pens and pull on the handle to her medical bag. She is always so sweet and gentle with him. . . even when he is being a little devil. It was only a few minutes, maybe five or ten that I had left to cuddle Meg. She became very groggy. Cheryl came in and checked her pulse and said it was time. She asked my Dad to please gently hold Meggy's back legs. Cheryl said Meg might jerk a little when the needle went in. I sat curled around my precious baby. I talked sweetly to her to ease the confusion that I imagined she must be feeling in a groggy state. My Dad had tears in his eyes, only one of about 4 times in my life that I have witnessed it. There was a slight jerk, but not much. I stroked Meggy's fur and talked to her. . . and I cried. Gradually, she relaxed more and more. Cheryl monitored her vital signs and told me when my sweet Meg was gone.
I don't remember much right after that. Only the sorrow. I know I must have seen Cheryl out the door. Dad help me gather Meggy's lifeless body. I took her over to my Dad's house. He has a few acres in the far NE heights, near the foot of the mountains. We had agreed that we would bury her there. The rest was mostly a blur. I know that Dad had me wait in the house while he dug the hole. We placed her in the ground and I sprinkled her with lavender and mint (she always love the way they smelled), before Dad buried her. She lays in view of the Sandia Mountains.
I still remember most of it almost like it was yesterday. So vivid, so strange. So you may wonder why I wrote of this now. I don't even know for sure, only that the anniversary came. . . sneaked up on me actually. Last year, it was a day that passed uneventfully. I remembered, but it didn't grab hold of me. I'm not sure why it hit so strong this year. It wasn't like I was counting the days or anything. I wasn't. It actually surprised me. I didn't expect to have any reaction. The date almost slipped past me. I expected the same this year. Maybe it's just fresher in my mind this year due to my friend loosing her husband to cancer. Maybe that has those memories closer to the surface. 2001 was an emotionally charged time for me. Two days after Meggy's death, my boyfriend of that time (Gilbert B.) learned that his cancer had returned. We had only met a short time before he was diagnosed! He had fought the cancer for 5 months, then had a month where he thought he was in the clear. . . then the news that it had returned. Three months later, he also died. Bad year. And in between all that, of course -- Sept. 11th happened. What a crazy year! And as you might imagine. . . if I remember Meggy's passing this vividly, of course I remember Gilbert's passing just as vividly, and maybe more so. But where as Meggy had a wonderfully long & full life, Gilbert was only 33 when he died. He loved cats. It was my hope that when he passed, perhaps Meggy was there to greet him along with his loved ones. I hope they took care of one another. I'm sure they have both watched over me.
I suppose it's just hard to believe it has been six years! I still think of them frequently. Don't take time with loved ones for granted. Let people know that you love them. Give of your time. Life can turn in a New York Minute! Slow down and enjoy the people (and pets) who you have been blessed to have in your life. Appreciate!
I recently discovered some great vitamins from a company called TriVita. I've been using the sublingual B-12 formula. I love it. They send me a nifty newsletter every now & then. The most recent edition contained some good tips I wanted to share! Here they are:
*When frustration drains your energy: immediately drink 2 glasses of water. *When anxiety and tension prevent you from enjoying the moment: 10 minutes of deep breathing will cut your stress in half! *When fatigue seems insurmountable: a brisk walk in the open air will revive you. *When mental fog descends and clouds your thinking: a cup of green or ginseng tea will cut through the fog and brighten your mind.
And something you may have already known (or not). . . *A balanced diet must include: 7 to 9 servings of fruit and vegetables (for adults) 30+ grams of high quality protein 20 to 35 grams of fiber daily
Heck, I'll just give ya the link to the whole recent TriVita newsletter so you can read it for yourself. I hope those tips are helpful to you at some point. Be Well! ~Paulena
Maybe it's the acupuncture. Maybe it's the Chinese herbs. Maybe it's bumping up the vitamin B-complex or using it sublingually. Maybe it's the commitment to walking 5-7 days a week. Maybe it's just knowing that I've made the decision to consider my current workplace as a temporary place I work. Maybe it's a little bit of all those things combined (most likely). But I'm noticing that I'm finally getting a better handle on the "stress thing" than I had before.
I've worked in the same place for over 6 years now. It was fine for a long time. But the business was sold at the beginning of 2007 and I've since had a new boss. Don't get me wrong - he's a nice guy. It's just that we have completely different ways of working and dealing with the world. He is into chaos, and I am most definitely not!I've managed so far, but since working for him, it has been getting to me and wearing me down.
While I realize some of this is simply a matter of the life-shifting-thing as I get older. . . I'm certain the last six or seven months has definitely been due to stress of the job situation (since January, go figure!). Stress wrecks havoc with every system in your body and your psyche!! I had noticed being a lot more tired than I had previously been. I have been getting a lot of headaches. By Thursday or Friday afternoons, I was ready to run away and hide!!! It was to the point that on weekends, I wanted it completely quiet and I had no energy left for ME! Something had to give. I was so close to jumping into some temp position that probably wouldn't suit me - Just to get away from this! Then I realized. . . "DUH!! I can do almost anything if I know it's temporary, right? Ok, So why not just shift my thinking about the job situation? Just shift the way I see this current job position into being a temporary position?" That helps a great deal. . . along with the other little changes. I seem to be breathing a bit easier these days!
Oh sure, I still have a few days here & there where I feel like throttling someone (but I don't). And who doesn't have those days? But over the last two or three weeks as I've been implementing gradual changes, it now seems to be a bit easier to take that deep breath and count to ten. . . and roll with it. I'm not as tired as I had been. I'm realizing that it takes a bit more energy to catch one's self before the frustration flies, than it does to have it slip out. No wonder it can sneak out so quick! It's beginning to make a little more sense why depleted people are so cranky and snippy. Although letting the anger or frustration fly uses up energy, it actually requires a little more energy to catch it and redirect it! So now that I feel a bit more energetic, when I do start to feel overly annoyed by something at work, it's been just a bit easier to stop myself (deep breath), and shift gears into "It's-not-the-end-of-the-world & Don't-let-'em-get-to-ya" mode.
I had been walking, just not everyday or as often as I should! Although a knee sprain had kept me down some of the time, there were also too many times when I'd let. . . a windy day, or threat of rain, or whatever kind of "talk" me out of it. No more! Now I take another deep breath and say, "Let's go!" Because of the stupid knee thing, there are still some days I can't go as far as I'd like, but I try to get out there at least a little everyday. Of course the extra vitamins probably help me to have more energy to get going. Funny thing is, I was already taking vitamins. But I learned that the older we get, the less we absorb of the B-vitamins through our digestive tract! So I started a sublingual vitamin B complex and that's kickin' in! But like I said earlier, I've been making a few changes. Life has sent challenges that required me to do some things differently. Reading those books I've mentioned (earlier blog posts) has also helped me to better understand the changes that getting older brings with it, and how to accommodate some of those changes. I suppose it's a package kind of deal.
I'm getting back to meditating. I had been having trouble with that as I was so tired that I'd fall asleep!! Bummer! When I didn't fall asleep, I couldn't seem to keep on track. I'm now having a bit more success with that. So some gradual changes on things here and there, seem to be improving life all around. Not that life was bad. . . Contrair!! It was just that I was beginning to feel awfully overwhelmed at times and not able to enjoy some things I wanted to enjoy. I still have too much to get done & not enough hours to do it. But now I just don't feel as much pressure about it.
I also think that too frequently we tend to get too hurried in daily life. We woof-down our food, and we take little, shallow breaths. We think we have to get there and be in line first! We skim the surface and live life just on the exterior edge. . . all because we think we have to hurry here or there with this or that. There really is something to be said for, "Stop and smell the flowers." Silly thing is, I KNOW THIS and I HAVE KNOWN this for a Long time! And yet sometimes I too, get caught up in the hurry, hurry world.
When I was studying herbal medicine, people would ask me some variation of, "Hey is there an herb for _________ problem? Can you help me with that?" I'd start asking them questions about their health history that they perceived as irrelevant, and they'd get annoyed and ask the question again in a "I just want... blah, blah, blah..." kind of exasperated tone. What I couldn't seem to get across to some folks is that #1, I need more information before I could even begin to recommend an herb for someone. Because -- Some herbs work well for some people with some issues and other herbs work better for other people. . . and it would depend on the type of issue(s) they were having, and what kinds of unique things they have in their history! And #2, Many of our health issues or problems actually STEM FROM our refusal to slow down!
For example: I'd get someone asking for some herb to help them relax and get their mind to stop buzzing in the evening. I'd suggest a synergistic combination (depending upon what all was going on with them) of herbs to be taken as a tea -- to be quietly sipped over a 30 minute time frame. The typical response I'd get was, "What are you -- Kidding me? Like -- I don't HAVE that kind of time! Can't I just take something?" And I'd be thinking, Uh. . . Hello? You JUST asked me for a remedy to your buzzing mind and a way to unwind and relax. . . and you don't have time? It is truly mind-boggling! And yet. . . I occasionally find myself rushing into stress and tension with the best of them! We really have to take responsibility for MAKING the TIME to take care of ourselves. . . and that means making time to relax (or even to learn to relax).
So I have been redirecting myself and re-establishing my energy. I have been re-educating myself about not falling into the rush, rush, rush, hurry, hurry mentality. I have been reshaping my thinking regarding my job situation. And I have been doing whatever has been necessary in order to make the changes needed to meet new challenges that seem to be blossoming in my life. All the while, trying to remember to take a walk in the garden, take a deep breath, and smell the flowers. The honeysuckle and the butterfly bush are particularly nice this time of year!
I was born & raised in Albuquerque. Lived a few other places (Maryland, South Dakota, and Texas), but back in Albuquerque now. I'm Divorced. I have a Degree in Communications. I adore my 2 cats. I'm a nut for weather, especially intense weather. I'm a ham-radio operator. My favorite time of year is Autumn.
04:45. . . And the clicking began! I had my tripod and camera on standby and quickly set them up. I'm glad I got the images, but I'm disappointed with the quality of the lower-light, red phase photos I captured. Of course, until you get them on a regular computer screen, you just can't quite tell how they came out. This was the first time I had a chance to use this particular camera for a total eclipse. So I had a bit of a learning curve to tackle -- In the dark! This is by far, the best digital camera I've owned, so far. However, over the past 2 & 1/2 years, I have been finding it's limitations. Last night was another such occasion. Don't get me wrong, I still like my Fuji FinePix S7000. It's just that there are some things I would like to stretch into that this camera may not be able to stretch with me. I may have to save up (sooner) for the DSLR camera I have my eye on and see how I fair with that! See here the first (red totality shot), and the last of the series I shot last night. 
The graininess made it next to impossible to see well enough to tell whether I'd focused finely enough. When I tried to focus further, it appeared to be too much the other way -- which frankly never made sense to me, being that infinity should do it. . . I mean, it's the moon which is pretty friggin' far away! But it was like the focus ring would never stop. There may be an issue I need to have checked out. We shall see.
